Project and content management for Contemporary Authors volumes
WORK TITLE: Gentle Discipline
WORK NOTES:
PSEUDONYM(S):
BIRTHDATE: 1976
WEBSITE: https://sarahockwell-smith.com/
CITY: Essex, England
STATE:
COUNTRY: United Kingdom
NATIONALITY:
http://www.gentleparenting.co.uk/
RESEARCHER NOTES:
LC control no.: n 2013059462
LCCN Permalink: https://lccn.loc.gov/n2013059462
HEADING: Ockwell-Smith, Sarah
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PERSONAL
Born 1976, in Bedfordshire, England; daughter of David and Lynda Ockwell; children: Sebastian, Flynn, Rafferty, Violet.
EDUCATION:University of Greenwich, B.Sc. (with honors); also earned Dip.Hom. and H.B.C.E.
ADDRESS
CAREER
Worked in pharmaceutical research and development; became therapist, doula, and hypno-birthing instructor; BabyCalm Ltd., founder and director, beginning 2007; Gentle Parenting (website), cofounder and operator. Also operator of Gentle Sleep Training (consultants); consultant to Tesco Baby Club and Sky News; guest on media programs.
MEMBER:British Sleep Society.
WRITINGS
Contributor to magazines, newspapers, and websites.
Ockwell-Smith’s books have been translated into several languages, including Chinese, Estonian, Romanian, Russian, and Turkish.
SIDELIGHTS
Sarah Ockwell-Smith began her career in pharmaceutical research, but parenthood inspired a major change of direction. She built upon her degree in child development by acquiring training in pre- and postnatal education, hypnotherapy, and developmental infant massage. Later Ockwell-Smith studied pediatric first aid, perinatal psychology, and birth trauma. The specialties that emerged from her ongoing research were in the areas of child sleep and attachment parenting, though she prefers a more intuitive and less restrictive version that she calls gentle parenting.
Ockwell-Smith became a popular writer, coach, and consultant in her native Britain. She founded the organization BabyCalm in 2007. The website Gentle Parenting and the consulting service Gentle Sleep Training were natural outgrowths of her primary objective: to provide parents with the science, common-sense advice, and self-confidence to raise healthy, happy children.
Ockwell-Smith published several books in England, and her writings are now widely available around the world. The first of these to appear in a U.S. version was Babycalm: A Guide for Parents on Sleep Techniques, Feeding Schedules, and Bonding with Your New Baby. In this volume, as in some of her later works, Ockwell-Smith shares her own early parenting experiences, along with stories contributed by other parents. Above all, according to a reviewer at the website Aha! Parenting, Ockwell-Smith reinforces her message that new parents need to “learn to trust themselves and their babies.” In an interview with Karen Doherty posted at Doherty’s website, the author observed that “so many parents over-intellectualise parenting,” but if we can “slow down and just be present with our babies and children, the simpler it all becomes.”
A recurring issue in parenting circles is that of discipline. In her interview with Bethany Braun-Silva for NY Metro Parents, Ockwell-Smith identifies three “misconceptions” that can derail the best intentions, the first among them that “too many parents expect children to act like adults.” Also, she said, parents often believe erroneously that discipline fosters a motivation to improve, and that “punishing and shaming kids” provides that motivation. In Gentle Discipline: Using Emotional Connection—Not Punishment—to Raise Confident, Capable Kids, Ockwell-Smith offers “a primer on placing empathy and respect … at the center” of the conversation, wrote a Publishers Weekly contributor; she advocates the replacement of “authoritarian” methods with “authoritative” models. The book begins with the scientific underpinning of behavior and brain development, then deconstructs ineffective or harmful methods of discipline. The chapters that follow are devoted to specific problems that frequently arise in children, including violent or destructive behavior, whining and sulking, failing to listen and follow directions, rudeness and swearing, sibling rivalry, and lying. The author then focuses on the parent: how to tame the parental demon within, and how to boost the child’s self-esteem. According to Amy Scribner in BookPage, the author is “low on judgment and high on helpful insights.” Ockwell-Smith continues her gentle parenting approach in additional works devoted respectively to gentle toilet training and gentle resolution of common eating problems.
