Project and content management for Contemporary Authors volumes
WORK TITLE: All the Ever Afters
WORK NOTES:
PSEUDONYM(S):
BIRTHDATE:
WEBSITE: http://danielleteller.com/
CITY: Palo Alto
STATE: CA
COUNTRY: United States
NATIONALITY:
Husband is Atstro Teller.
RESEARCHER NOTES:
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| HEADING: | Teller, Danielle |
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| 670 | __ |a All the ever afters, 2018: |b ECIP t.p. (Danielle Teller) data view (Danielle Teller received her medical training at McGill University, Brown University and Yale University. She has held faculty positions at the University of Pittsburgh and Harvard University, where she investigated the origins of chronic lung disease and taught in the medical intensive care unit. In 2013, Danielle quit her job to pursue her childhood dream of being a writer. She is the author of Sacred Cows: The Truth About Divorce and Marriage (Diversion 2014) and has written numerous columns for Quartz. She lives with her husband, Astro Teller, and their four children in Palo Alto, California) |
PERSONAL
Born in Canada; married Astro Teller; children: four.
EDUCATION:Queen’s University, B.S.; received medical training at McGill University, Brown University, and Harvard University.
ADDRESS
CAREER
Writer, novelist, physician, educator, and medical researcher. University of Pittsburgh, member of faculty, 2001; Harvard University, Brigham and Women’s Hospital, member of faculty and medical researcher, 2010-13.
WRITINGS
SIDELIGHTS
Danielle Teller is a writer, physician, educator, and medical researcher. She was born and grew up in Canada. Although she had an early interest in writing, she was “too scared to be a writer, so she went to medical school instead,” commented a writer on the Sacred Cows website. “In 1994, she moved temporarily to America, and she has been living temporarily in America ever since,” remarked a writer on the Danielle Teller website. Teller received her undergraduate degree at Queen’s University and pursued her medical training at McGill University, Brown University, and Harvard University. She has been a faculty member at the University of Pittsburgh and Brigham and Women’s Hospital, and also at Harvard University, where she was a researcher on the causes of chronic lung disease. She also taught in Harvard’s medical intensive care unit, the writer noted.
Sacred Cows
Teller is the coauthor, with her husband, Astro Teller, of the nonfiction book Sacred Cows: The Truth About Divorce and Marriage. In the book, the authors look carefully and critically at the forces that lead people to get married and the reasons why those forces, strong as they may have been at one time, sometimes weaken and lead to divorce. Both authors have been through a divorce, and speak with authority from that position of experience. “Like most people, they had not given much thought to the social pressures designed to get people married and keep them married until they found themselves having to fight against those pressures themselves. They began to realize that many of society’s attitudes about marriage and divorce are not only illogical but actually counter to the pursuit of happiness,” commented the writer on the Sacred Cows website. When they noticed that there was no book or other resource that addressed the cultural assumptions about marriage, parenting, and divorce, they knew that they had to write it themselves.
The Tellers carefully assess seven of the most common “sacred cows” of marriage, with each concept illustrated as a type of cow. The Holy Cow, for example, asserts that marriage is always good and divorce is always bad. The Expert Cow believes that problems with any marriage can be resolved with help. The Selfish Cow believes that people who divorce are self-centered, and the Defective Cow tells anyone who’ll listen that if you can’t make your marriage happy or if you get divorced, there must be something wrong with you. Children’s lives can be destroyed by divorce, says Innocent Victim Cow, and Other Cow says that it is wrong to leave a marriage to be with a new partner.
These concepts of marriage and divorce are commonly held and are the source of much grief and anxiety to many. However, the Tellers make it clear that ”the research doesn’t back up any of what we’ve been told and thus believe,” commented Vicki Larson, writing on the Huffington Post.
In an interview on WBUR Radio 90.9, Teller commented on the changes that have occurred in the institution of marriage over the last century. Marriage “used to be a way of passing money from one generation to another and a way of procreating. And women, in particular, had to be married in order to do a lot of things that they wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. And now that’s not the case. So now, people have been freed up to not be married for any of the reasons that they used to have to be married for in the past. And now everyone gets married for love,” Teller told the interviewer. She also cautioned, however, about basing so many aspects of life on what can be an ephemeral concept. “I think love rubs up against all of the realities of life,” she further remarked during the WBUR Radio 90.9 interview. She warned that society should be more careful about basing so much of family and society on a difficult to define and hard to control concept such as love.
Larson concluded, “If you’re struggling in your marriage or thinking about divorce, I highly suggest you read Sacred Cows. It won’t give you any answers and it isn’t going make some things about divorce—the grief, pain, financial impacts, etc.—any easier. It will, however, help you be aware of society’s damaging messages that clutter rational thinking.”
All the Ever Afters
Teller’s fiction debut is the novel All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella’s Stepmother. In this work, the author revises the traditional narrative of the Evil Stepmother of Cinderella fame, giving the character a greater depth and providing a background that elicits sympathy rather than dread or hatred. Agnes, the stepmother of the title, has a difficult early life. As a child, she is sent to work as a laborer in the laundry room of a nearby manor house because her widower father can’t support three children. She later finds more appealing work at a local abbey, but when she becomes pregnant out of wedlock, she is forced to leave. For a time, she works as an alewife, but is not allowed to continue operating the alehouse after her husband dies. She finds herself with no other option but to return to the manor, where she becomes the nurse for a beautiful young child, Ella.
