Project and content management for Contemporary Authors volumes
WORK TITLE: Single, Gay, Christian
WORK NOTES:
PSEUDONYM(S):
BIRTHDATE:
WEBSITE: http://www.gregorycoles.com/
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
NATIONALITY:
https://www.centerforfaith.com/about/leadership/greg-coles * https://www.forewordreviews.com/articles/article/single-gay-and-christian/ * http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2017/october-web-only/you-cant-just-tell-us-what-to-believe.html
RESEARCHER NOTES:
PERSONAL
Born in NY.
EDUCATION:Roberts Wesleyan College, B.A., 2012; Pennsylvania State University, M.A., 2015, Ph.D. candidate.
ADDRESS
CAREER
Writer, playwright, songwriter. Pennsylvania State University, University Park, graduate assistant.
AVOCATIONS:Baking, playing the piano, jogging, songwriting.
RELIGION: Christian.WRITINGS
Contributor to publications, including Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Author Quest, Rhetorica, and College English.
SIDELIGHTS
Gregory Coles is a writer and graduate of Roberts Wesleyan College and Pennsylvania State University. He has written stories and essays that have appeared in publications, including Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Author Quest, Rhetorica, and College English.
In 2017, Coles released his first book, Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journal of Faith and Sexual Identity. In this volume, he discusses his sexual orientation and how it relates to his religious beliefs. In an interview with Michelle Anne Schingler, contributor to the Foreword Reviews website, Coles discussed his intentions for the book. He stated: “I hope that open and affirming LGBTQ allies will be open to recognizing that there might also be people like me–people who long for their love and support as allies but who might not fit into the most familiar narratives of LGBTQ experience. I don’t want to tell everyone’s story, but I do want to be able to tell my own.” Coles also remarked: “I wrote the book imagining that I was talking to my fellow Christian millennials, all over the spectra of theology and sexuality. But I also hope that it will speak to folks far beyond that group: church leaders, any LGBTQ folks, their family and friends, and anyone longing to have this conversation better.” Coles continued: “Most of all, I hope that these readers take away two things: that being gay in no way disqualifies us from following Jesus; and that if Jesus is real and true and worth following, then he must be worth giving up everything for. If people wind up agreeing with me about theology and sexuality, that’s cool, but that’s not my primary goal.”
Assessments of Single, Gay, Christian were mixed. A reviewer in Publishers Weekly suggested that the narrative in the book could come off as “a little too rosy.” The reviewer added: “Coles’s work will raise questions for those involved in the debates about Christianity and sexuality.” Referring to Coles, Gabe Hughes, writer on the Junction City website, opined: “His writing style is wonderful and the book was an easy read. But the doctrine is too poor, his experiences are too immature, and his conclusions are too self-centered. The young man has some growing up to do, and his skin needs to thicken a little bit. He needs to receive more grace and give more grace. That is not to belittle.” Hughes added: “Though he’s torn between who the world says he is and who Christ says he is, he has made the decision to honor God and be celibate, and that is extremely big of him.” “It took a lot of courage to write this book,” asserted Rachel Gilson on the Gospel Coalition website. Tyler Streckert, critic on the Christianity Today website, remarked: “Christian young people struggling to come to terms with a same-sex orientation will find Single, Gay, Christian to be a helpful resource, as will parents and church leaders looking to learn more about homosexuality—and about how to respond to sons, daughters, and church members who are coming out or asking questions.” Streckert added: “Youth groups and Bible studies would also benefit from working through these issues together. Coles has told an engaging, humble, grounded story that pushes us to develop a workable theology of singleness while thinking rigorously about better ways to love and respect gay people—inside and outside the church.” Writing on the Spiritual Friendship website, Nate Collins commented: “Greg’s book is a delightful … and enjoyable read simply because Greg is a genius wordsmith. Greg tells his story the way an artist paints a landscape, relishing the combination of bold strokes of confidence in God’s promises to his children together with delicate wisps of color bearing witness to the reality of weakness, fear, and loss.”
BIOCRIT
PERIODICALS
Publishers Weekly, June 12, 2017, review of Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity, p. 61.
ONLINE
Center for Faith, Sexuality, & Gender Website, http://centerforfaith.com/ (April 9, 2018), author profile.
Christianity Today Online, http://www.christianitytoday.com/ (October 6, 2017), Tyler Streckert, review of Single, Gay, Christian.
Foreword Reviews Online, https://www.forewordreviews.com/ (May 18, 2017), Michelle Anne Schingler, author interview.
Gospel Coalition, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/ (October 6, 2017), Rachel Gilson, review of Single, Gay, Christian.
Gregory Coles Website, http://www.gregorycoles.com (April 9, 2018).
Junction City, http://pastorgabehughes.blogspot.com/ ( September 8, 2017), Gabe Hughes, review of Single, Gay, Christian
Pennsylvania State University, College of Liberal Arts Website, http://english.la.psu.edu/ (April 9, 2018), author faculty profile.
Spiritual Friendship, https://spiritualfriendship.org/ (August 22, 2017), Nate Collins, review of Single, Gay, Christian.
Greg Coles
Writer/Speaker
Greg is a piano player, a baker, a writer, a worship leader, and a PhD candidate in English, not necessarily in that order. He grew up on the Indonesian island of Java, where he fell in love with language learning his older brother’s SAT vocabulary words and reading Shakespeare’s Hamlet at age 8. Greg is the author of Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity (InterVarsity Press, 2017). His fiction and expository writing have been published by Penguin Random House and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, and he writes regularly about his obsession with Jesus at gregorycoles.com. His academic research on rhetorics of marginality (how language works in society for disadvantaged groups) has appeared or is forthcoming in College English and Rhetorica.
Gregory Coles
Gregory Coles is a contributor to Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal Author Quest—a collection of short stories published by Grosset and Dunlap (Penguin Random House)—and a top-five finalist in the international contest to "find the next great Dark Crystal author" for Jim Henson Company's book series set in that world.
An American author, playwright, and songwriter, Gregory spent fifteen years growing up in the Muslim neighborhoods of Southeast Asia, in the shadow of a golden-domed mosque marked by a spire with a silver crescent moon. The son of two committed Christian teachers, Greg learned from a young age to look for God in the world around him. He read Shakespeare's Hamlet at age eight, learned to speak several languages, and published his first short story while still in high school. At age eighteen, he returned to the United States to pursue his education, earning a bachelor's degree in communication with emphasis in English literature—and graduating as valedictorian of his class.
Today Gregory is a PhD student and part-time English instructor at Penn State University.
About Greg
Gregory Coles is a tangle of identities: born in upstate New York, raised on the Indonesian island of Java, and now a PhD candidate studying English in central Pennsylvania. He has been in love with language since age 8, when he started learning his older brother’s SAT vocabulary words and reading Shakespeare’s Hamlet.
Greg’s fiction and expository writing have been published by Penguin Random House and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, and he writes regularly for Crosswalk.com about his obsession with Jesus. His academic research on rhetorics of marginality (how language works in society for disadvantaged groups) has appeared in College English. His book Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity was published by InterVarsity Press in August 2017.
When he isn’t writing or teaching, Greg can usually be found playing piano at a local church, dabbling in songwriting, jogging, or whipping up 11-pound batches of buttercream icing at his favorite bakery.
