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WORK TITLE: The Actual One
WORK NOTES:
PSEUDONYM(S): Suttie, Isobel Jane
BIRTHDATE: 8/11/1978
WEBSITE: https://www.isysuttie.com/
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
NATIONALITY: British
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2981969/ * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isy_Suttie
RESEARCHER NOTES:
PERSONAL
Born August 11, 1978, in Hull, England; partner of Ellis James (a comedian); children: Beti.
EDUCATION:Graduated from Guildford School of Acting, 2000.
ADDRESS
CAREER
Author and comedian, 2003–. Actor; credits include Take a Break Tales, Pleasance, 2006, Love Lost in the British Retail Industry, 2007, The Suttie Show, 2008, Dobby, Peep Show, 2008-15, Kiki, Whites, BBC Two, 2010, Sorrow, Gutted, Leicester Square Theatre, 2011, Pearl and Dave, Edinburgh, 2011. Composer of score and director, Marat/Sade by Peter Weiss, Arcola Theatre, London, 2001. Voice actress for Walk on the Wild Side, BBC One, Josie the Dog, Penelope Princess of Pets, Channel 4 Comedy Lab, The Cow That almost Missed Christmas, CBBC, 2012, and The Revolting World of Stanley Brown.
AWARDS:Julian Slade Songwriting Competition award, 1998; Gold Sony Radio Academy Award, 2013, for Pearl and Dave (radio show).
WRITINGS
Also author of programs for BBC Radio 4, including Isy Suttie’s Love Letters, 2013–. Author and star of short film The Best Night of Roxy’s Life, 2014. Author of teleplay Love Matters, 2013.
SIDELIGHTS
Comedian Isy Suttie is best known in Britain for her role as Dobby in the long-running television program Peep Show, but she has also had a long and successful career in standup. Her memoir about life in her late twenties, The Actual One: How I Tried, and Failed, to Avoid Adulthood Forever, draws on the same source of material as her comedy act: dating inappropriate people, relationships with parents, searching for the right partner facing the prospect of settling down with the right partner if he can ever be found. The Actual One, wrote a Publishers Weekly reviewer, explores “what it’s like to be left behind when your friends take the leap to marriage, having babies, and buying houses.” “The author’s brief chapters are mostly humorous and contain at least a bit of oddball charm,” opined a Kirkus Reviews contributor, “exposing aspects of Suttie that few readers probably know.” “No one whose list of must-haves in a partner include strict adherence to grammatical diktats and absence of moisturiser can be that flighty,” observed Steve Bennett on the Chortle website. “Indeed her hapless misadventures from her semi-reluctant dating days are told with a self-awareness and honesty that only heap on the char.”
Suttie’s book draws a strong contrast between her life as a social partier and the lives of domestic tranquility her friends begin seeking. “I used to live my life in extremes: I wouldn’t just get drunk, I’d get absolutely wasted; I couldn’t just go for a walk around the block, I’d walk into the West End which would take an hour and a half,” Suttie revealed in an interview with Paul Fleckney in the London Guardian. “Over time, that’s smoothed itself off as I’ve become more happy.” “My mid-to-late 20s were supposed to be the last few halcyon days before I finally settled down; a wilderness I stumbled through on a quest to have as much fun as possible and find someone who would make me deliriously happy,” Suttie wrote in an excerpt from the book published in Mail. “If I was ever going to go in for wearing matching underwear, drinking wine from glasses instead of mugs and using oven gloves instead of T-shirts, I didn’t just want The One. I wanted The Actual One.” “I was with a guy once who was completely wrong for me,” Suttie said in an interview with Nick Duerden in the London Independent, “but I tried to convince myself he was right. One night, in the middle of Soho, [fellow comedian Bridget Christie] took me by the shoulders and physically shook me. ‘You are not happy with this guy, and I can see it!’ she said. She was right, of course, and it finally propelled me to do something about it.” “Suttie is also very funny about bad gigs,” stated Bruce Dessau in Beyond the Joke, “in one instance recalling being paid twenty pounds to leave the stage. Anyone who has enjoyed her performances will recognise the whimsical style but, if anything, it works better on the page where her ear for dialogue … does not feel as hemmed in.”
Suttie’s memoir, like her stand-up comedy, resonated with readers. “Suttie’s meandering narrative is witty, whimsical, and weird,” said Patricia Smith in a review for Booklist, “with interspersed anecdotes from her childhood and awkward teen years.””I did enjoy aspects of her life included in the book,” wrote a contributor to Powisamy, “So many of them were very funny and it was refreshing to read about someone as awkward and unfortunate as me.” “I have a strange feeling that Isy Suttie is my spirit animal… in human form,” declared Lisa Jade Bentley in Lisa Talks About…. “I like Suttie’s naïve way of seeing the world. It is how I see the world; a world where you can make the best out of a bad situation by seeing the funny side of things.”
BIOCRIT
PERIODICALS
Booklist, December 1, 2016, Patricia Smith, review of The Actual One: How I Tried, and Failed, to Avoid Adulthood Forever, p. 10.
Guardian (London, England), January 17, 2016, Paul Fleckney, author interview.
Independent (London, England), December 27, 2015, Nick Duerden, “Bridget Christie & Isy Suttie: ‘Once She Shook Me by the Shoulders and Said, ‘You’re Not Happy with This Guy!'”
Kirkus Reviews, November 1, 2016, review of The Actual One.
Publishers Weekly, November 21, 2016, review of The Actual One, p. 100.
ONLINE
Beyond the Joke, http://www.beyondthejoke.co.uk/ (January 30, 2016), Bruce Dessau, review of The Actual One.
Chortle, http://www.chortle.co.uk/ (January 29, 2016), Steve Bennett, review of The Actual One.
Lisa Talks About…, http://www.lisatalksabout.com/ (June 20, 2016), Lisa Jade Bentley, review of The Actual One.