In time, Ella’s father, a chronic alcoholic, falls for Agnes, and convinces her to marry him. Agnes then becomes Ella’s stepmother. With this background in place, the more familiar tale of Cinderella unfolds. The ugly stepsisters, for example, are portrayed sympathetically, with one being mocked for her dark complexion and the other for her smallpox scars. Agnes feels bitterness toward Ella because she believes the young girl is ungrateful, but she ultimately realizes “she has projected much of cruelty she has endured onto Ella,” observed School Library Journal reviewer Melanie Leivers.
In All the Ever Afters, “Teller pulls off the spellbinding trick of turning an easy-to-hate character into a strong and conscientious female lead,” commented a Publishers Weekly reviewer. A Kirkus Reviews writer called the novel a “provocative revision of this familiar fairy tale.”
BIOCRIT
PERIODICALS
Aspen Times, May 31, 2018, Lincee Ray, review of All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella’s Stepmother.“
Kirkus Reviews, March 15, 2018, review of All the Ever Afters.
New York Daily News, May 22, 2018, “Author Unravels New View of Cinderella Story,” review of All the Ever Afters.
Publishers Weekly, March 5, 2018, review of All the Ever Afters, p. 46.
School Library Journal, May, 2018, Melanie Leivers, review of All the Ever Afters, p. 110.
Washington Post, February 16, 2018, review of All the Ever Afters.
ONLINE
All About Romance, https://www.allaboutromance.com/ (July 17, 2018), Shannon Dyer, review of All the Ever Afters.
Danielle Teller website, http://www.danielleteller.com (July 17, 2018).
Huffington Post, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/ (October 28, 2015), Vicki Larson, “What If Everything We Believe about Divorce is Wrong?,” interview with Danielle Teller and Astro Teller.
Sacred Cows website, http://www.sacredcowsthebook.com (July 17, 2018?).
Tor.com, https://www.tor.com/ (April 26, 2018), Mari Ness, “When the Evil Stepmother Has a Cinderella Story of Her Own,” review of All the Ever Afters.
WBUR Radio 90.9 website, http://www.wbur.org/ (October 2, 2014), “Could We Reframe Our View of Marriage to Accept the Possibility of Divorce?,” transcript of radio interview with Danielle Teller and Astro Teller.
Danielle Teller (formerly Morse, nee Dyck) grew up in Canada, where she and her two brothers were raised by the best parents in the world. As a child, she was a bookworm who dreamed of being a writer, but she chickened out and went to medical school instead. In 1994, she moved temporarily to America, and she has been living temporarily in America ever since. Danielle attended Queen's University during her undergraduate years, and she received her medical training at McGill University, Brown University and Yale University. She has held faculty positions at the University of Pittsburgh and Harvard University, where she investigated the origins of chronic lung disease and taught in the medical intensive care unit. In 2013, Danielle quit her job to pursue her childhood dream of being a writer. She lives with her husband, Astro Teller, and their four children in Palo Alto, California. Her first novel about the life of Cinderella's stepmother will be published by William Morrow, a division of HarperCollins, in the summer of 2018.
About the authors
Astro Teller & Danielle Teller
Astro Teller grew up in Evanston Illinois, where cold winters gave him an appreciation for summer weather. His parents chose for him the fine name "Eric", but his high school soccer team thought it would be amusing to rename him "Astro" in honor of his unique AstroTurf style haircut. The nickname stuck, even though the haircut didn't.
Astro studied computer science at Stanford University, and he went on to complete a Ph.D. in artificial intelligence at Carnegie Mellon University, where he was a recipient of the prestigious Hertz fellowship. While he was a graduate student, Astro wrote a critically acclaimed and commercially successful science fiction novel titled "Exegesis". Astro lived in Pittsburgh for nearly a decade after graduation during which he co-founded three companies and two children. Astro remained CEO of BodyMedia, a leading wearable body monitoring company until 2007, the year his marriage also ended due to unrelated causes.
Astro relocated to California, where he became the founding CEO of Cerebellum Capital, an AI-based hedge fund management firm. He devoted his weekends to his children and spent a lot of time on the phone with the love of his life, Danielle, trying to convince her that California is a great place to live. In 2010, Astro moved over to Google, where he currently oversees Google[x], a moonshot factory for audacious world-changing projects. His work in science, literature, art, and business has appeared in international media from the New York Times to CNN to NPR's "All Things Considered." Astro regularly gives invited talks for national and international technology, government, and business forums on the subject of the future of intelligent technology.
Danielle Teller grew up in Canada, where similarly cold weather gave her an equal appreciation for warm weather. She was too scared to be a writer, so she went to medical school instead, and then moved temporarily to America in 1994. She has been living temporarily in America ever since.
Danielle trained at McGill University, Brown University and Yale University, and she took a faculty position at the University of Pittsburgh in 2001. One of the first people she met after moving to Pittsburgh was Astro, and they became fast friends. Danielle's two children were born in Pittsburgh around the same time as Astro's children, and she also relocated when her marriage ended, though she moved to the opposite coast from Astro.
Danielle was on faculty at Brigham and Women's Hospital and Harvard University in 2010 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and discovered that nobody recognizes you after your hair falls out. Spies take note. Danielle continued her research into the origins of chronic lung disease and her teaching in the medical intensive care unit until she finally conceded to Astro that it would be pretty nice to live in California. She quit her job in 2013 to pursue her childhood dream of being a writer.
