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WORK TITLE: Getting Past Perfect
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WEBSITE: http://katewicker.com/
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PERSONAL
Born in IL; married; husband’s name Dave; children: five.
EDUCATION:University of Georgia, A.B.J., 2000.
ADDRESS
CAREER
Writer and journalist. Medical College of Georgia, marketing specialist, 2001-2003; Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, campaign manager, 2003; Metro Augusta Parent, assistant editor, 2003-2004; Sass, contributing editor, 2003-2004. Senior writer and health columnist for Faith & Family. Contributor to Catholic Digest. Monthly guest on Relevant Radio’s Morning Air Show. Has written for regional and national media, including Atlanta Parent, Catholic Exchange, CatholicMom.com, Catholic News Agency, Children’s Ministry Magazine, Crisis Magazine, Family Fun, Fathers for Good, Pregnancy, Pittsburgh Parent, WhattoExpect.com, and Woman’s Day.
WRITINGS
SIDELIGHTS
Kate Wicker received her bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Georgia and went on to work as a writer and journalist for numerous organizations and publications. She is senior writer and health columnist for Faith & Family magazine and has written for regional and national media, among them, Atlanta Parent, Catholic Exchange, Children’s Ministry, Family Fun, Pregnancy, and Woman’s Day. Wicker has published two books, Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body and Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy & Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood.
Weightless
Wicker notes on her website that she “struggled with a clinical eating disorder as a young woman and frequently writes about body image.” Weightless is written from her own perspective. In the book, as she puts it, she “seeks to free women from being slaves to food, scales, unrealistic beauty standards, and unhealthy body image.” A practicing Catholic, Wicker employs personal stories and “spiritual tools” to help women heal.
In an interview at Reading Catholic, Wicker expressed her hope that “women will walk away from reading this book believing they can live a ‘weightless’ life unencumbered by thoughts that they are not thin enough, young enough, pretty enough, or simply good enough.” Katie Kimball, reviewer at Kitchen Stewardness, commented that her “style is engaging and peppered with personal stories, . . . yet the tone and messages are incredibly deep.” She quotes Wicker’s own powerful words: “Let us attract people with our true beauty and dignity.”
Getting Past Perfect
Getting Past Perfect is part memoir and part self-help book. Harking back to her own desire to have the perfect body, Wicker translates that impulse into her later desire to be the perfect parent. According to the publisher, Wicker “shares how she shook off doubt and negative self-perception, finding self-acceptance as a mom and the desire to stop controlling everyone around her.” In an interview with Ginny Kubitz Moyer at Random Acts of Momness, Wicker observed: “What I craved as a mom was a book that didn’t tell me how to be a better mom or one that told me how important motherhood is . . . but rather a book that presented an encouraging yet honest view of motherhood and all the fears that come along with it.” She went on to say, “Within Christian mothering circles, I’ve witnessed a temptation to moralize certain aspects of parenting . . . and then when moms struggle, they don’t just feel sad or guilty, they feel morally inferior.” As she put it, “We must build one another up. Enough of the shame and mom-guilt.”
With topics ranging from “mothers’ competition” to “postpartum depression,” Getting Past Perfect is a “small but considerable book,” according to a contributor to Publishers Weekly. A reviewer at Sancta Nomina appreciated “how each chapter begins with an ‘evil earworm’ (those nagging, untruthful or half-truthful refrains that get stuck in our heads) and a responding ‘untarnished truth’ based on faith and reality.” The same reviewer also commended the “’Mom’s Time Out’—a prayer/reflection—at the end of each chapter” and the two appendixes, one of resources (books, websites, and organizations) and the other a reading group guide. A critic at the True Dignity of Women website found Getting Past Perfect “a good little book, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes even a little harsh” and altogether “valuable.” Jeannie Ewing, writing at Love Alone Creates, commented that it offered “honest and encouraging insight about every stage of motherhood.” At Franciscan Mom, Barb Szyszkiewicz remarked: “Whether you’re a brand-new mom or, like me, over twenty-five years into your mothering journey, Getting Past Perfect has truths you need to hear. . . . When you read it, keep your pen handy and open up your heart to realizing that you really are enough.”
BIOCRIT
PERIODICALS
Publishers Weekly, January 9, 2017, review of Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood, p. 62.
ONLINE
Franciscan Mom, https://franciscanmom.com/ (March 24, 2017), Barb Szyszkiewicz, review of Getting Past Perfect.
Kate Wicker Website, http://katewicker.com/ (October 15, 2017).
Kitchen Stewardness, https://www.kitchenstewardship.com (October 15, 2017), review of Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body.
Love Alone Creates, http://lovealonecreates.com/ (March 22, 2017), Jeannie Ewing, review of Getting Past Perfect.
Random Acts of Momness, http://randomactsofmomness.com/ (April 25, 2017), Ginny Kubitz Moyer, author interview.
Reading Catholic, http://catholicbookgroup.blogspot.com/ (January 18, 2012), author interview.
Sancta Nomina, https://sanctanomina.net/ (February 15, 2017), review of Getting Past Perfect.
True Dignity of Women, https://truedignityofwomen.wordpress.com/ (November 29, 2016), review of Getting Past Perfect.
Kate Wicker
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Kate Wicker is a Catholic wife, mom of five, perfectionist in recovery, and the author of Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy & Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood and Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body. She also has a novel in the works.
Kate has her degree in journalism and has been freelance writing for over a decade. Prior to focusing on her most important works in progress – her children – Kate dropped out of law school to support her husband through his studies and joined the editorial staff of a regional parenting publication.
These days, when she’s not playing the role of chauffeur, cook, and dispute resolution expert (who knew law school would come in handy in the trenches of motherhood?), Kate is a regular contributor to Catholic Digest and serves as a monthly guest on Relevant Radio’s Morning Air Show. She has written for numerous regional and national media, including Atlanta Parent, Catholic Exchange, CatholicMom.com, Catholic News Agency, Children’s Ministry Magazine, Crisis Magazine, Family Fun, Fathers For Good, Pregnancy, Pittsburgh Parent, WhattoExpect.com, and Woman’s Day.
In addition, Kate also appeared in Danielle Bean’s Momnipotent DVD series and the Catholic Conference 4 Women Relationships Program. She’s been a guest on the Faith & Family LIVE and Among Women podcasts, Huffington Post Live (known as HuffPost Live), Kresta in the Afternoon radio show, and EWTN’s Son Rise Morning Show among others.
Kate struggled with a clinical eating disorder as a young woman and frequently writes about body image. She also tells stories about these spirited, fun kids of hers as well as shares snippets of authentic motherhood – like the days when the only strength she can muster is enough to keep her home one step ahead of a health hazard.
25 Random Facts About Kate:
She was born in Illinois.
She briefly lived in L.A. and later auditioned at theatre schools in NYC pursuing a childhood dream of becoming an actress.
She gave law school a try as well.