Mail Online, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/ (January 16, 2016), Isy Suttie, “Desperately seeking the Actual One: How Comedian Isy Suttie’s Search for Mr Right Went into Overdrive When Her Mother Got Involved.”
Powisamy, http://powisamy.blogspot.com/ (January 31, 2017), review of The Actual One.*
Isy Suttie
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Isy Suttie
Isy Suttie (439275877).jpg
Born Isobel Jane Suttie
11 August 1978 (age 39)
Hull, East Yorkshire, England
Years active 2000–present
Television Peep Show
Partner(s) Elis James
Children 1
Comedy career
Medium Television, radio, theatre, stand-up
Isobel Jane "Isy" Suttie (/ˈɪzi ˈsʊti/; born 11 August 1978) is an English musical comedian, actress, and writer. She played Dobby in the British sitcom Peep Show,[1][2] and in 2013 won the gold Sony Radio Academy Award for her radio show Pearl And Dave.[3]
Contents [hide]
1 Early life
2 Career
3 Personal life
4 Filmography
4.1 TV
5 Discography
5.1 The A-Z of Mrs P Original London Cast
6 References
7 External links
Early life[edit]
Suttie was born in Hull to an English mother and Scottish father, and brought up in Matlock, Derbyshire. From an early age she expressed a desire to act and write. She began playing the guitar and writing songs at the age of twelve after she was refused saxophone lessons. As a teenager she was a member of a progressive rock band called Infinite Drift.[4] She attended Highfields School in Matlock.[5]
Career[edit]
Suttie trained as an actress at the Guildford School of Acting, graduating in 2000. In 2001 she composed and directed a score for Peter Weiss' play Marat/Sade at the Arcola Theatre in London.[6][7] Suttie began performing stand-up comedy in 2003.[citation needed] Her act normally consists of music, stand-up and stories, either as herself or under the guise of a character.
Suttie's first television writing was for two series of the popular teenage drama Skins, under the guise of "comedy consultant".[8]
At the 2005 Edinburgh Fringe, Suttie was one of the acts in stand-up showcase The Comedy Zone. In 2006, she acted in Danielle Ward's Take-a-Break Tales at The Pleasance with Neil Edmond and Emma Fryer. In 2007, she performed her debut solo stand-up show, Love Lost in the British Retail Industry, which she took to Sydney Arts Festival and on a UK tour in 2010–11, and in 2008 her second solo Edinburgh show The Suttie Show. She played psycho killer Sorrow in the revival of Danielle Ward and Martin White's cult musical Gutted at the Leicester Square Theatre for two performances in February and March 2011. She took her third solo stand-up show, Pearl and Dave, to Edinburgh in August 2011. She appeared at the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal in July 2012.
Suttie occasionally duets with folk musician Gavin Osborn and supported Jim Bob (previously of Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine) on tour in 2010.[9] She also appeared with Jim Bob for the fourth year of the "Nine Lessons and Carols for Godless People" event at the Bloomsbury Theatre in December 2011.[10]
Suttie appeared in the short film that accompanied the song "God of Loneliness" by Emmy The Great, alongside Shazad Latif, directed by Chris Boyle.[11][12]
Suttie was nominated for Best Female Newcomer at the 2008 British Comedy Awards and Female Breakthrough Artist at the 2011 British Comedy Awards. She was regional winner of the Daily Telegraph Young Jazz Competition (1995) for composition, winner of the Julian Slade Songwriting Competition (1998) and Chortle Awards best newcomer nominee (2005).[citation needed] In 2013, the BBC Radio 4 version of Pearl and Dave won a Gold Sony Radio Academy Award.
She provides the voices for BBC One's Walk on the Wild Side in addition to voicing the character of Josie The Dog in Kristen Schaal and Kurt Braunohler's Penelope Princess of Pets (Channel 4 Comedy Lab). She provides voices for children's series The Revolting World of Stanley Brown.[citation needed] Isy is also the voiceover of several TV commercials.
Suttie has previously appeared as a special guest on the popular podcast, Answer Me This!, in April 2013 alongside hosts Helen Zaltzman and Olly Mann.
Suttie played a waitress called Kiki alongside Alan Davies in BBC Two's Whites, which aired in autumn 2010.[13] She has also made TV appearances in Holby City, as Mary Shelley in The Trouble With Love (BBC Two), as various characters in The Incredible Will and Greg (Channel 4), as Lianne in Rab C. Nesbitt (BBC), as a judge in Genie in the House and as a nurse in two episodes of Skins (Channel 4).
She has been on the UK team for the monthly podcast "International Waters", hosted by Jesse Thorn of maximumfun.org. She appeared on episode 2 at the end of March 2012, alongside Dan Antopolski.[14]
In 2012, Suttie voice-acted in the CBBC show The Cow that Almost Missed Christmas alongside Johnny Vegas. The show was a one-off animation which gave a unique interpretation of the Christmas Nativity seen through the eyes of a cow called Marjorie, who Suttie voiced.[15]
She played the regular character Esther Blanco in last series of Shameless, broadcast in 2013. In January 2013, she appeared in the ITV comedy drama series Great Night Out as Bev.
She was cast as IT geek Dobby in Peep Show in 2008, a role that she continued to play for the remainder of the show's run until 2015.
Suttie has written and appeared in many shows on BBC radio, including her own BBC Radio 4 series, Isy Suttie's Love Letters, which began in 2013. She is also a regular presenter of The Comedy Club on BBC Radio 4 Extra and has acted in two of Tim Key's radio shows.[citation needed]
In August 2013, Suttie appeared in the one-off revival episode of the television series Knightmare as Treguard's assistant Veruca/Daisy. The 26-minute episode was aired as part of YouTube's "Geek Week" celebrations.[16]
Suttie appeared in the S4C Welsh learners programme Hwb as a Welsh learner (which she is in real life) in a regular sketch called "Y Wers Gymraeg" ("The Welsh Lesson"), starring her partner Elis James.[17]
In 2014 she wrote and starred in a short film, The Best Night of Roxy's Life, alongside Philip Jackson and JJ Burnel of The Stranglers. The film tells the story of Roxy, a Stranglers superfan who meets JJ, her hero.
