Contemporary Authors

1. Unscrewed : women, sex, power, and how to stop letting the system screw us all https://lccn.loc.gov/2017023481 Friedman, Jaclyn, author. Unscrewed : women, sex, power, and how to stop letting the system screw us all / Jaclyn Friedman. Berkeley : Seal Press, 2017. 280 pages ; 24 cm HQ1426 .F8475 2017 ISBN: 9781580056410 (hardback) 2. What you really really want : the smart girl's shame-free guide to sex and safety https://lccn.loc.gov/2011030552 Friedman, Jaclyn. What you really really want : the smart girl's shame-free guide to sex and safety / by Jaclyn Friedman. Berkeley, CA : Seal Press, c2011. 343 p.; 21 cm. HQ46 .F77 2011 ISBN: 9781580053440 (alk. paper) 3. Yes means yes! : visions of female sexual power & a world without rape https://lccn.loc.gov/2008020989 Yes means yes! : visions of female sexual power & a world without rape / Jaclyn Friedman & Jessica Valenti [editors] ; foreword by Margaret Cho. Berkeley, Calif. : Seal Press, c2008. 361 p. ; 21 cm. HQ29 .Y47 2008 ISBN: 9781580052573 (pbk.) :1580052576 (pbk.) :

• Jaclyn Friedman - https://www.jaclynfriedman.com/about/bio

  About Jaclyn

  Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, educator and activist, and creator of three books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009), What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety, and her latest, Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All. Her podcast, also called Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire.

  As an undergraduate, Jaclyn thought she was too smart to become a victim of sexual assault – until another student proved her wrong. That experience eventually led her to become a student and instructor of IMPACT safety training. At IMPACT, she helped bring safety skills to the communities which most need them, including gang-involved high school students and women transitioning out of abusive relationships.

  Friedman’s work has popularized the “yes means yes” standard of sexual consent that is quickly becoming law on many US campuses. In Unscrewed, she calls on the movement for women’s sexual liberation to move past individualistic “empowerment” messages (for which she coined the term “fauxpowerment”) to focus on collectively transforming the systems and institutions invested in keeping women sexually servile. Kirkus called it “a potent, convincing manifesto,” and Kate Tuttle, president of the National Book Critics Circle, called it “the book we need right now.”

  Friedman is a popular speaker on campuses and at conferences across the U.S. and beyond. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Nightline, PBS News Hour, the Melissa Harris-Perry Show, and numerous other radio and television shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including The New York Times, Vox, Time, The Washington Post, Glamour and The Guardian. Friedman is a founder and the former Executive Director of Women, Action & the Media, where she led the successful #FBrape campaign to apply Facebook’s hate-speech ban to content that promotes gender-based violence. Friedman also holds an MFA in creative writing from Emerson College.

• The Nation - https://www.thenation.com/authors/jaclyn-friedman/

  Jaclyn Friedman is the Executive Director of Women, Action & the Media and a charter member of CounterQuo, a national coalition challenging the way we respond to sexual violence. Her anthology, Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape, was named one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009.

• What You Really Really Want - http://whatyoureallyreallywant.net/about-the-author/

  Click here to visit Jaclyn’s home on the web.

  Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, performer, and activist, and the editor of the hit book Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009).

  Her new book, What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety, is due out Nov. 1 from Seal Press.

  As an undergraduate, Jaclyn thought she was too smart to become a victim of sexual assault – until another student proved her wrong. That experience eventually led her to become a student and instructor of IMPACT safety training. At IMPACT, she helped bring safety skills to the communities which most need them, including gang-involved high school students and women transitioning out of abusive relationships.

  Jaclyn’s article “Drinking and Rape: Let’s Wise Up About It,” originally published by Women’s eNews in February 2007, was reprinted in several major online outlets and has become a popular reference for new thinking about preventing rape without shaming or blaming women. The article – and the public response to it – was the inspiration for Yes Means Yes.

  In 2010, Friedman helped redefine the concept of “healthy sexuality” with two landmark pieces: the interview “F*cking While Feminist” and the highly personal polemic “My Sluthood, Myself,” which together inspired thousands of responses and explorations across the blogosphere and beyond. Her insistence that authentic sexual liberation is both compatible with and necessary for combating the systemic sexualization and violation of women, led Lyn Mikel Brown (Co-founder of SPARK and Professor of Education and Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies, Colby College) to call her “this generation’s version of Dr. Ruth.”

  Friedman is a popular speaker on campuses and at conferences across the U.S. and beyond. She has been a guest on BBC World Have Your Say, Democracy Now!, To The Contrary, and numerous other radio and television shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including CNN, The Washington Post, The Nation, Jezebel, Feministing.com, The American Prospect, Bitch, AlterNet, and The Huffington Post. She is a SheSource expert and a Progressive Women’s Voices alumna, and was named one of 2009’s Top 40 Progressive Leaders Under 40 by the New Leaders Council. Friedman is a founder and the Executive Director of Women, Action & the Media, a national organization working for gender justice in media. Friedman also holds an MFA in creative writing from Emerson College.

• Madison House Inc - https://madisonhouseinc.com/jaclyn-friedman/

  Photo Credit: Nolwen Cifuentes

  Jaclyn Friedman is an educator, activist, and creator of three hit books: Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009), What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety, and her newest, Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power & How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All. Her podcast, also called Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire.

  As an undergraduate, Jaclyn thought she was too smart to become a victim of sexual assault – until another student proved her wrong. That experience eventually led her to become a student and instructor of IMPACT safety training. At IMPACT, she helped bring safety skills to the communities which most need them, including gang-involved high school students and women transitioning out of abusive relationships.

  Friedman’s work has popularized the “yes means yes” standard of sexual consent that is quickly becoming law on many US campuses. In her latest book, Unscrewed, she calls on the movement for women’s sexual liberation to move past individualistic “empowerment” messages (for which she coined the term “fauxpowerment”) to focus on collectively transforming the systems and institutions invested in keeping women sexually servile. Kirkus called it “a potent, convincing manifesto,” and Kate Tuttle, president of the National Book Critics Circle, called it “the book we need right now.”

  Friedman is a popular speaker on campuses and at conferences across the U.S. and beyond. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Nightline, PBS News Hour, the Melissa Harris-Perry Show, and numerous other radio and television shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including The New York Times, Vox, Time, The Washington Post, Glamour and The Guardian. Friedman is a founder and the former Executive Director of Women, Action & the Media, where she led the successful #FBrape campaign to apply Facebook’s hate-speech ban to content that promotes gender-based violence. Friedman also holds an MFA in creative writing from Emerson College.
  SPEECH TITLES AND DESCRIPTIONS

  HOW TO HAVE SEX WITHOUT GETTING HURT OR BEING A JERK

  Confused about consent? Not sure how to say no, or what you want to say yes to? Can’t imagine how to communicate without killing the mood? In this interactive, Q&A-based session, Friedman starts with the assumption that all of us want to have fun and intimacy on our own terms without hurting anyone else — the rest is details. Students will learn the real meaning of “Yes Means Yes,” discover how to go after what they want in bed while still being a responsible partner, and leave with some tools they can use to leave our sexual world a little better (and hotter) than they found it.

  Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power and How To Stop Letting the System Screw Us All

  Much of the anxiety and fear women in our country feel around issues of their sexuality stems from forces that are not their fault, but are side effects of our toxic culture. In what Friedman calls our modern “era of fauxpowerment,” our culture and institutions give women the illusion of sexual power, with very little actual power to support it. Friedman breaks down the causes and signs of fauxpowerment in media, politics, education, religion, and more, giving audiences tools to make positive change toward a culture that supports genuine sexual sovereignty for all.

  Sane, Safe, Strong: Creating a Safe and Healthy Sexual Culture for Your Community

  Based on her hit book “Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape,” she connects the dots between how culture shames women for expressing their sexuality, how the media uses empty images of female sexuality to fuel sales, and how rape is allowed to function in society. Friedman leads an interactive discussion about the ways you and your campus or community can create a culture that makes sexual violence rare, clear and swiftly punished.
  BOOKS
  Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power & How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All

  As a veteran feminist and agenda-setting sex educator, Jaclyn Friedman is on the frontlines of the war for equity between the sexes. In Unscrewed, Friedman brings her sharp expertise and incisive observations on the state of sexual politics to the fore, sparking a culture-wide rethink about sex, power and what we accept.

  With reportage and verve, Unscrewed builds a searing investigation into the state of sexual power in America, and outlines how to make real progress toward equality. Friedman reveals that the anxiety and fear women in our country feel around issues of their sexuality are not, in fact, their fault, but instead are side effects of what she calls our “era of fauxpowerment,” wherein women have the illusion of sexual power, with no actual power to support it. Exploring the fault lines where media, religion, politics, and education impinge on our intimate lives, Unscrewed breaks down the causes and signs of fauxpowerment, then gives readers tools to take it on themselves.

• The American Prospect - http://prospect.org/authors/jaclyn-friedman

  RSS
  Jaclyn Friedman

  Jaclyn Friedman is author of What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety, and editor of Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape. She is executive director of Women, Action & the Media, and a charter member of CounterQuo, a coalition dedicated to challenging the ways we respond to sexual violence.

• Wikapedia - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaclyn_Friedman

  Jaclyn Friedman
  From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
  Jaclyn Friedman
  Jaclyn Friedman headshot.jpg
  Residence Boston, Massachusetts
  Education Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing
  Alma mater Wesleyan University, Emerson College
  Occupation Executive Director, Women, Action & the Media (WAM!)
  Known for Editing Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape
  Website jaclynfriedman.com
  Jaclyn Friedman is an American feminist writer and activist from Boston, Massachusetts, best known as the co-editor (with Jessica Valenti) of Yes Means Yes: Visions of Sexual Power and a World Without Rape, the writer of What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide To Sex and Safety, a campus speaker on issues of healthy sexuality and anti-rape activism, and the founder and executive director of Women, Action & The Media.