The desire to entertain is in her blood. Her dad has eight siblings, and one of them is the trombone player for the band Chicago (James Pankow). Another is an actor in NYC who used to play Cousin Ira on Mad About You (John Pankow). His wife/Kate’s aunt (Kristine Sutherland) played Buffy’s mom on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Kate’s own dad had the glamorous job of selling diapers, which came in handy when she started having babies (and selling all those diapers provided a very blessed life for her as a child).
Kate ran a sub-4 marathon and several half marathons and other races. She loves running, but several injuries have set her back. She has a (pipe?) dream of qualifying for the Boston Marathon someday. But for now, she tries to make sure her runs are more like playgrounds than proving grounds. She lifts weights and is a Pure Barre devotee although she is about as flexible as a lead pipe.
Kate used to be a certified aerobics teacher.
Kate is a former vegetarian and still doesn’t like steak or cheeseburgers.
She does love dark chocolate, coffee, and wine.
Kate is blessed to have had five natural childbirths under the care of midwives. She is an advocate of empowering women to make informed decisions and achieve the birth experiences they deserve.
Kate homeschooled her children for nine years and then got burnt out. She doesn’t judge moms and their choices. She’d rather encourage them.
Kate is a natural blonde.
She is not a natural optimist despite the bubbly veneer. She has to work hard at seeing the glass half-full and has battled depression, anxiety, and periods of intense spiritual dryness.
It’s in her brokenness that she has found the most light.
Kate and her husband met on their high school’s mock trial team, and their team ended up winning a national title in a competition in Denver, CO. None of their high school classmates care(d) about this feat.
Kate doesn’t like to talk on the phone except to her family and closest of friends. She’s thankful you can now order food online. She has never ordered a pizza over the telephone because it makes her twitch with unexplained anxiety.
And, yet, Kate enjoys speaking in front of hundreds of strangers.
Kate can’t do a cartwheel, but she did win an arm wrestling competition in the eighth grade.
Kate loves books.
And shoes.
Kate and her husband backpacked through Europe.
She also studied journalism and theatre in Italy.
Kate hates to iron.
But she loves to write.
Kate hasn’t stopped writing since she first learned to form letters into words. Kate snagged her first byline in the second grade when she wrote a story about a periodontal Tarzan who climbed into kids’ mouths and swung from their molars clinging to floss, saving kids from the ills of cavities. Her teacher loved it (said teacher was not married to a dentist to the best of Kate’s knowledge) and entered it in a contest. It somehow won even though Kate used the word “neurotic” completely out of context, and it was published in a children’s literary journal.
“For from him and through him and for him are all things.” (Romans 11:36)
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“If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.” - GK Chesterton
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An Interview with Kate Wicker, author of “Getting Past Perfect”
Posted on April 24, 2017 by ginny | 1 Comment
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I’ve read a lot of books about motherhood and spirituality, and I have to say that the new book Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood by Kate Wicker is in my top three. It’s that good.
What I love about this book is how real Kate is. Just as the title says, she wrote this book to help moms get past the pressure that we can feel about, well, every aspect of motherhood. As a recovering perfectionist, Kate knows what she’s talking about, and she writes with honesty, humor, and the wisdom that comes from experience.
So it’s a pleasure to share my interview with Kate. And if you like what you read here, by all means check out her book.
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Give a little snapshot of what the book is all about.
As I grew into my mothering shoes and faced my share of joys and challenges as a mom, I felt called to write a book of this nature – one that would encourage parents differently than a lot of standard mom books do. I had personally read through stacks of parenting books – many with gurus telling me to do this or don’t do this to be a happier, better mom, and others that emphasized what a worthy calling motherhood is Yet, what I craved as a mom was a book that didn’t tell me how to be a better mom or one that told me how important motherhood is (which I already knew – duh) but rather a book that presented an encouraging yet honest view of motherhood and all the fears that come along with it.
Moms want to know they’re not alone – that there are other moms out there who struggle, who sometimes find their kids ridiculously annoying, who grapple with things like feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, anxiety, depression, and fears. I wanted to create a book that reassured moms they weren’t the only ones who sometimes didn’t love every minute of motherhood or who didn’t feel like they lived up to what we already know is a worthy calling.
Just as my previous book Weightless sought to free women from being slaves to food, scales, unrealistic beauty standards, and unhealthy body image, I felt a real calling to help moms from all walks of life to overcome Pinterest-perfectionism by replacing their deepest fears and anxieties with an unwavering trust in God and the freedom to love and mother their children authentically – and imperfectly.
Why do you think we moms tend to be so hard on ourselves?
First off, social media definitely plays a big role in promoting perfectionism. Our social media feeds are frequently filled with moms who craft or piece together chic fashion ensembles, cook gourmet meals, and then run half marathons in their spare time. We used to only being comparing ourselves to those women in our immediate circles. Now the grass doesn’t only seem greener in the neighbor’s yard but in thousands of strangers’ “yards,” too. Truth is, the only grass that’s really greener is God’s grass. What does He want from us? It’s a question we should ask ourselves each and every day.
Another factor is that as American women today, we’re blessed to have so many freedoms and choices. But with these choices comes the pressure to juggle multiple balls in the air all at once – to be a great mom, a humanitarian, career woman, etc. Instead of liberating us, we feel a crushing sense of pressure to do it all at once, which is not humanly possible. I really encourage moms to recognize that we may be able to do it “all” (if that’s what God wants of us and what we want of ourselves), but we won’t be able to do it ALL at the SAME TIME. There’s a season for everything.
Also, without making too sweeping of generalizations, I think many women are just programmed to be people-pleasers. Perfectionism is rooted in a need for affirmation and approval from others. It’s not the same thing as striving for excellence or balanced self-improvement. Brene Brown, the author of The Gifts of Imperfection – which, by the way, not one but three friends bought me copies of if that tells you something about me– says that perfectionism is other-focused whereas healthy striving is self-focused. Women, because we have an innate desire to please and minister to others, too often fall into the trap of trying to do good and be good in order to win the approval of others or even to earn a spot in Heaven. But God’s approval is what we want and His grace and love is not earned. It is given freely and unconditionally.
What’s one thing in your parenting life that you used to feel guilty about, but don’t anymore? What helped you get past the guilt?
Several years ago I decided – after much agonizing and discernment – to send my children to our local parochial school after eight years of homeschooling. I had so much guilt over this decision. I spent many sleepless nights wondering why I couldn’t pull myself together and homeschool like so many other moms I admired were able to do. My husband was a rock (as he frequently is) during this difficult time and encouraged me to stop beating myself up and to just focus on what’s best for our family.
Still, I suffered from awful anxiety for the first year my kids were in school, wondering if we’d made the right choice while feeling like a big failure. I missed certain aspects of homeschooling as well (reading lots of books together, staying in our PJs all day), but I began to slowly see that sending my older two children to school was the right decision for us at that time.
