Project and content management for Contemporary Authors volumes
WORK TITLE: Rethinking Sexuality
WORK NOTES:
PSEUDONYM(S):
BIRTHDATE: 9/14/1969
WEBSITE: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/
CITY: Colorado Springs
STATE: CO
COUNTRY: United States
NATIONALITY: American
RESEARCHER NOTES:
| LC control no.: | n 2001097066 |
|---|---|
| LCCN Permalink: | https://lccn.loc.gov/n2001097066 |
| HEADING: | Slattery, Julianna, 1969- |
| 000 | 00507cz a2200145n 450 |
| 001 | 5349283 |
| 005 | 20140307211337.0 |
| 008 | 010413n| azannaabn a aaa |
| 010 | __ |a n 2001097066 |
| 040 | __ |a DLC |b eng |e rda |c DLC |d DLC |
| 046 | __ |f 19690914 |
| 100 | 1_ |a Slattery, Julianna, |d 1969- |
| 400 | 1_ |a Slattery, Juli, |d 1969- |
| 670 | __ |a Finding the hero in your husband, 2001: |b CIP t.p. (Julianna Slattery, Psy.D.) data sheet (b. 14 Sept. 1969) |
| 953 | __ |a Pulling back the shades, 2001: |b E-Cip t.p. (Dr. Juli Slattery) |
PERSONAL
Born September 14, 1969; married; husband’s name Mike, 1994; children: three sons.
EDUCATION:Wheaton College, graduated; Biola University, M.A.; Florida Institute of Technology, M.S., doctorate.
ADDRESS
CAREER
Psychologist, writer, entrepreneur, and speaker. Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO, writer, teacher, cohost of Daly Focus on the Family program; Authentic Intimacy, Colorado Springs, CO, founder. Host of the podcast, Java with Juli. Member of board of trustees for Moody Bible Institute.
WRITINGS
SIDELIGHTS
Juli Slattery is a writer, entrepreneur, psychologist, and speaker. She holds degrees from Wheaton College, Biola University, and the Florida Institute of Technology. Slattery worked for the Christian media company, Focus on the Family, where she served in a variety of roles, including teacher, writer, and cohost of the Daly Focus on the Family program. She left the company to found her own organization, Authentic Intimacy, through which she advocates for Christian values in relation to sexuality. Slattery also hosts a podcast called Java with Juli and serves of the board of trustees at the Moody Bible Institute.
Finding the Hero in Your Husband and No More Headaches
In 2001, Slattery released her first book, Finding the Hero in Your Husband: Surrendering the Way God Intended. In this volume, she examines the power dynamic within marriage. Slattery also comments on the Bible’s teachings on how husbands and wives should interact. “This isn’t your typical ‘wives, submit to your husbands’ book,” suggested a reviewer in Today’s Christian Woman.
In No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex and Intimacy in Marriage, Slattery acknowledges the difficulties that women face when trying to maintain a healthy sex life with their husbands. Raising children can be exhausting, accepting changes in one’s body due to aging can be challenging, and understanding men’s methods of communication can be confusing. She offers tips on how to navigate each of these issues, in an effort to help readers reignite the passion in their marriages. Deborah Bigelow, contributor to Library Journal, offered a favorable review of Slattery’s book, stating: “Her light doses of humor and honesty pull the reader along.”
Pulling Back the Shades
Slattery collaborated with Dannah Gresh to write the 2014 book, Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart. This volume is a Christian response to the bestselling book, Fifty Shades of Grey, which depicts a BDSM relationship. They criticize elements of the book and offer Christian alternatives for sexual behavior in relationships.
Hannah Ettinger offered a lengthy assessment of Pulling Back the Shades on the Patheos Friendly Atheist website. Ettinger commented: “The advent of Fifty Shades of Grey has brought the national awareness of erotica to a peak that has provoked these Christian purity teachers to give their response. The problem is, one of them hasn’t even read the book series—Gresh admits this up front.” Ettinger continued: “This book fails to do what it should, which puts it on par with every other Christian book I’ve ever read that focuses on relationships or sexuality. The intended message of ‘You are sexual and that’s good! And beautiful! And part of God’s plan for you! Enjoy it well!’ gets utterly and completely drowned out in a downpour of repression- and shame-driven caveats and conditions.” Ettinger added: “Gresh and Slattery desperately want to encourage healthy sexual freedom, but they don’t seem to know what it is well enough to articulate it. The first and biggest problem with this book is the fact that they never, ever discuss the concept of consent.” Ettinger concluded: “If this is all the church has to offer on healthy expression and exploration of female sexuality, no wonder they’re so worried that Christian women will be running out to buy Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Twenty-five Questions You're Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy and Rethinking Sexuality
In Twenty-five Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy, Slattery addresses various topics of concern regarding intimacy. Among them are pornography, homosexuality, sex drive, and infidelity. The book is geared toward women who are single. A writer on the Tidbits of Experience website described the volume as “a delight to read” and asserted: “Read this book filled with valuable advice. This book is one that every person should read.” Emily Massey, reviewer on the iBelieve website, suggested: “Dr. Juli is a strong Biblical voice that is speaking up, longing to see healing come to the Bride of Christ, who has embraced worldly ideologies regarding sexuality or has simply just remained silent on the topic.” Massey added: “The truth of the Word of God is the best compass and Twenty-five Questions is full of that beautiful, scriptural truth.”