Astro and Danielle are now happily married and living in Palo Alto, California. They were inspired to write Sacred Cows largely because of their own experiences during their divorces and remarriage. Like most people, they had not given much thought to the social pressures designed to get people married and keep them married until they found themselves having to fight against those pressures themselves. They began to realize that many of society's attitudes about marriage and divorce are not only illogical but actually counter to the pursuit of happiness.
The Tellers looked for evidence in books and popular media that other people were questioning these deeply held cultural assumptions about love, parenting, infidelity, marital commitment and divorce, but they came up pretty much empty-handed. Yet so many people they knew struggled with exactly these questions. Finally, Astro said, "We have to write the book if nobody else is going to write it."
Danielle said, "Are you crazy?"
Astro just smiled. And so, Sacred Cows was born.
http://www.sacredcowsthebook.com/about-the-book.html
All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother
Publishers Weekly.
265.10 (Mar. 5, 2018): p46. From Book Review Index Plus. COPYRIGHT 2018 PWxyz, LLC http://www.publishersweekly.com/
Full Text:
All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother Danielle Teller. Morrow, $26.99 (304p)
ISBN 978-0-06-279820-6
Teller's charmed debut gives life to the brave and resourceful Agnes, better known as one of fairy tales' most reviled villains--Cinderella's evil stepmother. Born a poor servant, Agnes works her way from laundress to running her own ale house while struggling to provide and care for her daughters as a single mom. When tragedy strikes her family, Agnes is forced to return to the manor where she was first a servant. No longer a scared, helpless girl, she becomes much more than a maid, caring for the moody, unstable lady of the house, Lady Alba, nurturing her neglected daughter, Ella, and turning the manor's finances around with her head for business. Scandal ensues after Lady Alba dies and the lord marries Agnes to continue raising his daughter and managing the manor. When Ella falls in love with the prince, she can't bear to leave her stepmother and -sisters behind and takes them to live with her at the castle. Although Ella is welcomed, stories at court swirl around Agnes and her daughters. Teller pulls off the spellbinding trick of turning an easy-to-hate character into a strong and conscientious female lead. Agent: Michael Carlisle, Ink Well Management. (May)
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother." Publishers Weekly, 5 Mar.
2018, p. 46. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A530430250 /GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS&xid=f69772e6. Accessed 5 June 2018.
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Teller, Danielle: ALL THE EVER AFTERS
Kirkus Reviews.
(Mar. 15, 2018): From Book Review Index Plus. COPYRIGHT 2018 Kirkus Media LLC http://www.kirkusreviews.com/
Full Text:
Teller, Danielle ALL THE EVER AFTERS Morrow/HarperCollins (Adult Fiction) $26.99 5, 22 ISBN: 978-0-06-279820-6
Cinderella's "evil" stepmother gets her say in Teller's (Sacred Cows: The Truth About Divorce and Marriage, 2014) historically grounded first novel.
Agnes, who will become first the beautiful Ella's nurse and then her stepmother, grows up in a British peasant family. Because her widower father can't support three children, she's sent to work in the laundry of the nearby manor. After years of hard labor, she makes her way to the local abbey, where her duties are a little lighter and where she becomes pregnant out of wedlock. Thrown out of the abbey, she finds work as an alewife and soon begins brewing her own ale. When her common-law husband dies, she's no longer permitted to operate the alehouse because she's a woman, and so she makes her way back to the manor, where she's put to work minding young Ella, whose father, the perpetually drunken lord of the manor, becomes besotted with her. Teller's tale finds a realistic explanation for each of the elements of the Cinderella story: Ella's "fairy godmother," for example, is the powerful but not supernatural Mother of the abbey, who looks down at Agnes because she's a peasant. As for the "ugly stepsisters," one of the sweet- natured and hardworking girls is mocked because her skin, like her father's, is dark, while the other has scars left by a bout of smallpox. Ella is a decidedly minor figure in a story that only tangentially touches on hers. Teller anchors her novel in well-researched details of medieval life, and if her prose doesn't reach the level of poetry, it abounds in sensory details, from the "sticky swelter" of the busy manor kitchen to the "pink roses, yellowwort, purple foxglove, mauve centaury" in the abbey garden. The author's understanding of the severe challenges posed by gender and class in this society adds depth to the story.
A provocative revision of this familiar fairy tale.
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"Teller, Danielle: ALL THE EVER AFTERS." Kirkus Reviews, 15 Mar. 2018. Book Review
Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A530650844/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS& xid=84351a3a. Accessed 5 June 2018.
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Gale Document Number: GALE|A530650844
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TELLER, Danielle. All the Ever
Afters: The Untold Story of
Cinderella's Stepmother
Melanie Leivers
School Library Journal.
64.5 (May 2018): p110. From Book Review Index Plus.
COPYRIGHT 2018 Library Journals, LLC. A wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.
http://www.schoollibraryjournal.com/
Full Text:
TELLER, Danielle. All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother. 384p. HarperCollins/Morrow. May 2018. Tr $26.99. ISBN 9780062798206.