  Contents
  1 Background
  2 Women, action and the media
  3 Other activism
  4 Controversy
  5 Writing
  6 Media
  7 Notes
  Background
  Friedman graduated from Wesleyan University, and earned an MFA in creative writing from Emerson College in 2004. She lives in the Boston area.[1] She is openly bisexual, and was sexually assaulted while she was an undergraduate in college.[2][3]

  Women, action and the media
  Friedman is the founder and Executive Director of Women, Action and the Media (WAM!), a North American non-profit focusing on gender justice and media issues.[4] WAM!’s accomplishments include the successful campaigns to pressure Facebook to enforce its terms of service against incitements to violence against women[5] and to pressure Clear Channel to rescind its decision not to run advertisements for South Wind Women's Center, a women's health clinic in Wichita.[6] WAM! also runs chapters in Boston, New York, Chicago, LA, DC, Ottawa and Vancouver.[7]

  Other activism
  Friedman regularly speaks at college campuses on the subjects of sexuality, sexualization, rape culture, and creating a healthy sexual culture around enthusiastic consent. She also hosts a weekly podcast "Fucking While Feminist."[8] In 2010 Friedman was selected as a delegate on the Nobel Women’s Initiative's peace delegation to Israel and Palestine.[9] A documentary, Partners for Peace, has been made about the delegation, and Friedman is featured in the film.[10]

  Controversy
  In 2012, Friedman came under fire for her piece, Unsolicited Advice For Blue Ivy Carter,[11] which was heavily criticized by African-American women for alleged racist overtones.[12] Friedman subsequently issued a public apology on her blog, and donated the fee she received for the piece to SisterSong, an activist group that primarily deals with women of color.[13]

  Writing
  Yes Means Yes: Visions of Sexual Power and a World Without Rape, an anthology co-edited by Friedman and Jessica Valenti, was published in January 2009.[14] It was selected as one of Publishers Weekly Best 100 Books of 2009,[15] and is number 11 on Ms. magazine's list of Most Influential Feminist Books of All Time.[16]

  In 2011, inspired by the questions that young women asked her while she was on book tour for Yes Means Yes,[17] Friedman's published her second book, What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety.[18] What You Really Really Want was a finalist for Foreword's Book of the Year award in Women's Issues.[19] Salon.com called it "a sex guide for today's girls," and said of Friedman that she “is the sex educator of many parents’ nightmares. She’s also just the teacher young women need.”[20]

  Friedman's writings have been published widely, including in The Guardian,[21] The American Prospect,[22] The Washington Post,[23][24] The Nation[25] and Salon.[26]

  Media
  Friedman has appeared as a guest on The Melissa Harris-Perry Show,[27] as well as the BBC,[28] Q with Jian Ghomeshi,[29] CNN,[30] Huffington Post Live,[31] and Democracy Now.[32]

Unscrewed
Mary Cowper
MBR Bookwatch.
(Jan. 2018): From Book Review Index Plus. COPYRIGHT 2018 Midwest Book Review http://www.midwestbookreview.com
Full Text: Unscrewed Jaclyn Friedman Seal Press
c/o Hachette Book Group
1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10104 9781580056410, $27.00, HC, 288pp, www.amazon.com
Synopsis: As a veteran feminist and agenda-setting sex educator, Jaclyn Friedman is on the frontlines of the war for equity between the sexes. In "Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All", Friedman brings her years of personal experience, her sharp expertise and her incisive observations on the state of sexual politics to the fore, sparking a culture-wide rethink about sex, power and what we accept.
With insightful reportage and verve, "Unscrewed" builds a searing investigation into the state of sexual power in America, and outlines how to make real progress toward equality. Friedman reveals that the anxiety and fear women in our country feel around issues of their sexuality are not, in fact, their fault, but instead are side effects of what she calls our "era of fauxpowerment", wherein women have the illusion of sexual power, with no actual power to support it.
Exploring the fault lines where media, religion, politics, and education impinge on our intimate lives, "Unscrewed" breaks down the causes and signs of illusionary empowerment, then gives readers tools to take it on themselves.
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Critique; An urgent account of sexual politics, feminism, and the rules of power in America-and a potent vision for the way forward, "Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All" is a inherently compelling, impressively informative, exceptionally well written, organized and presented study that should be a part of every community and academic library Women's Issues collections and supplemental studies lists. It should be noted for personal reading lists that "Unscrewed" is also available in a digital book format (Kindle, $17.99) and in a complete and unabridged audio book edition (Blackstone Audio, 9781478998259, $35.00, CD).
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Cowper, Mary. "Unscrewed." MBR Bookwatch, Jan. 2018. Book Review Index Plus,
http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A526871182/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS& xid=0fddda03. Accessed 17 May 2018.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A526871182
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Friedman, Jaclyn: UNSCREWED
Kirkus Reviews.
(Sept. 15, 2017): From Book Review Index Plus. COPYRIGHT 2017 Kirkus Media LLC http://www.kirkusreviews.com/
Full Text:
Friedman, Jaclyn UNSCREWED Seal Press (Adult Nonfiction) $27.00 11, 14 ISBN: 978-1-58005-641-0
A feminist perspective on sexual power and its uses and abuses in America.Women's sexuality expert Friedman (What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety, 2011) believes women are in the midst of an era of "fauxpowerment" whereby "bright, candy-colored" notions of female sexual liberation, equality, and sexual power cloak the real reality of the "still mostly retrograde and misogynist status quo." In clear, concise language, she argues that the current state of American culture suffers from a sexual revolution that remains unfinished and is in dire need of an overhaul while economic, governmental, and technological forces falsely promote the advancements in the sexual empowerment and equalization of women. Supporting this claim are numerous profiles of change-makers who, through their individual and collective efforts, have fostered a culture of assistance and acceptance. They include a host of grass-roots pioneers who have dedicated their lives to defusing misogyny and sexual oppression and to reshaping public perception. Friedman chronicles her discussions with reproductive justice activist Loretta Ross, her volunteer work with a sexual research study at a Toronto university, and her questioning of Facebook's little-known policy on adult products and services. She also examines the arduous fight over abortion rights and profiles award-winning female- empowerment filmmakers. With a seasoned eye, Friedman scrutinizes the complex historical legacy of sexual dehumanization and the contemporary proliferation of the teenage hookup culture. All of these interviews and anecdotal material inform readers on the slowly changing attitudes toward American sexual culture for women, from a toxic environment built on humiliation, shame, and violence to one of equality and liberation. However, notes the author, there is a long road ahead. The text is lively, emboldening, and nonjudgmental, and Friedman provides tools and processes whereby readers can become involved in an equality movement aimed at "seizing your power from a system that doesn't want you to have it." A potent, convincing manifesto on how female sexual equality marches onward despite cultural roadblocks.
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"Friedman, Jaclyn: UNSCREWED." Kirkus Reviews, 15 Sept. 2017. Book Review Index Plus,
http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A504217600/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS& xid=455a93a6. Accessed 17 May 2018.
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What You Really Really Want: The
smart girl's shame-free guide to sex
and safety
Shayna Stock
Briarpatch.
41.3 (May-June 2012): p35. From Book Review Index Plus. COPYRIGHT 2012 Briarpatch, Inc. http://briarpatchmagazine.com
Full Text:
In the midst of conflicting and ubiquitous messages about women's sexuality, it's no wonder so many young women have a hard time determining and articulating their desires and boundaries when it comes to sex. The challenge of cultivating a healthy, satisfying, and self-directed sex life can feel next to impossible.
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
What You Really Really Want offers readers not only hope that a healthy sex life is possible but also practical guidance for reclaiming our sexuality. In this resolutely pragmatic, no-nonsense guide, Jaclyn Friedman expertly walks readers through the process of penetrating the layers of influence on our sexuality with the ultimate goal of taking our sex lives into our own hands.
Although written expressly for younger women and girls, the book is a valuable resource for anyone seeking to explore their sexual desires and boundaries, and is actively inclusive of all genders and sexual orientations.
Friedman is the co-editor with Jessica Valenti of the anthology Yes Means Yes! Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape. After a reporter asked her to explain how we "figure out what we want to say 'yes' to in the first place." she decided to write What You Really Really Want to help readers answer this question for themselves.
Beginning with an examination of the impact of family, media, peers, school, religious institutions, medical professionals, and partners on our sexuality, Friedman encourages readers to first determine where they currently stand when it comes to sex and sexuality before delving into what they want and, finally, how to get it.
The "terrible trio"--shame, blame, and fear--are introduced early on as major barriers to connecting with one's sexuality. Their persistent reappearance throughout the book can feel repetitive at times, but given the pervasiveness of this "triple threat" in society and the depth of its damage, it's hard to, well, blame Friedman for their prevalence in the book.
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What You Really Really Want reads like a workbook, and Friedman encourages readers to take their time with it (a week or two per chapter, which works out to three to six months). Each chapter includes prompts for written reflection and points readers to lists of additional resources. Friedman brings in her own personal desires, boundaries, and experiences of sexuality only intermittently in order to illustrate her points. The emphasis throughout is on the reader, with Friedman guiding her along with the directness and compassion of an older sister.
Friedman's frank yet intimate approach gives the reader a sense of being guided by competent, caring hands. The book asks a lot of its readers, challenging them to take a great deal of responsibility for their own sexual health and safety, asking them to rehash potentially painful experiences, and coaxing them through difficult but important conversations. Friedman balances this heaviness with friendly reassurances throughout, such as "This chapter may have stirred up uncomfortable memories." and "Life is messy sometimes, and so is sex."
The book falls short in addressing the systemic nature of sexual oppression and advocating for a society that nurtures, even celebrates, female sexuality. Friedman acknowledges that sexuality is socially constructed but only briefly touches on the structural barriers to sexual self- determination. While she guides readers through personal reflections on how systemic prejudices based on age, race, class, gender, and sexual orientation impact the way we experience sexuality as individuals, she stops short of suggesting any collective efforts to address the roots of sexual violence beyond a short section at the end that vaguely encourages us to advocate for a more "holistic, pleasure-based model" of sexual education within our schools.
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Nevertheless, What You Really Really Want is a powerful tool for radically transforming how we understand and navigate the complexities of our own sexuality.
By Jaclyn Friedman Seal Press, 2011 Review by Shaynd Stock
Stock, Shayna
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Stock, Shayna. "What You Really Really Want: The smart girl's shame-free guide to sex and
safety." Briarpatch, May-June 2012, p. 35. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A297829506/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS& xid=b1d33f8b. Accessed 17 May 2018.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A297829506
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Yes Means Yes! Visions of Female
Sexual Power & a World Without
Rape
Lisa Tremblay
Herizons.
22.4 (Spring 2009): p43. From Book Review Index Plus. COPYRIGHT 2009 Herizons Magazine, Inc.
Full Text:
YES MEANS YES! VISIONS OF FEMALE SEXUAL POWER & A WORLD WITHOUT RAPE
EDITED BY JACLYN FRIEDMAN AND JESSICA VALENTI Seal Press
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
If you think the anti-violence movement needs some fresh ideas, then is your book. The authors in this anthology call for a paradigm shift in our analysis of rape culture and in our strategies to end it.
The contributors affirm what we already know: that rape is a tool used by men to control women's sexual autonomy and has been a foundational cultural practice for millennia. The crux of their argument is that because suppressing female sexual agency is a key element in rape culture, fostering female sexual autonomy has to be part of the strategy to stop it.
offers plenty of ideas for doing just that. As the title suggests, one idea is to move beyond No Means No to talking about consent as an enthusiastic yes. This involves "changing the thinking from sex when someone says no is wrong, to sex when someone doesn't openly and
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enthusiastically want it is wrong."
It means sexual health promotion and sexual violence prevention need to work together and focus on safety, pleasure and providing tools for positive sexuality (like talking about the clitoris in sex- ed classes and teaching girls self-defence). It means socializing boys "to expect and proactively ensure that every sexual interaction is marked by mutual enjoyment and respect" where men treat their female sexual partners "as collaborators, not conquests." For all of us, it means breaking the silence about sex and imagining a world where women enjoy sex on their own terms and aren't ashamed for it.
Editors Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti have brought together a wide range of contributors representing a variety of perspectives. But they all want to live in a world without rape, where women own their bodies and are in touch with--and are supported to embrace--their authentic sexual desires. They've laid out an exciting plan to get there--one that might very well have more appeal to women and men than the No Means No campaigns of yesteryear.
Tremblay, Lisa
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Tremblay, Lisa. "Yes Means Yes! Visions of Female Sexual Power & a World Without Rape."
Herizons, Spring 2009, p. 43. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc /A198809397/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS&xid=909dfbc5. Accessed 17 May 2018.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A198809397
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Cowper, Mary. "Unscrewed." MBR Bookwatch, Jan. 2018. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A526871182/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS&xid=0fddda03. Accessed 17 May 2018. "Friedman, Jaclyn: UNSCREWED." Kirkus Reviews, 15 Sept. 2017. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A504217600/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS&xid=455a93a6. Accessed 17 May 2018. Stock, Shayna. "What You Really Really Want: The smart girl's shame-free guide to sex and safety." Briarpatch, May-June 2012, p. 35. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A297829506/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS&xid=b1d33f8b. Accessed 17 May 2018. Tremblay, Lisa. "Yes Means Yes! Visions of Female Sexual Power & a World Without Rape." Herizons, Spring 2009, p. 43. Book Review Index Plus, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A198809397/GPS?u=schlager&sid=GPS&xid=909dfbc5. Accessed 17 May 2018.

