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WORK TITLE: Scattering Ashes
WORK NOTES:
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WEBSITE: http://joanzrough.com/
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RESEARCHER NOTES:
PERSONAL
Married; husband’s name Bill.
ADDRESS
CAREER
Visual artist; poet.
WRITINGS
Contributor of poetry to journals and to the anthology Some Say Tomato, edited by Mariflo Stephens.
SIDELIGHTS
Joan Z. Rough is a visual artist and a poet. In 1980, she published Australian Locker Hooking: A New Approach to a Traditional Craft. Her poetry has been published in various journals as well as in the anthology Some Say Tomatoes.
She led a difficult childhood, moving from house to house and living with dysfunctional parents. Her father was a tyrant who ruled the family, and her mother was an alcoholic. As a result, Joan grew up a damaged individual who thought of herself as a failure, even being diagnosed with PTSD. During the last seven years of her life, Joan’s mother moved in with her, exposing all of the emotions that Joan had about her, including love as well as a hatred for her. Scattering Ashes: A Memoir of Letting Go is her story of caring for her mother and their relationship. On her home page, Rough writes: “It’s an honest and sometimes humorous exploration of the mother/daughter relationship and the well-meaning mistakes both of us made without knowing why. It’s about my mother, a beautiful and loving woman, who was abused by her mother and then by her husband. And it’s about how I made my way from being lost in the mire of life with no one to rescue me but myself. Set in my sixtieth decade, it’s a coming of age story, sure to be of interest to others, especially women, who have lost their way and need to recover their lives.”
Although she has two younger brothers, Joan is left with the responsibility of caring for her mother. When she invites her mother into her home, it is with the hope that she and her mother can finally bond. But it isn’t to be. Her mother is narcissistic and nasty, which brings up in Joan many repressed memories of her childhood. Her mother is eventually diagnosed with stage four cancer. The pain medicine she is prescribed leads to vicious rages directed at Joan. It is only after her mother dies, when Joan is in her sixties, that Joan is able to begin the healing process. In the seven years her mother stays with her, Joan goes through many emotions, including guilt when she finds out that her mother also led a traumatic early life.
A Publishers Weekly reviewer was impressed by the book and wrote: “This is a moving narrative, and one that will ultimately serve a useful guide for families and their caretakers.” Story Circle Web site reviewer Jude Whelley commented: “Anyone who has a difficult relationship with a parent, is a caregiver for a parent, or yearns to find peace in the aftermath of a traumatic relationship with a parent will resonate with the truths Joan Rough shares.”
BIOCRIT
PERIODICALS
Publishers Weekly, June 20, 2016, review of Scattering Ashes: A Memoir of Letting Go, p. 149.
ONLINE
Joan Z. Rough Home Page, http://joanzrough.com (March 13, 2017).
Story Circle, http://www.storycirclebookreviews.org (August 31, 2016), Jude Whelley, review of Scattering Ashes.
QUOTED TEXT: It’s an honest and sometimes humorous exploration of the mother/daughter relationship and the well-meaning mistakes both of us made without knowing why. It’s about my mother, a beautiful and loving woman, who was abused by her mother and then by her husband. And it’s about how I made my way from being lost in the mire of life with no one to rescue me but myself. Set in my sixtieth decade, it’s a coming of age story, sure to be of interest to others, especially woman, who have lost their way and need to recover their lives.
About Joan
Having spent a goodly amount of my life trying to find my way through a maze of constant life changes, I’m finally figuring out where I’ve been, how I got there, and who and where I am today. Mine is a story of an ordinary life that led to a diagnosis of PTSD; where constant fear and anxiety hid in the shadows and attacked without warning whenever I appeared too vulnerable.
As a child I lived like a gypsy, moving from house to house, as quickly as my father could build and then sell them. My father was a tyrant; my mother was an alcoholic with a narcissistic personality. Until recently I believed that I was broken and a failure. I was filled with shame, and the need to keep myself hidden from the rest of the world.
In working through my stories I’ve found healing, acceptance, and forgiveness for myself and the others who have left a mark on my life.
My upcoming memoir is about my relationship with my mother, during the last seven years of her life when I became her caretaker and she lived with me in my home. I recall both my love and hatred for her, explore my recovery from loss and abuse, and find the imperfect, but sensitive and compassionate human being that I am.