BIOCRIT
BOOKS
Ockwell-Smith, Sarah, Babycalm: A Guide for Calmer Babies and Happier Parents, Piatkus (London, England), 2012, published as Babycalm: A Guide for Parents on Sleep Techniques, Feeding Schedules, and Bonding with Your New Baby, Skyhorse Publishing (New York, NY), 2014.
Ockwell-Smith, Sarah, The Gentle Sleep Book: A Guide for Calm Babies, Toddlers, and Pre-Schoolers, Little, Brown (Boston, MA), 2015.
Ockwell-Smith, Sarah, Why Your Baby’s Sleep Matters, Pinter & Martin (London, England), 2016.
PERIODICALS
BookPage, August, 2017, Amy Scribner, review of Gentle Discipline: Using Emotional Connection–Not Punishment–to Raise Confident, Capable Kids, p. 20.
New York Times, August 13, 2017, Judith Newman, review of Gentle Discipline, p. BR27.
Publishers Weekly, May 15, 2017, review of Gentle Discipline, p. 52.
ONLINE
Aha! Parenting, http://www.ahaparenting.com/ (February 10, 2018), review of Babycalm: A Guide for Parents on Sleep Techniques, Feeding Schedules, and Bonding with Your New Baby.
Gentle Parenting Website, http://www.gentleparenting.co.uk (February 10, 2018).
Karen Doherty Website, http://www.karendoherty.com/ (July 10, 2013), Karen Doherty, author interview.
New York Times Online, https://www.nytimes.com/ (August 11, 2017), Judith Newman, review of Gentle Discipline.
NY Metro Parents, https://www.nymetroparents.com/ (August 31, 2017), Bethany Braun-Silva, author interview.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith Website, https://sarahockwell-smith.com (February 10, 2018).
The gentle sleep book : a guide for calm babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers / Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
Author: Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author.
Subjects: Infants -- Sleep; Preschool children -- Sleep; Toddlers -- Sleep; Dewey: 613.7940833
Rights: Terms governing use: COPYRIGHTED Access restrictions: NON_PRINT_LEGAL_DEPOSIT
Publication Details: London : Piatkus, [2015]
Language: English
Identifier: ISBN 9780349405216 (ePub ebook) : £13.99; ISBN £13.99; BNB GBB502511; System number 017159020
Related Titles: Print version : 9780349405209
Notes: Formerly CIP. Bibliography note: Includes bibliographical references and index.
Physical Description: 1 online resource : illustrations
Shelfmark(s): General Reference Collection DRT ELD.DS.12033
BabyCalm : a guide for calmer babies & happier parents / Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
Author: Sarah Ockwell-Smith
Subjects: Parenting; Infants; Dewey: 649.1
Publication Details: London : Piatkus, 2012.
Language: English
Identifier: ISBN 9780749958282 (paperback) : £13.99; ISBN 0749958286 (paperback) : £13.99; ISBN £13.99; ISBN £13.99; BNB GBB261954; System number 016111314
Notes: Formerly CIP. Bibliography note: Includes bibliographical references and index. Additional phys. form: Also issued online.
Physical Description: xv, 255 pages : illustrations ; 24 cm
Shelfmark(s): General Reference Collection YK.2013.a.14889
Shelfmark(s):
General Reference Collection YK.2013.a.14889
Why your baby's sleep matters / Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
Author: Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author.
Subjects: Infants -- Sleep -- Popular works; Dewey: 649.122
Publication Details: London : Pinter and Martin, 2016.
Language: English
Identifier: ISBN 9781780665450 (pbk.) : £7.99; ISBN £4.99; ISBN £4.99; ISBN £4.99; ISBN £4.99; BNB GBB627398; System number 017749808
Related Titles: ebook version : 9781780665481
Notes: Formerly CIP. Bibliography note: Includes bibliographical references and index. Additional phys. form: Also issued online.
Physical Description: 160 pages : illustrations ; 18 cm.