In February and March 2014 she starred as Phyllis Pearsall, the creator of the A–Z map, in the musical The A–Z of Mrs P, which ran at Southwark Playhouse.[18]
In January 2016, her first book, The Actual One, was published by Orion.
In September 2016, she began a six-episode run on the Channel 4 TV show Damned as Natalie, a temporary receptionist.[19] She also appeared in the sitcom Man Down as Miss Clarke.
Personal life[edit]
Suttie is engaged[20] to Welsh comedian Elis James.[21] The couple live in London[22] and have one daughter, born October 2014.[23]
Filmography[edit]
TV[edit]
Year Title Character Production Notes
2008 Love Soup Researcher BBC One Season 2, Episode 7
2008 The Incredible Will and Greg Various sketches Channel 4 TV movie
2008 Genie in the House Audition Judge Nickelodeon 1 episode
2008 Peep Show Dobby Channel 4 Series 5 – 9
2009 Holby City Nancy Colcano BBC One 1 Episode
2009 Walk on the Wild Side Various Voice Overs BBC One (Series 1, 2), CBBC (Series 3) Series 1, 2, and 3.
2010 Whites Kiki BBC Two Series 1
2010 Penelope Princess of Pets Josie The Dog Channel 4 TV movie
2011 Rab C. Nesbitt Leanne Curruth BBC Two Series 10, Episode 5
2012 Skins Nurse Pauline Channel 4 2 Episodes
2012 White Van Man Tash BBC Three Season 2, Episode 5
2012 The Cow That Almost Missed Christmas Marjorie (voice) BBC Two TV movie
2013 Great Night Out Bev ITV Series 1
2013 Shameless Esther Blanco Channel 4 Series 11
2013 Love Matters Bella Wright Sky Living Series 1, Episode 3
2013 Would I Lie To You? Herself BBC One Series 7, Episode 2
2013 Never Mind the Buzzcocks Herself BBC Two Series 27, Episode 2
2013 QI Herself BBC Two Series K, Episode 8
2013 Father Figure BBC One Series 1, Episode 6
2013 Comedy Blaps ACMS Presents A Board Meeting Isy, Vicky Channel 4 Episodes 1-3
2014 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled Mrs Dave Series 1, Episode 4
2015 - present 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Herself Channel 4 2 Episodes
2016 - present Man Down Mrs Channel 4 6 Episodes
2016 - present Damned Nat Channel 4 6 Episodes
Discography[edit]
The A-Z of Mrs P Original London Cast[edit]
Album Release date Label Notes
The A-Z of Mrs P 24 March 2014[24][25] SimG Productions Suttie sings in the role of Phyllis Pearsall
Isy Suttie
Biography
Showing all 4 items
Jump to: Overview (1) | Mini Bio (1) | Personal Quotes (2)
Overview (1)
Date of Birth 1978, Hull, Yorkshire, England, UK
Mini Bio (1)
Isy Suttie was born in 1978 in Hull, Yorkshire, England. She is known for her work on Peep Show (2003), The Cow That Almost Missed Christmas (2012) and The Attendant (2016).
Personal Quotes (2)
[on her ex-boyfriends] When you write a book with lots of exes in it like I have, it's only really your conscience that you answer to 'cause your editor doesn't mind, as long as it's funny, they don't question it.
I got to about 29 and all my mates suddenly seemed to be getting married and having kids and I was like, guys hang on, I still want to go out and get hammered and fall asleep behind bins.
Filmography
Jump to: Actress | Miscellaneous Crew | Writer | Composer | Self | Archive footage
Hide HideActress (28 credits)
2016 The Attendant (Short) (completed)
Ella
2014 The Best Night of Roxy's Life (Short) (completed)
Roxy
Pin Cushion (post-production)
Anne
2016 Sarah Chong Is Going to Kill Herself (Short)
The Marrieds
2016 Damned (TV Series)
Nat
- Episode #1.6 (2016) ... Nat
- Episode #1.5 (2016) ... Nat
- Episode #1.4 (2016) ... Nat
- Episode #1.3 (2016) ... Nat
- Episode #1.2 (2016) ... Nat
Show all 6 episodes
2016 Man Down (TV Series)
Miss Clarke
- The Party (2016) ... Miss Clarke
- The Visa (2016) ... Miss Clarke
- Big News (2016) ... Miss Clarke
- The Calling (2016) ... Miss Clarke
2016 V Sign (TV Movie) (voice)
2016 Boomers (TV Series)
Suze
- Naming Ceremony (2016) ... Suze
2008-2015 Peep Show (TV Series)
Dobby
- Gregory's Beard (2015) ... Dobby
- Quantocking II (2012) ... Dobby
- Chairman Mark (2012) ... Dobby
- Big Mad Andy (2012) ... Dobby
- The Love Bunker (2012) ... Dobby
Show all 19 episodes
2014 The Cunning Woman (Short)
Jenny (voice)
2013 Father Figure (TV Series)
Janet
- Mother Figure (2013) ... Janet
2013 Knightmare (Short)
Veruca / Daisy
2013 Shameless (TV Series)
Esther Blanco
- Episode #11.14 (2013) ... Esther Blanco
- Episode #11.13 (2013) ... Esther Blanco
- Episode #11.11 (2013) ... Esther Blanco
- Episode #11.10 (2013) ... Esther Blanco
- Episode #11.9 (2013) ... Esther Blanco
Show all 10 episodes
2013 Love Matters (TV Series)
Bella Wright
- Miss Wright (2013) ... Bella Wright
2013 Great Night Out (TV Series)
Bev
- Episode #1.6 (2013) ... Bev
- Episode #1.4 (2013) ... Bev
- Episode #1.3 (2013) ... Bev
- Episode #1.1 (2013) ... Bev
2012 The Cow That Almost Missed Christmas (TV Movie)
Marjorie (voice)
2012 The Revolting World of Stanley Brown (TV Series)
Animation Voice
- Hiccupalypse (2012) ... Animation Voice (voice)
- Wax (2012) ... Animation Voice (voice)
- Love Bug (2012) ... Animation Voice (voice)
- Smells Like Teen Spirit (2012) ... Animation Voice (voice)
- Scab Hunters (2012) ... Animation Voice (voice)