Slattery again discusses intimacy in her 2018 book, Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters. In this book, she suggests that the Christian church has gone too far in its acceptance of current sexual behavior and gender issues. Slattery underscores the belief that sex should only exist within the bounds of a marriage between a man and a woman. She encourages Christian women to be more open about sex and intimacy, which would lead to healing from sexual trauma. A Publishers Weekly critic commented: “This book will appeal to straight and cisgender evangelical Christians looking for ways to navigate contemporary sexual mores.” “Rethinking Sexuality offers provocative material for discussion,” asserted Eric Black on the Baptist Standard website.
BIOCRIT
PERIODICALS
Library Journal, July 1, 2009, Deborah Bigelow, review of No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex and Intimacy in Marriage, p. 113.
Publishers Weekly, May 14, 2018, review of Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters, p. 52.
Today’s Christian Woman, November-December, 2001, review of Finding the Hero in Your Husband: Surrendering the Way God Intended, p. 103; September-October, 2009, Raelynn Eickhoff, review of No More Headaches, p. 15.
ONLINE
Authentic Intimacy, https://www.authenticintimacy.com/ (October 16, 2018), author profile.
Baptist Standard, https://www.baptiststandard.com/ (September 6, 2018), Eric Black, review of Rethinking Sexuality.
Boundless, https://www.boundless.org/ (October 16, 2018), author profile.
Eternal Leadership, https://eternalleadership.com/ (October 16, 2018), author profile.
iBelieve, https://www.ibelieve.com/ (October 12, 2015), Emily Massey, review of Twenty-five Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy.
Patheos Friendly Atheist, http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/ (July 31, 2014), Hannah Ettinger, review of Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart.
Start Marriage Right, http://www.startmarriageright.com/ (October 16, 2018), author profile.
Tidbits of Experience, https://www.tidbitsofexperience.com/ (November 15, 2015), review of Twenty-five Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy.
Today’s Christian Woman, https://www.todayschristianwoman.com/ (October 16, 2018), author profile.
Dr. Juli Slattery
Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy. Juli earned her college degree at Wheaton College, an MA in psychology from Biola University, an MS and a Doctorate degree in Clinical Psychology from Florida Institute of Technology.
From 2008-2012, Dr. Slattery served at Focus on the Family writing, teaching, and co-hosting the Daly Focus on the Family broadcast. In 2012, she left Focus on the Family to start Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for intimacy.
Juli is the author of ten books, the host of the weekly podcast “Java with Juli” and a member of the board of trustees for Moody Bible Institute. Juli and her husband Mike are the parents of 3 sons; they live in Akron, Ohio.
Do you have a question for Juli? Check out our FAQ page.
“I love my job at Authentic Intimacy because it is God’s call on my life for this season. Everywhere I look, I see lives ruined by unfulfilled promises of love and sexual brokenness. God is able to redeem our pain and restore us to wholeness when we seek His truth and healing. It all begins with authentically knowing and trusting God. Through this ministry, God is redeeming women’s lives and marriages with His truth. What could be more exciting than that?” - Juli
Juli Slattery
Regular Contributor
Juli Slattery
Dr. Juli Slattery is a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker and broadcast media professional. She's the president and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy. She hosts Java With Juli on Moody Radio, where she answers tough questions about relationships, marriage, spiritual, emotional and sexual intimacy. Juli's books include Passion Pursuit, Finding the Hero in Your Husband, No More Headaches, and Guilt-Free Motherhood. She and her husband, Mike, have been married since 1994 and have three children.
Staff:Advisors:
BIO
Dr. Juli Slattery is the president co-founder of Authentic Intimacy.
She’s a widely known clinical psychologist, author, and broadcast media professional, with a weekly radio program called Java with Juli. Juli’s commitment to biblical principles, relatable style, and quick wit have made her a highly sought-after speaker. She currently sits on the board of trustees for Moody Bible Institute.
Juli and her husband Mike have been married for 20 years, and are raising their three boys in Colorado Springs; where Juli can be found playing in the mountains and trying to manage her addiction to soy lattes.