I open up in Getting Past Perfect about a severe bout of clinical depression. This was something only my husband and a few very close friends knew about before the book was published. I even had to warn my mom (whom I’m very close to) about how it might be painful to read since she didn’t know the extent that I was suffering. As the roar of depression grew progressively louder, I knew it was time to make some changes, which included quitting homeschooling everyone. Still, I felt weak and experienced shame about a mental illness I had no control over. I had previously submersed myself into the Catholic blogging world where so many moms of many children seemed to effortlessly homeschool. Some of them even briefly mentioned depression and how they overcame it, and here I was unable to cope. My husband encouraged me to stop blogging for awhile and also to just shut out all aspects of social media (he’s rather a social media recluse and definitely reaps benefits from being off the Facebook, etc. grid). There wasn’t anything wrong with what other moms were posting, but they made me feel like an outsider who had failed to be as “Catholic” and as “holy” as they were.
It was a difficult time. I would cry after I dropped my kids off at school. At the same time, I was dealing with some chronic pain issues and I just felt so useless. The guilt was intense for about a year after “failing” as a homeschooling mom. But slowly I began to see how my kids were thriving, how I was getting the help I needed and emerging from the darkness. I was becoming a more joyful mother once again. I finally could return to social media and celebrate other moms’ homeschooling or other happy moments without suffering pangs of regret, guilt, or even envy. This experience gave me the final impetus I needed to write Getting Past Perfect in order to help moms realize that they have to “keep their eyes on their own work” and pay attention to God’s calling for them.
Within Christian mothering circles, I’ve witnessed a temptation to moralize certain aspects of parenting such as homeschooling or even breastfeeding and then when moms struggle, they don’t just feel sad or guilty, they feel morally inferior. I have a friend who desperately tried to nurse her first two babies, but they howled out of hunger because she just wasn’t producing enough milk. She sought help through lactation consultants and other nursing moms, but she just couldn’t make the milk her babies needed. Finally, she stopped nursing but not without shame and guilt. She told me she would hide the formula behind other groceries at the store. With her third baby, she had no problem with milk supply and that’s when she finally realized her inability to nurse was not her fault. It was no indication of her worth as a mom or as a Christian. These kind of stories must be shared. We must build one another up. Enough of the shame and mom-guilt.
On a far lighter note, I used to feel guilty about not wanting to create elaborate crafts with my kids, but hands sticky with glue and big messes give me the hives so I’m totally over that. We’ll go play outside or just color together, and that’s absolutely fine by me (and by my children!).
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Kate and her family
I love how you write, “Children don’t just want mothers who are excited to have them in their lives; they want and benefit from having moms who are excited about their own lives. Don’t our children deserve to witness us using our gifts and doing what we do best?” Say more about that. How might you encourage a mom to develop her own gifts?
I had an a-ha! moment when I was invited to a “Meet the Author” event for my first book at my children’s school. There was a reception in my honor, which I honestly felt rather sheepish about, and one of my daughter’s teachers came up to me and told me how proud Madeline was of me and my writing and how she talked about “my mom, the writer.” Another child of mine always talks about how she wants to major in journalism (and marine biology and creative writing and maybe be an animal trainer) and be a writer like her mommy. I realized my girls were watching what I did with my gifts and passions and wanted to do the same some day. This was a big turning point for me. I’d actually been discerning writing another book (which ultimately ended up being Getting Past Perfect), but I thought it wouldn’t be fair to my children. I realized at that moment, though, that my children need to see me using my gifts and talents. I never have to do anything outside of the wife and mothering realm to prove myself, to seek affirmation, to escape the ennui of domestic drudgery, or because I think that being “just” a mom isn’t enough. However, if I have gifts I am yearning to share or passions that long to be cultivated, then I should do more than just dream about doing it or reserve those things for someday. I’ve learned, too, that you’ll know when something you’re pursuing is united with God’s plan for you. His yoke is light. This doesn’t mean it will necessarily be easy, but it will get done and you’ll feel at peace with what you’re doing.
In Getting Past Perfect, I encourage moms to realize that that while mothering is a sublime vocation, it’s actually not the highest calling pressed upon their lives. Being a daughter of God is, and our relationship with him and others can’t become obsolete once we become mothers.
We can’t make our only identity MOTHER SHIP because the mother ship will lose its direction once the kids are gone. Secular society warns women against losing their identity in their children, but our children aren’t the real identity thefts. They’re the blessings, not soul-sucking leeches. The real identity thief isn’t the children themselves but how we may start to view motherhood. If it’s your end-all, then you better believe it’s going to rob you of some of your self. But if it’s a mighty calling but not the only calling pressed upon you, you will not become a “non-person.” You were God’s daughter first, and you’ll always be His beloved. That won’t ever change no matter what season of life you find yourself in.
God invites us to lose ourselves in Christ’s life, not in our children’s lives
Tell us about your greatest parenting challenge. What have you learned from it?
Oh, I’ve had so many parenting challenges that I’ve learned from, but one of the first tough lessons I was forced to learn had to do with potty training. My oldest daughter – who, yes, has given me permission to openly share about her bowel woes – refused to poop on the potty once she was out of diapers. The pediatrician we were seeing at the time recommended I put her on a daily adult dosage of Miralax and then have regular potty time throughout the day. “She won’t be able to hold it in,” the doctor reassured me.
Clearly, this “expert” did not know my spirited child. My tenacious daughter held her poop in for 15 days despite our regular potty time and her Miralax consumption. My efforts as a poop doula had utterly failed, and I realized I was not in control – over my child’s bowel movements or much of anything else. And the more I tried to be the one in charge, the more stressed, disillusioned, and frustrated I became. It was time to turn to God and rely on Him for grace in everything from potty training to bigger things.
This season also reminded me to always hold close the mantra “this too shall pass.” I’m happy to report that my 12-year-old regularly takes care of her business these days and that same tenacity that used to drive me bezerk when she wouldn’t poop or sleep now shines through when she stands up for a classmate or when she plays with her a big, unstoppable heart for her school’s sports teams.
Who are your role models of women who have learned to “get past perfect”?
My mom is one of my greatest “getting past perfect” role models. She has taught me so much about relinquishing control, loving God, and not blaming yourself or your mothering for anything that happens to go wrong. My older brother suffered from a drug addiction, and she admits that for too long she blamed herself and asked what she could have done differently. But God has helped to reveal to her that her children – and all of our children were not created to fulfill her will or even their own wills – but His will. We can do everything “right,” and they may stumble, leave the Church, face addiction, and hurt others, themselves, or us. As mothers, we never give up on our children, but sometimes we do have to give them up to God just as St. Monica did with St. Augustine. My mom says she did the best she could and that she loves all of her children dearly and relies on God’s mercy and grace to make up for anything she lacked. That’s all any of us can do.
A huge thank you to Kate for sharing her wisdom here … and, of course, in the book. Getting Past Perfect is available from Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and from Ave Maria Press. You can find out more about Kate on her blog KateWicker.com.