QUOTED: " I hope that open and affirming LGBTQ allies will be open to recognizing that there might also be people like me–people who long for their love and support as allies but who might not fit into the most familiar narratives of LGBTQ experience. I don’t want to tell everyone’s story, but I do want to be able to tell my own."
"I wrote the book imagining that I was talking to my fellow Christian millennials, all over the spectra of theology and sexuality. But I also hope that it will speak to folks far beyond that group: church leaders, any LGBTQ folks, their family and friends, and anyone longing to have this conversation better."
"Most of all, I hope that these readers take away two things: that being gay in no way disqualifies us from following Jesus; and that if Jesus is real and true and worth following, then he must be worth giving up everything for. If people wind up agreeing with me about theology and sexuality, that’s cool, but that’s not my primary goal."
SINGLE, GAY, AND CHRISTIAN
single
Gregory Coles grew up knowing that he was gay—and knowing that his identity was something that some Christians would not accept. Still, from a young age he remained introspective, active in church circles, and absolutely committed to his faith, all of which led him to explore what Christian life might mean for someone who was both certain of their identity and secure in it, and convinced of the truth of the gospels.
His complex, personal answer—which involves celibacy–comes through his exploratory and lovely new work, Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity (InterVarsity Press). The conclusions he arrives at are neither simple nor prescriptive, and his intimate theological disclosures are certain to move inquisitive readers from all religious perspectives. We spoke to Gregory about his brave new book—necessarily at length.
GREGORY COLES, AUTHOR OF SINGLE, GAY, CHRISTIAN
How should liberal allies respond to your story in a way that doesn’t discount your choices?
Greg
Gregory Coles: 'I don't want to tell everyone's story, but I do want to be able to tell my own.'
book I think one of the most important things I’ve learned in my own conversations with other folks who identify as LGBTQ is that we’re not all alike, nor are we necessarily trying to be. Characterizing everyone within a minority group as identical is, as I say in the book, a way of colonizing them and denying them their right to be uniquely human.
So I hope that open and affirming LGBTQ allies will be open to recognizing that there might also be people like me–people who long for their love and support as allies but who might not fit into the most familiar narratives of LGBTQ experience. I don’t want to tell everyone’s story, but I do want to be able to tell my own.
You talk about LGBTQ equality being kind of a litmus test issue for evangelical communities; it is for liberal communities, too, but in the opposite way. I can almost see your book serving as a bridge.
That work of reconciliation and opening up conversation that you’re describing–that’s certainly some of the work I hope the book will accomplish! One of the reasons I’m reluctant to wear a label like “liberal” or “conservative” for my Christian faith (and a reason I think many other millennials are likewise reluctant) is that it seems to commit us to some form or another of “toeing the party line” instead of a primary commitment to pursuing love and honesty and depth in our faith.
The question I want to be constantly inviting any self-identifying Christian (whether “liberal” or “conservative”) to ask is this: am I loving Jesus with my whole heart, and loving my neighbor with that same love? I suspect folks on both sides of the liberal-conservative divide will disagree with some of the answers I’ve reached about what it means to love God and others well—but I hope folks on both sides of that divide can at least agree to enter into a dialogue around these questions.
“Obedience is supposed to be costly” was a line/paragraph that really stuck with me. Do you think that that notion is something that evangelical traditions understand more clearly?
I think that evangelical and mainline traditions tend to recognize and pursue different aspects of costliness. Mainline traditions have a much better track record (in my view) of taking costly stances when it comes to systemic matters of justice and social equity, whereas evangelical traditions tend to emphasize personal costliness over the societal.
In calling people to costly discipleship, then, I’m not really trying to be pro-evangelical or pro-mainline. I want to ask everybody (including myself) to consider whether they might need to start acting more pro-Jesus in their pursuit of a costly faith.
Your work is theological and personal; you show yourself taking ministerial roles, whether on a walk with friends or in church communities, throughout the book. Do you see that as one of your callings?
I’m in grad school pursuing a PhD in English, with a concentration in rhetoric and composition. And that obsession I have with language comes up in the book a bit as well, I think. But being “in ministry” in various ways has always been part of my story, and I suspect that it always will be, regardless of where my paychecks are coming from. Certainly, following Jesus and wanting to walk with others along that journey is always going to be a big part of my life!
Your handling of the Bible, and of certain biblical verses, moves between being exegetical and literal. How would you describe your approach?
Whenever I approach the biblical texts (or, really, any texts), my primary hermeneutic question is this: How does this text ask to be read? To the degree that a lens of readership seems assumed or constructed by the author, what is that lens, and how can I do my best to adopt it in my own reading? I’m very nervous about a hermeneutic of “biblical literalism,” because it seems to me that some of the biblical texts aren’t asking to be read literally, and our insistence on reading them that way without their permission is a kind of textual violence.
But in cases where the text does seem to invite and expect a literal reading, I want to do my best to follow that reading, to take the Bible where the Bible asks me to take it. As always, there can (and will) be sincere disagreement about where the Bible is asking to be taken–but I’d rather have that intellectually honest disagreement than be committed to an unconsidered literalism at all times.
Were you taught to read the Bible the way you’re describing, or is that a lens you developed on your own?
Growing up, I had a lot of theological discussions around the dinner table with my family. My dad is seminary-educated and a former pastor, but he and my mom were unlike the stereotypical “Christian parents” in the sense that they were always more interested in equipping us to study the Bible and answer questions for ourselves than they were in making sure that we agreed with them on every theological issue.
So I grew up with a very high regard for the Bible, but not always with a high regard for the ways the Bible was being interpreted by people. (And by the age of twelve or so, I could have already told you places where my theology differed a bit from my parents’ theology.) The hermeneutic that I learned from my parents and honed during those dinner table chats has been refined a bit by my academic study of rhetoric, but the heart remains much the same.
Why stay evangelical?
I hope that I’ll always be much more committed to following Jesus than I am to any denominational ties. Honestly, I find that the word “evangelical” can communicate some very true things about my practice of faith and my theology when I use it to describe myself, but it also communicates some very false things to some of the people who hear it.
I’ve never been part of a local congregation where I agreed with the pastoral staff or with my fellow congregants about everything, and I’m confident I never will. (As one of my former pastors used to say, “If you find the perfect church, don’t join it–you’ll ruin it.”) So if I someday find myself living in a community where it seems like my best opportunities to serve and follow Jesus can be found in a congregation that doesn’t use the “evangelical” label, that won’t rock my world too much.
You reference yourself as still closeted, though it seems natural that the book itself will complicate that. Are you planning a book tour? If so: at what kind of venues?
I didn’t actually decide to come out of the closet until I signed the book contract; before that, it was just an open question I was asking myself. I officially “came out” to the world two months ago, by posting an Amazon link to my book on Facebook.
Now that I’m out, I have begun to get a few speaking offers, and I’m mostly saying yes (because that’s what first-time authors do!). So far, these have mostly been predominantly conservative venues that recognize they’ve done a poor job of loving the LGBTQ community and want to begin a conversation about how to do better. This is a conversation I’m pretty passionate about advancing–so chances are good that, as long as people keep asking me to talk about it, I’ll keep saying yes.