Juli Slattery
Dr. Juli Slattery is a recognized expert in the integration of biblical truth and sexuality. She is a clinical psychologist, author, and speaker, with over 25 years of experience counseling and teaching women. The former co-host of the Focus on the Family Broadcast, Dr. Slattery co-founded Authentic Intimacy with Linda Dillow in 2012. She hosts a weekly podcast called “Java with Juli” and has authored 10 books including “Sex and the Single Girl” and “Rethinking Sexuality.”https://www.boundless.org/people/slattery-juli/
Dr. Juli Slattery is a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker and broadcast media professional. Her relatable style, commitment to biblical principles, and quick wit have made her a highly sought-after speaker and just enjoyable to be around. Juli is the co-founder of Authentic Intimacy and has written many books, including Finding the Hero In Your Husband, No More Headaches, Beyond the Masquerade, and her newest addition: Passion Pursuit-- A Bible study on sexual intimacy! She and her husband Mike have been married for 19 years. They are raising their three boys in Colorado Springs where Juli can be found playing in the mountains and trying to manage her addiction to soy lattes.
QUOTED: "This book will appeal to straight and cisgender evangelical Christians looking for ways to navigate contemporary sexual mores."
Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters
Publishers Weekly.
265.20 (May 14, 2018): p52+. From Book Review Index Plus. COPYRIGHT 2018 PWxyz, LLC http://www.publishersweekly.com/
Full Text:
Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters
Juli Slattery. Moltnomah, $15.99 trade paper (224) ISBN 978-0-7352-9147-8
In this devout evangelical Christian spin on sexuality, psychologist Slattery advocates that readers take up "sexual discipleship," though her arguments aren't always effective. Slattery contends that the secular world has "discipled" people (including Christians) around certain problematic views, attitudes, and ideas about sexuality--elevating the physical above the emotional and spiritual--and that the Christian church has sometimes facilitated this process. To buck this trend, she wants readers not to be bashful talking about sex, but instead to turn to God, Jesus, and biblical wisdom in order to let go of destructive sexual shame, especially within marriage. Employing language that will appeal to a conservative evangelical audience, Slattery sees her effort as a battle on the part of Christians: "Human sexuality is a holy masterpiece infused with spiritual significance, a masterpiece that is constantly under attack in the spiritual realms." She is sincere in her desire to open the door to honest conversation about sex within Christianity and especially within Christian marriages--yet she does so with intolerance toward the LGBTQ community, advocating for "grace" but reinforcing viewpoints (such as her belief that "everyone is sexually broken") that foster shame and destructive attitudes. This book will appeal to straight and cisgender evangelical Christians looking for ways to navigate contemporary sexual mores. (July)
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters." Publishers Weekly, 14 May 2018, p.
52+. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A539387467 /GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS&xid=f3203ea6. Accessed 28 Sept. 2018.
1 of 6 9/28/18, 12:02 AM
http://go.galegroup.com/ps/marklist.do?actionCmd=GET_MA...
Gale Document Number: GALE|A539387467
QUOTED: "This isn't your typical 'wives, submit to your husbands' book."
2 of 6 9/28/18, 12:02 AM
http://go.galegroup.com/ps/marklist.do?actionCmd=GET_MA...
Finding the hero in your husband. (books)
Today's Christian Woman.
23.6 (November-December 2001): p103. From Book Review Index Plus. COPYRIGHT 2001 Christianity Today, Inc. http://www.todayschristianwoman.com
Full Text:
Finding the Hero in Your Husband by Julianna Slattery ($13, Health Communications, Inc.). This isn't your typical "wives, submit to your husbands" book. While Finding the Hero in Your Husband is about surrendering, it's not about relinquishing your influence. Psychologist and author Dr. Julianna Slattery asserts every woman has tremendous power over her husband--and she has the ability to empower him without sacrificing her value or dignity in the process. By learning to let go of your marital disappointments and courageously offering your husband your love, belief, and a positive perspective, you can discover the hero in your hubby, honor God, and produce a strong, fulfilling marriage.
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"Finding the hero in your husband. (books)." Today's Christian Woman, Nov.-Dec. 2001, p. 103.
Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A80066001/GPS?u=schlager& sid=GPS&xid=bd914075. Accessed 28 Sept. 2018.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A80066001
3 of 6 9/28/18, 12:02 AM
http://go.galegroup.com/ps/marklist.do?actionCmd=GET_MA...
No More Headaches
Raelynn Eickhoff
Today's Christian Woman.
