Project and content management for Contemporary Authors volumes
WORK TITLE: Apocrypha Now
WORK NOTES: with Shannon Wheeler
PSEUDONYM(S):
BIRTHDATE: 1971
WEBSITE:
CITY: Portland
STATE: OR
COUNTRY:
NATIONALITY:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Russell_(comics) * http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/5/23/1528938/-Apocrypha-Now-Is-Everything-You-Never-Knew-You-Always-Wanted-From-The-Bible
RESEARCHER NOTES:
PERSONAL
Born 1971.
ADDRESS
CAREER
Writer.
WRITINGS
Also author of plays. Contributor to the “Prez” comics series.
SIDELIGHTS
God Is Disappointed in You
Mark Russell is a writer for multiple comics, including political satires and biblical retellings. For God Is Disappointed in You, Russell teamed with Shannon Miller to create an illustrated and modernized version of the Bible that is both accurate and irreverent. Biblical tales are briefly summarized, condensing lengthy and Byzantine passages into only a few pages each. Wheeler provides a cartoon for each tale, and the book is printed with fake leather covers and gold-leaf pages. Thus, God Is Disappointed in You is made to look like most Bibles. The simple, straightforward language allows anyone interested in reading the Bible to glean the heart of each story in the New and Old Testament. In this manner, God Is Disappointed in You presents a biblical narrative divorced from theology.
Reviews of the volume were largely positive, and an online Daily Kos correspondent announced that “God Is Disappointed in You is a frequently hilarious, often shocking, but always accurate retelling of the Bible, including the parts selectively left out by Sunday School teachers and church sermons. Irreverent yet faithful, this book is a must-read for anyone who wants to see past the fog of religious agendas and cultural debates to discover what the Bible really says.” Bill Sherman, writing on the Blogcritics Web site, was also impressed, and he stated that the book is “an attempt to condense every book of the Bible into modern language and with jokes.” Sherman then added that God Is Disappointed in You “provides an entertaining trek through a tome that many readers (myself included) have found a chore to actually wade through.”
In the words of online Big Think contributor Bob Duggan, “sometimes you just have to laugh, especially when it comes down to the too-often deadly serious issues of faith and belief. God Is Disappointed in You doesn’t try to kill Christianity; instead, it tries to resurrect it. ‘Christ was easy,’ Russell writes in his preface to The Acts and Letters of Paul. ‘Christianity was a pain in the ass.’ By honestly pointing out the ridiculousness as well as the sublimity of the Good Book, God Is Disappointed in You makes Christianity less of a pain in the ass and more of a presence in your heart.” Thus, as online Boing Boing critic Mark Frauenfelder put it, “The Bible is an incredibly weird book, and I thank Mark Russell for rewriting it in a way that made it understandable and interesting to me.”
Corndog-in-Chief
Corndog-in-Chief details the exploits of newly minted U.S. president Betty Ross. Infamous for an embarrassing viral video starring a hot dog, Betty is an internet celebrity who is unexpectedly elected to the office of president via Twitter. Now she’s in charge of dealing with terrorist threats, reigning in the pharmaceutical industry, and tackling a deadly cat flu epidemic. Because Betty is elected via Twitter, she exists outside of the political establishment. While this allows her to crusade on behalf of the people who voted for her, it also means that Betty is inexperienced and beset with political opposition. Determined to take her hoax election seriously, Betty selects a sensible cabinet of experts and appoints a well-known political ally for vice president. She also vows to dismantle the global surveillance program.
The satirical farce, according to Booklist reviewer Peter Blenski is “an honest indictment of modern society, from our 24-hour news cycle to our system of political cronyism.” Matisse Mozer, writing in School Library Journal, was equally laudatory, and she advised that the novel is “recommended for teens who are tired of the superhero craze but can appreciate a no-holds-barred spoof of the world around them.”
Apocrypha Now
Russell teamed again with Miller to write the Apocrypha Now, their follow up to God Is Disappointed in You. Just as God Is Disappointed in You offers a clever overview of the Bible, Apocrypha Now offers a clever overview of related texts from the Midrash (oral traditions and notes on Torah/Old Testament stories), from the Apocrypha (bible stories that were edited out of the bible), and the Gnostic Gospels. These lesser known tales reveal that Eve’s son Cain is not Adam’s son, but the son of the serpent, with whom Even had an affair. In another apocryphal tale, Russell and Miller portray Adam’s second wife, Lilith; the pride of King Solomon; and Abraham’s anger at his father.
According to Joe Frietze in the online Ink19, “if this concept of the Bible’s deleted scenes is new to you, this is a perfect place to start. In any event, this is a fascinating take on some very important mythology that is often ignored or misunderstood.” Alyssa Vaughn on the NerdSpan Web site was equally laudatory, declaring: “I think fans of mythology in general will enjoy Apocrypha Now as a rare glimpse into the mysticism that sometimes gets cut out of Christianity, but especially those who’ve spent any time in the Old Testament will find this an interesting read.”
BIOCRIT
PERIODICALS
Booklist, March 15, 2016,Peter Blenski, review of Corndog-in-Chief.
Publishers Weekly, May 9, 2016, review of Apocrypha Now.
School Library Journal, July, 2016, Matisse Mozer, review of Corndog-in-Chief.
ONLINE
Big Think http://bigthink.com/ (March 3, 2017), Bob Duggan, review of God Is Disappointed in You.
Blogcritics, http://blogcritics.org/ (March 3, 2017), Bill Sherman, review of God Is Disappointed in You.
Boing Boing, http://boingboing.net/(March 3, 2017), Mark Frauenfelder, review of God Is Disappointed in You.
Daily Kos, http://www.dailykos.com/(March 3, 2017), review of Apocrypha Now.
Ink19, http://ink19.com/ (March 3, 2017), Joe Frietze, review of Apocrypha Now.
NerdSpan, http://www.nerdspan.com/ (March 3, 2017), Alyssa Vaughn, review of Apocrypha Now.
Mark Russell
Mark Russell is a Portland author, cartoonist and playwright. He is the author of God Is Disappointed in You, a condensed and irreverent re-telling of the Bible, and his plays regularly appear as part of Monkey With A Hat On's Ten Minute Play Fests.
Mark Russell (comics)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Mark Russell (born 1971) is an American author, cartoonist, and comic book writer.
Russell is the author of God Is Disappointed in You (Top Shelf Productions, 2013), a modern re-telling of the Bible (with cartoons by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler) as well as a follow up book about non-canonical Christian and Jewish texts called Apocrypha Now (Top Shelf Productions/IDW, 2016). Mark Russell is also the writer of the comic book reboot of Prez (Issues 1-6, DC Comics), drawn by Ben Caldwell. He is also currently writing The Flintstones comic book series for DC Comics, drawn by Steve Pugh.