Show all 12 episodes
2012 Get Lucky (Short)
Harry
2012 White Van Man (TV Series)
Tash
- They Think It's All Over (2012) ... Tash
2012 Skins (TV Series)
Nurse Pauline
- Rich (2012) ... Nurse Pauline
- Everyone (2012) ... Nurse Pauline
2011 Rab C. Nesbitt (TV Series)
Leanne Curruth
- Role (2011) ... Leanne Curruth
2010 Whites (TV Series)
Kiki
- Episode #1.6 (2010) ... Kiki
- Episode #1.5 (2010) ... Kiki
- Episode #1.4 (2010) ... Kiki
- Episode #1.3 (2010) ... Kiki
- Episode #1.2 (2010) ... Kiki
Show all 6 episodes
2010 Comedy Lab (TV Series)
Josie the Dog
- Penelope Princess of Pets (2010) ... Josie the Dog (voice)
2009 Peacock Season
Isy
2009 Holby City (TV Series)
Nancy Colcano
- The Honeymoon's Over (2009) ... Nancy Colcano
2008 Genie in the House (TV Series)
Audition Judge
- Look to the Future (2008) ... Audition Judge
2008 The Incredible Will and Greg (TV Movie)
Many
2008 Love Soup (TV Series)
Researcher
- Green Widow (2008) ... Researcher
Hide Hide Miscellaneous Crew (2 credits)
2012 The Revolting World of Stanley Brown (TV Series) (animation voice - 4 episodes)
- Night of the Living Virus (2012) ... (animation voice)
- Pain in the Leg (2012) ... (animation voice)
- Gut Instinct (2012) ... (animation voice)
- Snot (2012) ... (animation voice)
2009-2010 Skins (TV Series) (comedy consultant - 18 episodes)
- Everyone (2010) ... (comedy consultant)
- Effy (2010) ... (comedy consultant)
- JJ (2010) ... (comedy consultant)
- Freddie (2010) ... (comedy consultant)
- Katie (2010) ... (comedy consultant)
Show all 18 episodes
Hide Hide Writer (3 credits)
2014 The Best Night of Roxy's Life (Short) (writer) (completed)
2013 Love Matters (TV Series) (writer)
2009-2010 Skins (TV Series) (writing team - 2 episodes)
- Everyone (2010) ... (writing team)
- Finale (2009) ... (writing team)
Hide Hide Composer (2 credits)
2014 The Best Night of Roxy's Life (Short) (completed)
2013 Love Matters (TV Series) (1 episode)
- Miss Wright (2013)
Hide Hide Self (25 credits)
2017 Smile! The Nation's Family Album (TV Movie documentary)
Herself - Narrator (voice)
2016 Pointless Celebrities (TV Series)
Herself - Contestant
- Comedians (2016) ... Herself - Contestant
2016 The Secret Life of Sue Townsend (Aged 68 3/4) (TV Movie documentary)
Readings
2015-2016 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (TV Series)
Herself / Herself - Contestant
- Episode #9.6 (2016) ... Herself
- Episode #8.7 (2016) ... Herself
- Episode #8.5 (2016) ... Herself - Contestant
- Episode #7.7 (2015) ... Herself - Contestant
2014-2016 The Wright Stuff (TV Series)
Herself - Guest Panelist
- Episode #21.48 (2016) ... Herself - Guest Panelist
- Episode #19.31 (2014) ... Herself - Guest Panelist
2016 Drunk History: UK (TV Series)
Herself
- Episode #2.3 (2016) ... Herself
2009-2015 8 Out of 10 Cats (TV Series)
Herself
- End of the Year Special (2015) ... Herself
- Episode #8.6 (2009) ... Herself
2013-2014 The Alternative Comedy Experience (TV Series)
Herself
- The One with the German (2014) ... Herself
- Mrs Brown's Boys (2014) ... Herself
- Identity Theft (2013) ... Herself
- Value Bastard (2013) ... Herself
2014 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled (TV Series)
Herself - Panelist
- Until I'm Married or You're Dead (2014) ... Herself - Panelist
2013 QI (TV Series)
Herself
- Keys (2013) ... Herself
2013 Never Mind the Buzzcocks (TV Series)
Herself - Panelist
- Episode #27.2 (2013) ... Herself - Panelist
2013 Would I Lie to You? (TV Series)
Herself
- Episode #7.2 (2013) ... Herself
2013 Sunday Brunch (TV Series)
Herself - Guest
- Episode #1.52 (2013) ... Herself - Guest
2013 Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe (TV Series)
Herself
- Episode #1.4 (2013) ... Herself
2012 Channel 4's 30 Greatest Comedy Shows (TV Special documentary)
Herself
2012 Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast (TV Series)
Herself
2011 So This Is Christmas! (TV Movie)
Herself
2011 Sitcom Does... (TV Mini-Series documentary)
Herself
- Romance (2011) ... Herself
- Families (2011) ... Herself
2011 Comedy at the Fringe (TV Series)
Herself
2011 Improvisation My Dear Mark Watson (TV Movie)
Herself
2011 Dave's One Night Stand (TV Series)
Herself
- Dave Gorman (2011) ... Herself
2011 The 50 Funniest Moments of 2010 (TV Movie documentary)
Herself
2010 Peep Show & Tell (TV Movie documentary)
Herself
2010 The Angina Monologues (TV Movie)
Herself
2009 Comic Relief's Naughty Bits (TV Movie documentary)
Herself
Hide Hide Archive footage (2 credits)
2014 QI (TV Series)
Herself
- VG Part Two (2014) ... Herself
- VG Part One (2014) ... Herself
2013 Would I Lie to You? (TV Series)
Herself
- The Unseen Bits (2013) ... Herself
Isy Suttie: 'I still feel bad about throwing a pound coin at Howard Donald'
The comedian on her teenage crushes, saying goodbye to Peep Show’s Dobby, and how reading in bed is the new partying
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Interview by Paul Fleckney
Sunday 17 January 2016 14.00 EST Last modified on Tuesday 9 May 2017 07.36 EDT
Your memoir The Actual One is about your 20s. Are you very different now to the way you were at that time of your life?