31.5 (September-October 2009): p15. From Book Review Index Plus. COPYRIGHT 2009 Christianity Today, Inc. http://www.todayschristianwoman.com
Full Text:
No More Headaches by Dr. Julianna Slattery (Tyndale House). In this "ladies-only" sex guide, Slattery uses her expertise as a psychologist to tackle the intimate bedroom issues many couples have. Covering topics from boredom, guilt, and body image, she helps us confront the lies we believe that rob us of the special girt God gave us in marital sex. A Q & A section tackles some of women's most common concerns regarding sexual intimacy, including loss of sex drive and how to handle a spouse's use of pornography.
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
Eickhoff, Raelynn
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Eickhoff, Raelynn. "No More Headaches." Today's Christian Woman, Sept.-Oct. 2009, p. 15.
Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A207779813 /GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS&xid=5fab6ede. Accessed 28 Sept. 2018.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A207779813
QUOTED: "Her light doses of humor and honesty pull the reader along."
4 of 6 9/28/18, 12:02 AM
http://go.galegroup.com/ps/marklist.do?actionCmd=GET_MA...
Slattery, Julianna. No More
Headaches: Enjoying Sex and
Intimacy in Marriage
Deborah Bigelow
Library Journal.
134.12 (July 1, 2009): p113. From Book Review Index Plus.
COPYRIGHT 2009 Library Journals, LLC. A wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.
http://www.libraryjournal.com/
Full Text:
Slattery, Julianna. No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex and Intimacy in Marriage. Focus On the Family. Aug. 2009. c.208p. ISBN 978-1-58997-538-5. pap. $13.99.
Wilson, Barbara. Kiss Me Again: Restoring Lost Intimacy in Marriage. Multnomah. Sept. 2009. c.224p. ISBN 978-1-60142-158-6. pap. $13.99. SELF-HELP
Psychologist Slattery (Beyond the Masquerade) and Wilson (The Invisible Bond: How To Break Free from Your Sexual Past) both write from an evangelical Christian viewpoint in encouraging women to enjoy sex within marriage. Slattery takes a comprehensive approach to reigniting sexuality, discussing gender differences, body image, and the exhaustion of having young children. Her light doses of humor and honesty pull the reader along.
Wilson comes from a rehabilitative stance, helping readers overcome past mistakes and trauma to re-create loving relationships. She includes journaling exercises, husband/wife discussion questions, and a ten-week study guide. Both authors interweave their text with Bible verses and references to being the woman God wants one to be. While both books would circulate well in Christian communities, Slattery's would be slightly more accessible to women of other faiths.
By Deborah Bigelow, Director, Leonia P.L., NJ Bigelow, Deborah
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Bigelow, Deborah. "Slattery, Julianna. No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex and Intimacy in
Marriage." Library Journal, 1 July 2009, p. 113. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A203659719/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS& xid=7dd94831. Accessed 28 Sept. 2018.
5 of 6 9/28/18, 12:02 AM
http://go.galegroup.com/ps/marklist.do?actionCmd=GET_MA...
Gale Document Number: GALE|A203659719
6 of 6 9/28/18, 12:02 AM
QUOTED: "Rethinking Sexuality offers provocative material for discussion."
Review: Rethinking Sexuality
September 6, 2018
Editor Eric Black reviews "Rethinking Sexuality" by Juli Slattery.
Eric Black Eric Black / Editor
Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why it Matters
By Juli Slattery (Multnomah)
Rethinking Sexuality may suggest a reinterpretation of the traditional view of sexuality, although the publisher’s name should tip readers to the author’s traditional stance. By rethinking, Slattery means to call readers out of hiding and into addressing head-on the varied issues of sexuality.
Slattery addresses the shame, hurt and confusion of sexuality experienced by many people, along with our tendency to hide sexual temptation and sin. She proposes a new concept she calls “sexual discipleship,” or forming our sexuality around our relationship with God.
According to Slattery, the majority of Christians function as “sexual atheists,” not realizing God created desire as a means to draw us into covenant relationship with God. In response, she develops a theology of sex grounded in God as Creator and Jesus as Lord of our total being, including our sexuality.
The last third of the book explains how to live one’s sexual discipleship in what Slattery calls “missional relationships,” or intentionally engaging in people’s lives for the purpose of being used by God to bring hope to hurting people. These relationships require caring for people in conflicted situations while simultaneously communicating biblical teachings to people seeking hope in the midst of pain.
Rethinking Sexuality offers provocative material for discussion.
Eric Black, executive director/editor/publisher
Baptist Standard
Tags: Resources
Care to comment? Send an email to Eric Black, our editor. Maximum length for publication is 250 words.
QUOTED: "the advent of Fifty Shades of Grey has brought the national awareness of erotica to a peak that has provoked these Christian purity teachers to give their response. The problem is, one of them hasn’t even read the book series—Gresh admits this up front."