Series: Pinter & Martin why it matters ; 1
Shelfmark(s): General Reference Collection YKL.2017.a.7066
cover
Shelfmark(s):
General Reference Collection YKL.2017.a.7066
The gentle parenting book : how to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven / Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
Author: Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author.
Subjects: Child rearing; Dewey: 649.1
Rights: Terms governing use: COPYRIGHTED Access restrictions: NON_PRINT_LEGAL_DEPOSIT
Publication Details: London : Piatkus, 2016.
Language: English
Identifier: ISBN 9780349408736 (ePub ebook) : £13.99; ISBN £13.99; BNB GBB621806; System number 017738740
Related Titles: Print version : 9780349408729
Physical Description: 1 online resource.
Shelfmark(s): General Reference Collection DRT ELD.DS.55788
Shelfmark(s):
General Reference CollectionDRT ELD.DS.55788
The gentle potty training book : the calmer, easier approach to toilet training / Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
Author: Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author.
Subjects: Toilet training; Dewey: 649.62
Rights: Terms governing use: COPYRIGHTED Access restrictions: NON_PRINT_LEGAL_DEPOSIT
Publication Details: London : Piatkus, 2017.
Language: English
Identifier: ISBN 9780349414430 (ebook) : £10.99; ISBN £10.99; BNB GBB7D9762; System number 018462741
Related Titles: Print version : 9780349414447
Physical Description: 1 online resource : illustrations (black and white).
Series: Gentle
Shelfmark(s): General Reference Collection DRT ELD.DS.216991
Shelfmark(s):
General Reference CollectionDRT ELD.DS.216991
The gentle discipline book : how to raise co-operative, polite and helpful children / Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
Author: Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author.
Subjects: Discipline of children; Dewey: 649.64
Rights: Terms governing use: COPYRIGHTED Access restrictions: NON_PRINT_LEGAL_DEPOSIT
Publication Details: London : Piatkus, 2017.
Language: English
Identifier: ISBN 9780349412429 (ePub ebook) : £14.99; ISBN £14.99; BNB GBB701492; System number 018164279
Related Titles: Print version : 9780349412412
Physical Description: 1 online resource.
Shelfmark(s): General Reference Collection DRT ELD.DS.132177
Shelfmark(s):
General Reference CollectionDRT ELD.DS.132177
ToddlerCalm : a guide for calmer toddlers & happier parents / Sarah Ockwell-Smith ; foreword by Dr Oliver James.
Author: Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author.
Subjects: Toddlers; Parenting; Dewey: 649.122
Rights: Terms governing use: COPYRIGHTED Access restrictions: NON_PRINT_LEGAL_DEPOSIT
Publication Details: London : Piatkus, 2013.
Language: English
Identifier: ISBN 9781405528597 (EPUB); BNB GBB596507; System number 016778511
Notes: Bibliography note: Includes bibliographical references and index. Additional phys. form: Also issued in print format.
Physical Description: 1 online resource : illustrations (black and white)
Shelfmark(s): General Reference Collection DRT ELD.DS.4057
Shelfmark(s):
General Reference CollectionDRT ELD.DS.4057
Sarah Ockwell-Smith lives with her four school-aged children, four cats and a flock of chickens in a 350 year old cottage in rural Essex.
Sarah holds a BSc in Psychology and has worked for several years in Pharmaceutical Research and Development. After the birth of her firstborn she retrained as a homeopath, hypnotherapist, antenatal teacher and doula, revelling in the mix of holistic viewpoints.
In 2007 Sarah founded BabyCalm, an organisation which has over 120 teachers in 12 countries, and a sister company called ToddlerCalm. Sarah writes two popular parenting blogs which are visited by a million readers a year and her personal website receives an average of 200,000 reads per month.
She is a regular ‘go to’ expert for Tesco Baby Club and Sky News and also writes for the mainstream press and various parenting magazines.
Her website, Gentle Parenting, covering everything from fertility, pregnancy and birth, can be found here, followed on twitter here and Facebook here.