LC control no.: n 2015069521
Descriptive conventions:
rda
Personal name heading:
Russell, Mark, 1971-
Birth date: 1971
Field of activity: Comic books, strips, etc. Graphic novels
Profession or occupation:
Comic book writer
Found in: Prez volume 1, 2016: ECIP t.p. (Mark Russell)
Apocrypha now, c2016: t.p. (Mark Russell)
Wikipedia, June 23, 2016 (Mark Russell (comics) - Mark
Russell (born 1971) is an American author, cartoonist,
and comic book writer. Russell is the author of God Is
Disappointed in You, a modern re-telling of the Bible
(with cartoons by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler)
as well as a follow up book about non-canonical
Christian and Jewish texts called Apocrypha Now. Mark
Russell is also the writer the comic book reboot of
Prez, drawn by Ben Caldwell. He is also currently
writing The Flintstones comic book series for DC Comics,
drawn by Steve Pugh.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Russell_(comics)
Associated language:
eng
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Apocrypha Now
Publishers Weekly. 263.19 (May 9, 2016): p63.
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2016 PWxyz, LLC
http://www.publishersweekly.com/
Full Text:
Apocrypha Now
Mark Russell, illus. by Shannon Wheeler. Top Shelf, $19.99 (196p) ISBN 978-1-60309-369-9
Russell and Wheeler (God Is Disappointed in You) team up again for this humorous take on the "DVD extras" of the Bible: the Midrash, Apocrypha, and Gnostic Gospels. There's nothing musty or highfalutin about these sacred stories; instead, Russell careens brashly from joke to joke, gleefully retelling the cryptic stories in contemporary lingo. The Midrash--oral traditions that inspired or supplemented the Torah--adds nuance to familiar Old Testament stories. Readers meet Lilith, Adam's other wife; learn about iconoclastic Abram's disgust with his father's "Idol Threats" emporium; and hear an ant queen discuss Solomon's ego and lust problems. One of Wheeler's New Yorker-teady cartoons wittily skewers many biblical characters' central dilemma: "On one hand it will make God mad. On the other hand, I'll get laid." The title is perhaps misleading given that the Apocrypha section, which contains some of the most bizarre stories, only comprises 40 pages. Russell is not writing for the overly pious: Susanna is "slut-shamed," Daniel resembles a "Jewish Perry Mason," and Theda's jilted fiance is "cock-blocked." For the uninitiated, Russell's cheeky history will shed light on sainthood traditions such as Thomas's journey to India and Peter's upside-down crucifixion. Accurate yet rib-tickling, these scriptural riffs are perfect for fans of Monty Python's Life of Brian. (July)
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"Apocrypha Now." Publishers Weekly, 9 May 2016, p. 63+. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA452883380&it=r&asid=b2208c2c1021451142b69079c51df3cb. Accessed 26 Jan. 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A452883380
Prez, v.1: Corndog-in-Chief
Peter Blenski
Booklist. 112.14 (Mar. 15, 2016): p42.
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2016 American Library Association
http://www.ala.org/ala/aboutala/offices/publishing/booklist_publications/booklist/booklist.cfm
Full Text:
Prez, v.1: Corndog-in-Chief. By Mark Russell. Illus. by Ben Caldwell and Mark Morales. 2016.144p. DC Comics, paper, $14.99 (97814012597921.741.5.
In an age when a politician's worth is measured in likes, the Internet has elected Betty Ross, famed for her embarrassing viral video, the next president of the U.S. With nothing to lose and no favors to repay, she finds herself in a position to bring about actual change. Standing up to special interest groups, she discovers that making the morally right decision can be quickly spun into something entirely different and completely unpopular with the public. With Prez, Russell creates a bleak, raw look at the future, filled with corporate-sponsored food stamps and timed bathroom breaks. As a whole, the story moves frantically, with the commentary constantly changing focus, making a true meaning hard to pin down. But what does manage to stick creates an honest indictment of modern society, from our 24-hour news cycle to our system of political cronyism. Caldwell brightens the mood with crazy character design, particularly the special interest representatives hiding behind holographic masks and bloated walking tanks manned by unapologetic gamers. Trenchant political satire for the millennial set.--Peter Blenski
Blenski, Peter
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Blenski, Peter. "Prez, v.1: Corndog-in-Chief." Booklist, 15 Mar. 2016, p. 42. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA449417040&it=r&asid=ff3b8612319f2609ee413ca5addc0f9b. Accessed 26 Jan. 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A449417040
Prez, Vol. 1
Publishers Weekly. 263.6 (Feb. 8, 2016): p57.
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2016 PWxyz, LLC
http://www.publishersweekly.com/
Full Text:
Prez, Vol. 1
Mark Russell and Ben Caldwell. DC, $14.99 trade paper (144p) ISBN 978-1-4012-5979-2
This new version of a 1970s series that lasted only four issues finds America's first teenage president gender-swapped. Prez, now female, is elected via Twitter and deals with Middle Eastern terrorists and Big Pharma in a broad satire of modern America. While Russell's (God Is Disappointed in You) story gets many of its political beats correct, and its heart is perhaps in the right place, its devotion to broad satire comes at the expense of any personality for the title character. Prez is ballsy but naive, she cares about the marginalized and says smart-ass things to old, white male politicians, but this is just a collection of traits rather than a character. These traits can't compete with the huge collection of constantly shifting characters and scenarios that make up the story, despite the desperate need for a real center to the action. Although beautifully drawn, Caldwell's art doesn't manage to transcend the obvious. It's a kitchen-sink approach to political satire that spreads itself too thin. (Feb.)
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"Prez, Vol. 1." Publishers Weekly, 8 Feb. 2016, p. 57. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA443654570&it=r&asid=cd2b8cf9bace456e3cd0db5d3bcd2fae. Accessed 26 Jan. 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A443654570
Russell, Mark. Prez Vol. 1
Matisse Mozer
School Library Journal. 62.7 (July 2016): p88.
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2016 Library Journals, LLC. A wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.
http://www.schoollibraryjournal.com/
Full Text:
RUSSELL, Mark. Prez Vol. 1. illus. by Ben Caldwell. 144p. ebook available. DC Comics. Feb. 2016. pap. $14.99. ISBN 9781401259792.