I used to live my life in extremes: I wouldn’t just get drunk, I’d get absolutely wasted; I couldn’t just go for a walk around the block, I’d walk into the West End which would take an hour and a half. Over time, that’s smoothed itself off as I’ve become more happy.
Isy Suttie webchat – as it happened
The author, comedian and Peep Show star joined us to answer your questions in a live webchat – from comedy to food via why she’d love to star in Batman, catch up with her answers here
Read more
It’s such a cliche: “Oh, I’ve got my slippers on now.” But I think there’s no point in going out if I just want to read Heartburn by Nora Ephron. Elis [the standup Elis James, Isy’s long-term partner] and I have started doing this thing where we’re in bed by 11.15pm then we read till midnight. In a way that’s become my partying.
The other day Elis said “I’m really sad”, and the reason was that he had a gig in Portsmouth the next night and would be travelling back afterwards. He said: “I’m gonna miss book club!”
There’s a lot of reminiscing in the book – are you a sentimental person
Not really, but for some reason Matlock [in Derbyshire, where Isy grew up] seems an exception. When I go back I can’t get my fill of it. It’s like an elusive, mysterious place that I feel so in love with still. I don’t think I quite appreciated it at the time.
Do you still have family there?
Not any more. I think that’s another reason why I talk about it so much in the book. Around that time I was thinking I would end up moving back there. I was at a real crossroads.
‘I used to live my life in extremes’ … Isy Suttie.
‘I used to live my life in extremes’ … Isy Suttie. Photograph: Andy Hall for the Observer
You say that you thought you’d end up marrying a farmer and moving back to Matlock.
Yeah it was like a safety net. If it all went wrong in London, I could go back and have a calm life and no one would ask too much of me. I could live on a farm and wear no makeup, learn how to make stews. I’m very unconfident about cooking, I cut sausages in half to check they’re done.
In my heart I probably knew it was unlikely to happen, but it was a way of stopping investing in the present moment.
You reveal that Joe was your favourite in New Kids on the Block – why was that?
Yeah, the snogging the poster thing … I think he had big blue eyes, really big eyes. I was young and he looked like the youngest out of them – he was shorter than Danny for example – so that helped. He was the fittest and anyone who says he wasn’t is a liar.
Mark meets Dobby on Peep Show. Warning: strong language
You tell a story about throwing a pound coin at Howard Donald’s head during a Take That concert. Is that true? Who’s your favourite TT member nowadays?
It is true! I saw them almost by accident, very, very early in their career. I think my favourite has to be Howard because I still feel bad about throwing a pound coin at his head.
In the book you set out to find Mr Right, “the actual one”. The list of attributes that he had to have was very specific – how does Elis score? Does he know the difference between “your” and “you’re”, which was top of the list?
Yeah he does. In fact, he thinks he’s better than me at grammar, but he’s not.
Does he use moisturiser?
He does, he’s got a big bottle of Nivea with a screw top that he likes. I’ve relaxed the rule about moisturiser a bit.
Does he use yours? That was another stipulation.
He wouldn’t use mine, no. If we go away anywhere he takes his own in a bag.
Anything he falls down on from the list?
He can’t do dry stone walling, which is actually a very specialised skill, like glass-blowing, so it was always going to be difficult to find someone who could do that. I think that one came from when I thought I was going to marry a farmer and move back to Matlock.
Isy Suttie on crafting a joke
What was it like being on the Peep Show set for the last time?
It was weird at first as I’d not been there for three years, so I had to remember the thing about acting straight down the camera – I was quite rusty in terms of the tone. On the last day, I started crying. Then there were tech problems and we ran out of time so we had to come back for another day, and by then I was at peace with it. It was a really nice atmosphere, it felt kind of celebratory too.
Do you think Mark and Dobby should have got together in the end?
I think not, from her point of view. I think she was happy, she got together with Gregory and had moved on from Mark. From Sam and Jesse’s point of view, they did everything they could do with that character. I felt honoured to be in the last series really.
The Actual One by Isy Suttie is published on 28 January by Weidenfeld & Nicolson. Isy Suttie is on tour from 26 January to 15 March.
The Actual One: How I Tried, and Failed, to
Avoid Adulthood Forever
Patricia Smith
Booklist.
113.7 (Dec. 1, 2016): p10.
COPYRIGHT 2016 American Library Association
http://www.ala.org/ala/aboutala/offices/publishing/booklist_publications/booklist/booklist.cfm
Full Text:
The Actual One: How I Tried, and Failed, to Avoid Adulthood Forever. By Isy Suttie. Jan. 2017.288p. HarperPerennial,
paper, $15.99 (97800625719771.818.
When Suttie's friends announce that they are having a baby, she has a perfectly normal reaction: she decides to skinny
dip in the freezing sea. Surely her friends will strip off their clothes and follow, right? When they don't, Suttie realizes
that they've grown up, and she has been left floundering in her hopes and dreams while coping with countless mishaps.