About Sarah Ockwell-Smith – Parenting Expert
Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a well known parenting expert and a highly regarded popular parenting author who specialises in the psychology and science of parenting, ‘gentle parenting’ and attachment theory.
Sarah is famed for her gentle, science rich, yet easy to read books and her down-to-earth manner and ability to translate her vast knowledge of parenting science into easy to understand language.
sarahheadsmall
Born in Bedfordshire, England in 1976, Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a mother of four school aged children, three boys and one girl. Sarah lives with her family, cats and numerous ducks and chickens in a 350 year old cottage in rural Essex.
After graduating with an honors degree in Psychology, specialising in child development, she embarked on a five year career in Pharmaceutical Research and Development, working with clinical trial data, until she became pregnant with her first child in 2001. After the birth of her firstborn Sarah retrained as an Antenatal Teacher, Hypnotherapist/Psychotherapist, Developmental Infant Massage Instructor and Birth and Postnatal Doula. Over the years Sarah has updated her knowledge with various study days and courses including paediatric first aid, paediatric safeguarding, perinatal psychology and birth trauma.
Sarah now works as a parenting author, writer and coach. With a particular interest in child sleep.
Many refer to Sarah as an Attachment Parenting expert, however Sarah herself does not like this term as she feels it may ostracize many parents from learning about more gentle parenting techniques. She prefers instead to promote ‘Gentle Parenting’, which she feels is more appealing to the mainstream with less perceived restrictions and rules.
Sarah is also the co-founder of www.gentleparenting.co.uk.
Sarah offers a limited amount of support to parents via email and in person, learn more HERE. She also runs Gentle Sleep Training – a service offering gentle sleep training advice to parents of under five year olds.
Sarah also offers a range of services for media and corporations, you can learn more about these HERE.
Sarah is a member of The British Sleep Society.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Sarah Ockwell-Smith (born c. 1976) is an author of parenting and childcare books in the United Kingdom and a proponent of attachment parenting.
Contents [hide]
1 Published works
2 Co-Sleeping and Attachment Parenting
3 Personal life
4 References
Published works[edit]
Ockwell-Smith's first book BabyCalm,[1] published in 2012, focusses on parenting from birth to six months. Her second book ToddlerCalm,[2] published in 2013, focusses on parenting from one to three years of age. In 2015 Ockwell-Smith branched away from the 'Calm' line of books to release The Gentle Sleep Book.[3] The Gentle Sleep Book offers sleep advice from birth to five years and does not involve any controlled crying techniques. The Gentle Sleep Book sold 25,000 UK copies in the first year of publication and frequently appears on bestseller lists. The Gentle Parenting Book,[4] which provides an introduction to gentle parenting from birth to seven years, was published in Spring 2016, closely followed by Why Your Baby's Sleep Matters,[5] also in Spring 2016.
Ockwell-Smith is contracted to write a further three books in the 'Gentle' series: The Gentle Discipline Book[6] and The Gentle Potty Training Book, both to be published in 2017, and The Gentle Eating Book, to be published in 2018.
Ockwell-Smith's books have been translated into several different languages, including Chinese, Estonian, Romanian, Russian and Turkish. She is represented by Eve White Literary Agency [7] and published by Piatkus, an imprint of the Little, Brown book group and Pinter and Martin, an independent publisher based in London, UK.