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
Gr 10 Up--The future of the United States is here, and it is a mess. After corporations are granted the right to vote, voting age is abolished. Now, younger citizens cast ballots through Twitter and campaigning occurs via vlogs; the Facebook like functions as political approval ratings; and hospitals advertise products to patients on their sickbeds. The presidential election is a circus, with corporations bribing politicians left and right. It's a recipe for disaster--and 19-year-old Beth Ross, aka YouTube celebrity Corndog Girl, ends up accidentally elected president of the United States. Beth, a levelheaded girl with a punk-rock haircut and a quick wit, establishes an inner cabinet of educated everymen and selects an older, established vice president to guide her. Beth's first course of action? To end the country's global surveillance program and find a cure for the cat flu that's ravaging the population. Both are noble goals, but they put her directly at odds with the corporations. This satire of American culture is outright scathing. It pulls no punches in its sociopolitical commentary. Caldwell uses vivid colors and pointed, occasionally anime-influenced line work, giving it more similarities with The Unbeatable Squirrel-Girl than with the muscular DC comics heroes. VERDICT Recommended for teens who are tired of the superhero craze but can appreciate a no-holds-barred spoof of the world around them.--Matisse Mozer, Santa Monica Public Library, CA
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Mozer, Matisse. "Russell, Mark. Prez Vol. 1." School Library Journal, July 2016, p. 88. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA457303225&it=r&asid=b7cda9f963e1c7c27ffb1c6bcd3cd0cb. Accessed 26 Jan. 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A457303225
Mark Russell and Shannon Wheeler Take On the Bible in ‘Apocrypha Now’ [Preview]
by Elle Collins May 18, 2016 1:00 PM
Apocrypha Now cover (photo, hi-res)
Writer Mark Russell and cartoonist Shannon Wheeler hope to bring readers the very best Bible stories that didn’t make it into The Bible (or perhaps just lost something in translation) in their informative but disrespectful adaptation Apocrypha Now, the follow up to their previous Biblical adaptation, God is Disappointed in You.
Published by Top Shelf, the book features Russell’s prose accompanied by Wheeler’s New Yorker-esque cartoons, and we have an exclusive preview of their take on the destruction of Sodom.
In a press release, Mark Russell explains how this is a natural follow-up to the first book:
The stories of the Bible underpin history and our communal artistic and literary heritage, regardless of our religious affiliations, so Shannon and I created God is Disappointed in You because we thought it was important to make those stories accessible to, and entertaining for, a modern audience. Then we discovered that, like every best seller, the Bible has a sequel — the Apocrypha — so, of course, we had to tell these more obscure stories in our tongue-in-cheek way, and Apocrypha Now was born.
Shannon Wheeler has expressed surprise that God is Disappointed in You didn’t meet with more backlash from Christians, and was even embraced by some in that community. “It’s great that ministers bought God is Disappointed in You to help teach The Bible,” he says, “and we hope an equally diverse crowd will discover whole new stories in Apocrypha Now.”
Whether you’re just interested in Biblical stuff (but not too thin-skinned) or you’re a fan of Russell’s recent Prez reboot or Wheeler’s Too Much Coffee Man, this may be a book you want to check out. Apocrypha Now arrives in bookstore May 31st.
April 21, 2016
Apocrypha Now
Apocrypha Now
by Mark Russell and Shannon Wheeler
Top Shelf Comix
Have you ever wondered about Adam’s first wife? Or what type of guy Solomon really was? There are a lot of books that never made it into the official Bible, and Mark Russell takes a plain English look at several of these book in Apocrypha Now. Shannon Wheeler, of Too Much Coffee Man fame, provides lovely and often humorous illustrations to accompany the stories.
First things first, this is not a comic book/graphic novel. This is a text piece with occasional illustrations. It is broken up into chapters that, while carrying a through line, are easily read independently. Russell starts us off with an introduction that defines the Apocrypha, those writings and stories of early Jews and Christians that have been stricken from the canonical Bible. He explains the context behind both the early writings, and process of removing them from what would be the official books of the religions.
After setting the stage, Russell immediately takes us through the early Jewish writings, as seen in Part One – The Midrash. Among the stories, we learn about the Creation, and about Adam’s first wife Lilith. We get the details you may have missed in the stories of Cain and Abel, Noah and Abraham, Joseph and Moses. He details the real reason God destroyed Sodom (hint – it had nothing to do with homosexuality or sex at all). And a funny interlude presents the Wisdom of Solomon as if it were a daytime Judge show. Part Two brings us the Talmud and other Jewish apocrypha. There we learn about Bel and the Dragon, the Maccabees, and how Caesar reacted to Jewish faith. The final part brings us Gnostic Gospels and other non-canonical Christian texts. Here we get to learn how difficult it was for Mary and Joseph to raise a young Jesus, Judas’s point of view on his betrayal, and how it felt to be Mary Magdalene among all of those guys. Part Three finishes with the difficulty Jesus’s followers had after he died. Throughout all of these funny and engaging tales, Wheeler interjects illustrations that range from whimsical to laugh out loud funny.
If you have ever heard of the Gnostic Gospels or Nag Hammadi, and wondered what was up with that, Apocrypha Now is an excellent primer. Perhaps it will sate your curiosity, or perhaps it will spur further interest and research. If this concept of the Bible’s deleted scenes is new to you, this is a perfect place to start. In any event, this is a fascinating take on some very important mythology that is often ignored or misunderstood. Reading this has spurred my own interest, insomuch that I am going to seek out their original work, God Is Disappointed In You, where they adapt The Bible in the same fashion.
www.topshelfcomix.com/catalog/apocrypha-now/932
Joe Frietze
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Top Shelf exclusive: Apocrypha Now makes the Bible fun (and funny)
By Oliver Sava@OliverSava
May 16, 2016 1:53 PM
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The Bible is big in comics this season, and just a month after Drawn & Quarterly released Chester Brown’s Mary Wept Over The Feet Of Jesus, Top Shelf is publishing Apocrypha Now, the follow-up to Mark Russell and Shannon Wheeler’s 2013 book God Is Disappointed In You. Pairing Russell’s irreverent prose interpretations of Biblical legend with Wheeler’s droll single-panel cartoons, Apocrypha Now offers a comedic take on stories left out of the canonical Bible, including the Midrash, the Apocrypha, and the Gnostic Gospels. It’s a jam-packed read that turns these ancient texts into engaging, accessible narratives, with a strong sense of humor that draws the reader into these tales.
This excerpt from Apocrypha Now offers Russell and Wheeler’s take on the Midrash’s version of Cain and Abel, which begins with Eve cheating on Adam with a Satan-snake that impregnates her with her first child, Cain. The myth still follows most of the same beats as the canonical Cain and Abel story, but Russell and Wheeler freshen it up by adding a layer of dark comedy to the climactic moment when Cain takes his brother’s life. These creators’ strong point of view enlightens these stories, and readers can discover many more Biblical reimaginings when Apocrypha Now hits stores at the end of this month.