Your book fills a major gap in religious publishing. But I would imagine that also puts an emotional burden on you, as someone who’s going to be presenting a perspective that people have learned to ready a response for, rather than just hear and absorb. How are you handling self care, and how can your coming audiences make that less heavy on you?
I won’t lie, that burden has felt pretty heavy sometimes. I’ve had nights of lying in a curled-up ball on my bed, whispering prayers as tears trickle out the corner of one eye, and I’ve sent my current pastor a lot of angsty emails at one in the morning. But I’m continuing to find that Jesus is so gracious about walking with us through seasons that feel irrationally difficult, and I’ve had a lot of dear friends walking faithfully alongside me as well. (Friends like my pastor, who still reads and responds to my angsty late-night emails, God bless him.)
I hope and pray that the folks who read this book and disagree with me (on either side of the theological aisle) will continue to see me as someone who is committed to loving Jesus and to loving them well. As long as they can see that love in me (and perhaps begin to see it in one another as well), then I’ve got no regrets.
Are you concerned about the response you’re going to get from the left—that people will try to “fix” you with, say, matchmaking? And what might you say to someone who has those well-meaning, but obviously unsolicited and unwanted, impulses?
I never want to be ungrateful for people who desire to show love to me, however unhelpful their expressions of love may feel sometimes. Since I’ve come out, I’ve had people inviting me to ex-gay ministries, and I’ve had people telling me that they’ll be praying I get a boyfriend soon.
I don’t resent any of these people–I’m really glad that they love me and are trying to express that love in the best way that they know how. But I do hope that some folks on both sides of the issue might be willing to be silent and listen to me long enough to learn how they can love me even better, in a way that will feel more like love to me. And I’m not shy about inviting people into that learning process!
Who’s your ideal audience, and what do you want them to hear most from your story?
I wrote the book imagining that I was talking to my fellow Christian millennials, all over the spectra of theology and sexuality. But I also hope that it will speak to folks far beyond that group: church leaders, any LGBTQ folks, their family and friends, and anyone longing to have this conversation better.
Most of all, I hope that these readers take away two things: that being gay in no way disqualifies us from following Jesus; and that if Jesus is real and true and worth following, then he must be worth giving up everything for. If people wind up agreeing with me about theology and sexuality, that’s cool, but that’s not my primary goal.
Are you sure you’re not going to go the seminary route?
If I still more energy left after I finish the PhD, seminary is definitely next on my wish list!
What’s next for you?
I’m planning to write a dissertation! (And maybe a second book.) (And beyond that, God only knows!)
Michelle Anne Schingler Michelle Anne Schingler is the managing editor at Foreword Reviews. You can follow her on Twitter @mschingler or e-mail her at mschingler@forewordreviews.com.
Michelle Anne Schingler
May 18, 2017
Gregory Coles
English Graduate Assistant
201 Burrowes Building
Mailroom: 430 Burrowes Building
Email: gcoles@psu.edu
Office Hours:
SPRING 2018:
By appointment only. (But liberally so; just send me an email.)
Education
Ph.D. English, The Pennsylvania State University (anticipated 2019)
M.A. English, The Pennsylvania State University (2015)
B.A. Communication, Roberts Wesleyan College (2012)
Professional Bio
Greg specializes in Rhetoric and Composition, with particular emphasis on the work of Kenneth Burke. He is (currently) intrigued by the intersections of Burkean theory and marginalized rhetorics, including but not limited to feminist rhetorics, racial minority rhetorics, sexual minority rhetorics, and non-Western rhetorics. His first foray into these intersections, entitled "The Exorcism of Language: Reclaimed Derogatory Terms and Their Limits," was published in College English in May 2016, and a second piece is forthcoming in Rhetorica in 2018. Greg lived on the island of Java, Indonesia for 15 years and consequently spends much of his free time trying to make improvised Indonesian food out of Pennsylvanian ingredients.
Areas of Specialization
Rhetoric and Composition
QUOTED: "a little too rosy."
"Coles's work will raise questions for those involved in the debates about Christianity and sexuality."
Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity
Publishers Weekly. 264.24 (June 12, 2017): p61+.
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2017 PWxyz, LLC
http://www.publishersweekly.com/
Full Text:
Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity
Gregory Coles. IVR $15 trade paper (144p) ISBN 978-0-8308-4512-5
Coles uses his personal experiences to reflect on what it means to be both a committed evangelical Christian and gay. Although he leaves his theology vague, he concludes that based on his own reading, the Bible doesn't offer any room for same-sex relationships. Yet he also does not support conversion therapy. Instead, he claims the identity of gay celibate. Hence, his book is one of the few that expresses the hopes, challenges, and concerns of a new generation of sexually self-denying gay Christians. His best insights are too-briefly presented but include the notion that celibacy reminds other Christians that discipleship should be costly and the assertion that the Fall has distorted all sexuality, not just homosexuality. He also convincingly argues that being gay allows him to view women as more than sexual objects and fellow men as worthy of love. Coles offers only vague details of his own life and he universally characterizes the interactions he has with fellow Christians after he comes out as positive. As a result, his book seems a little too rosy for such a thorny position. Coles's work will raise questions for those involved in the debates about Christianity and sexuality because it pushes for a third way between discarding tradition and ignoring identity. (Aug.)
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity." Publishers Weekly, 12 June 2017, p. 61+. General OneFile, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A495720732/ITOF?u=schlager&sid=ITOF&xid=e745cf88. Accessed 16 Mar. 2018.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A495720732
QUOTED: "It took a lot of courage to write this book."
I Resonate—and Disagree—with This Gay Christian
OCTOBER 6, 2017 | Rachel Gilson SHARE
CHRISTIAN LIVING Photo by Jason Strull on Unsplash
I eagerly read Gregory Coles’s Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity as soon as I received it. In some respects, Coles and I have a lot in common: we’re both Christians who have a same-sex orientation but believe that we honor Jesus best by denying that desire. In other respects, our lives are incredibly different. He’s male; I’m female. He grew up in the church and overseas with a full-throttled, homeschooled evangelical upbringing; I grew up as an atheist in America. Later he lived in culturally conservative places in America, while I’ve always been enmeshed in bicoastal liberality.
Despite those differences, I deeply resonated with his description of his attractions: how natural they are, how unthinkable to change them. He uses a thought experiment for straight people that I’ve often employed with friends: Imagine being told by the church that you must feel sexually aroused by your best same-sex friend. It’s effective—it helps straight Christians understand how intractable orientation can feel.
Failed by Christians
Exercises like these are necessary because the church has often failed people struggling in this way—by encouraging revulsion toward gay people and suggesting they must become straight to fulfill God’s command. Coles has been mistreated by some Christians, and he describes what it was like to grow up feeling ashamed of the feelings that well up within him. He was closeted for a long time.
Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity
GREGORY COLES
IVP (217). 144 pp. $15.
PURCHASE
This is hard for me to fathom, since I never experienced shame about my feelings. They arose before I became a Christian, and when I entered the church, I learned that while my attractions were a part of the fall, their persistence after my rebirth didn’t condemn me. I never had to wonder what people would think of me, since everyone has always known I’m attracted to women and has treated me well. If anything, I’m sometimes treated like a hero among conservatives for becoming a Christian, when I certainly don’t deserve it.