"This book fails to do what it should, which puts it on par with every other Christian book I’ve ever read that focuses on relationships or sexuality. The intended message of 'You are sexual and that’s good! And beautiful! And part of God’s plan for you! Enjoy it well!' gets utterly and completely drowned out in a downpour of repression- and shame-driven caveats and conditions."
"Gresh and Slattery desperately want to encourage healthy sexual freedom, but they don’t seem to know what it is well enough to articulate it. The first and biggest problem with this book is the fact that they never, ever discuss the concept of consent."
"If this is all the church has to offer on healthy expression and exploration of female sexuality, no wonder they’re so worried that Christian women will be running out to buy Fifty Shades of Grey."
A Christian Response to Fifty Shades of Grey: Reviewing Pulling Back the Shades by Dannah Gresh & Dr. Juli Slattery
By Hännah Ettinger
July 31, 2014
The trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey is out, and at my day job as a bookseller (all opinions are mine, not my employer’s, etc), I’ve seen more copies of that book go across the checkout desks this past week than I’d like to admit. It’s having a surge in popularity and people are eagerly anticipating the Valentine’s Day 2015 release of the film.
PzDaqtM
I tried to read the series when it first came out and made waves, but I couldn’t get past the first half of the first book, in which logic and consent disappear in favor of all manner of impossible things before breakfast and abuse grooming techniques. There is very little in the plot’s setup that makes sense, and there is even less that is representative of a safe, ethical, average BDSM relationship.
But there are better places to go for reviews of the controversial series. I’m here to review a book that takes on the idea of erotica from a mainstream evangelical Christian perspective.
FQZMdbS
Pulling Back the Shades is written by Secret Keeper Girl founder and purity culture expert Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery, a Christian psychologist with close ties to Focus on the Family. It’s the Christian purity thought leaders’ response to mommy porn, and they have a lot to say.
I’ve tussled with Gresh on purity culture before, and I generally dislike her approach, though she and I have talked and I think she’s warm and personable and a good listener in person. But she happens to be of that stripe of evangelical Christian who seeks to empower women by making them aware of the male gaze to push them to live according to the terms of complementarian gender roles. In this philosophy of gender, women are to own their wholeness as human beings by being sexual only inside of a cis-normative, gender binary, Christian marriage. Complementarian women are encouraged to leave their sexual power at home, in the bedroom, and not to pose a threat to the patriarchal structure of engaging socially only as supporters, nurturers, and encouragers, rather than as thinkers, leaders, innovators, and creators.
I’m less familiar with Dr. Slattery, but she presumably keeps ideological company with the complementarians as well.
The premise of their book is simple: Evangelical Christians believe that all areas of life can and should be subject to ethical scrutiny on the basis of whether or not a thing is biblical or godly, and the advent of Fifty Shades of Grey has brought the national awareness of erotica to a peak that has provoked these Christian purity teachers to give their response.
The problem is, one of them hasn’t even read the book series — Gresh admits this up front. Slattery has read the books, but their response is unanimous: they condemn the series and erotica in general as bad for Christian women.
However, they still want to encourage Christian women in (what they deem to be) healthy sexual expression, so they spend the rest of the 171-page book trying to explain, without much detail, how this can be done.
This book fails to do what it should, which puts it on par with every other Christian book I’ve ever read that focuses on relationships or sexuality. The intended message of “You are sexual and that’s good! And beautiful! And part of God’s plan for you! Enjoy it well!” gets utterly and completely drowned out in a downpour of repression- and shame-driven caveats and conditions.
I have so many problems with the culture of shame created by the Western evangelical church around the human body, and this is one of the biggest places where it’s evident. Gresh and Slattery desperately want to encourage healthy sexual freedom, but they don’t seem to know what it is well enough to articulate it.
The first and biggest problem with this book is the fact that they never, ever discuss the concept of consent — an idea that is the basis of all ethical sexual expression and one that should be taught in the church (and never or rarely is). As far as I can deduce, consent is understood by them to be a constant state, conferred on the partners by the condition of marriage. This leaves the door wide open for pretending that marital rape doesn’t ever occur — an issue that should be addressed swiftly, especially since they’re supposedly responding to and critiquing what they see as deviant sexual behavior. But consent and rape are never mentioned, except in one case, in a testimony of a woman was raped by her guardian when she was a minor.