Co-Sleeping and Attachment Parenting[edit]
Ockwell-Smith is commonly seen as an authority in attachment parenting and co-sleeping and has appeared on UK television on Channel 5 news [8] and Good Morning Britain [9] discussing recent changes to NICE guidance and accompanying safety. Ockwell-Smith was also interviewed for Sky News as a parenting expert surrounding the birth of Prince George. Ockwell-Smith gives expert commentary, on parenting, on several national radio stations and appeared on BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour[10] as a guest in Spring 2016,
Ockwell-Smith is a frequent contributor to articles in the British press concerning parenting.[11][12] She contributes to several lifestyle and parenting websites including Female First,[13] AOL Parentdish,[14] Yahoo Lifestyle [15] and Tesco Baby Club.[16] Ockwell-Smith writes regularly for The Huffington Post.[17]
Personal life[edit]
Ockwell-Smith is married with four children.[18] She was born in Bedfordshire and raised in Bishops Stortford, Hertfordshire where she attended the Hertfordshire and Essex High School. She currently lives in Saffron Walden Essex. Ockwell-Smith holds an honours degree in Psychology awarded from the University of Greenwich and also holds qualifications in antenatal education. Before working as an author Ockwell-Smith worked as a doula and Hypnobirthing teacher.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith is the mother of four children. She has a BS in Psychology and worked for several years in Pharmaceutical Research and Development. Following the birth of her first child, Sarah re-trained as an Antenatal Teacher and Birth and Postnatal Doula. She has also undertaken training in Baby Massage, Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy. Sarah specialises in gentle parenting methods and writes a parenting blog (www.sarahockwell-smith.com), which is read by 3 million parents per year. Sarah is the author of BabyCalm, ToddlerCalm, The Gentle Sleep Book, The Gentle Parenting Book, Why Your Baby's Sleep Matters and Gentle Discipline. She frequently writes for magazines and newspapers, and is often called upon as a parenting expert for television and radio.
Interview with Sarah Ockwell-Smith: Parenting Author, Founder & Director of BabyCalm Ltd.
Last updated on 10 July 2013 by Sarah Ockwell-Smith Topic: Babies 1 Comment
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Baby Calming
By Sarah Ockwell-Smith BSc(hons), Dip Hom(ACH), HBCE
Here is the VERY BEST advice I can offer to first-time Mum Kate – and EVERY mum!
It comes from Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author of BabyCalm and founder of BabyCalm parenting classes. When I met Sarah I was immediately impressed by her approach.<
K – What would you say are the most common reasons babies are restless or cry?
S – Gosh, that’s a tough one, all babies are individuals so we can’t presume that they all cry for the same reasons, but if you’re talking about young babies, under 4 months, commonly the top reasons tend to be hunger/thirst, a need for close physical contact and neurological immaturity meaning that babies do not possess the ability to ‘self soothe’ via emotional self-regulation. Less common reasons would be things such as trapped wind and reflux, though sadly these seem to be thought of as the most common reasons that babies cry.
Breastfeeding and birth related issues also get overlooked, a baby who is tongue tied often will not be able to feed efficiently and can often be unsettled and a baby who has had a difficult birth can be suffering from torticollis or cranial compression that has yet to rectify.
K – What are your top tips for parents to keep their babies calm?
S – Skin to skin and close physical contact, every time. Babies are meant to be with us, they are not meant to settle themselves in a moses basket or crib. Research shows that babies who are regularly held and carried cry significantly less (about 50% less!) than those who are not, holding our babies ‘in arms’ or carrying them in a sling is perhaps the easiest way to calm a baby. When we keep our babies close we also help to regulate their temperature and breathing and the release of oxytocin (the love and bonding hormone) helps to relax and calm both parent and baby. When babies are calm parents tend to be and when parents are calm babies tend to be too!
K – These things sound so obvious. Why do you think some parents have such a tough time?
S – Because we don’t raise children in ‘tribes’ anymore and we don’t value motherhood. Once upon a time we would raise our families with the aid of many more experienced, wiser mothers, we would grow up surrounded by babies. Motherhood was truly valued. Now we live separated from our families, we are rushed back to work, pressured to ‘have it all’ in the new ‘yummy mummy’ phase and our babies are expected to behave in a way that is entirely unnatural in order to make them fit into our modern day lives. Something has to give. Sadly that is often maternal mental health. Modern day ‘baby experts’ only add to this problem with their authoritarian, prescriptive manuals, leaving mothers confused and feeling as if they have failed if their baby isn’t suitably ‘contented’. We have forgotten what it means to be instinctual.
K – Why is bonding with your baby important?