Because of those different experiences, Coles and I diverge on label preferences. We both aim for honesty and clarity, which I find heartening. He, however, balks at the term “same-sex attracted” due to its connection with the ex-gay movement. He prefers “gay” because it doesn’t gloss over what he experiences, even though he’s aware that in the church it can carry the connotation of one who acts on their desires. I’ve never preferred “lesbian” for myself, because it seems to encompass far more than the simple attraction I feel. I actually like “same-sex attracted”; I don’t feel, like Coles, that it makes my orientation a passing phase.
Need for Clarity
There is so much that I loved about this book. Coles and I agree on what the Bible says about sexuality, and he writes about his choice of obedience with grace and good humor.
But the one place where I felt disappointed was the section beginning on page 108, where he leaves space for this to be an agree-to-disagree issue—where we could “share pews with people whose understanding of God differs from ours” (109)—and compares it to the disagreement about modes of baptism. He writes, “[I]f I’m honest, there are issues I consider more theologically straightforward than gay marriage that sincere Christians have disagreed on for centuries” (108).
Of course sincere Christians disagree on baptism, but on that question there are arguments on both sides that make sense of the Bible as a whole. By contrast, Scripture’s witness on sexuality is painfully clear. Rather than hold out the possibility that the Bible might be okay with homosexual relationships—which I believe is likely to damage those in the thick of same-sex desires—I’d rather affirm in the strongest terms that God is clear, and plead that his Word be read.
If we allow the new affirming view as a valid option for the Christian, even if inferior to the traditional view, I believe, with Don Carson, that we make a disastrous pastoral and theological move, because we end up allowing some of those who claim Christ to persist in sin.
We see Coles begin down this path a bit when he compares a same-sex married Christian to a straight, sexually impure Christian woman. He lines up theologically with the second woman, but then asks, “But whose life is most honoring to God? Who really loves Jesus more? Who am I going to see in heaven?” These questions are beside the point. Why should we ask which professed believer loves Jesus more? We don’t need to compare these women’s sins; we need to plead with both to repent and move forward in obedience.
He moves on from this comparison by saying, “Other people’s hearts are none of my business” (110). And that’s where my heart broke. Let me explain why.
Coles ends that episode with a call to Romans 14:4: “Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.” Yes and amen, let’s live that Scripture. But we also need to live Hebrews 3:12–13: “Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.”
These verses plead for us to care about how sin destroys our brother and sister’s heart. How can that be none of our business?
It took a lot of courage to write this book, and I admire Coles for that. I’ve prayed more than once for his spiritual protection. And I would even encourage people to buy and read this book, as the core of it is moving and helpful. But I wish our generation as a whole would show courage in clearly calling out sin, and exhorting each other to flee it—all types, all kinds.
QUOTED: "Christian young people struggling to come to terms with a same-sex orientation will find Single, Gay, Christian to be a helpful resource, as will parents and church leaders looking to learn more about homosexuality—and about how to respond to sons, daughters, and church members who are coming out or asking questions."
"Youth groups and Bible studies would also benefit from working through these issues together. Coles has told an engaging, humble, grounded story that pushes us to develop a workable theology of singleness while thinking rigorously about better ways to love and respect gay people—inside and outside the church."
‘You Can’t Just Tell Us What to Believe’
Gregory Coles says the church should offer “breathing room” for gay Christians, like himself, who want to pursue sexual holiness.
TYLER STRECKERT| OCTOBER 6, 2017
‘You Can’t Just Tell Us What to Believe’
Image: cyano66 / Getty Images
Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity
OUR RATING
5 Stars - Masterpiece
BOOK TITLE
Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity
AUTHOR
Gregory Coles
PUBLISHER
IVP Books
RELEASE DATE
August 22, 2017
PAGES
144
PRICE
$11.50
Buy Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity from Amazon
During the 1990s and early 2000s, my grandmother actively supported the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), as well as her state’s amendment to define marriage as between one man and one woman. When I came out to her, she wanted to learn more. Upon first reading the story of someone who had grown up as a gay Christian and was committed to celibacy, she told me, “I’ve never heard an account like this before—from someone who involuntarily has these experiences but doesn’t pursue them.”
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In previous decades, mainstream discourse on homosexuality had presented her with a false dichotomy: A person with same-sex attractions could either choose to totally embrace them and promiscuously act them out or else flee them entirely—ideally, with the goal of experiencing them no longer.
It is challenging to be caught involuntarily in the fallout of such a historically polarizing conflict, yet this is where Greg Coles has also been. As a Christian who, since the onset of adolescence, has experienced persistent attractions to other men, he has landed at the center of the debate about the correct moral response to homosexuality. From this place of tension, where a person can feel wrenched two directions, Coles decided to stand firm and tell his narrative of self-discovery. In Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity, Coles writes without an agenda but instead with the hope of lighting a beacon for other same-sex-oriented Christians who feel trapped a similarly daunting place.
Wrestling with God
Coles was raised in a Christian household, the son of American teachers in the politically restless Indonesia of the 1990s. Having no struggle with lust toward women, he believed that, unlike his male friends, he had his sexual life together. Then he recognized a pattern in his thoughts about other men and came to reluctantly admit, “I’m gay.”
Feeling like a freak, Coles pleaded with God to make him straight. He experimented with dating women, but this did nothing to change his attractions toward men. His first kiss, with a woman, felt like pressing his lips to “a grapefruit.” He knew his same-sex orientation was not changing, but he lacked the confidence to move forward as a gay person in conservative Christian circles. At times, he wished that he would die in some kind of accident.
Desperate for consolation, Coles turned to Scripture, hoping to find some support for same-sex marriages. After carefully examining various biblical and theological arguments, he formed a defensible, reasoned rationale affirming romantic relationships with other men, or so he thought. Yet, throughout his intense prayer and wrestling with the divine, God pointed him to costly discipleship through singleness. By pursuing a same-sex relationship, Coles felt that he would be doing wrong by the biblical passages most directly related to his experience. And so he made the painful decision to heed the call of celibacy.
We Stand for your Religious Liberty
When Coles brought up the possibility of family friends or ministry partners refusing to accept him upon learning that he was gay, his typically guarded father replied, “If someone has a problem with that, then screw them.” To be sure, Coles’s parents had questions, but they never grilled him, and their profession of support came about quickly and decisively. In a country where up to 40 percent of homeless youth are LGBTQ, this is the dreamed-of reaction from parents. As one pessimistic aphorism has it, “When a child comes out of the closet, the parents go in.” Anxiety and false guilt can make parents confront, albeit less directly, some of the same feelings their LGBTQ children have faced.
Discern, Study, and Pray
Although he has come to a traditional view of sexuality, Coles hesitates to consider himself a “role model”—an ideal case illustrating how one goes about making this journey. People wrestling with these issues need breathing room and time to work through their concerns without the pressure of constant scrutiny. The church can provide space for same-sex-attracted believers to discern, study, and pray. As Coles poignantly puts it, “You can’t just tell us what to believe and expect us to believe it. That’s not how belief works—at least, that’s not how it worked for me.”