They also don’t seem to know what exactly erotica is. Slattery defines erotica as “[fiction that] uses fantasy ultimately to promote deception — to make you believe you can have everything you’ve ever longed for.” They then proceed to illustrate this point by listing all the irrational or impossible things that occur to Anastasia during the course of the Fifty Shades series. This makes zero sense. Erotica isn’t an exercise in impossibility for the sake of self-deception and escape (though the worst of the genre sometimes tries to do only this); erotica, at its core, is designed to entertain and arouse, ideally in a way that allows the reader to explore his or her sexual desires without acting on them. It’s the safest form of sexual self-exploration.
But in the biblical world of Gresh and Slattery, arousal caused by someone or something other than your spouse is a form of cheating, and so erotica (and porn) are illicit pleasures tantamount to adultery.
All throughout the book there are little snippets of stories told to the authors by women in the church, and most of them express that a) erotica is addictive, and b) addiction to erotica ruined the life of the storyteller.
One such testimony opens:
“I am single and erotica has ruined my life. I have been addicted for ten years and I am only twenty-five.”
Slattery comments:
“I believe this genre of literature… are very spiritual books with an aggressive spiritual agenda… These books take you on a journey that has a spiritual impact and an intended spiritual destination: destruction.“
This. This is why the book fails later on when the authors try to encourage healthy sexual expression for their readers. They premise their whole approach on the assumption that anything not firmly grounded in reality and tied to the keeping of the marriage vows is something that Satan is going to use to destroy you. Beyond the whole silly use of the slippery slope fallacy here, this approach is centered on fear of unrepressed female sexuality. A woman fully alive to her own body and sexual needs and desires is something they believe to be inherently dangerous. That’s why dancing along the edge of it is hazardous; you’re inevitably going to fall in and be unreachably far into dirtiness and sin.
Pursuing sexual awareness for a woman, they say, is creating an “emotional land mine in the bedroom” — which is to say, to have a woman be anything other than utterly dependent on her husband for arousal and appreciation of her sexuality is setting herself up for the end of her marriage. In other words, don’t even think about appreciating or enjoying sex apart from your husband since good complementarian women aren’t supposed to be sexual unless he’s right there beside you.
This brings me to a pervasive problem in Christian relationship books aimed at women: the assumption that female sexuality begins with the initiation of a woman into the world of male sexuality. This can be through abuse, rape, regretful premarital sex, or happy married sex, but it always starts and ends with a penis. This gets taken to such an extreme that even masturbation is condemned if it uses any sort of imagination or fantasy to speed things along — that would be making oneself dependent on a man other than your husband, even if he’s fictional. Which would be cheating, and a misuse of sex (by their definition of the act).
Gresh is known for her interpretation of the Hebrew references to sex in the Old Testament (yada, according to her) as “to know, to be deeply respected,” and she explains that this is a sign of how sex was intended by God for marriage, where you can have that sort of intimate knowledge of your partner. She further asserts that sex always transcends the physical act, which is how she explains that cheating is wrong (again: no mention of consent here) and why she believes that no-strings-attached sexual encounters are also wrong.
She concludes this little explanation by saying:
“Erotica places undue emphasis on the physical and disables your ability to connect emotionally.”
I find this hard to believe, seeing as erotica is entirely based on the imaginative capabilities of a sexual human being to use fantasy for arousal, and doesn’t require anything physical at all. The focus in the fantasy, I agree, is physical rather than emotional, but can’t it also follow that heightened sexual awareness can help improve intimacy in the bedroom and increase emotional connection during sex? I suspect that Slattery and Gresh both have trouble connecting their own experiences of moments where they owned their sexuality to themselves as whole human beings in positive ways. The over-emphasis on the spiritual and intellectual understandings of sexuality leave the physical out in the cold in a very Gnostic, dualistic sort of way.
Gresh brings this split out further in a later chapter, where she tells a story from her marriage where she considered herself to be owning her sexuality in her marriage in a positive way: one evening, she wore a somewhat sheer black top to the dinner table on a night when she and her husband were dining alone by candlelight. He checked her out across the table, and she congratulated herself and felt empowered. Essentially, she was exploring her ability to perform for her small audience’s male gaze and felt good about her success in catching his eye.
But again, this is about him and his arousal and her sexuality is entirely defined in reaction to or performing for his sexuality. He is the fixed point and she orbits him. It’s as if she has no sexuality outside of him, and while she is quite articulate about how women should not be ashamed of their bodies when they are with their husbands, she shows little capability of being aware of herself as a sexual being independent of her sexual relationship with her husband.
This is not a critique of Gresh or Slattery as individuals. Their stories happen to be very common, compared with the many I have heard and witnessed in my years in the church. Evangelical American Christians don’t have a framework for female sexuality that doesn’t start and stop with a husband’s penis. And I think this is ultimately why erotica is seen as a threat: it’s a primarily female-focused genre, and it explores female sexual pleasure in ways that are infrequently seen in our society. A good erotic fiction piece is a sexual outlet for a woman that requires no permission, no help, and no penis.