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ONE RESPONSE TO AN INTERVIEW WITH KATE WICKER, AUTHOR OF “GETTING PAST PERFECT”
Kate Wicker | April 25, 2017 at 10:07 am |
Thanks so much for reading my book and for having me share in your space. God bless you and mamas out there!
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Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Q&A With Kate Wicker, author of "Weightless"
Following is my e-conversation with Kate Wicker, author of Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body, which I reviewed in my January column.. The great local news is that Kate will be keynote speaker at the Behold Conference this March. If you live anywhere remotely near the diocese of Peoria, Illinois, and have not yet registered for this great conference, please consider doing so. In the meantime, enjoy our conversation.
Q: Tell Catholic Post Book Group blog readers a little about yourself, your family and your writing.
First off, thanks so much for sharing your space with me. To give your readers a quick rundown: I’m a cradle Catholic, a wife to an amazing man, a mom to four little ones, and a writer and speaker when my-harried-but-happy-life-allows.
I have a degree in journalism and before becoming an at-home mom, I worked on the editorial staff of a regional parenting publication. I also freelance wrote for a variety of national publications and did a lot of medical and health writing early on.
These days I’m blessed to have the opportunity to write about two of my greatest passions in life: motherhood and my Catholic faith. I’m a senior writer for Faith & Family LIVE! and health columnist for Catholic Digest, and I also occasionally contribute to other publications. I ramble on about body image, my Catholic faith, mothering, sleep (or lack thereof), and other topics over at my blog, KateWicker.com.
I’m super excited to be attending the Behold Conference in March as a keynote speaker, and I hope I’ll get to meet some of your readers.
Q. One of the things I loved best about Weightless was your desire to help your own daughters grow up with a healthy self-image. How does faith play a role in that? And how do you see that changing as your girls get older, or now that you have a son?
I could write an entire book just about raising healthy daughters. Our children live in a world where they are constantly being exposed to unrealistic media images and unhealthy messages about sexuality, what it takes to be beautiful and desirable, and being a woman. We live in a society where girls are constantly at risk of sacrificing their true selves - whether they try to find love in the arms of a boy who doesn’t really care about them, wear immodest clothing to get attention, or turn themselves into a shiny, pretty package using extreme dieting or obsessive exercising. We have to work hard to counter the confusing messages out there, and the strongest tool in our arsenal is the wisdom of the Church. We have to teach our daughters where their true dignity lies: in the simple truth that they are created in God’s image and likeness and are carrying His mark.
When I wrote Weightless, I only had daughters, but we were pleasantly surprised to welcome a baby boy into our family this past August. I’m already thinking of ways to help him see that his God-given role as protector means that he must fight for the dignity of women and protect their divine beauty and worth. Partly because of the contraceptive culture we live in, it’s very difficult for today’s young men to not be enticed by the scantily-clad images in media or to not start objectifying women instead of seeing them as vessels of God’s beauty.
Our children - both boys and girls - face a lot of pressure today, but with our guidance, prayers, and the grace of God we can help fight back against a culture that undermines their worth, muddles their true life purpose, and help them hold onto their true selves.
Q. You share a lot of your personal story in Weightless about your struggle as a teen and young woman with an eating disorder. Was it hard to write about that with the compassion that you did, or is it enough in the past to allow you perspective?
I don’t think it’s ever easy to expose our brokenness (especially if you’re a perfectionist like I am). In many ways I didn’t (and still don’t) feel qualified to write a book about making peace with your body, especially when I still occasionally struggle with my body image or when I sometimes have difficulty applying the virtue of temperance to my eating habits.
During the writing process for Weightless, I was forced to face some of the relics of my eating disordered past, but I also was gifted with the opportunity to share glimpses of hope and redemption.
Likewise, dredging up the abuse I inflicted upon my body when I was suffering from a clinical eating disorder certainly wasn’t fun, but it was worth it because I also saw how God had never left my side even at my darkest moments. In fact, it wasn't until I turned to God and the principles of my Christian faith that the real healing began.
I do believe that all of us have our own unique spiritual attacks we have to constantly be on guard against. For me, food and body image seem to be some of them, so I’ll probably always find it somewhat uncomfortable and challenging to discuss some of these topics related to how we see ourselves and our bodies and how we approach food. Yet, God often invites us to step outside of our comfort zone in order to find peace in Him and to be better able to minister to others.
Q: Your book has been out for several months. Can you share some of the feedback you’ve gotten from readers?
I’ve been blessed to have received many encouraging emails and messages from women in different stages of life. One woman wrote that even though she was called to the single life and spiritual motherhood rather than physical motherhood, she was able to glean something from my book’s chapter that focuses on how being a mother changes how we see ourselves and our bodies.
I also had a 70-year-old women confess to me that she had struggled with bulimia for more than 30 years and had never really understood the depths of her hurt until she read my book.
One mom wrote that her young daughter was already thinking she was fat because her clothes from last season no longer fit her. The mom was worried and asked for my advice. It broke my heart that a child was already so body-conscious, and I encouraged the mom to remind her child that she should see her tighter clothing as something positive - a sign that she is healthy and growing. In our thin-obsessed culture, it’s easy to see why even young children start to equate growth with gaining weight, which feels like something they should avoid. This can be especially true for girls going through puberty - a time when their bodies naturally change and often fill out. It’s important to talk about how a girl’s body will develop and how growing up means that some physical changes will begin to take root.
At the same time, even if your young daughter has started to blossom physically, protect her innocence. Just because a child looks more like a grown-up doesn’t mean she is one. Finally, I’ve told other moms to remind their children that healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Despite what Hollywood might have us believe, there is no “ideal” body shape. God loves variety. One look at the diversity in nature, it’s obvious that He did not intend to create a cookie-cutter world. We need to appreciate His artistry and accept our shape and encourage our children and others to do the same.
Q. What do most hope readers will take away from Weightless?
My biggest hope is that women will walk away from reading this book believing they can live a “weightless” life unencumbered by thoughts that they are not thin enough, young enough, pretty enough, or simply good enough. I know what it’s like to be a slave to the scale, to believe you’ll never be able to free yourself from thoughts of food or from pursuing thinness. But I’m here to tell you that there is hope. You are stronger than a craving. The number on the scale is not an indictment of your character. You’re not a bad person because you ate a few too many chips. You don’t have to feel shameful because you binged or purged or did both. God is knocking on your heart. Let Him in. Food or a relentless quest for youth and beauty won’t offer you real, lasting happiness or peace. But believing in an all-loving, all-powerful God who makes all things possible just might.
Q. Are you planning to write any more books?
I’ve been approached about a second book, and I feel incredibly humbled to have this opportunity; however, I’ve decided to focus on my most important “works in progress” - my children - at least for the few more months before starting any new writing projects. I’ll definitely keep you posted though when I get around to writing another book!