Persuasion comes through gentleness and patience. We sometimes act as though committed gay believers should have their approach to reconciling faith and sexuality entirely worked out, right this moment. But those who have trod the same path know how painfully difficult this is to manage. Coles is humble enough to admit that he does not see the answers with complete clarity. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians, “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known” (13:12).
Sadly, some churches have behaved as though the Bible’s rejection of homosexual practice essentially ends the discussion. Coles gets at this deficiency with what he calls the “bumper sticker hermeneutic”: the assumption that merely reciting the six Bible passages directly addressing homosexuality—likely lifted out of context—will offer sufficient persuasion. We need to build on a raw doctrinal foundation by thinking with more complexity, especially about how to respond compassionately to fellow believers experiencing same-sex attraction. We can also bring valuable insights from theology, history, science, anthropology, and psychology to the table. Here in the United States, at least, you would have trouble finding anyone unaware that the Bible can furnish an argument against same-sex sexual relations. However, for this teaching to be a source of life and encouragement, we will have to do our utmost to help the same-sex-attracted brother or sister to, as Coles states, “thrive as a celibate gay person in the church.”
https://renovare.org/40/fox
Evangelicals have frequently portrayed singleness as a less-than-ideal vocation—a (hopefully) temporary rest station on the road to marital bliss. But the celibate gay Christian is not at a temporary rest station and can experience intense loneliness pondering the future, just as Adam did in the Garden. When gay people are flatly told to “just be celibate,” this feels harsh and seems like a demand to settle for less, if not an expression of outright prejudice. The requirement can feel like an unnatural expectation of loneliness for the rest of their lives. The church can take more seriously the loneliness the same-sex attracted are grappling with and offer a place where they can find emotional fulfillment in Christian community.
According to research, younger generations of LGBTQ people are returning to church, and we can give them a warm and unambiguous welcome. The wonder of being fully known and loved by God should be felt by everyone who knocks. To imitate Christ and expand his kingdom, we can open the door (Matt. 7:7).
Helpful Resource
Coles admits that he has not suffered discrimination to the degree experienced by many other LGBTQ people. He wasn’t kicked out of his house or church, where he leads worship. Nor was he ever verbally or physically attacked on account of his sexuality. One of his reservations in writing the book was that his celibacy could become “a means by which other Christians feel justified in condemning non-celibate gay men and lesbian women.” Rather, the church might give the same space to work out these issues as many churches do with unmarried couples who visit. These churches patiently work with them as they return week after week, as they slowly come to understand the Bible’s teaching on extramarital sex. Can we not have a similar attitude toward same-sex-oriented people, especially when their situations are so much more complex?
https://www.regent-college.edu/summer/?utm_source=Christianity_Today&utm_medium=banner&utm_campaign=Summer_2018&utm_content=600x150
Christian young people struggling to come to terms with a same-sex orientation will find Single, Gay, Christian to be a helpful resource, as will parents and church leaders looking to learn more about homosexuality—and about how to respond to sons, daughters, and church members who are coming out or asking questions. Youth groups and Bible studies would also benefit from working through these issues together. Coles has told an engaging, humble, grounded story that pushes us to develop a workable theology of singleness while thinking rigorously about better ways to love and respect gay people—inside and outside the church.
Tyler Streckert earned a master’s degree in history from Wheaton Graduate School in 2015. His article “Coming Out at Wheaton College” appeared in the June 2016 issue of Christianity Today.
QUOTED: "Greg’s book is a delightful ... and enjoyable read simply because Greg is a genius wordsmith. Greg tells his story the way an artist paints a landscape, relishing the combination of bold strokes of confidence in God’s promises to his children together with delicate wisps of color bearing witness to the reality of weakness, fear, and loss."
Review: Single, Gay, Christian by Gregory Coles
Posted by Nate Collins
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Gregory Coles’ Single, Gay, Christian releases today. Go buy it.
Single, Gay, Christian
Writing a review for my friend Greg Coles’ new book is a bit like taking a photograph of the Grand Canyon… using an old-fashioned camera… with a cracked lens… and overexposed film. It is doomed to fail utterly at the task of representing the experience of actually journeying with Greg as he relates his personal story of how he discovered that God could love gay people like himself, like me, and like others. For this reason, as well as due to the genre of Greg’s book (memoir), my comments here will not follow the pattern of a standard review, but will be instead a somewhat stream-of-consciousness reflection on how I was personally impacted by Greg’s story.
Perhaps more than anything, I was impacted by the sheer humanity of Single, Gay, Christian. Although I have spent the past ten years talking publicly about my own experience of not being straight, I found myself struck time and time again with the realization that Greg had discovered descriptions of his experience that had eluded me in my own search to make meaning out of my orientation.
As a result, reading about Greg’s journey to make meaning out of his experience helped me to become more human in my own journey to search out what might still be in store for me to discover about myself as a gay man. The sting of loneliness, the search for Truth, and the discovery of Beauty are all wrapped up in a bundle of neurons and desires that continually elude my understanding, yet that beckon me onward in my journey toward the celestial City of God. Yes, these are deeply human matters and I have been enriched by my encounter with Greg’s life in his book.
Greg’s book is also deeply spiritual. Whether he is relating his angst surrounding the initial suspicion as a teenager that something wasn’t normal (“Am I gay?”), his experiences dating women, or his attempt to wrestle with the Bible’s teaching about sexuality and marriage, Greg continually brings the gospel to bear on his experience. And when clear answers don’t emerge, he doesn’t conjure them out of thin air. Superficial, self-manufactured solutions don’t stand the test of time and trial. As I encountered Greg’s journey through doubt, pain, and loss, I discovered anew that solace is ultimately found in a Person, and that Christ himself is the treasure and prize that we have been promised.
Finally—and it simply must be said—Greg’s book is a delightful (he’ll be happy I used that word) and enjoyable read simply because Greg is a genius wordsmith. Greg tells his story the way an artist paints a landscape, relishing the combination of bold strokes of confidence in God’s promises to his children together with delicate wisps of color bearing witness to the reality of weakness, fear, and loss. Greg’s unique gift of creative transparency enables him to portray the beauty that is inherent in being a work-in-progress. And when we encounter beauty in another’s transparency, we are changed.
In closing, perhaps it would be good to note that in some ways, “Single, Gay, Christian” might represent a coming-of-age of sorts of the orthodox gay Christian movement. With Wesley Hill’s trailblazing memoir Washed and Waiting entering a second, updated edition, perhaps the time is ripe for nonstraight people of faith to look with greater eagerness and expectation for what our Father might do through the faithfulness of his children, as we all—gay and straight—try to live our lives faithfully before him in our world today.
QUOTED: "His writing style is wonderful and the book was an easy read. But the doctrine is too poor, his experiences are too immature, and his conclusions are too self-centered. The young man has some growing up to do, and his skin needs to thicken a little bit. He needs to receive more grace and give more grace. That is not to belittle."
"Though he's torn between who the world says he is and who Christ says he is, he has made the decision to honor God and be celibate, and that is extremely big of him."