Not to be beaten down, the comedian/musician/doodle artist resolves to find the love of her life, lest she be left with her
mothers choice of online dating matches. Suttie's meandering narrative is witty, whimsical, and weird, with interspersed
anecdotes from her childhood and awkward teen years. In this offbeat memoir, readers will encounter the delights of
papier-mache penguins and dates with boys who speak only in rhyme. Eliciting laughter and groans, Suttie describes
her attempts at flirting and navigating life as a thirtysomething still trying to be a twenty-something. Suttie's writing
style is light and creative, and both fans of this British comedian and readers looking for a smart, funny read will speed
through her literary debut. --Patricia Smith
Source Citation (MLA 8
th Edition)
Smith, Patricia. "The Actual One: How I Tried, and Failed, to Avoid Adulthood Forever." Booklist, 1 Dec. 2016, p. 10.
General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?
p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA474716757&it=r&asid=59b9168e1e5853e780a2a7ca99ba431a.
Accessed 13 Aug. 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A474716757
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The Actual One
Publishers Weekly.
263.47 (Nov. 21, 2016): p100.
COPYRIGHT 2016 PWxyz, LLC
http://www.publishersweekly.com/
Full Text:
The Actual One
Isy Suttie. Harper Perennial, $15.99 trade paper (288p) ISBN 978-0-06-257197-7
Suttie's debut memoir tackles what it's like to be left behind when your friends take the leap to marriage, having babies,
and buying houses--and you're not sure you want to follow. After Suttie, a British comedian and writer, went through a
difficult break-up with a longtime boyfriend, her newly pregnant friend, told her that getting "the one" out of the way
just means she's ready to find "the actual one." Fighting the idea of coupling and adulthood, Suttie set out to enjoy her
time as a single woman. As she narrates this experience, she shares her path from struggling as a comic and actress,
making ends meet by working in a call center for a nearly bankrupt meal delivery service, to having her passion cover
her living expenses. The reader gets to know Suttie through her stories of getting heckled off stage, drinking at pubs,
and spending time with friends, all while trying to figure out her love life and the changes around her. Overall this is an
entertaining read, but at times her stories fall flat, like they're missing a punch line, and readers unfamiliar with British
idioms may find that whole passages feel like reading a foreign language. (Jan.)
Source Citation (MLA 8
th Edition)
"The Actual One." Publishers Weekly, 21 Nov. 2016, p. 100. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?
p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA471273993&it=r&asid=d0e785e5269515ba957560a6938d5bc4.
Accessed 13 Aug. 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A471273993
8/13/2017 General OneFile - Saved Articles
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Suttie, Isy: THE ACTUAL ONE
Kirkus Reviews.
(Nov. 1, 2016):
COPYRIGHT 2016 Kirkus Media LLC
http://www.kirkusreviews.com/
Full Text:
Suttie, Isy THE ACTUAL ONE Perennial/HarperCollins (Adult Nonfiction) $15.99 1, 31 ISBN: 978-0-06-257197-7
How a British comedian and actress has tried to avoid growing up at all costs.When two of her friends announced they
were having a baby, Suttie, whose Pearl and Dave radio show won a Sony Radio Academy Award, suddenly realized
that those around her were beginning to grow up and that her life was inevitably going to change. To delay the process,
she embarked on a series of escapades, which she relates here--e.g., swimming naked in the frigid ocean, creating a 5-
foot-tall papier-mache penguin, or dating a guy who speaks mainly in rhyme. Ultimately, of course, she did get older,
her friends had the baby and moved into their own little house, and she was out of luck in finding the one true love of
her life. Suttie recounts her various friendships and romantic relationships, including her stint with an Aussie who
provided fun and sex without entanglement, and her work as a comic, which didn't pay well most of the time but
provided a venue for her off-beat humor--e.g., "Christmas Day was the club sandwich it always is: thin layers of
pleasure, primarily due to food or excitement about what to watch on TV, interspersed with rich slabs of ennui and
bickering." The author's brief chapters are mostly humorous and contain at least a bit of oddball charm, exposing
aspects of Suttie that few readers probably know. The author occasionally includes crudely drawn cartoons for
emphasis, many (if not all) of which could have been omitted. There are some gems in this lightweight look at
navigating the single world, but the book is mainly good for a quick laugh before moving on. For more depth, turn to
Tig Notaro's I'm Just a Person (2016). Waggish entertainment on a single woman's search for a life partner.
Source Citation (MLA 8
th Edition)
"Suttie, Isy: THE ACTUAL ONE." Kirkus Reviews, 1 Nov. 2016. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?
p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA468389014&it=r&asid=07396cb48bc42c2e9b2418427087983c.
Accessed 13 Aug. 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A468389014
The Actual One, by Isy Suttie
Book review by Steve Bennett
Bridget Jones was never quite like this...
Yes, this is the autobiographical account of a singleton looking for love with The Actual One as her twenties turns into her thirties – but Isy Suttie's hunt is reluctant, not wanting to be drawn into the adult world. While her combination of artsy quirkiness, pragmatism and witty self-awareness is a uniquely endearing one.
She is the sort of person who builds an oversized papier mache penguin for a partner on a whim but is also happy to have a no-strings attached 'friends with benefits' when other options are absent.
That penguin, called Roy and costing her £180, proved a homemade nail in the coffin of the relationship, since the boyfriend was monumentally nonplussed to receive it. Essentially, if you think that giant gift is an adorably kooky, uniquely personal gift you'd be childishly delighted to give or receive, this book is for you. The more cynical need not apply.
The gesture is part of Suttie's desire to remain young and carefree forever, while her friends were settling down. It wasn't a conscious decision, but the state of affairs was thrown into painfully sharp focus on a new year's trip to the beach when she impishly went skinny-dipping. She expected to be followed by her friends, or at least have them hide her clothes in the spirit of high jinks. But again apathy was the reaction. 'What did you do that for?' one pal grumbled. 'We'll hit rush hour now.'
The Actual One SuttieSuch anecdotes might suggest Suttie is some esoteric head-in-the-clouds Amelie type, but her distain for the pretentious Hoxton set is explicit. And no one whose list of must-haves in a partner include strict adherence to grammatical diktats and absence of moisturiser can be that flighty. Indeed her hapless misadventures from her semi-reluctant dating days are told with a self-awareness and honesty that only heap on the char.