Review: Apocrypha Now
By Alyssa Vaughn
03
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2016
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ApocryphaNow-pr-page-006If you were raised in a small church smack dab in the Bible belt, you’re probably familiar with the ways that Sunday School teachers and Children’s Church leaders try to get kids all fired up about Christianity. While Bible verse memorization, binge watching VeggieTales, and being herded up in front of the congregation to belt out hymns that were written before you great-grandfather was born are all incredibly popular methods, it is almost inevitable that every kid will be challenged, in some way or another, to read the entire Bible, cover to cover. (This is especially popular with kids that keep sneaking their library books into Sunday services- or at least, that’s what I hear.)
Did you know that a twelve-year-old is just not mentally equipped to deal with the amount of incest, rape, murder, and general back-stabbery that can be found in the first five books of the old testament alone? It’s about the equivalent of giving a sixth grader a dog-eared copy of Game of Thrones in lieu of The Talk.
That’s why I love Apocrypha Now; it’s like the Universe’s lovely way of telling me “Yeah, no, that was some really messed up stuff that you read with zero adult context” plus a bunch of fun extra parts that my New International Version left out.
Apocrypha Now is actually Mark Russell and Shannon Wheeler’s second collaborative work related to Judeo-Christian texts. Their first, God Is Disappointed In You, was published in 2013 and condensed the Bible into 223 pages, including Wheeler’s cartoons. Apocrypha Now actually addresses stories from texts such as the Talmud and the Gnostic Gospels, which supplement well known stories like the Israelites’ Exodus from Egypt or the rule of King Solomon with additional details or adventures.
Russell’s adaptation approaches these texts with a lighthearted spirit while addressing the inherent archaic attitudes about race and gender. With references to “the Angel of Sexual Harassment” and Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast, a book about the little-known parts of religion becomes a fun, easy read, even though it can be a bit corny.
My one complaint is that Wheeler’s cartoons often have little to do with the stories and seem to be inserted solely to give some visual interest to the book. I honestly think that Russell’s work could stand on its own.
I think fans of mythology in general will enjoy Apocrypha Now as a rare glimpse into the mysticism that sometimes gets cut out of Christianity, but especially those who’ve spent any time in the Old Testament will find this an interesting read. Jewish or Catholic readers, to whom these texts are familiar, may find it annoying that such a large population reacts with surprise to the origin of Metatron or Adam’s first wife, but we beg your indulgence. After all, forgiveness, as we learn, is divine.
/ Mark Frauenfelder / 10:40 am Wed Apr 2, 2014
God is Disappointed in You
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I’m not religious, and I have not read the Old Testament or the New Testament (I did read R. Crumb’s graphic novel of the Book of Genesis and enjoyed it). I’ve tried to read the King James version a few times, but I got bored and stopped very early on. Recently, Top Shelf sent me a copy of God is Disappointed in You, a new version of the Bible written in contemporary, casual language. It’s bound in textured fake leather like a regular bible, with gold edged pages and a ribbon bookmark. It has illustrations by New Yorker and Too Much Coffee Man cartoonist Shannon Wheeler, which piqued my interest. As soon as I started reading it, I was hooked. The author, Mark Russell, was able to make the stories come alive by telling them as if they happened today, using language that a smart, funny, middle-school student might use to recount the story of an epic playground fight.
I don’t know if people who take the Bible seriously will be offended by this book, but I suspect many of them will not. It is not a sarcastic put down of the Bible, but a fresh interpretation. I compared some of the stories in God is Disappointed in You with the stories in other traditional Bibles and Russell is not exaggerating or misrepresenting the content of the earlier versions. I asked my friend, a pastor and author who is a serious Bible scholar, what he thought of God is Disappointed in You, and said it was fantastic.
The Bible is an incredibly weird book, and I thank Mark Russell for rewriting it in a way that made it understandable and interesting to me.
God is Disappointed in You
Is This the First “Honest” Bible?
Over a year ago
by Bob Duggan
Article Image
As Penn Jillette said right here on BigThink.com, “Reading the Bible (or the Koran, or the Torah) will make you an atheist.” Of course, just reading the Bible itself—all 66 canonical books (more in some versions)—is something few even attempt. Growing up Catholic, I went with the flow and took it mainly on faith, accepting the portions of revelation portioned out at mass or in school. For those who do take on the challenge of reading the Bible straight through, however, the result can be confusingly mystifying or, as Jillette argues, troublingly demystifying. Written by Mark Russell with illustrated by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler, God Is Disappointed in You cuts to the heart of the matter, and sometimes down to the funny bone, to translate the Bible into terms that allow a modern reader to understand the wild, weird, and wonderful “essence” of the Good Book. “It is not my intention to mock the Bible with this book,” Russell writes in his introduction, “nor to endorse it, but merely to present it on its own terms in a way that is accessible and which relays the same sense of fascination I had when I truly discovered the Bible.” Russell and Wheeler create—you decide. In a world full of religious dialogue, is it possible that two comics have finally come up with the first “honest” Bible?
I chuckled at God Is Disappointed in You before I even cracked it open. It looks like a real Bible—faux black leather cover, silver-edged pages, a red ribbon bookmark. Look inside and you find text in black and red, ornate oversized letters to start each chapter, and even the words of Jesus Christ in red to stand out from the rest. But once you hit one of Wheeler’s comics, you realize that this isn’t any Bible you’ve ever encountered before. (The cover image of the massive Hand of God descending to flick an unsuspecting human from behind is a giveaway, too.) For The Book of Job, Wheeler sits God and Satan in a bar. “Care for a little bet to make things interesting?” Satan says as leans over to the Big Guy. Wheeler’s picture perfectly captures the senseless arbitrariness and barroom bravado of that enigmatic Biblical story. The Three Wise Men using GPS, Daniel cozying up to a box of “lion repellent” down in the den, Samson asking Delilah for “just a trim”—Wheeler skewers each revered figure irreverently and shares the humor of the incomprehensibility of much of the Old Testament.
Russell matches and raises Wheeler in the irreverence game. “If I had a religion,” Russell confesses, “I suppose I would call it Irreverence. I feel that the sacred exists only at the expense of the truth.” The text is full of great one liners. As “extra punishment” for Adam and Eve, God “ordered them to become parents.” (Watch this trailer for Russell and Wheeler’s extended take on the Garden of Eden and Original Sin.) “Much like a Kenny Rogers album, [The Book of Proverbs is] mostly advice about life, money and how to treat a woman.” The Minor Prophets sound troublingly “like the Bible’s AM radio dial… constantly railing against the government and complaining about how the nation had lost its moral compass.” When Russell calls The Holy Spirit “the George Harrison of the Holy Trinity,” no further explanation is necessary.