Teller's debut novel is a more realistic addition to the ever-growing genre of fairytale retellings It's told from the point of view of Cinderella's stepmother, Agnes, beginning with her childhood. There is nothing romantic about this adaptation; Agnes's life is full of turmoil as she bounces around fulfilling different servant roles. Though she is granted a reprieve from servitude after the birth of her children, she quickly finds herself back in service as a wet nurse for Ella, who will eventually become her stepdaughter, Cinderella. There is much more warmth between Ella and Agnes than in the usual retellings. However, Agnes is still harsh; she despises Ella and lashes out at her because she feels that Ella is ungrateful. Ultimately, Agnes understands that she has projected much of cruelty she has endured onto Ella. The narrative makes up for its lack of magical whimsy by exploring the complexities of relationships. VERDICT A solid addition to any collection where fractured fairy tales are popular, but not an essential purchase.--Melanie Leivers, Palm Beach Country Library System, FL
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Leivers, Melanie. "TELLER, Danielle. All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's
Stepmother." School Library Journal, May 2018, p. 110. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A536988098/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS& xid=0b0fbdb2. Accessed 5 June 2018.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A536988098
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Could We Reframe Our View Of Marriage To Accept The Possibility Of Divorce?10:34
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October 02, 2014Updated Oct 03, 2014 12:29 PM
The seven sacred cows which push people towards marriage and away from divorce. (Courtesy: Astro and Danielle Teller)
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The seven sacred cows which push people towards marriage and away from divorce. (Courtesy: Astro and Danielle Teller)
The vast majority of Americans view love as an important reason to get married. When a marriage is not working, it's an emotionally fraught process to decide both spouses may be better off if they're divorced, partly because of the pedestal on which the idea of marriage resides.
A new view of marriage might uphold love and commitment, but with the understanding that people's feelings for one another may change. Sometimes, divorce may be the better option than staying miserable together "until death do us part." As a society, Americans might need to change the way they view the commitment of marriage in a realistic way that allows for and supports a person's choice to divorce.
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In their book, "Sacred Cows: The Truth about Divorce and Marriage," Astro and Danielle Teller upend some views of marriage.
Guests
Astro Teller, computer scientist who oversees Google[x]. He tweets @astroteller.
Danielle Teller, physician specializing in intensive care and lung medicine.
Highlights
Astro Teller: “I, Astro, do promise to do my utmost to love you, Danielle, for as long as we are married. If a time comes when I do not love you, I will do everything in my power to rekindle that love. If that doesn’t work, I will end our marriage as elegantly as I can.”
Danielle Teller: “It’s so unromantic. Nobody is gonna say that at a wedding.”
On talking about divorce:
Danielle Teller: “We have both gone through divorces. And, like most people, we didn’t think much about it until we got there ourselves. When we first got married, we didn’t think we would ever get divorced...it’s such an emotionally disorienting process and it takes over your entire life...And so we talked a lot about it and began to notice that there were things that people would say to us, or things that we would read in books or in newspapers that, when you held them up to the light of logic, didn’t make a lot of sense. And the more we talked about this, the more we thought, why doesn’t anyone talk about it?...We thought, somebody needs to start talking about this. And Astro said, ‘Wow, we should write a book.’ And I said, ‘You’re nuts.’”
On dealing with the “holy cows” of marriage:
Astro Teller: “The whole idea of a contract, generally, is to pre-negotiate friction. You’re friends with the other company that you’re doing the deal with, so you’re not frustrated with them now, but if you make an agreement now about what would happen if you disagree later, that’s the whole point of the contract. We actually talk about the contract of marriage, but when people go to get divorced there’s an incredible amount of hard feelings. And one of the reasons for that...is that there is not often a shared understanding at the beginning about what they were really promising each other. So if you go back to that moment when they get married and you look at how incredibly vague it is, the things that we say to each other, it’s one way to see how the 'boogie men' of society sort of slip into the process of marriage and work their magic to try to cause us to feel bad at the end of a marriage in an attempt to keep us married. And a way to combat, in this case, the ‘holy cow’ is to be specific. That does not mean that you can’t say ‘I hope to love you forever,’ but I think it’s realistic to say, 'I feel like I would love you forever. I hope to love you forever. I’d be surprised if I didn’t love you forever.' But that’s different than promising something that you can’t actually deliver, like how you’re going to feel 10 years from now.”
On structuring marriage on something you can define:
DT: “I think love rubs up against all of the realities of life. So, you fall in love, you get married, you have children. There are all these people now counting on that inchoate thing that you’ve promised to do. And you have very real responsibilities towards your children and towards society. And to balance it all on something...we can’t define — I mean, ask people to define true love. Everyone has their own notion, and they’ll say ‘It means never having to say you’re sorry,’ ‘It means taking the garbage out to the curb,’ and everyone’s got these things that they attach to true love. But we should be careful about trying to build so much of the structure of family and society on a concept that is very difficult to define and is something that...we have virtually no control over.”
On taking societal pressures out of an evaluation of the marriage:
AT: “There are a set of reasons to try really hard not to get divorced. It’s expensive, it’s emotionally painful for you and everyone else involved. Maybe your marriage can be saved and you’ll be happy afterwards. Those are good reasons to try to avoid divorce. But there is also a set of 'boogie men'...we call them ‘sacred cows’ — designed by society not for your benefit or for your spouse or your children but this general sense that society has that it would rather you stay together. And being able to approach whether your marriage still works for you without the pressure of those ‘sacred cows’ on you, is what everyone deserves. That’s what we’re hoping that people can take away from our book.”