There are hilarious stories of a condom getting where it shouldn't and a sexual incident involving some parcel tape that doesn't go quite to plan told, even though the page, as if a shared confidence with a friend. Out of the bedroom, further stories tell of how she threw a pound coin at Howard Donald's head during a Take That concert and her slapstick mishaps on the ski slopes.
Illustrated with sketches and even songs dedicated to the men in her tale, The Actual One reflects the warmth and charm of Suttie's stand-up, and is an affectionately breezy read
And if nothing else, let's hope the book popularises the phrase 'custard cousins' for those linked by having had sex with the same person.
• The Actual One: How I Tried, And Failed, To Remain Twenty-Something For Ever, by Isy Suttie was published yesterday by Orion Books, priced £14.99. Click here to buy from Foyles.
Review date: 29 Jan 2016
Reviewed by: Steve Bennett
Book Review: The Actual One, Isy Suttie
By Bruce Dessau on 30/1/2016
Being a comedian often seems like a way of refusing to grow up, settle down and become an adult. No boring mortgages for these dudes eh? Add to that a general feeling these days that nobody wants to grow old – hey, 50 is the new 20 – and Isy Suttie’s first book definitely feels like it is catching a wave.
Which is an appropriate image, because her mostly-autobiographical book, subtitled How I Tried, And Failed, To Remain Twenty-Something For Ever, kicks off with Suttie running naked into the sea during a New Year break and expecting her friends to follow her. Only to discover that they are more worried about the traffic on the way home. Suddenly Suttie sees that the big 3-0 is approaching and everyone is pairing off, having children and secretly googling property prices in the Cotswolds. So is she going to find ‘the actual one’ too? The pressure is on.
The romantic quest certainly makes for a very readable, laugh-out-loud, big-smile story as Suttie (alright, let’s get this out the way, she is best known as Dobby from Peep Show) goes on dates in the dark, meets hipsters and men who can’t stop talking in rhyme all the time. There is no shortage of suitors – or sex, there’s a very funny lost condom scene – but are any of them the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with?
Along the way Suttie writes eloquently about her childhood in Matlock. She clearly always had a vivid imagination. In one school essay she wrote that her dad was a burglar and she used to accompany him on burgling expeditions. In fact he was Dr Suttie. Her mother meanwhile, seems to deserve a spin-off book of her own. She is not just an eccentric mum from central casting who can’t get a grip on social media, she seems hellbent on fixing her daughter up with Mr Right – a campaign that motivates her daughter to find her own man.
Suttie is also very funny about bad gigs, in one instance recalling being paid £20 to leave the stage. Anyone who has enjoyed her performances will recognise the whimsical style but, if anything, it works better on the page where her ear for dialogue and a quirky turn of phrase does not feel as hemmed in. She also punctuates the text with little cartoons, most notably of her meeting one potential beau naked under a tatty fur coat – though not on a skateboard as the cover image suggests.
The only word that truly sums up this book is “lovely”. "Cute" comes close, but sounds a little patronising. There is an underlying grown-up toughness to her too. Curiously while I was reading it I did think at times that the prose – and the lo-fi drawings – reminded me of Josie Long and funnily enough Long gets a thank you for reading the first draft in the credits. If you love Suttie – or Josie Long – you will love this book. And if you don’t love Suttie read this book and you certainly will by the end of it.
Buy The Actual One here.
Lisa Talks About…
Lost in a book somewhere. Send tea.
20th June 2016
Review: The Actual One by Isy Suttie
The Actual OneTitle: The Actual One: Or How to Avoid Settling Down For as Long as Possible
Author: Isy Suttie
Pages: 304 Pages
Publisher: W&N
The Blurb
‘Isy Suttie turns the painful process of growing-up into something laugh-out-loud funny, and for that I could kiss her’ – Bryony Gordon, author of The Wrong Knickers
‘A cross between Lena Dunham and Victoria Wood’ Sunday Times
Isy woke up one day in her late twenties to discover that the invisible deal she’d done with her best mates – that they’d prolong growing up for as long as possible – had all been in her head. Everyone around her is suddenly into mortgages, farmers’ markets and nappies, rather than the idea of running naked into the sea or getting hammered in Plymouth with eighty-year-old men. When her dearest friend advises her that the next guy Isy meets will be The Actual One, Isy decides to keep delaying the onset of adulthood – until a bet with her mother results in a mad scramble to find a boyfriend within a month.
From papier-mâché penguins to being stranded on a dual carriageway in nothing but a fur coat and trainers, THE ACTUAL ONE is an ode to the confusing wilderness of your late twenties, alongside a quest for a genuinely good relationship with a man who doesn’t use moisturiser.
(Amazon Blurb)
The Review
I like Isy Suttie. I am going to go out on a limb and say that she is a swell gal. Strangely, the aforementioned reasons were not why I bought her book – The Actual One. If I am being absolutely honest, it took me a while to marry up who Isy Suttie was with the quirky funny girl I sometimes saw on 8 out of 10 Cats does Countdown. Once the two connected I had a ‘Huzzah’ moment because I realised that I was about to enjoy the book I was reading.
You see I have a strange feeling that Isy Suttie is my spirit animal…in human form. When she says things that some would see as quirky or odd I totally get it. I like Suttie’s naïve way of seeing the world. It is how I see the world; a world where you can make the best out of a bad situation by seeing the funny side of things.
Anywho, in her memoir The Actual One, Suttie discussed the banal life changes that people seem desperate to comment on. Almost like life is a orienteering trail and you have to find certain points to be deemed as doing well. Found a boyfriend yet? Tick. Moved in together yet? Tick. Engaged? Cross. Ouch. It is that period late into your twenties when people start settling down or getting married or having babies and you think should I be playing catch-up? Or should I still be playing beer pong…or in Suttie’s case ‘All Crevices’.
Basically, The Actual One is a book for a) anyone who hasn’t quite got their shit together yet and b) a guide of what not to say for those smug people who have.