3rd degree connection3rd
Independent Journalist, Author, and Public Speaker
independent writing and editing professional The University of Georgia
Greater Atlanta Area 478 478 connections
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Kate Wicker obtained her journalism degree from the University of Georgia and is the author of Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body. She is a public speaker and served as a Keynote Speaker for the 2012 Behold Conference.
Other speaking credits include a guest spot on the Momnipotent DVD series, the Edith Stein Conference at the University of Notre Dame, the University of Georgia Catholic Women's Group, and a Minnesota Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group.
Kate has experience writing features, health and parenting columns, as well as personal essays. She also has a background in technical medical writing and previously served as a columnist for Medical Dealer Magazine. In addition, she has experience in non-profit and corporate PR work. Prior to becoming a freelancer, she worked on-staff as an assistant editor with a regional parenting publication.
Kate frequently writes about parenting, natural mothering, new feminism, health, and faith and is the author of hundreds of articles for both national and regional publications and websites. She is currently a health columnist for Catholic Digest.
Some of her other writing credits include Abode, Atlanta Parent, Augusta Magazine's health column and bridal guide, Catholic Exchange, Children's Ministry Magazine, CatholicMom.com, Crisis magazine, The Dollar Stretcher, Metro Augusta Parent, Phases of Womahood, Pregnancy magazine, Pittsburgh Parent, Sasee, St. Anthony's Messenger, Woman's Day, WritersWeekly.com, etc.
Kate is a regular guest on various media programming, including Ave Maria Radio, Relevant Radio, Huffington Post Live, the Son Rise Morning Show, and the Among Women Podcast.
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
• Proven success in public speaking, writing, and copyediting.
• Strong research and interviewing skills.
• Experience in reading and evaluating copy for various marketing materials.
• Editorial review using both AP Style, American Medical Association Style, and the Chicago Manual of Style. See less See less of Kate’s summary
Experience
independent writing and editing professional
Independent Journalist
Company Nameindependent writing and editing professional
Dates Employed2000 – Present Employment Duration17 yrs
Professional writer with experience in medical writing, consumer magazine writing, and business and nonprofit writing. Senior writer and health columnist at Faith & Family magazine. Author of hundreds of articles for both national and regional publications and websites, including Woman’s Day, Pregnancy magazine, WritersWeekly.com, DollarStretcher.com, Canticle, Inside Catholic, Phases of Womanhood, Catholic Mom, and Atlanta Parent.
Previously served as an assistant editor to the Metro Augusta Parent and a contributing editor to Sass, a regional women’s publication. Experience overseeing the publication process of numerous newsletters and brochures for hospitals, nonprofits and corporations.
Developer, writer, editor and designer of a wide range of business materials, including brochures, newsletters and press releases.
Metro Augusta Parent and Sass magazine
Assistant Editor and Contributing Editor
Company NameMetro Augusta Parent and Sass magazine
Dates Employed2003 – 2004 Employment Duration1 yr
Wrote and edited articles; assisted with design and layout. I continued to freelance for the publications after resigning from an on-staff position.
The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
Campaign Manager
Company NameThe Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
Dates Employed2003 – 2003 Employment Durationless than a year
Coordinated, managed, and facilitated all events for the Central Savannah River Region; worked closely with volunteers to implement a successful Light The Night Walk; doubled the amount of money raised at the Light the Night Walk; wrote and edited all marketing materials related to events, including brochures and press releases.
Medical College of Georgia
Marketing Specialist
Company NameMedical College of Georgia
Dates Employed2001 – 2003 Employment Duration2 yrs
Managed all editorial aspects of several newsletters; wrote a weekly health column for the Augusta Chronicle website; provided support for events such as health fairs; copyedited brochures and other marketing materials; and worked with physicians to write research-driven articles for consumers.
Education
The University of Georgia
The University of Georgia
Degree NameA.B.J. Field Of StudyJournalism
Dates attended or expected graduation 1997 – 2000
Activities and Societies: University of Georgia's Honors Program, Communiversity Service Organization (served as chairperson from 1999-2000), Peabody Student Judge, UGA Homecoming 1999 Court, Kappa Tau Alpha member, aerobics instructor, and member of the Catholic Center Choir.
Graduated summa cum laude with highest honors and completed a thesis on global marketing strategies of Discovery Communications, Inc.
10/2/2017 General OneFile - Saved Articles
http://go.galegroup.com/ps/marklist.do?actionCmd=GET_MARK_LIST&userGroupName=schlager&inPS=true&prodId=ITOF&ts=1506980810187 1/1
Print Marked Items
Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and
Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood
Publishers Weekly.
264.2 (Jan. 9, 2017): p62.
COPYRIGHT 2017 PWxyz, LLC
http://www.publishersweekly.com/
Full Text:
Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood
Kate Wicker. Ave Maria, $14.95 trade paper
(160p) ISBN 978-1-59471-716-1
Wicker (Weightless) is blunt about the trials and joys of being a mother of faith. She describes her
disappointment at discovering she's pregnant with her fifth child, admits that both she and her children
behave less than perfectly at times (or often), and explores the many ways theory smacks against reality
when it comes to motherhood. Each chapter begins with a witty title ("Queen Mommy"), an "evil earworm"
("Being a mother is the most important thing a Catholic woman can do"), and an "unvarnished truth"
("Motherhood is actually not your highest calling. Being a daughter of God is") that sets up the unrealistic
"perfect" behavior she then goes about dismantling. For this small but considerable book, Wicker analyzes
stages of motherhood, mothers' competitions, mommies' martyrdom, and the downside of Pinterest
perfectionism; in the last chapter, she delves into clinical and postpartum depression. Along with thanking
supportive friends, Wicker tells funny stories with love and humility and includes saints' sayings and popes'
quotes. She also offers practical advice, a reading group guide, resources, and many prayers in this candid,
helpful book. (Mar.)
Source Citation (MLA 8th
Edition)
"Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood." Publishers Weekly, 9
Jan. 2017, p. 62. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?
p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA477339360&it=r&asid=48f12fdc413ca34c89c8fd57d57f62f0.
Accessed 2 Oct. 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A477339360
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What do You See When You Look in the Mirror? (Weightless Book Review)
Katie Kimball @ Kitchen Stewardship
This post may contain affiliate links, including Amazon.com. Your price won't change but it enables free content & supports our family business.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Kate Wicker's book Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body speaks to all young mothers (especially Catholics) who struggle with body image and more.I nearly went to the bus stop with dried clay on my face this week.
I truly look in the mirror so infrequently that I forgot I had Redmond Clay on some zits overnight, and I was halfway to the bus stop with my son before I realized I’d better turn around rather than socialize with other parents as they wondered why I had bright white dots on my face!
My life just gets too busy for vanity.