• PBS News Hour
  https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/yes-means-yes
  Word count: 1487

  Read the Full Transcript

  GWEN IFILL:

  There’s been mounting pressure on college and university campuses to take new steps to curb sexual assault. One approach, to redefine the way sexual consent is given through an affirmative form of consent that shifts the focus from no to yes. But that premise has jump-started its own debate.

  Hari Sreenivasan has our look.

  HARI SREENIVASAN:

  California recently made affirmative consent the law. And other states are considering similar moves, while many schools have made it a part of their policy.

  Here to discuss this are Jaclyn Friedman, editor of the book “Yes Means Yes!:

  Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape,” and Shikha Dalmia of the Reason Foundation, a libertarian think tank. She is also a columnist for the magazine “The Week.”

  So, Ms. Friedman, I want to start with you.

  Explain what exactly affirmative consent means, and why do you think it’s necessary?

  JACLYN FRIEDMAN, Editor, “Yes Means Yes!”:

  Affirmative consent is the basic principle that all people participating in a sexual act or experience with each other have to make sure that their partner is not only not objecting, but that they’re actually actively into whatever is happening.

  It’s really that simple. And if you can’t tell, you have to ask. It’s necessary because no means no, which we have all learned, is not adequate, right? There are a lot of situation where, if a person feels threatened or overpowered, they may freeze up and not protest, even though they don’t want anything to happen to them, or that they might be incapacitated from drugs or alcohol and can’t protest.

  And, oftentimes, these are used as defenses by rapists, and they get away with it, and are left free to re-offend. And so we really need to move to a standard that says it’s on all of us to make sure that our partners are actively enjoying whatever is happening between us, which seems also like a pretty basic human principle.

  HARI SREENIVASAN:

  OK.

  Ms. Dalmia, that seems fairly logical. What’s wrong with it?

  SHIKHA DALMIA, Reason Foundation:

  It does, except that the consent is required under current law, too. No means no also means consent, that you cannot have sex with somebody who has not consented.

  The difference between no means no and yes means yes is that it puts the burden of proof on the person who has been accused to prove that they obtained consent, not on the person who was objecting or not giving consent.

  So, essentially, it changes the presumption in a very essential way, that the person who is accused will no longer be sort of assumed innocent until proven guilty. It will be the other way around.

  HARI SREENIVASAN:

  All right, Ms. Friedman, what about that switch, that the presumption has switched from guilt to — or innocence to guilt?

  JACLYN FRIEDMAN:

  Well, we don’t say that when we say that a kidnapper, when we ask a kidnapper, like, did you have permission to take them somewhere, right? So that doesn’t create presumption of guilt. So I don’t know see why it would be different in sexual assault.

  What it does is, it changes the default assumption that if you’re encountering someone sexually, currently, under current rules and regulations, the default is the assumption is that you can do whatever you want to their body until they stop you. And this just changes the default assumption, which is, you can’t do anything to anybody else’s body without their enthusiastic consent.

  HARI SREENIVASAN:

  OK. So?

  SHIKHA DALMIA:

  Well, if you notice what Jaclyn was saying, it shifted from consent to enthusiastic consent, which is kind of what the problem is.

  It kind of mistakes how human sexuality actually works. People don’t — the way the yes means yes standard will work is that you have to give your enthusiastic consent, not just at the very beginning or at one point in the act. It has to be ongoing consent.

  So, you move from kissing to fondling to other acts, it has to be achieved at every step. That’s just not how human beings have sex. And, yet, this particular standard will put the burden of proof on the accused to prove that they somehow obtained enthusiastic consent, when that’s just not how things work in the bedroom.

  HARI SREENIVASAN:

  Ms. Friedman, without even the word just enthusiastic, how practical is the implementation of it? Do couples have to have written consent, or have a text, or how do they prove this in court if things go back in their relationship?

  JACLYN FRIEDMAN:

  Look, the point of this — first of all, there are no courts. The affirmative consent law in California applies to college judicial boards, right?

  So, the question is, can you remain part of the campus community or not? There’s no courts involved. There are no jails involved. That’s not what we’re talking about. A campus community is a voluntary community that nobody has a right to join or remain in. So, I just want to clear that up.

  And campuses have an obligation under Title IX to provide a safe environment for all students, regardless of gender. And the Supreme Court ruled a long time ago that that applies to addressing rape and sexual violence on campus.

  Of course we are not talking about written consent, or you don’t need a notary in the room to touch my left breast. It’s very practical. I can tell you that I practice it all the time, and so do plenty of people. All it requires is that you pay attention to your partner. You can be enthusiastic about trying something. You can be enthusiastic about finding out how something goes.

  It’s not like you have to be at a peak sexual appearance the whole time. You just have to — if you’re unsure whether or not your partner is actively into whatever is happening, you just have to make sure. Whether that’s verbally, if you feel confident that you can read their body language, that’s — feel confident.

  You can say, you know, these are — this is the body language that I would point to. It’s just about staying present and in communication with your sexual partner, which is something that is going to make all of our sex lives better anyway.

  HARI SREENIVASAN:

  So, Ms. Dalmia, are you concerned that it impacts life beyond campuses?

  SHIKHA DALMIA:

  Yes.

  I mean, you know, feminists have made no secret about this. The campus yes means yes law is just a precursor to how they actually want to deal with rape cases in criminal settings, which is essentially changing the burden of proof from the person who is accusing to the person who is accused, which is actually very, very fundamental.

  We can claim that, well, you know, on campuses, you’re not actually throwing people in jail, so it’s OK. But the fact of the matter is that you are ruining lives. The problem, the central problem with yes means yes standard is, in my view, is that it will actually not do all that much to snag real rapists.

  It will go after people who actually didn’t, you know, mean any harm. They were not intending to rape or they’re not savvy enough to beat the system. They will essentially — people who are predators and savvy enough to rape are also savvy enough to lie in campus investigations.

  And the problem with yes means yes is that it doesn’t really essentially get over the he said/she said problem. So that problem remains the same. On the other hand, it will make it very, very difficult for innocent people to actually prove that they are innocent. So you will create a lot of victims in the course of actually solving a problem that isn’t quite the way it should be solved.

  HARI SREENIVASAN:

  OK.

  Shikha Dalmia and Jaclyn Friedman, thanks to you both for your time.

  SHIKHA DALMIA:

  Thanks for having me.

  JACLYN FRIEDMAN:

  Absolutely. Thank you.

• Feministe
  http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/10/29/jaclyn-friedman-on-what-you-really-really-want/
  Word count: 421

  Jaclyn Friedman on “What You Really Really Want”
  by Clarisse Thorn • October 29, 2011 • 8 Comments

  Awesome interview done by Salon’s Tracy Clark-Flory with Jaclyn Friedman on Jaclyn’s new book — What You Really Really Want: A Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide To Sex And Safety.

  Snip from the interview’s intro:

  Jaclyn Friedman is the sex educator of many parents’ nightmares. She’s also just the teacher young women need.

  The 39-year-old activist has written about looking for hookups on Craigslist’s Casual Encounters, expounded on the challenges of “fucking while feminist” and passionately advocated for the “Slut Walk” movement. But regardless of whatever parental discomfort her raunchy CV may inspire, she’s written just the sex-advice book that teenage girls – and plenty of their elders — desperately need right now: What You Really, Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety.

  Too many books in this genre promise certain drive-your-man-wild tricks, or they take a side in the politicized debate over hookup culture. Friedman instead has one thing on her agenda: Getting girls to explore and embrace their own authentic sexual identities without shame, fear or guilt. Instead of arguing for empowerment through one-night stands or, conversely, abstinence, she leaves it up to young women to decide what it is that’s best for them. But she also offers guidance along the way, urging them to critically examine the social pressures and media messages that have shaped their understandings of sexiness, sexual fulfillment and love.

  The book is filled with writing exercises that prompt readers to reflect on everything from body image to sexual assault. It’s essentially a guide to writing one’s own personal sexual manifesto. This is a rare thing in a culture filled with generic, passive models of female sexuality – from pop offerings like the Pussycat Dolls to hardcore porn stars. A heartbreaking example of just how sorely this is needed came last week when the “sex tape” of a 14-year-old girl in Baltimore, Md., went viral — her boyfriend allegedly threatened to leave her unless she filmed it.

  I spoke to Friedman by phone about her own sexual mission statement, how to help women protect themselves without “blaming the victim” and why she’s still struggling with criticisms of Slut Walk.

  Read the interview here.

  AND Happy Halloween Saturday, y’all. Whether you go out or stay in, be safe and have fun!

• Self Defense and Empowerment for Women and Girls
  http://www.safewomenandgirls.com/2011/12/08/review-what-you-really-really-want-by-jaclyn-friedman/index.html
  Word count: 682

  Review: What You Really Really Want By Jaclyn Friedman
  8 Dec

  Cover art from

  What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Guide to Shame-Free Sex and Safety by is a valuable and accessible guide for women to finding happy, healthy sexuality despite societal pressures to live with the “terrible trio: shame, blame and fear.”

  Jaclyn Friedman is one of the most prominent 3rd wave feminist writers and thinkers of our time. A former IMPACT self-defense instructor, she may be best known for co-editing with Jessica Valenti the ground-breaking Yes Means Yes: Visions of A World Without Sexual Assault. With , a compilation of essays, Friedman and Valenti brought into popular discussion the idea that in order to create a world without sexual assault, we need to create a world in which women are equally free to say yes as we are to say no. In her new book, released in November 2011, Friedman helps readers to evaluate what it is exactly that they want to say yes and no to (which will likely change over time), and hardest of all, exactly how to have those conversations with sexual partners.

  Sexuality is such an intimate and vulnerable topic that any book on the subject, particularly a how-to guide, needs to meet the basic requirement of making the reader feel safe. Friedman walks a perfect balance. She does not hold back from stating some facts and expert opinions that might make some readers uncomfortable, yet she recognizes and honors the diversity of her readership and never tells the reader what decisions she should make in her own life.

  Friedman uses two main teaching tools throughout her guide: 1) Writing exercises throughout each chapter allow the reader to delve as deeply as she wants. These are an accessible jumping off point for self-discovery and make the book customizable to the individual. 2) Stories and feedback from a diverse group of women who workshopped the book throughout the writing process bring a variety of voices and experiences to each chapter. Sometimes funny or sexy, sometimes painful, these additions bring the book to life.

  What impressed me most about this book was the breadth of content covered in such a concise, readable way. Friedman’s voice comes through as your friendly, approachable, sometimes laugh-out-loud funny tour guide through a whole world of ideas about sexuality. Although the intended audience is young women (I plan to give this book to my little sister when she becomes a teenager), women of all ages will find places for reflection and growth in this guide. Men, too, could gain sensitivity and understanding from reading this book– or maybe find themselves asking the same question of what it is they really really want!