But God Is Disappointed in You is much more than one liners. Russell reimagines several of the books of the Bible for modern life. Moses here delivers the Ten Commandments as a memo titled “Re: A Few New Rules.” The Psalms of David become an infomercial’s greatest hits collection. The Letter to the Hebrews becomes a FAQ page. It took Russell three years to cut the Bible down to a little more than 200 pages while still not cutting corners. More than just a crib sheet, Russell’s text truly gives you all the “need to know” bits without any of the confusing, unnecessary apocryphal-ler.
I grew to really love Russell comedic, no nonsense voice. “The whole ancient world was a bag of dicks,” Russell writes in The First Book of Samuel. “Even God was a bit of a dick.” Russell’s frustration with the violence and madness of the Old Testament and its hard-to-love God gives way, however, to a warmer tone in the New Testament. “God isn’t interested in your laws,” Russell’s Jesus tells the temple priests in The Gospel of Mark. “He doesn’t care about your sales figures. The only things God wants from you are the very things you lack: love and understanding.” Russell’s take on Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians may lack the King James Version poetry that makes it a wedding ceremony favorite, but it lacks none of the punch of sharply telling you what life and love are really all about. Reading some of these sections made me think back of Thomas Jefferson’s attempt to cut up (literally) the Bible into just the parts that sounded true to Jesus Christ. I’d like to think that Jefferson would not be disappointed in God Is Disappointed in You.
In his afterword, Russell recounts his amazement at the acceptance of early samples of God Is Disappointed in You by Christians, including priests and nuns. “They seemed to get that the book’s blunt, and often profane, sense of humor was an attempt at honesty rather than assassination,” Russell believes. Sometimes you just have to laugh, especially when it comes down to the too-often deadly serious issues of faith and belief. God Is Disappointed in You doesn’t try to kill Christianity; instead, it tries to resurrect it. “Christ was easy,” Russell writes in his preface to The Acts and Letters of Paul. “Christianity was a pain in the ass.” By honestly pointing out the ridiculousness as well as the sublimity of the Good Book, God Is Disappointed in You makes Christianity less of a pain in the ass and more of a presence in your heart.
Book Review: ‘God Is Disappointed in You’ by Mark Russell, Illustrated by Shannon Wheeler
Posted by: Bill Sherman October 31, 2013 in Book Reviews, Books, Editor Pick: Books, Top Stories 1 Comment
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If you’re the kind of reader who takes the text of the Bible as the inviolable Word of God, chances are Mark Russell’s God Is Disappointed in You (Top Shelf Productions) will not be your cup of myrrh. If, however, you’re a liberal smart-ass like myself – or just a more open-mindedly spiritual person – then this book will be a hoot. An attempt to condense every book of the Bible into modern language and with jokes, Disappointed provides an entertaining trek through a tome that many readers (myself included) have found a chore to actually wade through.
The project stemmed, Russell explains in an afterword, from a three-paragraph summary of the Book of Job that he’d written for a friend. At the encourage of cartoonist Shannon Wheeler (Too Much Coffee Man), the writer decided to do the same for all the other books of the Bible, though he quickly realized that three paragraphs would not suffice for a majority of the books. As a result, the summaries – each accompanied by a suitably snarky Wheeler cartoon – range from two- to seven-pages long.
Using modern vernacular and witty contemporary metaphors (e.g., describing Adam and Eve’s days in Eden as “a lot like living at a Grateful Dead concert”), Wheeler captures all great and appalling stories from both Old and New Testaments – along with all the tedious exhortations and yowls from Paul and the rest of the Epistle writers – and retells them with a humorist’s eye toward the sometimes dickish (see King David) human behavior that’s described in them. One of my favorite moments comes in a retelling from the Book of Samuel of the prophet Elisha’s confrontation with a group of boys who had made fun of his baldness; in retaliation for this act of childish rudeness, Elijah summoned up a team of wild she-bears who mauled all of the boys to death. “Nobody knows why Elijah didn’t just summon up a whole head of hair,” Russell wryly concludes.
In a few books, Russell gets even more playful with the material: Psalms, for example, is written like a K-Tel commercial for King David’s Greatest Hits; Jeremiah’s Lamentations is written to read like a high school emo kid’s bad poetry (“Ode to a Failed Prophet [Gravel Face]”); Song of Solomon is presented in the voice of a twitterpated teenage girl. When he gets to the New Testament, he describes Jesus as a “notorious shock preacher” to the Pharisees. Summarizing Christ’s take on the afterlife (itself a controversial concept at the time), Russell writes from the Gospel of Matthew, “As Jesus described it, Hell is simply a place where shallow people don’t know what to do with themselves because there isn’t a Pottery Barn.”
Though Russell is attempting to retell the Bible in its own terms, there is no way he can avoid dealing with a work as open to so many interpretations without occasionally falling into interpretation yourself. This can be most fully seen in his take on Revelation, inspired by Elaine Pagel’s Revelations “not as predictions of events thousands of years in the future, but rather, as the prayer of a man who had witnessed the destruction of everything he loved and thought the end of the world was at hand.” Sure messes with my appreciation of that Sleepy Hollow show, though.
Packaged in a faux leather cover with gilded paper and a red ribbon place keeper, God Is Disappointed in You has the look of a more conservative religious work – until you note the Shannon Wheeler cover cartoon of a giant hand reaching down to flick away an unknowing kneeling worshipper. Russell’s publisher calls his approach both irreverent and faithful, and if you believe that both attitudes can co-exist in a consideration of this most influential of works, then you’ll probably laugh at much at it as I did.
Apocrypha Now Is "Everything You Never Knew You Always Wanted" From The Bible
By fisknp
Monday May 23, 2016 • 11:02 AM
When I started writing for Daily Kos last June, one of my first diaries was a fan-girl book review of Mark Russell’s and Shannon Wheeler’s God Is Disappointed In You. Here’s its amazon blurb:
God Is Disappointed in You is for people who would like to read the Bible … if it would just cut to the chase. Stripped of its arcane language and its interminable passages of poetry, genealogy, and law, every book of the Bible is condensed down to its core message, in no more than a few pages each.