Friday, September 8, 2017
A Review of Single, Gay, Christian by Gregory Coles
"Let's make a deal, you and me," writes Gregory Coles, author of the book Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity. "Let's make promises to each other. I promise to tell you my story. The whole story. I'll tell you about a boy in love with Jesus who, at the fateful onset of puberty, realized his sexual attractions were persistently and exclusively for other guys. I'll tell you how I lay on my bed in the middle of the night and whispered to myself the words I've whispered a thousand times since: 'I'm gay.'"
As a pastor, this is not the first time I've listened to that confession. The first person I ever baptized used to call herself a lesbian. She sat across from my wife and me on our couch and wanted to know how she could still be a lesbian and be sure she would go to heaven when she died. I read to her 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, which says:
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men [or women] who practiced homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
It was important to help her understand that one of the sins that will keep a person from the kingdom of God is homosexuality. "Idolatry" is grouped together with sexual sins because to engage in any sexually immoral practice is to bow at an altar to a false god -- a god of your own design, who will fulfill all your desires and give you all the pleasures that you want.
But those who belong to Christ "have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires" (Galatians 5:24). Peter said to "live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God" (1 Peter 4:2). Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it" (Luke 9:23-24).
The young woman responded with a common rebuttal: Jesus didn't say anything about homosexuality. So I took her to the part of Scripture where Jesus talked about marriage, sexuality, and the sexes in Matthew 19:4-6. He said:
"Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let man not separate."
"Or in other words," I said to her, "let man not redefine." Sex was made by God. It is His gift. Since He created it, He gets to define it. And here He says it is meant for a man and his wife, "and the two shall become one flesh." Later the Apostle Paul wrote, "Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, 'The two will become one flesh.'" So sex outside the context of marriage between a man and a woman is sin. It is immoral. And Jesus explicitly said sexual immorality is evil (Matthew 19:9, Mark 7:21).
Furthermore, Jesus said that He would send the Holy Spirit, who would reveal more truth (John 16:13, 1 John 4:6, 5:6). As the Holy Spirit is God just as Christ is God, whatever the Spirit has said through the Apostles and the Prophets is also what Christ has said. Therefore, when we read in Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 6, or 1 Timothy 1 that homosexuality is sin, though these words were written by the Apostle Paul, they are also the words of Christ. Jesus is also the author of Leviticus. Jesus reigned down fire on Sodom and Gomorrah.
The Bible strictly condemns homoerotic behavior. To encourage someone in sin that God has promised He will judge is not loving. With the love of Christ for this woman, who had been attending our church and was listening to me preach, I was not about to let her leave our living room believing that she could practice a gay lifestyle and still inherit the kingdom of God when the Bible says the opposite.
I told her to notice the part in 1 Corinthians 6:11 where Paul said, "But you were washed!" Some of the men Paul wrote to were formerly guilty of homosexual sin. But they were loved by God and forgiven their sins. They were washed and cleansed by the Holy Spirit. Sitting among the people of the Corinthian church were those who could say, "I once was that! But I've been washed!" They were being made into the image of Christ, who died for their sins so that He might present us before God purified and holy with great joy.
So I put this before her: "The question you need to ask is not, 'Can I still be this and still get to heaven?' The question is rather this: 'Do I want God?' Do you want Him so much that you would be willing to give up every desire of the flesh that you have in order to be like Jesus? The Bible says it is they who will be given life, and given it more abundantly. It is they who will receive His kingdom. Revelation 12:11 says of them, 'They have conquered [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.'"
She said she believed the words that I told her. She wept and said that she wanted to repent of her sins and no longer be identified by a label of her flesh, but by the name of Jesus. I was privileged to be the one to baptize her, her appeal to God for a good conscience (1 Peter 3:21, Hebrews 10:22).
Note that when I started, I said I baptized a former lesbian. I didn't baptize a lesbian. I baptized a woman who had crucified the old self and was raised anew in Christ. She no longer recognized herself by her former sins. She was no longer a leper. She had been washed, sanctified, justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
After reading Single, Gay, Christian, I wondered if Gregory Coles had ever heard the things I told that young woman.
Prior to picking up the book, I had been told that Single, Gay, Christian was about a young man who struggled with same-sex attraction, but he had made a commitment to Christ to remain celibate -- hardly common in today's hyper-sexualized, gender-confused, instant-gratification culture. I was intrigued, even though I had some misgivings with the title of the book.
Gregory calls himself a gay Christian. The last time I'd read a book with those two words in the title, the author was attempting to rewrite the Bible and redefine marriage. Much ink has been spilled (or keys have been clacked, I guess) about whether or not a person can be gay and a Christian. To call oneself a "gay Christian" is to tack a sin adjective to the front of the pursuit of holiness.
What if the book was entitled Single, Adulterous, Christian, the story of a man who identified himself as an adulterer? Ever since he was twelve, he's had thoughts about sleeping with women he wasn't married to. He feels incomplete without a woman. It's a temptation so pervasive sometimes the desire consumes him and makes him feel dirty. But he fled from temptation and entrusted himself to Christ, who forgave his sins and clothed him in righteousness.
I've basically told the story of just about every maturing Christian male. So why aren't there young Christian men walking around calling themselves single adulterous Christians? Because we understand that adultery is a behavioral sin. Who wants to be called an adulterer? Only people who behave adulterously are called adulterers. Only people who hijack planes are called hijackers. Only people who kill other people are called murderers.
There's no such thing as being gay. There is no evidence that there are people who have a permanent orientation for homosexuality. It is not an immutable characteristic, and no one has proven otherwise. As we just read above in 1 Corinthians 6, there are men who used to do those things, but they have been cleansed by Christ, and they don't do them anymore. Homosexuality is, by biblical definition, wrongdoing.
So why was Greg choosing to call himself gay? (There is actually an answer to this question, and I'll get to it later on.) Other questions I had heading into the book were these: Does Greg understand holiness and sanctification? Does he know what it means to repent? Does he understand grace? Not taking anything for granted, does he understand what it means to be a Christian? Is he aware of what he's calling himself when he proudly admits that he is gay?
Unfortunately, Single, Gay, Christian is a book that fails to define its terms. Greg makes allusions to the gospel, but he never actually says what it is. He might say something like, "Jesus died for me," but he doesn't explain what that means. Also absent are words like justification, sanctification, redemption, salvation, or righteousness. Greg talks about sin and repentance only in the abstract. In fact, I'm not even convinced Greg understands what homosexuality is. I came away from the book knowing more about Greg, but I'd not been any more informed about "Single Gay Christians."
I have counseled persons wrestling with the things Greg says he's fought through, and their stories are nothing like his. In fact, his story is quite easy compared to the testimonies I've heard (I'm not at liberty to provide examples). In the story he told, he was never actually oppressed by anyone. His grief was largely self-imposed, even to the extent of taking offense at things he had no reason to be offended by.
My review will sound a little harsh, and maybe it already does, but it needs to. This is serious. Deadly serious. I cannot let you leave believing that a person can be gay and a Christian when the Bible says the opposite. That doesn't mean I think Greg isn't a Christian. I think he's confused and he will lead others into confusion. Whether he likes it or not, Greg is a teacher with this book, and teachers will be judged more strictly (James 3:1).
You might say, "But brother Gabe, he's committed to celibacy! Surely that's worth something, right?" Indeed that is brave of him. I hope he continues entrusting himself to God. However, Greg's celibacy is a personal commitment that's built more on what he feels is right rather than solid, convicting truth. He doesn't make an appeal to any other self-ascribed gay men to leave a life of sinfulness and be celibate. He's just telling his story, and he thinks that's enough.