On the other hand, when I watched the videos I made recently for the GNOWFGLINS eCourse (I’m on the schedule for next week teaching a lesson on healthy snacking – you’re signed up, right???) I was horrified to discover that I look awfully girthy. I’m hoping the old thing about television adding 15 pounds is true, or maybe I need to shop for more flattering shirts? Most of my pants fit… Confused smile
Suffice it to say that my relationship with my body image is typically “too busy to worry about it” lately. But I know that I’m probably in the minority for my gender, which is why Kate Wicker’s book, Weightless: Making Peace with your Body, will be such a godsend for people who really need to hear her message.
Kate is a young mother of four children who is on the other side of a battle with an eating disorder, and her book chronicles her daily struggle with body image, being “good enough,” and reminding herself that she is God’s daughter, created perfectly in His image.
Her voice of hope, I am sure, will be the voice calling to many who are struggling with negative body image and the vice of self-improvement. I enjoyed reading about her fervent parenting goals and how she chooses to share positive body image lessons with her young daughters.
As I was reading, my overarching thought was that this book is not for me.
Although everything Kate says is spot on, I’m just not at a place where I’m struggling with body image or self worth. I’m struggling with, “When do I find time to take a shower?” and “Hmmm, did I wear deodorant today? I can’t remember…”
However, the further I got into it, the more nuggets I found with which I could relate, since we all have the need to relate with our Creator appropriately, and sometimes I’m probably not up to par on behaving as a “blessed daughter of God.”
Kate’s style is engaging and peppered with personal stories (to keep keep tired mamas from falling asleep, ahem), yet the tone and messages are incredibly deep.
In a world where, as Kate quotes, “more than 30 percent of [college women] agreed that they would give up ten years of their life to be ten pounds thinner,” there are plenty of people who desperately need to hear the message of God’s love, acceptance, and perfect design. We real foodies know, of course, that those 30% and more who are dieting and doing the low-fat thing probably are trading in ten or more years of healthy living, unfortunately. Sad smile
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Kate Wicker's book Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body speaks to all young mothers (especially Catholics) who struggle with body image and more.
Part of Kate Wicker’s journey toward healing from her eating disorder involved learning: “We do not hunger because we lack food; we hunger because we lack God.” So many of us (Katie raises her hand) turn to food as therapy or solace, and even make it an idol – including healthy food. Kate Wicker’s Catholic faith is an integral part of her healing and is woven throughout the book. She reminds us that the Eucharist is the one meal we should never skip.
I think – although I can’t be sure – that a non-Catholic would still benefit immensely from Weightless. One who is open to or practicing the Catholic faith, however, will be particularly filled up.
Beyond Food
The desire to look attractive, beautiful, goes beyond body shape and food. Kate’s chapter on “Real Beauty” reminds women: “Our beauty gives us power. We have the ability to capture the hearts of others, especially men. Let us attract people with our true beauty and dignity. All of our actions can either give glory to God or misrepresent his truth.”
The author herself feels most gorgeous just after she’s had a baby, a beautiful moment and a beautiful image. Kate directs the reader’s thoughts to the beauty of Mary, Mother of God, as the example of true inner beauty. It is my hope, and I’m sure hers as well, that even a non-Catholic could appreciate learning from and emulating such a wise, blessed woman.
There is also a chapter about the “Mom Bod,” which brings me to the qualification that Weightless really does speak to young mothers, or at least people who are old enough to imagine themselves a mother sometime soon. I think there are many excerpts that teenage girls should hear, but I don’t know that the book as a whole would be on the right level for an adolescent struggling with body image issues. There are just too many references to motherhood that would probably be beyond a girl’s reach. (The teenager’s mother, however, should probably have the book close at hand, since the following chapter is about raising children, girls especially, to have healthy body images. It is fantastic and full of wisdom.)
Parenting Wisdom
Some of my favorite pieces of advice from the chapter on raising girls include:
Eat as a family; talk about your day and your faith at meals. Discuss healthy food choices, “real” food vs. factory-made food.
Don’t make mealtime a battleground; teach children to listen to their bodies.
Don’t tell young girls they’re “pretty” all the time; vary the ways you complement their physical appearance and performance.
Don’t worry too much about clothes, beyond modesty.
Final Thoughts
As I’m talking about Real Food Weight Loss and Exercise this week, suddenly this book seems to fit perfectly with what people should be reading. I think Kate does an excellent job weaving stories with Scripture, Church teaching, her personal journey, and important life lessons. I also think that Weightless is not for everyone, but if you are a mother (or could imagine yourself as one) who struggles with body image and preferably a Catholic (or open-minded Christian), then you need this book.
Disclosure: Kate is a friend and colleague who blogs at katewicker.com, but knowing her and getting a review copy don’t change the fact that my opinion is my own.
Be sure to keep up on the Real Food Weight Loss series next week as we tackle exercise, the complementarity of men and women, sweetener-free popsicles for kids, and at least THREE different quinoa protein bar recipes! Everyone seems to have a different favorite, so I’ll share them all!
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Filed Under: Personal Stories, Special Diets, The Reviews
Tagged With: book review, catholic, eating disorders, product review, Real Food Weight Loss and Exercise, weight loss
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About Katie Kimball @ Kitchen Stewardship
I’m a Catholic wife and mother of four who wants the best of nutrition and living for her family. I believe that God calls us to be good stewards of all His gifts as we work to feed our families: time, finances, the good green earth, and of course, our healthy bodies. I'm the founder and boss lady here at Kitchen Stewardship -- welcome aboard!
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14 Bites of Conversation So Far
tacy says
May 19, 2012 at 6:52 am
I just heard about this book/author from a friend. It looks like a fabulous read. Thanks for your review!
Kate Wicker says
May 19, 2012 at 9:23 am
Thank you so much for taking time to review Weightless! No doubt reading the book and reviewing it made it even more difficult to squeeze in a shower. 🙂
Seriously, I find that although I still occasionally grapple with body image issues and more importantly, food issues (it’s more about grasping for control for me and runs so much more deeply than simply a desire to be fit or thin), I find that these days I actually have to remind myself that just because my soul and the “inside stuff” is far more important I still do have a responsibility to take care of this body of mine. We can’t recognize the supremacy of the spiritual and then say to heck with our bodies and our appearance! These bodies are all we’ve got for living this earthly life. Not only must we fuel our bodies properly with real foods and move them daily (no need for marathon sweat sessions, but it’s important to stay fit in order to carry on the hard work of being a mom to littles!), but taking care of our physical selves also means adorning them properly. For me personally, I likewise feel like I ought to take a little time – providing we’re not all sick around here or a newborn is in our midst – to spruce up for my spouse and for ME. It’s amazing how some simple primping can make me feel more human.
One of the best quotes I’ve seen on the subject of temperance and prudence when it comes to our bodies and souls is from St. Augustine: “Take care of your body as if you were going to live forever; take care of your soul as if you were going to die tomorrow.”