On realizing that marrying for love is a recent concept:
DT: “Over the last 100 years, marriage has completely changed. It used to be a way of passing money from one generation to another and a way of procreating. And women, in particular, had to be married in order to do a lot of things that they wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. And now that’s not the case. So now, people have been freed up to not be married for any of the reasons that they used to have to be married for in the past. And now everyone gets married for love. That’s the primary reason. Nobody married for love in the past. That was gravy. You were just lucky if you loved the person you happened to marry. But now we marry for love and I think a lot of younger people are seeing that without the other external pressures to get them into it, they really want to be very sure about that love piece. That becomes extremely important.”
More
Quartz: How American Parenting Is Killing The American Marriage
"Sometime between when we were children and when we had children of our own, parenthood became a religion in America. As with many religions, complete unthinking devotion is required from its practitioners."
This segment aired on October 2, 2014.
What If Everything We Believe About Divorce Is Wrong?
headshot
By Vicki Larson
Marriage is hard work but worth it. If you end up divorced, it means you didn’t try hard enough, you don’t know what commitment means and you’re putting you own happiness before your family’s — or all of the above — and that’s why you have a failed marriage.
What divorced person hasn’t heard that — or some variation — before?
As a twice married and divorced woman, I sure did. So did Astro and Danielle Teller. Despite their best intentions when they said their “I dos,” each of their marriages ended, and when they started dating and then married, blending families and many marital years behind them (14 for Astro, eight for Danielle), they began to question a lot of the messages they’d been told about marriage and divorce, as well as the one-size-fits-all answers “experts” and the self-help industry had for struggling couples.
As scientists — Astro is a computer scientist who oversees Google[x] and Danielle is a physician — they tried to remove the emotional responses we all have about divorce so they could focus on the logic. The result of their inquiry is a book that came out right about the time The New I Do was published, Sacred Cows: The Truth About Divorce and Marriage(Diversion Books).
Both books question the status quo when it comes to marriage and divorce, and offer outside-the-box thinking. I didn’t know about their book until recently, and as I read it and found myself highlighting much of what they wrote — scribbling in the corners, “Yes!” and nodding my head in agreement because they get it — I was eager to connect with them and thank them. It’s the book I wish I read when I was contemplating divorce (and I read a lot of self-help books) and sorting through the inevitable messy emotions I was feeling while also weighing the co-parenting, financial and everyday realities of divorcing with kids without crumbling under the shame and judgment that basically well-meaning people thrust upon me.
Their book presents the false cultural assumptions about divorce as Sacred Cows, illustrated as, well, cows, and if you have been divorced or are contemplating it, you have likely heard what the cows spew as “truth”:
Holy Cow: Marriage is always good and divorce is always bad.
Expert Cow: All marital problems can be fixed with help.
Selfish Cow: People who divorce are selfish, people who stay married are selfless.
Defective Cow: If you can’t make your marriage happy, or if you divorce, you must be defective.
Innocent Victim Cow: Children’s lives are ruined by divorce.
One True Cow: True love is why you marry but if you become unhappy in your marriage, you should stop believing in true love.
Other Cow: It’s not OK to leave a marriage to be with a new partner.
Except, as the Tellers point out, the research doesn’t back up any of what we’ve been told and thus believe. The New I Do asks you to question your assumptions about marriage; the Tellers ask you to question your assumptions about divorce.
If you’re struggling in your marriage or thinking about divorce, I highly suggest you read Sacred Cows. It won’t give you any answers and it isn’t going make some things about divorce — the grief, pain, financial impacts, etc. — any easier. It will, however, help you be aware of society’s damaging messages that clutter rational thinking.
Just as you have permission to have a marriage based on your values and goals, you have permission to examine your marital situation without shame or guilt.
Q: Your book originated from your own divorces. You mention how people tried to help while others made you feel shame. How did you sort through all those conflicting messages to look at the bigger picture of how we marry and divorce?
Danielle: Quite painfully. I spent a good year feeling horrible before I started getting a new perspective. Society’s giving you these messages that don’t make a lot of sense.
Astro: We didn’t come to any truths, but we did uncover some deep inconsistencies in society. That’s what the book turned into; neither an argument for marriage or divorce, but simply that we felt we had uncovered some sufficiently large hypocrisies in those narratives. We felt freed from a lot of the narrative pressure once we recognized how much hypocrisy was baked into those narratives.
Q: One divorce is often enough to scare people away from any sort of relationship, let alone another marriage. What was the path each of you followed that led you to the decision to tie the knot again?
Astro: We were just madly in love, there was no way we weren’t going to get married. ... but, importantly, we made sure from the very beginning that there wasn’t going to be any guilt or the overhang of those sacred cows. Instead of promising that we were going to be together, which neither of us believes, it’s a desire to be together. If she decides tomorrow she’s no longer into me, she’s not a bad person. I’ll be sad, but she’s not a bad person. It sounds like a really small change, but it’s not.
Q: What makes a second, third, fourth or 10th marriage different than the first — is it just having a new partner, is it wisdom or personal growth, is it doing things differently or something completely different?
Astro: We went into our marriage even more romantically than into our first. ... Everyone who goes into a second marriage has to understand, at least conceptually, that marriages don’t last because they have this abject lesson in their lives. What they do about that is very different.
Danielle: We have this narrative that all marriages are equal. If you’re unhappy in your marriage, then being married to someone else isn’t going to make things better. ... I don’t know why as a culture we don’t admit who you marry makes a difference.