S – On a chemical level bonding – and the release of oxytocin – can literally change the child’s life, for the better or worse. The first three years of a child’s life are the most important when you consider their future brain structure and personalities. Without a doubt science shows us that the most important thing in a child’s life in these formative years is a close, loving, nurturing relationship with its mother (to be PC here I should say ‘caregiver’ but my belief is the maternal relationship is the most crucial!). When oxytocin is free flowing and mother and baby bond everything is easier, breastfeeding, tuning into your maternal instinct, understanding your baby, communicating with them, empathy and calming all go hand in hand.
K – Can you recommend a couple of ways parents can improve the chances of bonding with their babies?
S – Tuning out the rest of the world, literally ignoring all of the well meant advice, staying home and doing nothing but just ‘being’ with your baby, as much skin to skin as possible (in the bath, in bed!), babywearing, and just revel in you crazy beautiful new world mindful only of the present.
If the birth has been traumatic then often this can prove a block to bonding, so talking about the birth as much as possible – whether that be with your midwife, a birth afterthoughts service, a helpline such as the Birth Crisis helpline or practicing ‘re-birthing’ with your baby. For more on that see my article here: How to Heal from a Traumatic Birth & Bond with Your Baby
K – What would you say to parents who worry that holding their babies too much will make their babies spoiled, thus creating a rod for their own backs?
S – That it is just simply not possible to spoil a baby, particularly not with love! The experts, friends or family members who tell them otherwise are just demonstrating their ignorance of psychology and neuroscience which resoundingly tells us that the ‘best’ thing to do with a baby is to love and nurture them as much as possible. Before Independence first comes dependence, the best way to raise a confident, independent child is to allow them to be dependent on you for as long as they need to, and if you listen to your instinct you won’t go far wrong! As Donald Winnicott says when he refers to the ‘Good Enough Mother’ “If mothers are told to do this or that or the other,… they lose touch with their own ability to act…. Only too easily they feel incompetent. If they must look up everything in a book, they are always too late even when they do the right things, because the right things have to be done immediately. It is only possible to act at exactly the right point when the action is intuitive or by instinct, as we say.” So throw out the books, ignore the advice and just enjoy this precious, short-lasting time with your baby – it goes too quickly and you will never regret holding your baby too much!
For the best start to your baby’s life, buy Sarah’s book, BabyCalm: A Guide for Calmer Babies and Happier Parents, or sign up for her BabyCalm Parent Classes on her website babycalming.com.
xxKaren
Interview With Sarah Ockwell-Smith On Using Gentle Discipline
Interview With Sarah Ockwell-Smith On Using Gentle Discipline
INTERVIEWS/PROFILES
Bethany Braun-Silva
By Bethany Braun-Silva
August 31, 2017
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Advice for parents on how remain calm, even in the most trying situations.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a parenting expert and founder of gentleparentinginternational.com. She recently published Gentle Discipline: Using Emotional Connection—Not Punishment—to Raise Confident, Capable Kids.
What are some misconceptions parents have about disciplining their kids? There are three main <
What tips do you have for parents when they feel they are about to lose their temper? I think it’s important that we have realistic expectations of our own behavior. Everybody screws up as a parent and everybody loses their temper sometimes, including myself. Stop trying to be perfect. Accept that anger and losing control are normal parts of life as a parent and it doesn’t mean that you’re not good at it! What is important is keeping a check on your own emotions. Being mindful of how you’re feeling, trying to reduce triggers and taking a break to recharge when you feel frazzled. When you feel that you just can’t take any more, you need an emergency break from your kids. Maybe a day with friends, going for a run—whatever it is that replenishes and relaxes you.
What’s your take on “time-outs?” Time-outs work on the idea that separating the child from yourself and their peers punishes them for their wrongdoing and makes them think about what they’ve done wrong. This time in quiet contemplation is meant to make the child behave more appropriately next time. Unfortunately, none of these assumptions are true. Young kids don’t have the brain development for such sophisticated thought, they don’t have a developed sense of empathy, they can’t think about future actions, and they can’t control their behavior anywhere near as much as adults think they can. Another huge problem with time-out is, kids often misbehave because they feel a disconnect with their caregivers. It makes no sense that a child who is desperate for love and attention is further separated—it just makes them feel worse, which in time will make their behavior problems escalate.