As women, we are meant to portray beauty. But the trouble is so many of us think beauty means a size 4 or aging without looking like we’re aging. I am a passionate advocate of achieving real beauty and taking care of our bodies out of respect for them and to honor our Creator. That’s one of the reasons I love your blog so much, Katie. You’re helping so many people learn how to eat well and to eat “real” food.
Sorry for rambling, but thank you again for taking the time to review Weightless. God bless you and your ministry!!!
Katie Kimball @ Kitchen Stewardship says
May 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Kate,
I am loving that quote from St. Augustine…so that means no sweatpants, though? 😉 I struggle with the TIME it takes to look cute, since I’m naturally not a shopper…but I’ve gotten some good stuff second hand recently, so that’s helping me feel cuter!
🙂 Katie
Adrienne @ Whole New Mom says
May 19, 2012 at 4:26 pm
Hi Katie!
You did not look girthy at all! Silly.
TV does add more to you but you looked wonderful. Of course, what’s inside matters and the exterior is nothing. Just a shell.
But worry not.
– Adrienne
KatieC says
May 19, 2012 at 10:05 pm
I’m confused by “open minded Christian.” Do you have a minute to explain what you mean by that? (I realize this may sound snotty – I truly don’t intend that. I’m genuinely confused.) thanks!!
Katie Kimball @ Kitchen Stewardship says
May 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm
Katie,
You don’t sound snotty at all – hope I didn’t with that phrase either. I was trying to figure out how to explain that there’s definitely a lot of Catholic teaching and quotes in the book, so if someone is going to get hung up on that and frustrated, they wouldn’t like the book. But if someone wanted to benefit from the rest of the good nuggets in the book, I didn’t think they HAD to be Catholic to do so. They would just have to be able to read around the parts that might not apply (or just become a convert, ya know). 😉 Does that make sense?
🙂 Katie
KatieC says
May 24, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Thanks, Katie!
willowsprite says
May 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm
I’m wondering too…
Pam@behealthybehappywellness says
May 21, 2012 at 11:40 am
Looks like a great read. Many of my clients come to me because they want to lose a few pounds. I definitely help them with that, but I also work with them in trying to be comfortable where they are today – that is more important and will lead to much more lasting happiness than a slimmer figure. I also think it’s so important to be careful what you say around your kids – in our household we stress being HEALTHY as what is important, not being skinny.
Pam@behealthybehappywellness says
May 21, 2012 at 11:43 am
By the way, made your peppermint bark over the weekend from the Smart Sweets e-book – YUMMM!
Kate Wicker says
May 21, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Pam, your comment is spot-on. The allure of being thin is so much more fantastic than the reality. For so long I would turn to the scale when life got rocky. So much was out of my control. I could not make myself be loved, but I could make myself thinner. Only when i arrived at that “thin, happy place,” I still got hurt.
I realize I am sharing a lot here, but I am very passionate about helping women reclaim the beauty of Creation and make peace with food, their bodies, and themselves. I know far too many women who tell themselves, “It will be better when I lose those last 5,10,15, 30 pounds. Life will better better. I will be better.” But they are “good enough” just as they are. Likewise, suffering is a part of the human condition.
In my own journey to wholeness I had to accept where I was and love the person I was at that moment. My dignity and worth remained constant. It was there when I was an overweight child teased for being chubby. It was there when I was all angles and far too thin. It’s here now that I’ve arrived at a mostly healthy place.
Truthfully, it’s difficult for people to eat well and be well when they don’t like or even love themselves. Overrating or under eating becomes a vehicle for expressing so many feelings that have little to do with the food itself.
Anyway, it sounds like you offer wise counsel to your clients.
Kate Wicker says
May 21, 2012 at 5:38 pm
Katie, I hope my comment didn’t come across as personally remarking on you saying that you’re too busy for vanity. That was not my intention at all. As a mom of little ones, I really struggle with taking care of myself and my appearance. And, um, sometimes that means showering!!! I joke that I should move to Europe since the idea of buying produce daily and showering weekly sounds just lovely to me.
At any rate, thanks again for the review, and my apologies if my comment came across wrong. I have to remind myself of this stuff all of the time because striking the right balance in this culture is very difficult.
Oh, and for non-Catholics wondering about what Katie meant, the book does reference the Eucharist and includes quotes from saints and the Catechism. In the mothering chapter, I also include a prayer to Mary. I have head several non-Catholics send me a message about how they enjoyed the book, however. Please feel free to contact me if you have specific questions.
Thanks again, Katie. God bless!!!
Katie Kimball @ Kitchen Stewardship says
May 23, 2012 at 6:32 am
Kate,
No worries! I’ll move to Europe with you, too, me and my homemade deodorant and “no shampoo” habits! 😉 Katie
Kate Wicker says
May 21, 2012 at 5:41 pm
*head should obviously be had. Kids are going bezel while I am locked in the bathroom, and I can’t even think straight (or at all).
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Book review: Kate Wicker’s *Getting Past Perfect*
February 15, 2017 sanctanomina On my bookshelf, Sancta Nomina communityBook review, Kate Wicker
I recently posted a guest post by Kate Wicker (with name ideas for her baby) and a birth announcement, and today I’m thrilled to post a review of her new book!
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Kate Wicker’s forthcoming book, Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood, is exactly the book a lot of moms—myself included—need, often. Half memoir, half self-help, it spoke directly to me, which isn’t surprising given that Kate’s often done that for me through the years. She has a really lovely way of wording things, which become little nuggets of wisdom, like from a mom or a big sister, even though, in my case, she’s a peer (we’re the same age, and my oldest is the same age as her oldest).
Not only does she reveal her hard-won insider info that all moms experience and are embarrassed to admit (“there are lots of other days and even weeks when I feel like a total failure when I’m pretty sure I’ve royally screwed up my kids, and they’ll all end up in therapy. Those are the days when I’m in awe of my children’s deep pools of mercy and how eager they are to love imperfect me”), but she frames it all within an understanding of the crosses God asks us to bear, and the assurance that He is right there with us at every step. I loved when she noted that, “God is the only perfect parent there is, and let’s take a look at his children—you and imperfect me, all his offspring who have questioned him, those who crucified his only Son, and then all those who have committed abhorrent acts of genocide, bride burning, and other horrifying crimes of hate. One look at this Father’s broken people, and you’d think he has failed miserably as a parent. So why, then, do we take our own children’s behavior and choices and imperfections as an indictment of our own parenting?”
The ideas of “perfect” and “imperfect” moms and children (but especially moms) are addressed and moved past throughout her whole book—hence the title Getting Past Perfect. Kate says over and over again: you are not everything, and you *are* good enough. You aren’t perfect and you don’t need to be.
I loved how each chapter begins with an “evil earworm” (those nagging, untruthful or half-truthful refrains that get stuck in our heads) and a responding “untarnished truth” based on faith and reality. I loved the “Mom’s Time Out”—a prayer/reflection—at the end of each chapter. I loved that Kate included lots of personal anecdotes and bible quotes throughout, and the reading group guide and additional resources in the back make it a perfect book for individuals or groups. And I really loved this line, which I think sums up Kate’s whole goal: “Dear mamas, imperfect love is still love.” Sometimes—a lot of times—we all need to hear just that.