  If you’re still not sure whether or not this book is for you, check out the at the companion . It starts off with a quiz that you can score yourself to know if you should read WYRRW (my vote: you should!). The site is also packed with handy resources referenced throughout the book. So go ahead! Pick up a copy or two (one for a friend!) and check it out for yourself.

  *If you’re in Madison, WI– please support our local independently-owned feminist by buying your copy there!

  Tags: book review, Jaclyn Friedman, What You Really Really Want, Yes Means Yes

  Comments 2 Comments
  Categories Assertive communication, Dating, Empowerment, Physical Health, Recognizing danger, Self Esteem
  Author trevinomurphy

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  2 Responses to “Review: What You Really Really Want By Jaclyn Friedman”

  redletter December 16, 2011 at 3:40 am

  Thanks for the review! Can’t wait to read this book.

  Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) « - April 5, 2012

  [...] or “Yes Means Yes” (and one of my heroes!) will be speaking about her new book “What You Really Really Want“. Her interactive presentation discusses the mixed messages that women receive daily [...]

• Our Bodies Our Selves
  https://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/2011/11/sexuality-pleasure-safety-what-you-really-really-want/
  Word count: 1616

  A A A

  Sexuality, Pleasure & Safety: How to Know What You Really Really Want
  By Christine Cupaiuolo | November 22, 2011

  What you Really Really Want book coverImagine if sex education covered not only important information about how to protect your health and prevent unwanted pregnancy, but also how to have really good sex — including how to know what you want and how to value your needs and desires along with your partner’s.

  As The New York Times Magazine reported this past weekend, a truly comprehensive sex-ed class does exist — one that gives as much weight to female orgasm as to navigating complex emotional and physical terrain. Sexuality and Society is a highly regarded senior elective at Friends’ Central School, a co-ed, Quaker, college preparatory day school in Philadelphia.

  Now what if there were a book — a workbook of sorts — that could be used in a class like this, and made available to teens and young adults everywhere who don’t have a progressive forum for discussing sexuality?

  Luckily for everyone, that book exists.

  “What You Really Really Want” is the latest title on sex and sexuality by Jaclyn Friedman, co-editor of the 2008 hit anthology “Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape,” and a contributor to the 2011 edition of “Our Bodies, Ourselves.” In her new book, Friedman takes on the role of your smartest, most honest, least judgmental, down-to-earth friend, serving as a helpful guide through 11 chapters on defining, understanding and owning your sexuality.

  The book’s subtitle — “The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety” — explains the roadmap within. To make the most of this excursion, Friedman encourages readers to do two things: Write every day, with a pen or keyboard, and love your body — and not just in general; you should spend at least 30 minutes a week doing something that “makes you feel nothing but good.”

  Jaclyn FriedmanOne of the book’s elements that readers will find particularly useful are the “dive-in” exercises that encourage thinking through how to apply what you’ve read to your own circumstances. At various times, Friedman pauses and encourages you to ask questions, assess your comfort zone, and identify the tools you need to overcome barriers to expressing your sexuality. These check-ins come across as authentic, which is difficult to pull-off on the printed page. That success is largely due to Friedman’s engaging writing style and genuine concern for women’s health and safety; she is the founder and executive director of Women, Action & the Media, which works for gender justice in media, and has been an outspoken advocate for challenging the ways society shames women.

  The first chapter, aptly titled “You Can’t Get What You Want Till You Know What You Want,” opens with a discussion of influences on sexuality, from family and religion to our peers and partners. Friedman also provides a concise summary of confusing media messages that limit women to a “teeny window of ‘correct’ sexuality” combined with artificial ideals, followed by a dive-in exercise on media representations of women:

  Dive In: Think back to some adolescent media crushes—that song or album you listened to over and over, the magazine subscription you thought would change your life, the book you picked up again and again, the movie you imagined yourself starring in, the video game you played and played and played, the TV show you just couldn’t miss. What drew you to these particular experiences? What, if anything, did they say to you about sexuality? What lessons did you learn from them that you’ve since rejected, and what did you learn that you still adhere to today? If you could go back and tell your adolescent self something about your media choices, what would it be? Get out your journal, and write about it for five minutes.

  “What You Really Really Want” gradually shifts from looking at external influences that can prevent women from developing their own sexual identity to exploring different identities and assumptions about sexuality. Following sections on gender and sexual orientation, readers encounter this exercise:

  Dive In: Make a list of all the words you can think of that you’ve used yourself or heard someone else use to describe someone’s sexual orientation. Don’t hold back—list the slang and slur words right alongside the more formal terms. Next, cross out every word that you think no one should ever use about anyone. Then cross out every word that you personally would never use to describe someone else. Then, of the remaining words, cross out every one that you wouldn’t want anyone else to use when describing you. Lastly, cross out any word that’s left that you would never use to describe yourself.

  Write all of the words that are left in a new list. How do they make you feel? Do they describe your sexual orientation? Are there facets of your orientation that words don’t exist for? If you feel like it, invent a word that helps fill in those gaps.

  It may seem like a lot of self-analysis, but that’s exactly what’s needed. As The New York Times Magazine article points out, teens have a difficult time articulating their own desires, in part due to the abundance of manufactured sexual imagery that creates false and harmful standards for what we (or our partners) should look like naked and how we should act.

  Friedman wisely concentrates on the individual reader before expanding the discussion to include sexual partners. And even then, Friedman doesn’t offer advice on how to find a compatible sexual partner; rather, she helps the reader to define what compatability even means:

  We all get dealt a different hand when it comes to what we’re capable of, and we all need partners who contribute different things. Is it important that your sexual partners are funny? Smart? Good dancers? Sweet with children? Great at communication? This is where you can get specific about bedroom skills, too: How talented does your partner need to be in the sack, and what qualifies as sexual talent to you?

  Once you figure out what qualities you want in a partner, it’s time to add another layer of choosiness: How important is each quality to you? Because, let’s get real, nobody’s perfect, and you’re unlikely to find someone who simultaneously checks all of your boxes. Maybe you’d love to have a partner who is really athletic, but you wouldn’t rule out someone who was less active. On the other hand, it may be a total deal breaker if your partner doesn’t like to read. Get clear on what’s cake vs. what’s icing, and you’ll be steering yourself toward what you really really want before you know it.

  Making a list for ourselves is one thing, but healthy sexual relationships require honesty with our partners about pleasure and safety.

  “Talking freely about sex and safety with your partners not only makes sex more fun and relaxed—because you’re worrying less and getting more of what you really really want—but also makes it easier to tell the great partners from the ones you want to avoid before you get too hurt,” writes Friedman. “And that information means your intuition will get better and better, which means you’ll get even better at knowing your own desires and boundaries and finding people who can simultaneously respect and satisfy you. In short: It’s the best possible kind of positive-feedback loop.”

  Besides offering examples of what, how and when to communicate, Friedman also provides an exercise that returns to the personal history and influences that can block us from advocating for our own needs:

  Dive In: Pay attention this week to the times when you’re not speaking up. Do you want seconds at dinner but are afraid to say so? Do you actually want to wear that outfit, or are you doing it because you think someone else will like it on you? Did your friend or partner hurt your feelings, but you aren’t letting them know? Make a note each time it happens. Then, when you’ve got some time, pick one example and write about what it felt like. And then write about what it might have felt like if you had gone the other way and spoken on your own behalf.

  Students at Friends’ Central School are fortunate to have a terrific teacher and a supportive educational environment that encourages exploration of these issues. Maybe, just maybe, other schools will start to follow suit. For the rest of us — and for those forward-minded sexuality classes — “What You Really Really Want” can make a lifetime of difference.

  Excerpts of “What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety” are printed by arrangement with Seal Press, a member of the Perseus Books Group. Photo credit: Mandy Lussier. This post is a stop in Jaclyn’s blog tour. Check out yesterday’s stop at WIMN’s Voices. If you’re in the Chicago area, join me on Nov. 30 as Jaclyn reads from her book at Women & Children First (7:30 p.m.).
  Categories Activism & Resources, Books, Media, Sex Education, Sexuality
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• Rewire
  https://rewire.news/article/2017/11/13/getting-unscrewed-qa-jaclyn-friedman/
  Word count: 2048

  Getting ‘Unscrewed’ in This Rape Culture: A Q&A With Author Jaclyn Friedman

  Nov 13, 2017, 10:58am Stephanie Gilmore

  In her new book, Friedman calls for radically re-envisioning the only​ ​model​ ​of​ ​sexuality​ ​we've ​ever​ ​known.​
  Friedman​ ​has​ ​provided​ ​a​ ​serious,​ ​yet​ ​funny​ ​and​ irreverent ​guide ​that​ ​is​ ​relatable​​ ​and important​ ​for​ ​every​ ​person​ ​in​ ​your​ ​life.
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  In recent weeks, heinous allegations of sexual abuse by Harvey Weinstein and other celebrities fanned the flames of the #MeToo hashtag originated by Tarana Burke more than ten years ago. The campaign raised the big question: What are we going to do about the insidious, pervasive rape culture in which we all live, a culture that normalizes sex as violent and violence as sexy?​ ​

  Here’s​ ​where ​feminist author and sexpert Jaclyn​ ​Friedman’s​ ​latest​ ​book,​ Unscrewed:​ ​Women,​ ​Sex,​ ​Power,​ ​and​ ​How​ ​to​ ​Stop Letting​ ​the​ ​System​ ​Screw​ ​Us​ ​All​​ ​comes​ ​in​—​and​ ​right​ ​on​ ​time. ​Unscrewed​​ ​invites​ ​us​ ​to​ ​pick​ ​up​ ​wherever​ ​we​ ​are​ ​and​ ​interrogate​ ​how​ ​we​ ​can actually​ ​change​ ​the​ ​media,​ ​religious,​ ​economic,​ ​political,​ ​and​ ​educational​ ​institutions​ ​that currently​ ​disempower​ ​us.​ ​As​ Brandeis University Professor ​Anita​ ​Hill​ recently​ ​wrote​,​ ​“This​ ​is​ ​a​ ​critical​ ​moment.​ ​It​ ​provides​ ​us the​ ​opportunity,​ ​in​ ​fact​ ​the​ ​obligation,​ ​to​ ​finally​ ​look​ ​seriously​ ​at​ ​the​ ​sexual​ ​harassment​ ​that​ ​45 percent of​ ​employees​—​mostly​ ​women​—​in​ ​the​ ​private​ ​workforce​ ​say​ ​they​ ​experience,​ ​and​ ​recognize how​ ​culture​ ​contributes​ ​to​ ​sexual​ ​misconduct​ ​in​ ​workplaces​ ​and​ ​how​ ​bias​ ​gets​ ​baked​ ​into​ ​our policies.”​ ​

  Friedman​ ​aptly​ ​demonstrates​ ​how​ ​we​ ​can​ ​use​ ​this​ ​critical​ ​moment​ ​to​ ​create change.​ ​Putting​ ​the​ ​“move”​ ​in​ ​our​ ​intersectional​ ​feminist​ ​movement​ ​depends​ ​on​ ​all​ ​of​ ​us​. Friedman​ ​has​ ​provided​ ​a​ ​serious,​ ​yet​ ​funny​ ​and​ irreverent ​guide ​that​ ​is​ ​relatable​​ ​and important​ ​for​ ​every​ ​person​ ​in​ ​your​ ​life.​ ​Including​ ​you. ​I​ ​relished​ ​the​ ​opportunity​ ​to​ ​discuss​ ​her​ ​pathbreaking​ ​and​ ​comprehensive​ ​take​ ​on​ ​the culture​ ​of​ ​sexual​ ​violence​ ​that​ ​shapes ​​all ​​of​ ​our​ ​lives.​ ​Below​ ​is​ ​an​ ​interview​ she​​ ​granted​ to​ Rewire.