I'm going to do more than tell a story. I'm going to tell you to repent. I'm going to tell you to die to yourself, take up your cross, and follow Jesus. I do this in love. It's because I love you that I must tell you harsh truths. My desire is to glorify and imitate my Savior God, who from the moment he began to preach in His earthly ministry, He was preaching harsh truths: "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!" (Matthew 4:17)
Greg is a gifted writer and his book is easy to read. Before becoming a teacher in Pennsylvania and a worship leader in his church, he grew up in a Christian household devoted to ministry. Greg is still a young man, and many of the experiences he talks about in the book come from his time attending a Wesleyan college.
"The evangelical church is a strange place to be a sexual minority," Greg says. "What do you call yourself when you're gay and celibate in the church? There's no easy word for it, no label that doesn't confuse people or carry a heavy suitcaseful of connotations." So believing that he had no where else to turn, Greg became content in calling himself gay.
"When you say 'gay' in the church context, many Christians assume you mean the active pursuit of gay sex," he says. "But when I hear most people outside the walls of the church use the word gay, they're talking about an orientation, the nature of a person's attractions, not about a specific sexual act." Greg wants us to believe that the world has the best intentions when it applies the word "gay." It's not about a sexually immoral act. It's about who a person is, he insists.
"Being gay doesn't mean you're actively having sex, in the same way that being straight doesn't mean you can't be single and committed to sexual abstinence." The world doesn't have a problem understanding what a person means when they say "gay," Greg says. The church has the problem.
All this tells me is that the strategy to normalize terms like gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender as an identity has worked, and Greg has naively bought into it.
In 1988, a group of prominent homosexuals gathered in Warrentown, VA to map out a plan that would make homosexuality accepted by the general public. As a result of this meeting, Marshall Kirk and Hunter Madsen wrote a book entitled After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear and Hatred of Gays in the 90s. When you read that book now, it is uncanny how much it describes our culture today. Their strategy worked. Part of that strategy was to portray gays as victims and to make those who oppose homosexuality into vicious haters, using bumper-sticker rhetoric and appeals to emotion rather than facts and logic.
Kirk and Madsen wrote the following:
"Our effect is achieved without reference to facts, logic, or proof. Just as the bigot became such, without any say in the matter, through repeated infra-logical emotional conditioning, his bigotry can be alloyed in exactly the same way, whether he is conscious of the attack or not. In short, jamming succeeds insofar as it inserts even a slight frisson of doubt and shame into the previously unalloyed, self-righteous pleasure. The approach can be quite useful and effective -- if our message can get the massive exposure upon which all else depends."
The homosexual agenda got massive exposure through music, movies, television, and the arts. A word like "gay," defining men who had sex with other men, was redefined to describe a person with a natural, unchangeable orientation. If anyone says otherwise, they lack love and empathy and compassion for another human being. Some of you are convinced a person can be gay, and they can't help themselves. Why do you believe that? The same reason Greg believes it: because it's been repeated to you over and over and over and over again.
Greg even does this to himself. He talks about how for years he would lie in bed and repeat, "I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay." He describes his acceptance as coming out of the closet. He uses all the words of the popular nomenclature without the least hint of irony. "I called myself 'gay' in my own head, because it was the best word I knew to describe the world I occupied. It meant that I shared an important piece of my life story with others in the LGBTQ community," he says. "I called myself 'gay' because I was tired of euphemizing, tired of being ashamed."
Though Greg is not giving into the temptation to be with other men, he doesn't want to let go of it either. Greg feels more comfortable identifying himself with a repurposed label once used for male prostitutes who serviced other men, and the church should feel ashamed for not embracing that label in a non-dirty or non-sexually-explicit context. We all have to change our minds (which is exactly what the culture wants us to do), but he doesn't have to change his. That is an astonishing argument.
It also exhibits Greg's confusion. He claims, several times in the book, that his identity is in Christ, yet he keeps coming back to finding his identity in cultural labels. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the word "gay" appears 160 times in Greg's book. The word "Christian" appears half that many times (the benefit of reading a book on Kindle is I can look up stuff like that). He spends less time talking about what it means to be a Christian, and more time making sure that you know he's gay. No one will find peace redefining words. Peace is only found in Christ.
Yet Greg insists, "Most of the English-speaking world is already using gay to describe sexual attractions. If I refuse to call myself a gay Christian, if I say that 'gay' and 'Christian' are contradictory identities, a lot of people will hear me saying that they have to be straight to follow Jesus. And I'll do whatever it takes not to communicate that message. I'm willing to risk being misunderstood by the church if it means being understood by the world Jesus died for."
And therein lies the flaw in Greg's doctrine. Who did Jesus die for? Ephesians 5:25-27 tells us, and it just so happens to be in the context of marriage:
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."
There we have that word "washed" again, another term strangely absent from Greg's book. Now, when Greg says Jesus died for the world, maybe he was thinking of verses like John 1:29 or John 3:16 or 1 John 2:2. I'm sure he means well. But to insinuate that Christ died for the world and not the church, and to think that comment was profound, goes to show how immature he is in his doctrine. We are to take the gospel to the world, not sexual identity categories to the church.
Furthermore, Greg says "I'll do whatever it takes" to not sound confusing to the world. Friends, the church is always going to sound confusing to the world. Read John 6. Scores of people walked away from Jesus because they didn't get what he was talking about. Jesus said, "Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot bear to hear my word" (John 8:43). "You do not believe because you are not among my sheep. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me" (John 10:26-27).
Not that we should try to sound confusing, but we certainly shouldn't be confused ourselves when the world thinks of us as strange. Peter said we are like strangers and aliens (1 Peter 2:11). Paul said, "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ" (Galatians 1:10). That's something Greg really needs to think deeply about. In the meantime, he is placing an unnecessary burden on his brothers and sisters in Christ that has the potential to cause division, not the unity he desires.
Though Greg wants the church to accept the word gay and use it without the connotation of sinfulness it justifiably evokes, his appeal is inconsistent. There are times he wants people to call him gay, and then there are times he doesn't. Is it then the responsibility of the church to learn when it is appropriate to use this word and when not to? Requiring everyone to walk on eggshells around you is hardly evidence of the grace of God.
Greg is simply not aware of the problems caused by blurring the lines of sexuality and normalizing "being gay." For example, he talks about sharing a bunk with another man and admiring his body when he undresses in front of him. Follow the logic here: How is this not the same as a man sharing a bunk with a woman he's not married to, and she undresses in front of him? Is it okay as long as the man doesn't feel guilty about watching another woman undress? Say that man was married. Do you really think his wife would be okay with him sharing a room with another woman, and that woman undressed in front of him?
Greg takes the approach that "I have these thoughts and there's nothing I can do about them" (not an exact quote). Folks, that's not a good message for anyone, homo- or heterosexual. Jesus said that if you look at someone with lust in your mind, it is the same as committing adultery with them in your heart (Matthew 5:28). The Apostle Paul said there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality among you (Ephesians 5:3). To be sexually pure even in our thoughts is sanctification at its most basic level. If you've not mastered this, you've not even ascended to the first rung of what it means to grow in holiness in Christ. We read the following in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:
"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you."