It’s an honest and sometimes humorous exploration of the mother/daughter relationship and the well-meaning mistakes both of us made without knowing why. It’s about my mother, a beautiful and loving woman, who was abused by her mother and then by her husband. And it’s about how I made my way from being lost in the mire of life with no one to rescue me but myself. Set in my sixtieth decade, it’s a coming of age story, sure to be of interest to others, especially woman, who have lost their way and need to recover their lives.
Besides writing poetry and nonfiction, I am an artist, passionate about painting with oils and wax, collage, mixed media, photography, and sculpting French beaded flowers. My work in photography has been exhibited throughout the nation and has found homes in numerous collections. Though retired from actively showing my work, I still take great joy in creating large, colorful works on canvas and paper and smaller encaustic paintings on wood.
In 1980 I wrote and published the now out-of-print instruction book, AUSTRALIAN LOCKER HOOKING, A New Approach to a Traditional Craft. My poetry has been published in numerous journals and is included in the anthology, Some Say Tomato, by Mariflo Stephens.
Scattering Ashes: A Memoir of Letting Go
Publishers Weekly. 263.25 (June 20, 2016): p149.
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2016 PWxyz, LLC
http://www.publishersweekly.com/
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Full Text:
Scattering Ashes: A Memoir of Letting Go
Joan Z. Rough. She Writes, $16.95 trade paper (236p) ISBN 978-1-63152-095-2
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
In this blistering account, Rough, an artist and writer, depicts the many difficulties of supporting an elderly abusive parent. In 2001, she invites her ailing, alcoholic mother to move into her Virginia home. Their proximity opens many old wounds in their fraught relationship and forces Rough to confront painful memories of the physical and emotional abuse her parents inflicted on her when she was a child. Rough is unsparing about her complicated feelings of love, hatred, and guilt for her mother, whose more traumatic early home life she gradually learns about, and bravely honest as she examines her struggles to overcome a long-held identification as a victim. In her final years, Rough's mother is diagnosed with stage four cancer. The pain medication, like alcohol, brings out vicious rages that she focuses on her daughter. Rough has two younger brothers, but they leave her in charge of their mother's doctor appointments, medications, hospitalizations, and hospice. Only following her mother's death in 2008 is Rough--now in her 60s--really able to begin a recovery. She initially resists a diagnosis of PTSD but realizes she needs to change long-held patterns and behaviors; trying to find forgiveness for two very damaged parents, she concludes they did the best they could. This is a moving narrative, and one that will ultimately serve a useful guide for families and their caretakers. (Sept.)
QUOTED TEXT: Anyone who has a difficult relationship with a parent, is a caregiver for a parent, or yearns to find peace in the aftermath of a traumatic relationship with a parent will resonate with the truths Joan Rough shares.
Scattering Ashes: A Memoir of Letting Go
by Joan Z. Rough
She Writes Press, 2016. ISBN 978-6-315-20952-1.
Reviewed by Jude Whelley
Posted on 08/31/2016
Nonfiction: Memoir
(click on book cover or title to buy from amazon.com)
Joan Rough had a complicated relationship with her mother. When she decided to take her into her home and care for her during the final years of her mother's life, Rough hoped for a healing experience. She hoped they would finally bond and have some quality time together.
Instead repressed memories of childhood abuse surface and her mother's cantankerous and narcissistic behavior make it challenging for Joan to even remain pleasant to her mother. Rough's dream of reconciliation fails miserably. But she soldiers on.
It is as if Rough has tucked us into her pocket and we are allowed to observe her days as she experiences them. She is unflinchingly honest, sugarcoating nothing. She describes her own failings and lack of patience as well as the tender moments that surface at the most unexpected times.
After her mother's death, Rough has to make a decision about what to do with her mother's ashes and how to let go of the legacy of pain she carries. She shares her "Letting-Go" rituals, each one taking her closer to forgiving herself and her mother and finding peace.
Anyone who has a difficult relationship with a parent, is a caregiver for a parent, or yearns to find peace in the aftermath of a traumatic relationship with a parent will resonate with the truths Joan Rough shares.
Read an excerpt from this book.
Joan Z. Rough is a visual artist, poet, and writer of nonfiction. Her poems have been published in a variety of journals and are included in the anthology, Some Say Tomatoes by Mariflo Stephens. Her first book, Australian Locker Hooking: A New Approach to a Traditional Craft, was published in 1980. She lives in Charlotte, Virginia. Visit her website.