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How can parents start to change old patterns of yelling at their kids? You have to start with revisiting your childhood and trying to become mindful about your own parenting skills. So often we discipline subconsciously, by that I mean we just repeat the discipline our parents used without really thinking about it. Our reactions are very often memories of our past, not a really mindful look at the current situation. Being aware of your propensity to yell is really important. I'm a huge yeller by nature, my mother yelled at me as a kid and if I don't keep my actions in check then my default setting is to yell at my kids. When you feel a yell coming on, try to take a pause and ask yourself "why am I doing this? what is it going to achieve? is there a better way I could respond?". I think though, that's it's important to not be too hard on yourself. It's not realistic to set a goal of never yelling, you won't achieve it and you'll give up. Instead, think to yourself "I'm going to reduce my yelling by 50% each day", which is a fantastic start!
My kid refuses to clean his room. What do you suggest? First of all, I think we need to understand that no kid likes cleaning their room. Most adults don't either. So you have to start from a position that it's a necessary task, but it's not fun. A lot of empathy towards your kid there is important. Have conversations saying "I know you don't want to do it, I hate it too - but do you know why it's important?". Showing them clips of dustmites and bacteria can help them to understand hygiene. Think of ways to give the child control over the cleaning and tidying - e.g "OK, so your room needs to be done, do you want to do it on Saturday or Sunday? Morning or afternoon?". Too often kids have no control, they're just told to "do your room now". Next think about making it fun. Put on some loud music, do a silly dance, since a song you make up, have a race for who can tidy an area quickest. Join in with them if you can. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you have to remember that you are your childrens' role model. If you want them to keep their room tidy and clean, you have to keep your rooms tidy and clean. If you're messy, you're going to raise messy kids. That's not their fault - they're just copying you!
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Don’t be misled by the title of Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s GENTLE DISCIPLINE (TarcherPerigee, paper, $16). It’s not “Fifty Shades of Lite Grey”; it’s the latest in her series of popular books in the “gentle” genre. The subtitle, “Using Emotional Connection — Not Punishment — to Raise Confident, Capable Kids,” is the giveaway. (Side note: Why do parenting books encourage such blabby subtitles?) Her methodology is not about being permissive, she insists. Rather, it’s about good planning, “mutual respect and working with children, not against them.” She details the many reasons kids behave badly, and her parenting philosophy can be summed up in this observation: “If you want kids to behave better, you have to make them feel better.” We need to become like great schoolteachers, she says, figuring out how our children learn in order to help them grow.
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Very true. But Ockwell-Smith, who has four children herself, is a solemn teacher, and there’s something a little exhausting about the methods proposed in this book. It’s never enough to praise a good job; what is it about that job that’s good? Ockwell-Smith likes specificity, and she has many strongly held ideas about cutting corners. For example, she believes distracting a little kid is a bad discipline tool, because it “prevents children from feeling, expressing and, therefore, managing emotions. … You prevent them from discovering that emotions are O.K.” That sounds good, but I am not going to let my kid explore his emotional landscape in the middle of a Wal-Mart, over my refusal to buy the Fisher-Price Power Wheels. I am going to give him a couple of M&M’s and get the hell out of there.
BabyCalm: A Guide for Parents on Sleep Techniques, Feeding Schedules, and Bonding with Your New Baby by Sarah Ockwell-Smith
Sarah Ockwell-Smith's BabyCalm provides a welcome antidote to the storm of advice that so often overwhelms new parents. An advocate for mothers, Ockwell-Smith's goal is to help new moms gain confidence in their own instincts, and<< learn to trust themselves and their babies.>> Toward that end, she shares her stories and those of other mothers, encouraging readers to consider their own needs and listen to their babies. There are priceless strategies, from the "Tiger in the Tree" baby-calming hold to the suggestions for recovering from a psychologically traumatic birth. But the real treasure in this book is the reassuring, anti-guilt approach, which is why it's the perfect gift for any mother-to-be.