  Rewire:​ ​How​ ​did​ ​you​ ​come​ ​to​ ​write​ ​this​ ​book​, ​and​ ​why​ ​did you​ ​see​ ​the​ ​need​ ​for​ ​it?
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  Subscribe to our daily or weekly digest.

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  Jaclyn Friedman:​ ​Honestly,​ ​when​ ​I​ ​conceived​ ​of​ ​Unscrewed​, ​I​ ​never​ ​thought​ ​we’d​ ​be​ ​living​ ​in​ ​Trumpworld. I​ ​see​ ​this​ ​book​ ​as​ ​the​ ​third​ ​in​ ​a​ ​trilogy​ ​with​ ​my​ ​first​ ​two.​ Yes​ ​Means​ ​Yes​ ​helped​ ​popularize​ ​the affirmative​ ​consent​ ​standard. What does affirmative consent mean? It is, at bottom, a mutual and knowingly voluntary decision to engage in sexual activity. This book ​left​ ​many​ ​women​ ​with​ ​the​ ​question:​ ​When​ ​we​ ​live​ ​in​ ​a​ ​culture that​ ​never​ ​teaches​ ​women​ ​to​ ​see​ ​ourselves​ ​as​ ​sexual​ ​actors,​ ​just​ ​as​ ​sexual​ ​props,​ ​how​ ​do​ ​I​ ​even know​ ​what​ ​I​ ​want​ ​to​ ​say​ ​yes​ ​or​ ​no​ ​to​ ​when​ ​it​ ​comes​ ​to​ ​sex?​ My​ ​second​ ​book,​ What​ ​You​ ​Really Really​ ​Want​,​ ​was​ ​an​ ​attempt​ ​to​ ​help​ ​women​ ​find​ ​the​ ​answers​ ​to​ ​that​ ​question,​ ​but​​ ​it had​ ​to​ ​take​ ​as​ ​given​ ​our​ ​current​ ​broken​ ​sexual​ ​culture.​ ​

  Unscrewed​ ​asks:​ ​What​ ​if​ ​there​ ​was nothing​ ​inherent​ ​about​ ​this​ ​sexual​ ​culture?​ ​What​ ​if​ ​we​ ​could​ ​make​ ​something​ ​better?​ ​I​ ​believe that​ ​we​ ​can.​ ​The​ ​fact​ ​that​ ​the ​​work​ ​is​ ​now​ ​more​ ​urgent ​​than​ ever​​ ​makes​ ​me​ ​even​ ​more ​​glad​ ​to ​​be putting​ ​it​ ​out​ ​in​ ​the​ ​world.

  Rewire:​ ​So​ ​what​ ​does​ ​the​ ​term​ “unscrewed” ​mean​ ​to​ ​you?

  JF:​ Unscrewed​ ​is​ ​the​ ​project​ ​of​ ​repairing​ ​(or,​ ​in​ ​some​ ​parts,​ ​tearing​ ​down​ ​and​ ​rebuilding)​ ​the sexual​ ​culture.​ ​We​ ​are​ ​so,​ ​so​ ​screwed​ ​by​ ​the​ ​”fauxpowerment”​ ​model​ ​of​ ​getting​ ​free:​ ​focusing​ ​on individual​ ​quick​ ​fixes​ ​that​ ​only​ ​temporarily​ ​make​ ​individual​ ​women​ ​feel​ ​more​ ​sexy​ ​or​ ​sexually free.​ ​The term “fauxpowerment” is fundamentally the idea that the realities of empowerment are not experienced in ways that are actually empowering to people. Under​ ​fauxpowerment,​ ​if​ ​you​ ​don’t​ ​feel​ ​liberated,​ ​that​ ​means​ ​there’s​ ​something​ ​wrong​ ​with you,​ ​as​ ​a​ ​person,​ ​that​ ​you​ ​have​ ​to​ ​figure​ ​out​ ​how​ ​to​ ​fix.​ ​

  Fauxpowerment​ ​keeps​ ​us​ ​believing​ ​the sexual​ ​problems​ ​and​ ​insecurities​ ​we’re​ ​having​ ​lie​ ​with​ ​us​—​that​ ​we​ ​need​ ​to​ ​fix​ ​ourselves.​ ​But mostly​ ​they’re​ ​not.​ ​Fauxpowerment​ ​is​ ​a​ ​distraction​ ​that​ ​keeps​ ​us​ ​from​ ​doing​ ​the​ ​work​ ​of​ ​actual sexual​ ​liberation,​ ​which​ ​requires​ ​us​ ​to​ ​work​ ​together,​ ​in​ ​community​ ​and​ ​solidarity,​ ​to​ ​fix​ ​the systems​ ​that​ ​are​ ​actually​ ​keeping​ ​us​ ​oppressed.​ ​Unscrewed​ ​is​ ​about​ ​locating​ ​the​ ​problem​ ​where it​ ​actually​ ​is​—​in​ ​the​ ​systems​ ​that​ ​make​ ​up​ ​our​ ​sexual​ ​culture​—so​ ​that​ ​we​ ​can​ ​together​ ​build something​ ​that​ ​works​ ​for​ ​everyone.

  Rewire:​ ​We​ ​both​ ​know​ ​that​ ​you​ ​don’t​ ​need​ ​a​ ​man​ ​present​ ​for​ ​patriarchy​ ​to​ ​operate​ ​at​ ​full​ ​speed. Can​ ​you​ ​explain​ ​how​ Unscrewed​​ ​helps​ ​women​ ​and​ ​femmes​ ​who​ ​identify​ ​so​ ​strongly​ ​with patriarchy​ ​and​ ​men’s​ ​rights​ ​associations​ to​ ​see​ ​how​ ​they​ ​are​ ​contributing​ ​to​ ​their own​ ​exploitation?

  JF:​ ​I​ ​think​ ​there’s​ ​a​ ​tendency​ ​among​ ​many​ ​women​ ​to​ ​identify​ ​with​ ​the​ ​men​ ​in​ ​power​ ​in​ ​the hopes​ ​that​ ​those​ ​men​ ​will ​protect​​ ​them.​ ​Or​ ​they​ ​believe​ ​that​ ​bad​ ​things​ ​only​ ​happen​ ​to​ ​women who​ ​”break​ ​the​ ​rules,”​ ​so​ ​that​ they​​ ​can​ ​believe​ ​that​ ​they’re ​​safe​ ​if​ ​they​ ​follow​ ​them.​ ​

  On​ ​a​ ​more basic​ ​level,​ ​it​ ​can​ ​be​ ​hard​ ​to​ ​see​ ​that​ ​another​ ​world,​ ​another​ ​culture,​ ​another​ ​way​ ​of​ ​being​ ​is possible​ ​when​ ​this​ ​is​ ​the​ ​only​ ​model​ ​of​ ​sexuality​ ​you’ve​ ​ever​ ​known.​ ​It​ ​can​ ​be​ ​like​ ​suggesting​ ​to someone​ ​that​ ​there’s​ ​something​ ​you​ ​can​ ​breathe​ ​other​ ​than​ ​air.​ ​My​ ​hope​ ​is​ ​that​ ​Unscrewed​ ​will help​ ​them​ ​see​ ​The​ ​Matrix,​ ​basically.

  Rewire:​ ​I​ ​love​ ​a​ ​Matrix ​reference!​ ​An​ ​important​ ​part​ ​of​ ​getting​ ​“unscrewed”​ ​is​ ​reinvesting in​ ​sisterhood.​ ​The term sisterhood,​ ​as​ ​we​ ​both​ ​know,​ ​has​ ​a​ ​troubled​ ​past,​ ​so​ ​can​ ​you​ ​elaborate​ ​what​ ​it means​ ​to​ ​you?

  JF:​ ​It’s​ ​true​ ​that​ ​the​ ​word​ “​sisterhood”​ ​has​ ​been​ ​used​ ​for​ ​many​ ​purposes,​ ​sometimes​ ​as​ ​a​ ​blunt instrument​ ​with​ ​which​ ​to​ ​shame​ ​women​ ​who​ ​are​ ​rightly​ ​criticizing​ ​other​ ​women.​ ​Sisterhood doesn’t​ ​mean​ ​you​ ​have​ ​to​ ​support​ ​everything​ ​every​ ​other​ ​woman​ ​ever​ ​does.​ ​I​ ​mean,​ ​you​ ​couldn’t even​ ​if​ ​you​ ​wanted​ ​to,​ ​but​ ​also​ ​that​ ​kind​ ​of​ ​sisterhood​ ​is​ ​about​ ​an​ ​impossible,​ ​idealized​ ​kind​ ​of womanhood,​ ​and​ ​I’m​ ​never​ ​here​ ​for​ ​that.​

  ​I’m​ ​not​ ​particularly​ ​attached​ ​to​ ​the​ ​word,​ ​if​ ​I’m perfectly​ ​honest.​ ​What​ ​I​ ​am​ ​passionately​ ​attached​ ​to​ ​is​ ​the​ ​idea​ ​that​ ​we​ ​have​ ​to​ ​look​ ​out​ ​for​ ​each other.​ ​ Fauxpowerment​ ​wants​ ​to​ ​pit​ ​us​ ​against​ ​each​ ​other.​ ​But​ ​it’s​ ​rooted​ ​in​ ​the​ ​idea​ ​that​ ​some of​ ​us​ ​who​ ​are​ ​”good”​ ​can​ ​get​ ​access​ ​to​ ​power​ ​because​ ​we’re​ ​exceptional,​ ​not​ ​just​ ​because​ ​we’re human.​ ​That​ ​kind​ ​of​ ​power​ ​isn’t​ ​just​ ​shitty​ ​to​ ​other​ ​people,​ ​it’s​ ​revocable.​ ​If​ ​you​ ​have​ ​to​ ​”earn” the​ ​right​ ​for​ ​someone​ ​to​ ​acknowledge​ ​your​ ​sovereign​ ​humanity,​ ​they​ ​can​ ​later​ ​decide​ ​you’ve fucked​ ​up​ ​and​ ​use​ ​that​ ​to​ ​justify​ ​dehumanizing​ ​you.​ ​Our​ ​real​ ​power​ ​lies​ ​in​ ​working​ ​together.​ ​For that​ ​to​ ​happen,​ ​we​ ​have​ ​to​ ​be​ ​genuinely​ ​looking​ ​out​ ​for​ ​each​ ​other’s​ ​interests.

  It​ ​is​ ​important​ ​to​ ​me​ ​to​ ​underscore​ ​that​ ​sisterhood​ ​is​ ​an​ ​expression​ ​of​ ​intersectionality, a term that originates with Black feminist thought and action.​ ​We​ ​have to​ ​recognize​ ​other​ ​women​ ​as​ ​their​ ​full​ ​selves,​ ​with​ ​all​ ​of​ ​their​ ​intersecting​ ​identities,​ ​and​ ​we​ ​each have​ ​to​ ​leverage​ ​whatever​ ​powers​ ​and​ ​privileges​ ​we​ ​have​ ​to​ ​make​ ​sure​ ​we​ ​all​ ​get​ ​free​ ​together. Ultimately,​ ​unscrewing​ ​the​ ​sexual​ ​culture​ ​is​ ​about​ ​creating​ ​a​ ​world​ ​in​ ​which​ ​all​ ​of​ ​us​ ​can​ ​be recognized​ ​as​ ​fully,​ ​equally​ ​human.