Kate’s book will be released on March 3, 2017, and is available for preorder from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and the publisher itself (Ave Maria Press).
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Getting Past Perfect: A Book Review
Posted on November 29, 2016
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Looking for some hard truths about motherhood? You have come to the right place. Getting Past Perfect is a good little book, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes even a little harsh. I had a bit of a hard time with this book, but it was because of me and where I am in my life, not because of anything about the book itself.
Each chapter covers a lie that mothers have come to believe and the contrasting truth. These lies cover the entire gamut of a mother’s life from dealing with newborns to having grown children. This book is really for all mothers, biological, adoptive and spiritual. Kate Wicker does an exceptional job at extending her book to mothers of all ages and types.
Each chapter features real stories from the trenches in it’s unedited reality as well as Gospel truths to help you through. As I said, sometimes those truths are a little harsh, but that doesn’t make them any less true or any less important.
For example, we all need the reminder that our children are not our own. God made them, God will dictate their lives, and God will ultimately welcome them to their true home. It’s terrifying if you think about it, but it’s also a bit liberating. You are tasked to do your best, but even if you screw up, God is the one ultimately in charge. As the title suggests, many of the lies moms fall for involve the pressure to be perfect. We forget that we are all (moms and children) God’s children.
I got the opportunity to read this valuable book through my membership in Netgalley. Thank you Ave Maria Press for the opportunity. It is available at your favorite bookseller now. I recommend it for all mothers.We are constantly bombarded by the “mommy wars” and we need these truths.
If you are a mother – or a father, for that matter – you know what it’s like to vacillate between fear of failure and a sense of satisfaction. Parents have the toughest job imaginable, and we can never seem to get it all right. The world somehow tells us that, should we “choose” motherhood, we should be “all in;” that is, we should be supermoms who never falter and are always smiling while baking some sort of nutritious, organic, homemade treat.
What’s the reality, though? Do we ever really talk about the hardest parenting moments? Most of us don’t, for a number of reasons. For one, we don’t want to appear as if we are complaining about the very precious human lives we have chosen to bring into the world and care for with ultimate responsibility. But that responsibility reminds me of a verse from Scripture: “To whom much is given much will be required” (see Luke 12:48). The blessing of bearing a human life and bringing him/her into the world also entails a heavy burden – that of raising their eternal souls to what we hope will be their home in Heaven one day.
I remember at my baby shower about six years ago, all of my friends and family surrounded me with these cutesy outfits and lots of excitement about toys, clothes, nuzzling a newborn, etc. No one – not one person – explained to me that motherhood is hard. No one said that I might struggle with breastfeeding and would, at one point, wonder if I’d ever get 4 consecutive hours of sleep again! It was a total shock, but Kate Wicker – in her new book, Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood – honestly but gently lays out the struggles of motherhood. But she does this in a humorous and no-holds-barred way.
For the harried mother of five or the new mom who is nestling her newborn, Getting Past Perfect is a truly refreshing perspective on starting an honest conversation about the tough aspects of being a mom. Wicker never sugarcoats her experience, yet she explains how redemptive suffering specifically pertains to the vocation of motherhood. She also encourages the mother who feels lost and alone. She consoles the mom who feels as if her entire life revolves around cleaning up poop. She commiserates with the one who wonders if she is invisible, all the while toting around kids to various activities while maintaining a somewhat clean home and well-fed family.
For the mom who isn’t sure if things will ever get better, Getting Past Perfect is a book that is sure to offer her honest and encouraging insight about every stage of motherhood. The gist is to appreciate the glimpses of joy we have in the present moment – the giggles and hugs, the unexpected apology or sweet and thoughtful card. Motherhood may not be for wimps, but it’s definitely a path to Heaven that involves battle wounds, scars, and the occasional opportunity for a glass of wine.
Text (c) Jeannie Ewing, all rights reserved.
By Jeannie Ewing| March 22nd, 2017|Book Reviews, Faith and Family, parenting|0 Comments
On Barb’s Bookshelf: Getting Past Perfect
March 24, 2017 franciscanmom Book Review, Books, ParentingAve Maria Press, CatholicMom.com, comparison, Kate Wicker, parenting, perfectionist
I found Kate Wicker’s book on perfectionism, Getting Past Perfect (Ave Maria Press, 2017) to be a book of surprises, beginning with the fact that a “seasoned” mom like me, with kids age 15 to 25, can learn important lessons from a mom whose oldest child is younger than my youngest.
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I may be a more-experienced mom, but that really only means that I have logged a lot more years of falling into the comparison trap. I’m old enough to know that it’s not good for me (or for my family) but I’m not always strong enough to keep myself from teetering over that precarious edge.
Clearly I spend too much time listening to what Kate calls the “evil earworm.” She begins each chapter with one of these, then counters is with the “unvarnished truth.”
quote from Getting Past Perfect @franciscanmom
We need to hear this kind of truth. We need to acknowledge that there’s a difference between perfectionism and striving for excellence. As Kate observes in chapter 3 (the same chapter from which the text in the above graphic is quoted):
What often prevents God’s grace from working in our lives is less our sins or failings than it is our failure to accept our own weaknesses–all those rejections, conscious or not, of what we really are or of our real situations. We have to set grace free in our lives by accepting the parts of ourselves that we want to perfect, hide or reject. (35-6)
While I definitely agree with Kate’s premise that perfectionism is damaging to us as women and as mothers, I do believe that there’s also a danger in perfect imperfection. We need to be careful about crossing that line between openly admitting our own flaws and foibles in the name of commonality and bringing comfort to others who are stuck in that “grass is always greener” mode, and showing off how bad we have it (even if that’s our schtick.) I confess to being guilty of the latter and even though I tend to fall into that trap, I find it very annoying when all I hear from someone is how “crazy” her life is. It’s almost like we’re competing for the booby prize: who has it worst? We all need to find a balance here–there’s a time and a place for the good, the bad, and the funny.
Whether you’re a brand-new mom or, like me, over 25 years into your mothering journey, Getting Past Perfect has truths you need to hear. My copy has stars and arrows and comments; I’ve circled and underlined and even written down some of the most important points. When you read it, keep your pen handy and open up your heart to realizing that you really are enough.
Don’t forget to sign up for the Getting Past Perfect Book Club at CatholicMom.com! The book club kicks off with an author interview tomorrow, and we’ll begin discussing the book on April 1.
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This post contains Amazon affiliate links; your purchase through these links helps support this blog. Thank you! I received a free review copy of this book courtesy of Ave Maria Press, but no other compensation. Opinions expressed here are mine alone.
Copyright 2017 Barb Szyszkiewicz, OFS