I wish I had space to go through this book chapter by chapter and show you the shocking things they say, how dismissive they are about therapy (Jesus fixes everything!), how abuse is something to be overcome, how evil and scary BDSM is (they have no idea how it works), and how submission (a joke, ha!) should be done.
If this is all the church has to offer on healthy expression and exploration of female sexuality, no wonder they’re so worried that Christian women will be running out to buy Fifty Shades of Grey. I wouldn’t blame them, though I might recommend they try reading Anais Nin instead.
QUOTED: "a delight to read."
"Read this book filled with valuable advice. This book is one that every person should read."
25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask …
Crystal | 11/15/2015
25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask... Review Marriage, Sex, Teaching Teens About Sex, Sex and Marriage
If you’ve read my blog for ANY period of time, then you know that sex and marriage is a topic near and dear to my heart due to my past. I’m an advocate for keeping the marriage bed full of passion and love. However, having a proper love life actually starts with the decisions you make when you’re dating someone whether you’re a teenager or an adult in the dating field again. I had the pleasure of reviewing 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery.
About 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy
From the Ashley Madison scandal to Bruce Jenner and the implications of the SCOTUS decision, stories of sexual exploitation, infidelity and controversy regularly find their way in today’s headlines. Yet most Christians feel ill-equipped to answer questions about sexuality in their own lives, let alone those prompted by cultural changes. The church is often silent on sexuality, leaving women to work through these issues alone or prompting them to buy into cultural assumptions.
In 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask, Slattery discusses what she calls sexual discipleship, explaining the importance of integrating our understanding about sex with the rest of who we are as Christ-followers, and being willing to yield this vulnerable area of life completely to the Lord. With this foundation, she shares the most common questions women have about sexuality, exploring areas such as the sex drive of men, boundaries in marriage, mommy porn, infidelity, conflict, temptation, shame, sexual apathy, busyness, homosexuality, forgiveness, and more. She also addresses topics specific to single women, such as how far is too far, how to know if he’s the “one,” should you live together first, and why you can be single and sexual.
25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask... Review Marriage, Sex, Teaching Teens About Sex, Sex and Marriage
My Review
I found this book to be a delight to read. Everywhere I turn, I see people encouraging everyone that it’s perfectly okay to have physical relations with all kinds of people without there being repercussions for our actions. The sad FACT is there are major side effects from doing it.
The harsh reality is while you’re in the midst of indulging in those activities you won’t see the problem. All you see is the instant pleasure and satisfaction of taking care of an urge. Your relationship may even feel stronger as a result.
As a woman who has lived a very sexual life throughout my teen years and even in part of my twenties I know firsthand how wrong I was! I have lived through the repercussions of my poor choices. It has caused damage in my marriages in more ways than one.
I could honestly say a lot more on this very topic. I have throughout the course of my blog, but I truly want you to read this book filled with valuable advice. This book is one that every person should read. I also feel that parents should read it to help answer their teens questions. It’s a book that teenagers can read and receive valuable guidance.
The reality is we as a nation need to stop the ever growing trend that sex outside of marriage is something that is acceptable. Sex is meant to be something enjoyed within the confines of a HUSBAND and WIFE relationship. Having sex with one partner for the rest of your life isn’t always easy or a bed of roses. However, knowing that they are your other half and with you until the day you die changes the dynamics of a sexual relationship. The beauty of a love making within a marital relationship is that together you can make it all you both long for it to be.
Enter to Win 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask
One lucky reader who is over 18 living in US or Canada will win a copy of this book. In order to win, you just have to fill out the Giveaway Tools form completely. The winner must respond to winning notification email within 48 hours with the required information.
25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask Book
Entries: 108
This giveaway has ended.
A winner will be announced soon.
Meet Juli Slattery
25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask... Review Marriage, Sex, Teaching Teens About Sex, Sex and Marriage Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, an international nonprofit designed to minister to women on topics of intimacy. Juli served as the co-host of the Focus on the Family broadcast and is the host of Java with Juli, a broadcast and podcast in affiliation with Moody Radio. Juli has appeared in USA Today, the New York Times, Fox News, and on radio networks throughout the world. Her heart is to help women find healing and fulfillment in their quest for true intimacy. Juli loves speaking to women about how God’s truth speaks into the sensitive realities of life. Juli has written numerous books including Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart (co-authored with Dannah Gresh), Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making? (co-authored with Linda Dillow), No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex & Intimacy in Marriage, Beyond the Masquerade: Unveiling the Authentic You, Finding the Hero in Your Husband: Surrendering the Way God Intended, Guilt-Free Motherhood: Parenting with Godly Wisdom, and her latest, 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Juli and her husband, Mike, have been married for 20 years and are raising their three teen boys in Colorado Springs. You can often find Juli climbing mountains while managing her addiction to soy lattes.