  Rewire: What do you mean by sovereignty? What does a sovereign woman look like?

  JF: A sovereign woman is the ruler of her own body, and her right to that rule is not questioned, threatened, or undermined by any individual or institution.

  Rewire:​ ​In​ ​the​ ​book,​ ​you​ ​talk​ ​about​ ​there​ ​being​ ​no​ ​special​ ​magic​ ​beyond​ ​our​ ​refusal to believe that​ ​change is​ ​impossible.​ ​What​ ​do​ ​you​ ​see​ ​as​ ​women’s​ ​barriers,​ ​and​ ​how​ ​can​ ​we​ ​unscrew​ ​ourselves​ ​in​ ​a daily​ ​way?

  JF:​ ​We​ ​just​ ​have​ ​to​ ​start​ ​with​ ​interrogating​ ​what​ ​we​ ​accept​ ​as​ ​immutable.​ ​If​ ​your​ ​sex​ ​life isn’t​ ​satisfying,​ ​consider​ ​that​ ​there​ ​may​ ​be​ ​reasons​ ​that​ ​aren’t​ ​”you’re​ ​broken​ ​and​ ​need​ ​fixing,” and​ ​start​ ​to​ ​identify​ ​them.​ ​Do​ ​you​ ​have​ ​a​ ​partner​ ​who​ ​doesn’t​ ​prioritize​ ​your​ ​pleasure?​ ​Do​ ​you feel​ ​shame​ ​about​ ​the​ ​ways​ ​in​ ​which​ ​your​ ​sexuality​ ​doesn’t​ ​conform​ ​to​ ​some​ ​fauxpowerment norm?​ ​Are​ ​you​ ​afraid​ ​you’ll​ ​be​ ​hurt​ ​or​ ​punished​ ​because​ ​of​ ​something​ ​about​ ​your​ ​sexuality​ ​or your​ ​sexual​ ​choices?​ ​Did​ ​you​ ​and​ ​your​ ​partner(s)​ ​get​ ​comprehensive,​ ​accurate,​ ​shame-free, pleasure-based​ ​sex​ ​ed​ ​in​ ​school?​ ​Were​ ​the​ ​men​ ​in​ ​your​ ​life​ ​raised​ ​to​ ​see​ ​women​ ​as​ ​inherently interesting​ ​and​ ​inherently​ ​sovereign?​ ​Is​ ​it​ ​hard​ ​for​ ​you​ ​to​ ​access​ ​birth​ ​control​ ​or​ ​an​ ​abortion​ ​if you​ ​want​ ​one?

  The​ ​least​ ​obvious​ ​and​ ​perhaps most​ ​impactful​ ​action​ ​we​ ​can​ ​take​ ​to​ ​unscrew​ ​the​ ​sexual​ ​culture​ ​is​ ​to​ ​fight gerrymandering​ ​and​ ​all​ ​forms​ ​of​ ​voter​ ​suppression.​ ​Many​ ​of​ ​the​ ​ways​ ​in​ ​which​ ​we’re​ ​screwed spring​ ​from​ ​the​ ​intersection​ ​of​ ​the​ ​Religious​ ​Right​ ​and​ ​our​ ​federal,​ ​state, ​and​ ​local​ ​governments.

  If​ ​we​ ​had​ ​a​ ​truly​ ​representational​ ​government,​ ​if​ ​we​ ​enabled​ ​high​ ​voter​ ​participation​ ​and demographically​ ​fair​ ​districts,​ ​the​ ​Religious​ ​Right​ ​would​ ​hold​ ​so​ much​​ ​less​ ​sway​ ​over​ ​all​ ​of ​​our lives​ ​than​ ​it​ ​does​ ​now.​ ​Voting​ ​rights​ ​don’t​ ​get​ ​talked​ ​about​ ​much​ ​by​ ​advocates​ ​for​ ​sexual freedom,​ ​but​ ​you’d​ ​be​ ​hard​ ​pressed​ ​to​ ​find​ ​a​ ​single​ ​change​ ​that​ ​would​ ​free​ ​more​ ​people​ ​than​ ​if we​ ​were​ ​to​ ​ensure​ ​that​ ​everyone​ ​in​ ​the​ ​United States​ ​was​ ​properly,​ ​genuinely​ ​enfranchised.​ Just​ ​start​ ​to see​ ​the​ ​systems​ ​that​ ​are​ ​hemming​ ​you​ ​in,​ ​and​ ​then​ ​get​ ​angry​ ​when​ ​you​ ​realize​ ​these​ ​systems​ ​are created​ ​by​ ​people​ ​and​ ​can​ ​be​ ​changed​ ​by​ ​people.​ ​Then​ ​use​ ​that​ ​anger​ ​to​ ​lead​ ​you​ ​to​ ​action.

  Rewire:​ ​Anger​ ​is​ ​definitely​ ​a​ ​powerful​ ​impetus​ ​to​ ​action.​ ​But​ ​many​ ​of​ ​us​ ​still​—​in​ ​spite​ ​of​ ​social media​ ​and​ ​real-time​ ​online​ ​connections​ ​to​ ​people​ ​and​ ​organizations​—​still​ ​feel​ ​alone.​ ​In​ ​these​ ​times​ ​of​ ​rolling​ ​back​ ​reproductive​ ​rights,​ ​Title​ ​IX​ ​protections​ ​for student​ ​survivors ​on​ ​college​ ​and​ ​university​ ​campuses,​ ​protections​ ​for​ ​DACA​ ​recipients,​ ​ongoing allegations​ ​of​ ​sexual​ ​violence​ ​against​ ​men​ ​in​ ​positions​ ​of​ ​power,​ ​and​ ​so​ ​much​ ​more​ ​that​ ​is​ ​being done​ ​to​ ​exacerbate​ ​social​ ​injustice,​ ​we​ ​can​ ​often​ ​feel​ ​overwhelmed​ ​and​ ​unsure​ ​of​ ​where​ ​to​ ​start. ​Can​ ​you identify​ ​some​ ​groups​ ​out​ ​there​ ​doing​ ​the​ ​work​ ​of​ ​unscrewing​?

  JF:​ ​There​ ​are​ ​so​ ​many!​ ​Some​ ​of​ ​the​ ​ones​ ​I​ ​spotlight​ ​throughout​ ​the​ ​book​ ​are​ the Sister​Song Women​ ​of​ ​Color​ ​Reproductive​ ​Justice​ ​Collective,​ ​ImMEDIAte​ ​Justice,​ ​Sister​Reach,​ ​Youth​ ​on Fire,​ ​HIPS,​ ​Scarleteen,​ ​Maine​ ​Boys​ ​to​ ​Men …. I​ ​could​ ​go​ ​on!​ ​There​ ​are​ ​so​ ​many​ ​folks​ ​doing​ ​the hard​ ​work​ ​of​ ​unscrewing​ ​the​ ​sexual​ ​culture,​ ​and​ ​most​ ​of​ ​them​ ​are​ ​happy​ ​for​ ​volunteers, participants,​ ​donors. Just​ ​pick​ ​one​ ​you​ ​dig​ ​and​ ​see​ ​what​ ​they​ ​need.

  Evidence-based journalism is the foundation of democracy. Rewire.News, is devoted to evidence-based reporting on reproductive and sexual health, rights and justice and the intersections of race, environmental, immigration, and economic justice.

  As a non-profit that doesn't accept advertising or corporate support, we rely on our readers for funding. Please support our fact-based journalism today.

• refinery 29
  https://www.refinery29.com/2017/11/181556/me-too-unscrewed-jaclyn-friedman-author-interview
  Word count: 2770