Written by Mark Russell with cartoons by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler, God Is Disappointed in You is a frequently hilarious, often shocking, but always accurate retelling of the Bible, including the parts selectively left out by Sunday School teachers and church sermons. Irreverent yet faithful, this book is a must-read for anyone who wants to see past the fog of religious agendas and cultural debates to discover what the Bible really says.
Because of your awesome and enthusiastic response … BRACE YOURSELVES: I scored an interview with Mark Russell and Shannon Wheeler to discuss … BRACE YOURSELVES AGAIN: THE SEQUEL to God Is Disappointed In You! — the hilariously-titled Apocrypha Now! Here’s its amazon blurb:
Mark Russell & Shannon Wheeler’s faithful-yet-irreverent approach to the Bible made their book God is Disappointed in You a modern cult classic. Now, by popular demand, they turn their attention to the best parts left out of the canonical Bible, including the Midrash, the Apocrypha, Gnostic Gospels, and more! And if you thought the BIBLE had some weird stuff in it ...
In keeping with the first review I wrote, here’s why every fundamentalist Christian should (but probably won’t — sigh) read Apocrypha Now.
(1) They’d have to exchange the magic for the message.
One of the (many) things that makes progressive Christians shake their heads at their fundamental counterparts is the latter’s insistence on magical thinking (e.g., from burning bushes to virgin births, these things must have literally happened).
Growing up in the religiously conservative South, I remember the first time I came across the progressive idea that you can, actually, let the magic go (if you want) and save the message — b/c does it really matter that the historical Jesus came from divine sperm? Nope. If he were just a man (as Mary Magdalene memorably sings in Jesus Christ Superstar) … albeit one with a uniquely awesome understanding of the divine … his message would still be the same and worthwhile. If he died as a sacrifice for what he believed in a MLK Jr. way, rather than an atonement-required-by-God way (which, let’s face it, is pretty messed up), that would still be worth celebrating (just see: theologian John Shelby Spong).
I became better able to focus on the message when I stopped getting so distracted. But because the magic-stuff in the Bible is so culturally engrained and therefore normalized in the great US of A, we need books like Apocrypha Now to remind us, as Mark Russell says in his intro, that:
The ancient world was a dance-off. If you wanted people to take your gods seriously, you had better come to impress. If Aladdin brought a magic lamp, Solomon had to bring a ring that captured demons … If your religion didn’t have the mythological equivalent of a headspin, it was going to get served. And the apocryphal writings of early Jews and Christians, while embarrassing to some, contain some of the sweetest dance moves either of those religions ever came up with.
Russell explains that the apocryphal writings didn’t make canon, b/c “while ancient religion tried to impress, modern religion worries about credibility.” In other words, people are more likely to read the Bible and take as literally true (a) stuff that has become normalized; and (b) stuff that is actually … well … normal, like the idea that King Solomon employed lots of people to build God’s temple (that’s so rational: ethos boost!) … although they may have a bit more trouble with that part in the Midrash that suggests those helpers were actually captured demons (oof: ethos fail!) — b/c God’s temple with “architecture: by demon” isn’t a great selling point (although I do love the symbolism).
In short, by the time you get through the first chapter of Apocrypha Now (starring, among other favorites, Lilith, a.k.a Adam’s first wife) you clearly understand what scholar and Jesus Seminar co-founder John Dominic Crossan has been telling us for decades:
My point, once again, is not that those ancient people told literal stories and we are now smart enough to take them symbolically, but that they told them symbolically and we are now dumb enough to take them literally.
psst: John Dominic! Check out Mark’s and Shannon’s books. You’ll LOVE them.
(2) They’d come face-to-face with other (better) Biblical voices and interpretations. This sequel makes you think about the canon a lot — not just what was left out of the canon and why — but, also, what life would be like if, for example, we grew up with the story of Sodom & Gomorrah a la Midrash, b/c according to this version, the sin of Sodom wasn’t gay sex but greed:
One day, a young girl in Sodom saw a beggar starving in the street. In a moment of compassion, she gave the man a piece of bread. She was promptly arrested and taken before the judge.
“If there’s one thing worse than moochers,” the judge said, “it’s their welfare state enablers.” He sentenced the girl to be tied to a tree and covered in honey, where she was devoured by a swarm of bees.
God’s patience with the greed of Sodom was at an end.
*interesting note: Ezekiel 16:49-50, among others in the canon, supports ^this version^ of the story.
Truth: Most of us would find fundamentalist Christians much more palatable if they went around feeding people rather than hating on gay people.
One of the points Russell makes in Apocrypha Now is how unlikely it is that we have this thing called Christianity at all, since there was a time when Christians were persecuted (not in a Happy-Holidays! kinda way but in a Romans-gonna-feed-you-to-lions! kinda way). Just check out this cautionary tale for 21st century readers:
[Trump] Romans: “These are the terrorists who started the Great Fire of Rome!”
Romans: “Okay, but does that mean we need to torture and kill every Christian?”
[Trump] Romans: “The information that we get from torturing Christians prevents other terrorist attacks.”
Romans: “What other attacks?”
[Trump] Romans: “Exactly.”
Unable to refute the circular logic of the anti-Christian lobby, the persecutions continued.
*note: the Trump-part is my addition … but I think it works.
As Russell writes, “Because of the unlikely conversion of one man [Roman Emperor Constantine], the tiny persecuted cult known as Christianity would become the official religion of the entire Roman world — and from there it would spread across Europe, the Americas, Australia, and Africa. So we are basically living in an alternate universe.”
What Apocrypha Now does so well: it shows us yet another way we’re living in an alternate universe, b/c of the ancient texts we privilege and the ancient texts we don’t.
The Sodom & Gomorrah story is one example. Women, so many of whom were left out of the canon, are another — and I’m not just talking about The Story of Susanna; The Book of Judith; The Gospel of Mary the Magdalene; Thunder, Perfect Mind (a feminist poem); and the Acts of Thecla. Consider the infancy gospels and the idea that it was a woman who set a delinquent Jesus on the right path:
Jesus to woman: “You should fear the Son of God ...”
Woman to Jesus: “Oh yes, we’re all very afraid of you, Jesus! Go ahead, turn us all into sheep, if that’s what you want … But let me tell you something — fear is a short-term investment. The moment people stop being afraid of you, they’ll throw you out like an old Parade magazine. If you want to be loved, it has to be based on something stronger than fear.”
Jesus: “That’s not true, everyone loves God, and all he does is smite people.”
Woman: “Yeah well, he’s older. People love God the way they love their racist grandpa. You have the chance to offer something more than vengeance and miracles … You’re the Son of God … You can do whatever you want! Maybe it’s about time you gave the world a few takebacks.”