Astro: I think we do know why, because if the narrative of who you choose matters and choosing differently could be a successful way to get yourself happier, it would allow people a legitimate reason to end their marriage and try again. Society is not OK with that. Society starts from the perspective that it doesn’t want people to get divorced, and then it comes up with stories and reasons that cut off all the avenues of escape.
Q: The Holy Cow’s message is that married people are “better than divorced people.” Lots of people who prefer to be single or cohabit hear that, too. Why do you think so many of us believe that’s true?
Astro: I think it’s the other way around. It’s, how are the sacred cows tricking us into it? The reason is society, which we are personifying as these cows, wants us to get married and stay married, not to make you happier or your spouse happier or your kids happier, but because society, rightly or wrongly, believes it will get what it wants if it gets people to get married and stay married. (It’s) a mob mentality where no one of us is puppeteering this but we collectively talk ourselves into it.
Q: Society seems to hold on to a nostalgic view of marriage, that people who married “back then” understood what marriage is really about. Except “back then,” marriage was more a duty than a choice, and an institution that was often a pretty crappy deal for women but they had few choices. Why do you think we still cling to that vision?
Danielle: We romanticize everything about the past. We really want to believe that marriages can be happily ever after.
Astro: If I’m afraid she’ll leave me, and my main tool in keeping her from leaving me is shame and fear and guilt, which the sacred cows bring to my arsenal... If I want her not to quit, I have to look at people who quit less. If I point to them (and say) that those people were noble, it latches into the general romanticizing of the past and then I can effectively make her feel like shit if she’s thinking of leaving.
Q: What are the most important things you hope people get from reading your book?
Danielle: To give permission to make decisions about marriage and divorce without the piles of guilt society puts on them. ... Just because you’re divorced or you want to get divorced, that doesn’t make you a bad person.
Astro: If they go through the process of asking whether marriage is working for them without the fear and shame that the scared cows produce, they’ll still probably have some soul searching to do and maybe a lot of pain to go through, but it would be less than it would be otherwise and they’ll probably end up in a happier place if they can make that decision free of that fear.
Want to individualize your marriage? Learn how by ordering The New I Do on Amazon, and, while you’re at it, follow TNID on Twitter and Facebook.
Illustration courtesy of “Sacred Cows.”
Follow Vicki Larson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/OMGchronicles
All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother
Danielle Teller
Buy This Book
In All the Ever Afters, author Danielle Teller turns one of our best-loved fairytales on its head. Here, we are given a new spin on the story of Cinderella and her wicked stepmother, and, while this particular retelling takes a lot of the magic out of the story, I still found it an enjoyable read.
Agnes is only ten years old when she is forced to leave her home and go to work at the local manor house. Her father is far too poor to provide for his children, so Agnes’ earnings as a laundress will go a long way toward keeping her family fed. Unfortunately, Agnes doesn’t do well at the manor, and the next four years of her life are pretty bleak. When she is fourteen, she gets the chance to work at a nearby abbey, and her life improves exponentially. There, Agnes begins to learn to read and do simple mathematics, skills rarely taught to women during Medieval times.
It is while she is living and working at the abbey that Agnes is seduced by Fernan, an older man who works as a messenger for the Abbess. Before long, Agnes finds herself pregnant with Fernan’s child, and she is cast out as a result. Fernan escorts her to a distant village where Agnes, using all her wits, manages to set herself up as a brewer of ales, and, for the next few years, her life is pretty stable. For the first time, Agnes is happy. She loves her two daughters with all her heart, and, while her relationship with Fernan isn’t exactly wonderful, Agnes manages to make it work for her.
When Agnes is nearly thirty, Fernan is killed in a tragic accident, and she is once again forced out of her home. Desperate to find a way to survive, she returns to the manor house where she once worked as a laundress and asks for employment. Fortunately, the Lord’s baby daughter Ella is in need of a nursemaid, and Agnes is hired to care for the child.
All the Ever Afters is a fantasy novel that reads a bit like historical fiction. It’s obvious Ms. Teller did a lot of research into the role of women in Medieval times, and she does a wonderful job bringing the time period to vivid life; I often felt transported back in time while reading the novel. I, however, prefer my fantasy with a certain amount of magic thrown in, and All the Ever Afters isn’t the least bit magical. Ms. Teller provides readers with mundane reasons for the happenings in the original fairytale, and I was disappointed by the lack of whimsy in the book.
In spite of the above criticism, I still found myself quite invested in Agnes’s story, and I loved the way the author managed to turn someone I was so ready to despise into someone I felt a great deal of sympathy for. Agnes’s life was incredibly hard, but she managed to come out on top thanks to her quick wits. I ended up admiring her quite a bit more than I expected to.
The same is true for Agnes’s daughters, the young women commonly known as Cinderella’s ugly stepsisters. Ms. Teller doesn’t make them out to be small-minded and vindictive; instead, they’re victims of superstition and general narrow-mindedness. One is persecuted because of her unusually dark skin, while the other is teased mercilessly about some physical deformities she sustained as a result of smallpox. If anyone is spoiled and cruel, it’s Ella, something I found quite surprising.
If you’re looking for a light-hearted read, All the Ever Afters won’t be the book for you. It’s quite a bit darker and heavier than I expected. Rape and domestic violence are common themes, so please be cautious if these things are triggering to you.
While I didn’t love everything about this retelling of the Cinderella story, I still recommend it to anyone looking for a new and different take on a beloved fairytale. The writing is evocative, and the story is quite compelling. If the author had included some magic along the way, it would have been pretty close to perfect.