  How To “Unscrew” Our Deeply, Deeply Screwed Up Sexual Culture
  Amelia Harnish
  November 17, 2017, 12:00 PM
  In the span of a few weeks, the tidal wave of sexual harassment, abuse, and misconduct allegations has spread from Hollywood to Capitol Hill, taking over Facebook feeds with personal stories of #MeToo, and leading to a widespread cultural reckoning. Not only is Congress considering a “Me Too” bill to overhaul anti-harassment policies, women are marching through the streets of Hollywood; we are even re-litigating the decades-old Clinton scandals. More than 25 years after Anita Hill testified about harassment she endured under Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, here we are all over again, grappling with the insidious effects of men having too much power, and being way too likely to abuse it.
  After so many gains, why are we still living in a world where this is still commonplace? Enter, feminist author and sex educator Jaclyn Friedman’s next book, Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All with the explanation we desperately need. Out this week, Friedman’s latest is an examination of how “the era of fauxpowerment” has led us all to mistake individual sexual empowerment, like the freedom to explore kink or casual sex, for actual equality.
  As per her usual, Friedman’s main focus is sex. Unscrewed picks up where her previous works — 2007’s Yes Means Yes, the anthology that popularized affirmative consent, and What You Really, Really Want, a guide to exploring your own sexual desire — left off. The new book tackles the root issues that ultimately lead to power imbalance in the bedroom: the lack of women and queer media creators, the religious right’s hold on our government, our suffocatingly narrow definitions of masculinity, and more. Scintillating, right? After you read her book, you'll realize it should be.
  Friedman visited Refinery29’s offices this week for a discussion on the work that really needs be done in this moment, why she doesn’t identify with the sex positivity movement, and why your ‘90s fave, The Spice Girls, are such a painfully good example of the problem.
  What is “fauxpowerment” and why did you see a need to focus on this right now?
  "What I refer to as 'fauxpowerment' describes these sort of individualistic female sexual empowerment solutions, like buy this thing or take this pole-dancing class or read 50 Shades of Grey and you’ll feel sexually empowered. A lot of the things we do under that rubric are fine, if people like them, there’s nothing wrong with them. But they’re not really making us free because the things that are keeping us from not feeling free sexually are not individual, they’re systemic."
  As a millennial, one of the most heartbreaking examples of “fauxpowement” you call out in the book are The Spice Girls. Why are they such a great example of that trend ?
  "First, I just need to say I don’t want to make anyone feel bad about liking the Spice Girls. They’re fun! And to be clear, I took a lyric of theirs — 'what you really, really want' for the title of my second book. A lot of the stuff that falls under this fauxpowerment umbrella is stuff we can enjoy, but we need to not mistake for power. The critique I have of the Spice Girls is honestly less a critique of the individual women in the group; instead, it’s the co-opting of the idea of 'girl power' that was originally a radical slogan of the Riot Grrls, a political movement in music that was confrontational. In the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, that movement was demanding space for women in the punk scene and confronting rape culture very directly. But the Spice Girls took that idea and made it friendly for capitalism. They took the potential for transformation out of it. The most that the Spice Girls really ever ask is, 'If you wanna be my lover, you have to get with my friends.' Their lyrics don’t ask or demand any kind of social change."
  You don’t identify with the sex positivity movement, which I find really surprising considering your work. Why not?
  "It’s an uncomfortable conversation for me because I know a lot of people who do great work under that umbrella. It’s not like sex positivity is junk. I love Carol Queen. She coined the term, and she meant a really specific thing that I support. But I don’t think in its current iteration it’s doing the work it needs to do. I’ve talked to a lot of people who feel literally not invited to the table when they hear the term 'sex positive.' There are a lot of people for whom sex just hasn’t been positive. And while a lot of the work that gets done under the sex positivity umbrella is really complex and trauma-informed, a lot of it isn’t.
  "This idea that orgasms alone will liberate you is also flawed. That puts pressure on us to have this transformative sex all the time. Sometimes sex is just sex. Sometimes sex is just comforting or fun or a release. It’s not getting you free; it’s just a thing you enjoy. It puts a lot of pressure on women’s sex lives to say you have to fuck your way free."
  You were instrumental in popularizing affirmative consent. That was a revolution on its own, but you argue it’s unfinished. What was “Yes Means Yes” successful at doing and where do we need to go from here?
  "I think that we’ve been successful at getting people to understand the idea of Yes Means Yes. Most people understand the idea that it’s not enough to just not have your partner protesting you having sex, and that you shouldn’t proceed unless you know your partner is actively into it. At the heart, affirmative consent means we have to show up and pay attention to our sex partners when we’re interacting sexually. We have to show up and pay attention the whole time and we have to care about them as human people. That doesn’t mean we have to marry them. But we do have to care that they are equal human people, and we have to treat them as equal human people.
  "But I think because Yes Means Yes was such an exciting and transformative idea people started to expect it to do the work of an entire sexual revolution by itself. I think somewhere along the way, we got the idea that was going to be the magic pill that would end rape culture, and it’s not enough on its own. The conditions in which we’re saying 'yes' and 'no' are completely informed by the power dynamics and oppressions that rule the rest of our lives, whether that’s class-based or economics, gender, or race or ability. All of that is in turn affecting how we can say 'yes' and 'no.'"
  Do you mean that in the context of an individual interaction? What does that look like in practice?
  "Yes, on an individual basis, I’m informed by my experiences as a woman and what’s expected of me. Even though I have a partner, and we absolutely practice affirmative consent with each other, I still have all those voices and tracks in my head about what it means to be a woman in terms of sex, right? Whether I’m trying to live up to some porn star ideal or I’m feeling ashamed for some reason, I still have all those gendered tracks. And I still live in a world where men have a lot of power over women when it comes to sex and abuse that power on the regular.
  "For example, I refuse to have nude pictures taken anymore, since I became a public figure, even though that's something I would otherwise like to do. It's not because I don't trust my partner: It's just that the price I would pay — in rape threats, slut-shaming, and other assaults — if those photos were stolen and published is too steep for me to risk it. That's not something men really ever have to think about, because we don't shame men for being sexual. So I also may come into that relationship — no matter how great that individual guy is — and have some fear or be deferential in ways I’m not even conscious of. All of that is in the bedroom with us, whether or not we’re each individually down with affirmative consent."
  In your book you write quite a bit about Anita Hill, and how incredible that testimony was for creating awareness and a new way of thinking about harassment. And yet, now here we are in the middle of another “revolution.” It’s upsetting to me because it’s hard to see how Anita Hill really had an effect, and scary, like what if we let this moment go, too?
  "Well, I think that’s a binary way to think about it. I’ve been asked one bajillion times in the past month, 'Is this a turning point or not?' and I feel like it’s the wrong question. I think we can talk about steps forward and steps backward. Anita Hill — even though Clarence Thomas was still confirmed, which we shouldn’t lose sight of — was a huge step forward. If you look at reports to the EEOC in the years afterward, they went up exponentially. A lot of people started taking sexual harassment more seriously. But of course, it didn’t solve it, the same way affirmative consent hasn’t solved rape culture, or stopped rape from happening. But it’s given us better way to talk about it.
  "But overall, social change is glacial. It seems like so much time has passed between Anita Hill and now, but it hasn’t really in the grand scheme of things. I also think that some of this fauxpowerment narrative that has taken off, the idea that’s been sold to women that we need to just empower ourselves has actually made it harder to talk about something like sexual harassment. You have this idea that you’re supposed to be an empowered woman so you feel it’s your problem if someone is harassing you at work. That winds up being isolating. You think, 'I should be able to handle this myself,' or, 'Maybe it’s just me,' or, 'Maybe I should get over it because it shouldn’t be such a big deal.'
  "I think this #MeToo moment is going to be another step forward in the discourse, and that’s good. But I promise you in a year or two there will be think pieces about how, 'Well, I guess #MeToo was bogus because it didn’t solve sexual harassment.' That’s just not how the world works. It’s about incremental change, and I think we’re in the middle of an increment."
  Let’s talk about the role of men here, and how masculinity in its current form is… if not totally fucked up, at least dealing with a sickness. How do we get men interested in doing the work to make masculinity better?
  "I think the real answer to this question is we have to work on prevention and not intervention. We have to prevent men from developing toxic ideas about masculinity before they become men. One of the stories I love to tell, because I love my nephews, when my nephews were two, my partner and I gave them Rad American Women, A to Z. And by two and a half, they could identify Kate Bornstein and Dolores Huerta on sight, and they thought they were super cool. So the question is: What if we raised boys to identify with girls the way that girls are required to identify with boys? They’re fully capable of doing it. They’re just never asked to, and in fact they’re punished for it.
  "It’s a hard sell to men who are already grown because, psychologically, we all have a block against internalizing information that challenges our deeply held beliefs about the world. One of the deeply held beliefs that most of us have is, 'I’m a decent person.' So for guys to really start doing the work to understand what’s going on, a lot of them have to risk discovering that they’ve actually done shitty things to women in the past already.
  "I’m not saying they’re all rapists. But maybe they’ve just been inappropriate or made women uncomfortable or made rape jokes. They’ve done shitty things that have hurt people, and that's not something any of us likes to internalize. My best hope in terms of adult men is honestly that they’ll talk to each other. We need the men who are already engaged, and there are a growing number of them, to pull their buddies in. They’re not going to listen to us.
  "And we just have to get it understood that not being a predator yourself is not the bar we’re asking men to clear. Men have to be willing to stick their necks out and risk social status. It really is a critical point of the equation. On one level, I wish we could do this ourselves, without men. We would have already done it by now. But we clearly can’t. We really need men to understand that not being a predator is not enough to make you a good guy."
  At the end of the book, you ask some of the experts you’ve interviewed to pretend you’re a genie and make three wishes, no matter how far-fetched. So, if I were the genie, what would your three wishes be?
  "My first wish is very nerdy and not sexy, which is that we devise a system in the United States where we can have genuinely free and fair elections. We get rid of gerrymandering and all forms of voter suppression so we can vote out the religious right’s influence on our lives. We have to do that by fixing our voting system because it’s not representational. Right now, our tax dollars are supporting crisis pregnancy centers, they’re also behind the rise of abstinence-only sex education (which doesn’t work), all the anti-LGBT legislation, all the state level and federal level anti-abortion legislation. All of that stuff is because of the religious right and their lust for power.
  "Number two: I would then immediately implement comprehensive pleasure-based sex education in public schools starting in kindergarten, every year. Let me give you an example of why that’s so important: What happened in the Brock Turner case, versus what happened in the Steubenville case. In the Steubenville case, they put one of the witnesses on the stand. He was one of the buddies of the perpetrators who was there in the room but didn’t participate in the assault. They asked him: Why didn’t you intervene? And he said, 'I didn’t know that’s what rape looked like. I thought it would look violent.' What he was looking at was a woman lying passively being sexually acted upon by two guys. He saw two men consuming a passive woman and saw nothing wrong with it. Later on, the two guys who intervened in the Brock Turner case saw almost exactly the same thing. They saw a guy acting upon sexually a woman who was lying there passively. And they said, 'This looks completely wrong! We have to intervene.' So what’s the difference between those two examples? The difference is the guys in the Brock Turner case grew up in Sweden where they teach sex ed from kindergarten, every year, and they know what sexual interactions are supposed to look like.
  "My third one: I think if could have anything, I would make it so the institutions that create our culture — tech companies and media companies, advertising, all that stuff — had gender parity in all the halls of power. That alone would change a lot."
  Jaclyn Friedman Interview - Unscrewed Book
  Editors' Picks • Health • News • Relationships •

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  Word count: 0
• Rebellious
  https://rebelliousmagazine.com/unscrewed-author-jaclyn-friedman-womens-sexual-power/
  Word count: 730

  Interview: 'Unscrewed' Author Jaclyn Friedman on Women's Sexual Power
  Jaclyn Friedman author of Unscrewed

  Unscrewed cover detailJaclyn Friedman believes we’re in an “era of fauxpowerment, a time when shiny pictures of individual women wielding some symbol of sexual power are used to distract us from the still mostly retrograde and misogynist status quo.” This is the subject of her newest book, Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All.

  Veronica Arreola will discuss UnscrewedHear her in conversation with professional feminist and writer Veronica Arreola (left) at 7:30 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 7 at Women and Children First, 5233 N. Clark St.

  I talked to Jaclyn about her book and how we can all help the nation become “unscrewed.”

  Jera: You write, “Ultimately, the path to women’s sexual power in an age of backlash is the same as it would be in an age of Girl Power: not cowering or compromise, but articulating an irresistibly bold vision of pleasure and freedom that’s truly for everyone.” This isn’t just sexual power, right? Examples throughout your book show girls and women who, when they grow more comfortable and bold about their bodies, are empowered in other ways. How can we look at the relationship between our bodies, sexuality and holistic selves in a healthier way?

  Jaclyn: I think it’s really important to realize that our sexual sovereignty is part of our humanity. It’s a human rights issue. And that’s why the issues and the changes that would make women more sexually free would make us also more free as humans. There’s a whole chapter in “Unscrewed” about the connection between our sexuality and our humanity. And I think at the core of it, the shift that would make us think about sexuality in a healthier way is realizing that our sexual expression and our sovereignty over our body is the core part of our humanity.

  And what about men? You talk about how toxic masculinity hurts men, as well. Do men need this bold vision of pleasure and freedom, or is there something more urgent for them to claim? Where do they start in creating a healthier sexuality?

  I think men need to re-imagine what it means to be a man with respect to sex and with respect to a lot of other things, obviously, but we all need a new idea about masculinity that doesn’t require the consumption of and domination over women. I think men need that in their own sex lives as well. There’s not a lot of room for men to think about their own sexual pleasure. A lot of the way masculinity is traditionally defined around sex is accomplishing sex or achieving sex, but the questions are rarely asked, Are you enjoying yourself? What actually feels good in your body? Men get boxed into really narrow ideas around how to perform sex right, as well.

  We definitely need bold visions for men’s sexuality, as well. They would also get women free, because they would redefine masculinity in a way that men would no longer need to subjugate women in order to perform sexuality in a manly way.

  Sex ed is one of the areas that seems the most scarily behind the times. “Only nine of the twenty-four states that mandate sex ed also require that it be based on fact. … Nine states mandate that sex ed, if taught, must discuss sexual orientation in an inclusive way, and four require that sexual orientation be discussed, but that only negative things should be said about non-hetero people.” Can progress be made without winning over the parents?

  That’s going to vary wildly, but in some cases young people can educate their parents who are curious and open to new ideas. It doesn’t have to be oppositional for young people if they get access to places like Scarleteen. They are certainly not getting better education than their parents around sex at school right now, but if they were to access it in some way, that doesn’t necessarily put them in opposition to the parents if their parents are open-minded and interested in their well-being and not just how things have always been.