What are your thoughts on this topic?
mm
Crystal
I’m an SC wife and homeschooling mother to three kids and a dog. My family loves to share our life experiences with you one blog post at a time at Tidbits of Experience so that you can make the most of yours. We enjoy telling you about products and services that will make your life better in some way.
QUOTED: "Dr. Juli is a strong Biblical voice that is speaking up, longing to see healing come to the Bride of Christ, who has embraced worldly ideologies regarding sexuality or has simply just remained silent on the topic."
"The truth of the Word of God is the best compass and Twenty-five Questions is full of that beautiful, scriptural truth."
25 QUESTIONS YOU'RE AFRAID TO ASK ABOUT LOVE, SEX, AND INTIMACY- A Review
Emily Massey
Emily Massey
RSS this blog Archives Contributors
Emily began writing short stories and poetry as a little girl, entered the blogging world in her early 20's, and recently released her first book, Yielded in His Hands (eLectio Publishing). She enjoys being a stay-at-home momma while still being able to freelance write. Believing she has been forgiven of much, she loves much, and desires to point others to Christ and His redemptive and transforming power. If you would like to connect with Emily or learn more about her book, you can visit her website: www.emilyrosemassey.com
2015 Oct 12
COMMENTS 0
25 questions book, Authentic Intimacy, book review, launch team, sex, love, intimacy, God's design, truth
God’s love is limitless, but it does have boundaries. His compassion never cancels out His truth and holiness. -Dr. Juli Slattery, author, radio show host, and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy
This quote from Dr. Slattery stands firm as the backbone of her newest book, 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy .
25 Questions speaks the truth of God’s Word regarding the Biblical definition of sexuality, marriage, and walking in love with utter boldness and without any trace of compromise- a quality I admire greatly, especially in this day we live in.
This book is written specifically for women of all ages and all backgrounds, but the message is crystal-clear, God (who is love- 1 John 4:8) is the author of our sexuality.
The world is not afraid to speak its mind regarding this topic, with its message of “Do whatever makes you happy!” and Dr. Juli is not timid nor afraid to challenge this mindset with her expertise in psychology as well as the ultimate Truth, the Bible.
Because sexuality is such a widely controversial topic in the Church, I’m thrilled that Dr. Juli is a strong Biblical voice that is speaking up, longing to see healing come to the Bride of Christ, who has embraced worldly ideologies regarding sexuality or has simply just remained silent on the topic.
The book is separated into 25 chapters (obviously) that each pose a common question that Dr. Slattery has heard over the years during her involvement in ministry and counseling. The reader can either read from cover to cover (like I did) or they can skim the text for a chapter that might pertain to an issue they have dealt with or are currently struggling to understand more about.
As a member of the 25 Questions Book Launch Team, I had the honor and privilege of sitting in on a live webinar with Dr. Slattery a couple weeks ago. She explained the heart behind the book and referenced 25 Questions as “Cliff’s Notes” on God’s truth on love, sex, and intimacy- making the information very accessible and a quick reference guide for those who have questions about sexuality.
For me, my favorite chapters centered around the purpose for our sexuality and why God made us sexual creatures. Just like marriage reflects Jesus’ union with the Church, sex and intimacy reflect our relationship with the Father.
Sex and intimacy in marriage (which are all celebrated together in such beautiful harmony for a purpose) are what we get to experience in the natural while we are here on earth. It is pleasure that those who are in a Biblical marriage get to enjoy, and God made it that way!
That kind of pleasure is represented spiritually as well- God wants us to experience His love and a deep, intimate relationship with Him, just like a husband and wife get to encounter in their marriage.
Let’s take the word “intercourse,” for example. Now, what typically comes to one’s mind is sexual intercourse between a man and a woman.
If you would break down the word intercourse, you would discover that it means that two courses are so intertwined, you don’t know where one course begins and one course ends. God wants us to be so connected and intertwined with Him, that you can’t tell where the relationship begins or ends.
This is the very reason God has set such specific boundaries when it comes to love, sex, intimacy, and marriage. It all points back to Him- it is all holy because God is holy.
I urge you to check out 25 Questions and start thinking about loved ones in your life that need some guidance in the area of sexuality. The truth of the Word of God is the best compass and 25 Questions is full of that beautiful, scriptural truth.
Grab your copy of 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy today!!!
25QuestionsYoureAfraidtoAsk
*I received this book free as a member of the #25questionsbook Launch Team. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Comments