Amazon/Barnes & Noble/iBooks/Kobo
Book Details
Reviewer: Shannon Dyer
Review Date: May 22, 2018
Publication Date: 05/2018
Grade: B
Sensuality Subtle
Book Type: Historical Fiction
Review Tags: Fairy Tale
On Fairy Tales
When the Evil Stepmother Has a Cinderella Story of Her Own: Danielle Teller’s All the Ever Afters
Mari Ness
Thu Apr 26, 2018 3:00pm 2 comments 1 Favorite [+]
It can be rather difficult to summon up any sympathy for the stepmother in most versions of Cinderella. Oh, she may not be the worst of the evil stepmothers out there—after all, she never tries to kill her young, beautiful stepdaughter, unlike a certain Evil Queen with a poisoned apple fetish. And she seems motivated, at least in part, with the purest of motives: to help her own daughters achieve a brilliant marriage, and thus, a happy ending. Still. Against this, she turns her stepdaughter into a servant, blatantly favors her own daughters, and—in many versions—quite possibly robs her stepdaughter of her inheritance. And, of course, she famously refuses to let her lovely stepdaughter go to a ball.
No wonder we mostly cheer for Cinderella.
But what if we heard the stepmother’s side of this tale. Would we still cheer as hard?
Buy it Now
This is the question brought up by Danielle Teller in All the Ever Afters, billed as the untold story of Cinderella’s stepmother. Named Agnes in this version, unlike her comfortably middle class or lower upper class stepdaughter, depending upon exactly who is telling the tale, Agnes is born into poverty. So dire, that she is sent off, when about ten to work in the laundry of Aviceford Manor, for nothing more than very poor room and board, under the supervision of a lazy, brutal laundress—a person who rather resembles an evil stepmother from a fairy tale.
Fortunately, Agnes—who also functions as the narrator of the story—is clever, and observant, and when she has a chance for a slightly better job offer, she snatches it—beginning the slow, steady and often painful social climbing that will eventually land her in the royal court. She intersperses these memories with updates on life at the court now that Cinderella has married the prince—something not exactly explored in the older versions of this fairy tale. In some ways, these court descriptions are the most fascinating part of the book—especially if, like me, you always wondered how well that marriage would go, given how little time the two spent together before she tried on that shoe.
The bulk of All the Ever Afters, however, is dedicated to the story of Agnes and her slow and often crawl up the social ladder, marked by violence, death, and, most notably, rigid social rules and barriers. Agnes finds dream after dream either barred to her, or drastically changed thanks to her origins, including one particularly heartbreaking moment regarding her religious education. She is intelligent; she is a fiercely hard worker; she is not always honest. And she is determined to succeed, both for herself and her daughters, whatever those barriers. And she’s able to justify nearly every choice she makes—even those that turned her into the figure of an evil stepmother, and may leave readers cheering on Cinderella, more than once, even in a narrative with a narrator pleading for understanding.
The novel is set in an imaginary medieval kingdom, with only a few historical details to pin down the time of the tale—mostly in a passing reference to Edward of Woodstock, the Black Prince (1330-1376), placing the story sometime between 1350-1410. That is, shortly after the Black Death (1348-1349) initially swept through Europe, sowing social chaos and change in its wake. The novel makes a nod to this when a major illness transforms the life of Agnes and one of her daughters—though the disease in the novel is smallpox, not plague, a change that works with the novel’s other themes.
Though the kingdom is imaginary, with nothing more than the reference to Edward of Woodstock and a queen called Philippa to anchor it, the setting is a realistic one: as Agnes says bitterly early on, fairies do not exist, and this is a world without any magic other than art and education—both magical in their way. Which does not mean that godmothers—unmagical ones, but godmothers nonetheless—can’t interfere and change a few things. Along with stepmothers.
Since this is the stepmother’s tale, and since the setting is non-magical, the more famous elements—the ball, the pumpkin, the glass slippers—are almost glossed over. In fact, unless I missed it, the book does not contain a single mention of pumpkins, possibly in a nod to its medieval setting—that is, before pumpkins were brought over from the Americas. But Teller does manage to work in a rather clever reference to the rats. And Agnes’ own tale is a story of climbing from rags to riches—that is, pure Cinderella. With a touch more realism, since Agnes lacks a fairy godmother and glass slippers. Which just goes to show how universal Cinderella’s story can be—so universal, even her stepmother can be seen as a Cinderella figure.
The novel’s focus on Agnes does create one difficulty: Ella/Cinderella herself is never particularly convincing—less so, in many ways, than her stepsisters. (One of whom, in a nice touch, is visibly biracial; the other is white-passing.) And not just because we only see Ella/Cinderella through the not always sympathetic gaze of her stepmother—indeed, that very lack of sympathy creates some of the more compelling scenes of the novel, as the two find themselves clashing. But somehow or other, even these angry moments never seem to turn Ella into a real person. And I have to admit, I kinda want magic in my fairy tales, and there’s not much of that here.
But the novel does focus on a central feature of Perrault’s fairy tale, reminding us that Cinderella is less a tale of magic and fairies, and more a tale of social climbing. Something anyone can aspire to, even without a fairy godmother. I think most fairy tale lovers will enjoy this.
All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella’s Stepmother is available on May 22nd from William Morrow.
Mari Ness lives in central Florida.