Jesus: “A religion based on do-overs … I like the sound of that.”
Woman: “People would love you if you made them feel loved. Lead them away from their guilt and they will follow you anywhere. If you want to play shepherd … that’s fine. Just be a good shepherd.”
Yep. A woman gives Jesus his mission. How do you like that symbolism? Bring on the alternate universe, full of Christians tripping over each other to listen, rather than silence, the ladies.
(3) They’d realize, more than likely, that after #1 and #2, they actually love the Bible even more than they did before.
In my interview with Mark and Shannon (which I’ll write more about soon in a separate “my top favorite things about Mark and Shannon!” diary), I learned that this whole project started as a kinda gag that even, truth be told, sounds like a gag:
There were these two guys at a bar — one a former fundamentalist (Mark) and the other a former cheaster (Shannon) …
Shannon had tried to read the Bible and couldn’t get through it (b/c: boring), and asked Mark to explain the Book of Job. Mark’s retelling was so on-point and entertaining to boot that Shannon asked him to write up the entire Bible — in a nutshell — and Shannon contributed cartoons, many of which capture the message of entire books in a single illustration and line (i.e., an even smaller nutshell).
What both guys agree on, though, is that the project … four years later … has gifted them with a genuine appreciation for these ancient texts — which doesn’t surprise me at all, since I’ve seen this four-and-a-half minute Yvette Flunder clip:
psst: Yvette! Check out Mark’s and Shannon’s books. You’ll LOVE them. There’s even a slipcover edition!
Because here’s the secret, fundamentalists: only when you stop thinking of the Bible as some magic book, that has a single answer for every question, will you find all the answers that truly matter.
GOD IS DISAPPOINTED IN YOU: A Book Review. Here's A Book Every Evangelical Christian Should Read.
By fisknp
Wednesday Jun 17, 2015 • 4:27 PM
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I've written before about the constant drama that plays out on my Facebook page, owing to the fact that I have such a diverse group of Facebook "friends." I'm from a rural conservative Mayberryesque town in the deep South, which I left for a liberal arts program at a state university. A progressive now, I serve as a cautionary tale for small town school children. The articles, memes, and status updates I post shock my detractors, and I'm shocked by theirs in return — even though I shouldn't be, since I swam around in that particular water for so long. Still, time and distance overcome, I suppose. Here's the latest FB-status shock to my system, summarized and paraphrased:
A hometown guy, who is a pastor-in-training, meets someone who identifies as "none" in the "which religion?" category. Pastor-in-training asks None if he's every read the Bible. None says no, not that he hasn't tried. Rather, None just can't get into it and asks Pastor-in-training's advice about which edition is the best. Pastor-in-training advises None to get the authorized KJV, but not just any authorized KJV . . . an expensive one of the $200 variety. When None picks up his jaw from the floor, Pastor-in-training chides him for being willing to spend $200 on any number of things but not on eternal life.
This status has fifty "likes" and counting, along with a handful of encouraging comments. My rule is not to give someone a hard time on their Facebook page, since I know from experience that's never fun. I want to reach out, though, to None, who is much more likely to be reading this article, I'd think, than Pastor-in-training.
Dear None:
Do not pay $200 for any Bible, authorized KJV or otherwise. I've read the Bible cover to cover twice and have a list of favorite theologians (psst . . . Bishop John Shelby Spong). If you want to understand the Bible more than most of the people who claim to follow it, you need Mark Russell's God is Disappointed in You. If you want to be fancy, you could spring for the $14.95 hardcover edition (although the audiobook version, read by James Urbaniak, is also a gem).
Three years in the making, God is Disappointed in You is Russell's attempt to condense all sixty-six books of the Protestant Bible into an engaging, readable two hundred page book. So, you get Genesis to Revelation, in a nutshell. It's like those illustrated Children's Bibles — but with illustrations by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler. And adult language.
Actually, None, I'm thinking that Pastor-in-training and his fellow fundamentalists need to read it more than you do — although I doubt they could get past the adult language and irreverent tone. That's too bad, because there are some really lovely, profound parts too; and because they couldn't come away from the experience without acknowledging three things that would change, completely, the way they play religion and politics.
1. Evangelical Christians would have to recognize that both liberal and conservative voices are represented in the Bible and that we get to choose, accordingly, which characters and Scripture to prioritize.
On one of my hometown visits, someone from high school told me that it's impossible to be both religious and a liberal; I told him I felt the same way, provided a substitution of the word "liberal" for "conservative." In a way, we were both right.
A strength of Russell's book is that it modernizes the Biblical language to such an extent that passages seem like they could be from the mouths of (admittedly brash) Republican or Democratic Party presidential candidates. Some of the Republicans include Moses and Paul, both of whom are very concerned about how people behave, especially sexually; Ezra, who doesn't like foreigners and is all about securing borders; Nehemiah, who preaches hard work and actually builds the type of U.S.-Mexico border fence would make many in the GOP pea-green with envy; and Peter, John, and Jude who worry about false prophets and non-believers (i.e., people who think differently than they do) and warn Christians to stay away from them in a way that's reminiscent of Pat Robertson warning against feminists. Seriously.
Here's Russell's John, in his third letter: It’s always good when Christians can put aside their differences to help each other. The less we have to rely on pagans for help, the better. When a non-believer takes you in, they may start out feeding you dinner or making your bed, but it’s just a matter of time before they want you to join in their blood dances, or chicken worship, or whatever.
And here's Pat Robertson: Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
Some of the Democrats include Amos, who takes particular aim at both income inequality and prosperity theology; Micah, whose beef is also with income inequality — and self-righteousness; Zechariah, who is all about welfare programs; Jesus, who thinks we should just love and understand each other rather than try to pass laws about things that don't matter (*cough* defense-of-marriage laws *cough*); and James, who just wants you to be a community organizer and feed people already, damnit. Because this is my post, I'm pulling most of my quotes from and for the liberals, because they're my favorites.
Amos: God doesn’t give a heavenly shit about your church camps or your animal sacrifices as long as you’re evicting his people from their homes . . . So if somebody gets rich taking bribes or foreclosing on some old widow’s farm, you think that’s proof of their holiness? And if they sell the widow’s children to a salt mine, those kids must have had it coming? What planet do you live on? . . . A few dead widows and starving children may seem like a small price to pay so the rest of you can eat fresh grapes all year round, but let me tell you, wealth is temporary. The economy rises and it falls. Someday when the party comes to an end—and it always comes to an end— when our silky robes are in the pawn shop, and our strip malls are ghost towns, when that day comes, the only thing of value our people will have is the way we treat each other.