We are reminded that we were bought with a price, therefore we are to honor God with our bodies, which is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Every other sin a person commits, they commit outside the body. But sexual immorality is committed with the body. We are told to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:15-20). Sexual sins are unique. They are unlike any other sin. Homosexuality even more so because it is described as unnatural desire (Romans 1:26-27).
This is not okay that Greg can talk about this and write a book about it without blushing. It is not good for him, is not good for any other young man struggling with homosexuality, and it is not good for anyone else who struggles with any other kind of impure thoughts. It is not okay for us to think we're just always going to have those thoughts and there's nothing we can do about them. Do you honestly believe you can have the mind of Christ if you're still enslaved to your lusts?
Have you not read that we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us (Romans 8:37)? Did Paul not say "I will not be mastered by anything" (1 Corinthians 6:12)? Why do you continue to whine about things that God has given us power to master? Why do you continue to submit to them and be labled by them as though they have power over you? Friends, I emplore you -- be holy as God is holy!
Greg also talks about a time he was riding in the car with his sister-in-law, the wife of his brother. The two of them were alone together. His sister-in-law said it would be weird riding along in a car with another man, but because Greg is gay, then it's okay. Really? Greg is a worship leader in a church, and he says his church doesn't know he's gay (though after this book, surely they do now). Does the Bible not tell us that we should avoid even the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22)? That we should be above reproach (Colossians 1:22)? If someone were to raise an objection about this driving arrangement, what would his sister-in-law say: "It's okay, he's gay"? That's better?
Regarding this exchange, Greg says, "My gay body knows by instinct what so many straight men must fight to learn: that a woman's body should never be just an object of male sexuality." First, just because he's not sexually attracted to a woman does not mean he instictively knows she's not a sex object. You can watch gay men on reality TV shows cat-call women more suggestively than a football team. But we dismiss that as okay because those men are gay and they don't actually want that woman's body. Secondly, this story is right after Greg just watched a man undress and "admired" his body. Greg's veiled rebuke is rather hypocritical.
Now, there are times when Greg will challenge the church's understanding of masculinity and intimacy among men, and I can appreciate that. But hearing a professing gay man tell me how to be affectionate with other men is as awkward as if a woman were to instruct me about male sexuality. Why does Greg think he's qualified to talk to me about intimacy, especially when he confesses confusion about his own sense of intimacy?
At one point he says that he's "unable to conjure even the slightest heterosexual desire." Yet he tells a story about a time he made out with a girl and did in fact become sexually aroused. But he doesn't have even the slightest heterosexual desire? What does Greg think that sexuality is?
As he doesn't seem to understand human sexuality, he's equally confused as to what qualifies as sexual immorality. He presents the following hypothetical question:
Let's say I have two female friends. One is a lesbian. She's desperately in love with Jesus, willing to follow the cross no matter where it leads her. After years of study and prayer and reflection, she concludes that God can bless same-sex unions. She marries another women.
The other friend is straight. As a Christian, she believes that any sex outside of a heterosexual marriage is wrong. But following her own sexual ethic is easier said than done. Year after year, she keeps falling for men she believes are "the one" and going to bed with them. Eventually she finds a steady boyfriend and agrees to move in with him to save money. After they get married, she flirts with cute guys at work to make herself feel desirable. She doesn't want to do any of it, but she can't seem to stop.
Theologically, I am more in agreement with the second friend. But whose life is most honoring to God? Who really loves Jesus more? Who am I more likely to see in heaven?
I don't know.
He then goes on to say it's not his place to judge either of these women; he can only judge his own story. Then who is he to say that the church has done anything wrong related to the acceptance of whom he calls sexual minorities? He's been making judgments all the way through this book. Suddenly it's not his place to discern the spiritual condition of two sexually depraved women?
He says, "If the only hope the church can offer to sexual minorities is the hope of orientation change, we have a weak gospel indeed." Exactly who has said the only hope for sexual minorities is orientation change? If Greg doesn't think the gospel can change a person who identifies as gay, then it's Greg's gospel that is weak.
A gay friend of Greg's asked him, "What if I decide it's okay to be in a same-sex relationship? What if I get married to another guy?" And Greg refused to tell him it was sin that will exclude him from the kingdom of heaven. What about Romans 6, where Paul says that if we've truly died to sin we can no longer live in it? Instead he says, "I'm convinced that in the end, God is more concerned with the depth and the recklessness of our love for him than he is with our right answers." Huh?
Jesus said the true worshipers of God will worship Him in spirit and in truth (John 4:23-24). The Apostle Paul said, "Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law" (Romans 13:10). There is no conflict between love and law. There is no love in any kind of sex outside the biblical definition of marriage. How can you say you love someone if you're going to permit them to commit sin God has promised He will judge?
The Bible is clear: the sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God. But by the grace of God, we can be forgiven our sins and made new! For those who are followers of Jesus, our iniquities have been placed on Christ on the cross. His righteousness has been placed on us. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17). That message is absent from Greg's book.
During the writing of this review, I had to stop, go upstairs, and spank our daughter for drawing in marker on the fireplace. She has been told dozens of times she is not to draw on anything but paper. Nonetheless, she continues to draw on walls, tables, banisters, floors, and now a brick hearth. Through consistent and loving discipline, she will learn that is wrong, and a day will come when she will no longer be Aria Who Draws On Walls.
That's something Greg has yet to learn. He lacks discipline. He's not yet been broken enough over his sin since he is still clinging to even the label of his sin. The Bible says:
"In your struggle against sin you have not resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? 'My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives'" (Hebrews 12:4-6).
There's no mention of Greg's relationship with the Father in his book. He never mentions the Holy Spirit either, which is surprising for a guy who's been a worship leader in the American evangelical church. It is the Spirit whom Christ has poured into the heart of every believer and washes us with His word. Greg's theology has a unitarian "only Jesus" kind of feel. I don't know what his relationship in Jesus is like, but I can safely say it's not as intimate as he thinks it is.
Unfortunately, I cannot recommend Single, Gay, Christian. His writing style is wonderful and the book was an easy read. But the doctrine is too poor, his experiences are too immature, and his conclusions are too self-centered. The young man has some growing up to do, and his skin needs to thicken a little bit. He needs to receive more grace and give more grace. That is not to belittle. Again, I say this in love.
Though he's torn between who the world says he is and who Christ says he is, he has made the decision to honor God and be celibate, and that is extremely big of him. I hope that serves as an example to other young men struggling with the same thing. My concern, however, as I expressed early on, is that his commitment is based more on what he feels is right rather than what he knows is right.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh, and refreshment to your bones." (Proverbs 3:5-7)
I hope Greg continues seeking the Lord, and I hope God protects him in the environment of a liberal college campus, where he is currently pursuing his doctorate. Surely after this book, he's going to become a target. I pray Greg submits his whole body unto Lord, holy and acceptable in spiritual worship. I pray he will not be conformed to this world, but he will be transformed by a renewal of the mind, that he may test and discern what is the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God.
A few years down the road, on the other side of that growth, perhaps Greg will write another book. I'd be interested in reading it.