Book review: ‘All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella’s Stepmother’
by LINCEE RAY for The Associated Press
May 31, 2018
AP | William Morrow
This cover image released by William Morrow shows "All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother," by Danielle Teller. (William Morrow via AP)
NOTEWORTHY
“All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella’s Stepmother”
Danielle Teller
William Morrow, 2018
Have you ever considered the beloved fairy tale of Cinderella from the perspective of the evil stepmother? What if she wasn't wicked at all, but a loving woman who cared deeply for all of her children? Danielle Teller's debut novel, "All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother," answers this question with a fascinating reimagining of the original tale.
Before Agnes was an "evil" stepmother, she was a laundry girl and a housemaid. Agnes is strong, independent and a hard worker, but that doesn't stop her from being seduced by a young man who has no intention of marrying her once it's evident that she's pregnant.
Agnes is asked to leave her housemaid job and finds sanctuary in a nearby village. Even though her "traveling husband" is barely around, she eventually makes a home for him and their two daughters. Her determination to survive pushes her forward in life.
When tragedy strikes on all fronts, Agnes is forced to send the girls to school while she takes a job as a nursemaid to the infant daughter of the manor's Lord and Lady. The child's name is Elfida. Everyone calls her Ella.
Agnes develops a sweet bond with Ella and treats the young girl as her own. She raises Ella to be kind, gentle and full of compassion. Sadly, after Ella's mother suddenly dies, her father checks out from life and Agnes is left running the household, as well as raising the Lord's daughter. It only makes sense for the two to eventually marry. Agnes doesn't want to be a spinster. The Lord doesn't want to raise a young girl on his own. With Ella already attached to Agnes, the union seems logical.
After they marry, Agnes brings her daughters back to live at the manor. Ella is threatened by the unique bond between Agnes and her other daughters. She broods in the attic, befriends rodents and whines when Agnes suggests that Ella isn't grateful for all her father has given their family. As punishment, Agnes makes her do laundry for an entire day. Soon after, rumors begin to swirl that Agnes forces Ella to live in the attic and do the cleaning for the entire manor. What's worse is that Agnes has refused to let Ella go to the king's ball.
Recommended Stories For You
"All the Ever Afters" provides a unique view of Ella's circumstances and how the young girl was far from perfect. Readers will feel empathy for Agnes, consider various misunderstandings and think twice before labeling her as wicked.
Review: Author unravels new view of Cinderella story
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This cover image released by William Morrow shows "All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother," by Danielle Teller. (William Morrow via AP)
This cover image released by William Morrow shows "All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother," by Danielle Teller. (William Morrow via AP)
The Associated Press
The Associated Press
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Tuesday, May 22, 2018, 6:15 AM
"All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother" (William Morrow), by Danielle Teller
Have you ever considered the beloved fairy tale of Cinderella from the perspective of the evil stepmother? What if she wasn't wicked at all, but a loving woman who cared deeply for all of her children? Danielle Teller's debut novel, "All the Ever Afters: The Untold Story of Cinderella's Stepmother," answers this question with a fascinating reimagining of the original tale.
Before Agnes was an "evil" stepmother, she was a laundry girl and a housemaid. Agnes is strong, independent and a hard worker, but that doesn't stop her from being seduced by a young man who has no intention of marrying her once it's evident that she's pregnant.
Agnes is asked to leave her housemaid job and finds sanctuary in a nearby village. Even though her "traveling husband" is barely around, she eventually makes a home for him and their two daughters. Her determination to survive pushes her forward in life.
When tragedy strikes on all fronts, Agnes is forced to send the girls to school while she takes a job as a nursemaid to the infant daughter of the manor's Lord and Lady. The child's name is Elfida. Everyone calls her Ella.
Agnes develops a sweet bond with Ella and treats the young girl as her own. She raises Ella to be kind, gentle and full of compassion. Sadly, after Ella's mother suddenly dies, her father checks out from life and Agnes is left running the household, as well as raising the Lord's daughter. It only makes sense for the two to eventually marry. Agnes doesn't want to be a spinster. The Lord doesn't want to raise a young girl on his own. With Ella already attached to Agnes, the union seems logical.
After they marry, Agnes brings her daughters back to live at the manor. Ella is threatened by the unique bond between Agnes and her other daughters. She broods in the attic, befriends rodents and whines when Agnes suggests that Ella isn't grateful for all her father has given their family. As punishment, Agnes makes her do laundry for an entire day. Soon after, rumors begin to swirl that Agnes forces Ella to live in the attic and do the cleaning for the entire manor. What's worse is that Agnes has refused to let Ella go to the king's ball.
"All the Ever Afters" provides a unique view of Ella's circumstances and how the young girl was far from perfect. Readers will feel empathy for Agnes, consider various misunderstandings and think twice before labeling her as wicked.
___
Online:
http://danielleteller.com/
Copyright 2017 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
ew version: “All the Ever Afters,” by Danielle Teller (William Morrow, May 22)
We can’t resist the idea of a person raised from obscurity and ashes into royalty and glitter. But wait: The subtitle of Danielle Teller’s new novel is “The Untold Story of Cinderella’s Stepmother.” The game’s afoot! Agnes, as Teller names her protagonist, has quite a different tale from her little stepdaughter, Ella. Having escaped peasant obscurity, Agnes fights adversities that threaten to send her back to poverty. As in the best literary inversions (e.g., Gregory Maguire’s “Wicked”), Teller demonstrates the flaws and fine points of characters on both sides.