Micah: God doesn’t need any more boar meat or lamp oil. In fact, there are only three things God wants from you. Are you listening? Here it is, the entire Jewish religion in a nutshell: 1. Build a just society where the rich and powerful don’t get to treat the rest of us like livestock. 2. Don’t get all too cool for school whenever God tries to tell you something. Be humble. You’re never so holy that you can’t improve a little. And finally, 3. For gravy’s sake, help each other out once in a while. Don’t you understand? We’re here on Earth to make life better for each other.
Zechariah: God wants our obedience, but more than that, he wants a people who genuinely love him, and treat each other with respect. It doesn’t work to sing inside the temple and curse the widow begging on the steps.
Jesus: God isn’t interested in your laws. He doesn’t care about your sales figures. The only things God wants from you are the very things you lack: love and understanding.
James: Despite whatever Paul may have told you, don’t think that having faith in Jesus Christ means you can simply stumble into Heaven like a drunk crashing on the couch. God doesn’t give out medals just for believing the right things . . . What God wants from you isn’t your belief, but your dedication. Faith is nice, but by itself, it’s worthless. If you’re one of these Christians who’s full of faith, but who lets widows and orphans starve to death, you need to either start doing Christ’s work or start calling yourself something else. Faith without action is dead. There is no proof of your faith except for action . . . Nor should you judge each other. There is only one qualified judge in the entire Universe and that is God. So when you judge somebody, you’re basically telling God that you can do his job better.
Note: There are also, of course, conservative voices that say some really great things, as well as liberal voices that say some really head-scratching (and even downright disturbing things), because: humanization (i.e., revisit ^Micah's point^ about humility).
2. Evangelical Christians would have to recognize that the Bible is, in parts, not all that different from myths we read as kids, in that humans assume God suffers from their own prejudices and deals out rewards and punishments, from above, as he sees fit. Then, they'd have to move beyond that.
Russell's book reads like a Christian version of Edith Hamilton's Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes — if Hamilton had more of a flair for comedy. Just like the Greek gods, the Judeo-Christian God is at various points fickle and jealous. He's open to bribes and is a bit of a gambler. He takes sides and has regrets. A few examples:
In which God regrets: When God saw the millions of dead bodies littering the ground, he wondered if maybe he’d overreacted. So God wanted to make it right. But what could he do? What could possibly make up for killing nearly every living thing on the planet? Finally, it occurred to him. He created this really sweet rainbow as a promise to never flood the Earth again. Everyone loves rainbows, right?
In which God is open to bribes: The time had come for Solomon to build God his temple. God had given Solomon a set of blueprints to work from, and Solomon put tens of thousands of people to work on the building. When it was finished, it was a world class temple. Its interior walls were tastefully lined with carved cedar, except for the room where the Ark was going to be kept, where the walls were lined with solid gold. A little flashy, but that’s the way God liked things.
In which God takes a side: Elisha was bald and touchy about it. A lot of bald men are. When he arrived at the town of Bethel, he was teased by a group of boys who called him “baldy.” Elisha responded to their taunts by summoning a team of wild she-bears. The bears mauled the boys to death, leaving the bloody remains of forty-two children littered on the ground. Nobody knows why Elisha didn’t just summon a full head of hair.
All of the above is in the Bible, of course, but it's a lot more subtle and easy to ignore in a 1200+ page book than in a 200+ page book. In Russell's version, the idea that God — in a moment of bad temper — would kill either millions of people or a group of boys or that he is flashy is ridiculous, as is the whole reward-punishment system, as though God is some sort of heavenly Santa with a nice & naughty list. Moving beyond those ideas may be hard for fundamentalists, but it is possible and sounds something like this:
Our God would be too small if he was not also the God of Gandhi: if God is one, as we believe, then he is the only God of all his people, whether they acknowledge him as such or not. God does not need us to protect him. Many of us perhaps need to have our notion of God deepened and expanded. It is often said, half in jest, that God created man in his own image and man has returned the compliment, saddling God with his own narrow prejudices and exclusivity, foibles and temperamental quirks. God remains God, whether God has worshippers or not. ~ Archbishop Desmond Tutu
3. Evangelical Christians would have to recognize that there are passages in the Bible (re: forgiveness, love, and understanding) in which this very human book seems to get stamped with something more . . . divine. And then they'd have to give a lot of things a rest (e.g., hating on gay people, Beyoncé, Muslims, et al. — and, yes: I'm looking at you, Mike Huckabee).
Because you can't do ^any of those Huckabee-ish things^ when these ideas are stated oh-so-clearly (and multiple times) in both the Old and New Testaments:
From King Solomon: It’s enough to make one cynical, I know, but don’t give in to cynicism just yet. For I will let you in on one more secret I’ve discovered during my long and meaningless lifetime: Just because life is pointless, that doesn’t mean you get to sit around all day moaning about it. There’s still work to be done. You should still help the oppressed, take care of the abandoned, and make each other happy if and when you can. Just because there’s no point to any of it doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do.
About Jesus: While people loved his street magic, Jesus also started teaching his own religious philosophy, which rankled a lot of people. “I like the free fish and bread,” they’d complain, “But can’t he just leave religion out of it?” Jesus could not leave religion out of it. He went around telling people that all that really mattered was how much they loved God and how well they treated one another, which especially bothered the Pharisees, who considered themselves to be holy men because they meticulously followed all the thousands of rules laid out by Moses . . . Jesus had a lot of ideas about religion. His most important idea, though, was forgiveness. The ancient world in which he lived was all about revenge, killing, and constantly appeasing gods who would strike you with lightning just to watch you glow in the dark. Jesus thought, “Wouldn’t life be nice if we all simply forgave each other? If I forgave you, I wouldn’t feel the need for revenge. If you forgave me, I wouldn’t need to be looking over my shoulder all the time. If God forgave all of us, we would more love him as a father than fear him as a cosmic policeman . . . The old way is all about an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, but I say if someone slaps you, offer him a shot at the other cheek. If he sues you for a coat, give him two. Why not? Sure, you’ll be down two coats, but mentally speaking, you’ll be able to move on. Let the other dude be consumed by guilt and pettiness for the rest of his life. Who needs it?”
In short, None, the evangelical Christian's favorite verse about Jesus being "the way, the truth, and the life" and "the only way to the Father" isn't about what they think it's about (i.e., an exclusive ticket to a country club in the sky). As Russell's Jesus would say:
"Metaphors, people!"
Rather, it means that following Jesus's example of reckless love and compassion is how we transcend what's human and become connected to what's divine. That's a truth worth sharing, one that costs much less than $200 — and is worth so much more.