• Dame
  https://www.damemagazine.com/2017/11/20/jaclyn-friedman-wants-unscrew-systemic-sexism/
  Word count: 2455

  aclyn Friedman Wants to ‘Unscrew’ Systemic Sexism

  The 'Unscrewed' author talks with DAME about "fauxpowerment" and Hugh Hefner, the fate of Roe v. Wade, and the inevitability of the current brutal backlash.
  Kate Tuttle Nov 20, 2017

  In her work as an activist and writer, Jaclyn Friedman has already taken on issues of rape and rape culture (Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape) and female pleasure (What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety), as well as helping to force Facebook to change its standards for sexist language and images. She’s spoken on college campuses, television and radio shows, and her own podcast, Unscrewed, about issues of sexual liberation. In her new book Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All, Friedman tackles all of it—the whole tangled web of entrenched, systemic sexism and all its modern iterations. The book ranges from pop culture (i.e., how empowering is it to post nude selfies?) to the seriously political (how close is the religious right to overturning Roe v. Wade?).

  DAME talked with Friedman by phone.

  I just finished reading your book, and I have to say, it covers so much ground! Did you know, before you began working on it, what a big job it would be?

  I did an enormous amount of research even for the book proposal. This was a really hard project for me. When I sat down to do it, I had several months’ writer’s block. I figured, if I’m going to untangle or at lest map out all of the systems that are hemming in our sexual freedom, where does it take me? As you can tell, it takes you a lot of places! I was in fear I was going to leave out something important. It’s just very sensitive material, and very complex, and I hope that I have adequately wrapped my arms around it.
  Your first chapter talks about the idea of “fauxpowerment,” a kind of easily consumed empowerment message that you say is essentially fake. What do you mean by that?

  There’s a lot of focus, when we talk about women and sex and power, on the idea of sexual empowerment, and it’s a very individualistic idea that focuses on an individual woman’s choices and behaviors. Even in its most benign iterations, it misses the forest for the trees. Women need actual access to power; we don’t just need to feel happier about ourselves. There’s a story in the book about a young woman who was having body image issues and a friend encouraged her to get a boudoir shoot, a sexy photo shoot, to help her feel better about herself. And it worked! And she felt better enough about herself that she shared it with her boyfriend. And that’s great—that’s the empowerment happy ending, right? But the actual story goes, they broke up, and he published the photos on the internet without her consent and she was deluged with rape threats and became suicidal and didn’t want to leave her house. So she’s not actually being made free by taking those photos, even though they made her feel good about herself in the instance. She’s not actually free until we live in a world where men don’t feel free to completely disregard women’s consent, and where women aren’t shamed for that kind of sexual expression.
  You talk about Hugh Hefner as a kind of poster boy of fauxpowerment; that Playboy offered this version of female empowerment that rested on women posing naked for male gratification. But empowerment means nothing if you don’t actually have power.

  Exactly. That’s the shift I’m trying to articulate in the book.
  What do you make of Roy Moore and his statement about how he only “dated” teen girls with their mother’s permission, and that they were “good girls”? There’s a lot to unpack there about good girls, bad girls, and religion and sex.

  It actually reminds me of something Hugh Hefner said once about who the ideal Playboy Playmate was: He talked about her being a simple, natural girl, a “girl next door” type, and he contrasted her with this imaginary sophisticated woman, who has filthy thoughts and wears fancy underwear. And I thought it was so revealing because the male analog to the woman he describes who is the opposite of desirable for him is actually his male customer, who’s sophisticated and probably wears fancy underwear! And so the idea is that the good girl is one who is pliable and unsullied, and I think that’s what Roy Moore is saying, too. Roy Moore doesn’t have any trouble sullying them himself—because in Moore’s worldview, for certain, any kind of sexual contact dirties a woman. It’s very Biblically old-fashioned, and that’s not surprising. He comes out of an Evangelical movement that really does see women as sexual property in a very literal way. It’s the most extreme expression of that that we have in modern American culture.
  You have a chapter in the book about how religious fundamentalism affects societal views of sexuality. It really feels lately like we’re in being dragged backwards by these views. Am I crazy, or has there been a pretty big retrenchment in the last few years on things like contraception, which didn’t used to be considered controversial?

  There’s no doubt that we’re in a time of backlash. I think a lot about Susan Faludi’s book The Terror Dream, about how in times of war and fear the culture becomes more socially conservative and how that reflects in a post-9/11 world. And it’s also a response to the idea of progress that Obama symbolized—how much he actually enacted it we can discuss—but Obama symbolized a very radical progress to some people in a way that they felt uncomfortable with. And it made some folks feel like they have to “make America great again,” which is all about nostalgia for an imagined past in which everybody basically knew their place. And that has to do with women and contraception and sexuality just as much as it has to do with race and class.
  But then on the other side we’ve got women using their sexuality as if it’s their only route to power.

  I don’t know that there’s a left/right paradigm, but I do think there are two narratives that are both flawed. One is that girls and women should empower themselves by being as sexy as possible: That’s the Kim Kardashian school of empowerment, when she posts a naked selfie and says “this is empowerment.” I have no concern about her posting a naked selfie, if that makes her happy; that’s her business. I literally have no judgment of that. But I don’t think it’s giving women any power to be consumed as a naked image. It’s not very revolutionary. And there are also the folks—you hear them on the right, but you also hear them on the left, like in Ariel Levy’s work—who say women shouldn’t participate in sexualizing ourselves, we need to not participate in being so sexy. But both of those arguments are focusing on individual women’s choices. What I’d like to see is a world where I can post a naked selfie or not post a naked selfie and no one’s going to abuse me either way, and it’s genuinely a choice I get to make based on my personal expression, and doesn’t have to do with social stigma, and I don’t have to worry about violence and reprisal. That would be actual power.
  When you were saying that, I found myself thinking, I don’t know if we’re ever going to live in that world.

  I don’t expect to see it in my lifetime, if I’m being perfectly frank. But I think we could get a lot closer than we are now.
  The heart of your book is you talking to a number of people who are trying to get us closer to that world. One chapter visits the project headed by Tani Ikeda, with young women of color making videos about their lives. Is it stuff like this that gives you hope?

  I take hope from those young women, absolutely. But I also take hope from Loretta Ross, who has seen and made enormous change in her lifetime. Things are far from great now, but they are a lot better than when she started in the 1970s. I take hope from all of us—that’s the point of including the multiplicity of stories of folks that are doing good work to make the sexual culture better. That hope can take a million different forms: it can be a pastor training clergy to defend reproductive justice using the Bible, or it can be a bunch of queer kids in a basement in Harvard Square. I take hope from the fact that we’re all still working on it.
  Was there anyone that just blew your mind when you were researching the book?

  I think a lot about Cherisse Scott, the Memphis pastor who runs Sister Reach, who’s working on repro justice from a Christian perspective. As a Jew, I didn’t know a lot about that world—I didn’t even know that it doesn’t mention abortion in the Bible, which you certainly wouldn’t know from modern American discourse. Here’s this woman, this bisexual woman of color who came up in the church and had her own incredible struggles, both within the church and outside of it, in terms of sexual violence and her own identity, and who’s found her voice and her place. And she’s just refusing to cede Christianity to the folks who want to use it to control and instrumentalize women. And I think that’s profoundly revolutionary.
  You write about your own life a bit in the book, too. You get pretty personal in the chapter that takes place in the orgasm lab—

  Orgasm lab! I love that.
  I was really freaked out reading that chapter, just imagining the chair with the towels on it, and the porn You also describe growing up in a family that relentlessly tried to keep you safe from boys and sex. And that you grew up feeling like you liked sex but not knowing how to have an orgasm. How much do you think that played into your interest in the subject?

  I came to this subject originally as an anti-rape activist, through my experience of being sexually assaulted in college. I was already a feminist activist on campus when it happened. But it certainly radicalized me, and made me a lifelong activist on the issue of sexual violence. And the more I did that work from a bunch of different angles, the more I began to understand that you can’t address sexual violence without addressing the sexual culture. And I think that realization inspired me to unpack a lot of my own history. I didn’t write about this in the book, but after I was sexually assaulted, I felt like I had to reconstruct my sexuality from square one. All of my assumptions about how I was in my body were violated. So I really had to start over, I questioned everything about my sexuality. And I think that put me in a good position to start thinking bigger thoughts about the sexual culture as well. I’m always reluctant to talk about that because I never want to make it sound like it was a good thing I was sexually assaulted, but I have made an enormous amount of meaning from that horrible experience.
  So where do you think feminism goes now? Your book walks us through second- and third-wave feminism, Riot Grrrls, and Slut Walks. Do you think there’s a new era of feminism dawning, or a new way we need to approach how we think about feminism?

  I do think there’s a lot of feminist energy this year, not just the Women’s March, but women at the head of Indivisible and Black Lives Matter. This past month has been extraordinary in terms of feminist activism. We are in season of feminist rage. I don’t really love wave theory, I think it only holds so far, but there could be a feminist renewal happening right now. And my hope is that we go back to thinking about systems, and to resisting the idea that feminism just means being nice to other women, that whatever women do is empowering. Feminism is not a sorority. Feminism is a social movement that stands for things. Feminism isn’t concerned about whether you wear lipstick or not, or whether you take pole-dancing classes or not. You should be free to do those things, but that doesn’t make that feminist acts. Feminism is concerned with the society standing of women, and our social freedom, and whether or not women get to be perceived ultimately as three-dimensional full human beings, citizens of the world. And I feel like feminism is like digging deeper again, and that makes me really happy.

  TAGS Books Equality interview Misogyny Q&A repro rights Sexism sexual agency

  About the Author

  President of the National Book Critics Circle, Kate Tuttle writes about books for the Boston Globe. Her reviews have also appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Salon, the Washington Post, and Newsday. Her essays on raising children, race and politics, and coming to terms with her own 1970s childhood, have appeared in Dame, The Rumpus, The Atlantic, and elsewhere. Follow her @katekilla
  More by Kate Tuttle

  The Things Meg Wolitzer Knew Before We Did
  A Sobering Meeting With ‘The Recovering’ Author Leslie Jamison
  Is the Solidarity of Sisterhood a Myth?

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• Allure
  https://www.allure.com/story/jaclyn-friedman-unscrewed-book-sexual-pleasure
  Word count: 305

  Jaclyn Friedman Gets Real About the Difference Between "Fauxpowerment" and True Power
  By Tina Horntinahornsass
  November 14, 2017
  Ashton Lyle

  Writer, speaker, and activist Jaclyn Friedman’s podcast “Unscrewed” lays out the inside baseball of contemporary sexual politics. Her guests run the gamut from actress Tatiana Maslany to game developer Zoe Quinn to less bold-faced — but no less compelling — names in grassroots organizing. I listen to it when I’m craving validation of my rage at the sorry state of reproductive rights, LGBTQIA+ discrimination, and slut persecution in our society. In other words, I listen to it all the damn time.

  Unscrewed, the book — subtitled “Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All” — has given me the same validation and a whole lot more. Out November 14, Friedman's newest book profiles the people who are fighting to unscrew everything that’s wrong with our sexual culture. With exhaustive research, Friedman casts a wide intersectional net to show the relationship between comprehensive sex education, homeless queer youth, online trolls, media representation, medical professionals, toxic masculinity, sex work, economics, and more.
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  “I wrote Unscrewed because I don't accept the sexual status quo,” she told me on a recent visit to NYC — Friedman is based in Boston — where we rode the ferry up the East River on a sunny autumn day. Her curls, dyed black and red, whipped in the wind. “I hope that, once we throw off all the shame and insecurity that comes with thinking our sexual troubles are somehow our personal failings, we'll feel energized to work together to build a sexual culture that works for everyone.”

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