This is one of the funniest books that I have read in a while and I implore you all to read it.
The Actual One: Or How to Avoid Settling Down For as Long as Possible by Isy Suttie is available now.
Follow Isy Suttie (@Isysuttie) on Twitter or visit her official website www.isysuttie.com.
Book Review: The Actual One by Isy Suttie
January 31, 2017
* I have received this book for review from the publisher but this in no way affects my review *
Title: The Actual One
Author: Isy Suttie
Source: NetGalley
Publisher: Orion
Rating: 3/5 stars
Book Summary from Goodreads:
Isy Suttie—stand-up comedian, actress and songsmith—has reached her thirties and realised her life is never going to be what she expected. She'll never become that tennis champion, be an expert in birdsong or make a living from playing pinball. Yet Isy maintains her trusty "glass half full" attitude to life. Why? From goldfish-murdering mothers and housemates obsessed with VAT to boyfriends who don't appreciate gifts of homemade human-sized penguins, Isy delves deep into the vaults of her memory, writing with warmth, agonising honesty and sharp humour to bring to life all of the scrapes that optimism has led her into.
Book Review Summary:
The Actual One is a wildly funny autobiography which is a must for those people in the twenties.
Book Review:
So this book came out over a year ago and I am only just getting to this review this now in the new year. This basically sums up my life. Anyway to the book.
This was one of those books that I did just find randomly on NetGalley and thought the cover was interesting so requested it, not knowing what it was a the time, however, being a fan of memoirs and biographies so I got like with this one.
I did enjoy this book although this was the first time I had heard of Isy Suttie the author but I thought that this was a nice introduction to her and that work. Although the book did not really focus on her work and was more about navigating her life in her twenties and thirties which as someone who was unaware of her jobsI did not feel excluded from the story. I did enjoy aspects of her life, included in the book and so many of them were very funny and it was refreshing to read about someone as awkward and unfortunate as me. The story of the penguin, anything that features her parents and her love life and me holding back laughs, quite bad when at the time I was sharing a room with my sister.
Although I have only just turned 20, thus not relating to some of the stories and her life, I still did like this book, however, I can't say that I'm really looking forward to what they might hold.
The Verdict:
Overall, though I did enjoy this book, giving me truly laugh out loud moments, it is great for anyone who is a fan of Suttie's work or anyone who loves a good, fun autobiography.
Have you read the Actual One? What is your favourite autobiography? Leave them in the comments below.
See you soon,
Amy
Desperately seeking the actual one: How comedian Isy Suttie's search for Mr Right went into overdrive when her mother got involved
By Isy Suttie
Published: 19:03 EDT, 16 January 2016 | Updated: 10:48 EDT, 22 January 2016
3
View comments
When her best friend predicted that the next man she dated would be the one she would marry, comedian Isy Suttie decided that she preferred being single – until a bet with her mother resulted in a mad scramble to find a boyfriend within a month
'Sex when you’re single can be the best and worst thing in the world,' said Isy Suttie
+3
'Sex when you’re single can be the best and worst thing in the world,' said Isy Suttie
My mid-to-late 20s were supposed to be the last few halcyon days before I finally settled down; a wilderness I stumbled through on a quest to have as much fun as possible and find someone who would make me deliriously happy.
If I was ever going to go in for wearing matching underwear, drinking wine from glasses instead of mugs and using oven gloves instead of T-shirts, I didn’t just want The One. I wanted The Actual One.
If my friend Amy’s theory about The Actual One coming after The One was right, my next long-term relationship would be it and put me in the same club as everyone else I knew.
But what if my previous boyfriend Sam had been The Actual One, but we’d given up too easily?
I rifled through my scant memory of past serious relationships and came to the conclusion that Sam was The One – there was definitely nothing previous to him with legs that I’d missed out on.
In fact, if anything I’d probably wasted time trying to make relationships work when they weren’t right.
I don’t like the term single, because it implies that you’re one half of a yet-to-exist unit. Some people assume that all you want to do is put on a meringue dress, sit on a white pony and get married – like Katie Price does every Saturday.
Sex when you’re single can be the best and worst thing in the world. In a long-term relationship, sex is like a dodgy electric fire you sometimes decide to put on when you’re watching television.
You both go, ‘Oh, it’s quite nice actually – we should do it more often!’
When you are in a bad relationship and look at someone who is single you think, ‘They’re so lucky! They can have sex with anyone, literally anyone in the whole world. Why aren’t they doing it now?’
But when you’re single, sex can be really frustrating. If you’re not getting any, you don’t know what’s wrong with you, and if you are getting some but you’re not in a relationship it can be mind-bogglingly complicated if one person likes the other one more and no one’s being quite honest.
'She started on my tagline: ‘fun-loving, sassy and curvy’ she gleefully typed out. No, no, a hundred times no,' said Isy of her mother's dating advert for her
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'She started on my tagline: ‘fun-loving, sassy and curvy’ she gleefully typed out. No, no, a hundred times no,' said Isy of her mother's dating advert for her
This is definitely easier to deal with in the summer, when you can put on a new dress and gaze at your freckled arms, and everyone’s in a good mood and you think, ‘I’m all right. So what if he puts one less kiss than I do on his texts?’
My mum loves a project. If you say something such as, ‘I wish rain didn’t go on my glasses and make my vision blurred’, she’ll come back the next day with a diagram for miniature windscreen wipers that attach to each lens rim.
When I was growing up she was, at various times, a nurse, a piano teacher, a recorder teacher, a church organist, a dinner lady and a bell ringer. But all the time she was doing these jobs, she was always beavering away at various inventions.
I went to Matlock, Derbyshire, to see my mother and started crying.
‘I know what you need,’ she said. ‘Come with me.’
She hauled me up the stairs to the most mysterious room in the house: the Computer Room, ie, the spare room with the computer in it.
With my parents’ generation, you don’t merely flip a laptop open – there’s a big mission involved.
We always have to make a cup of tea to take to the Computer Room – that’s key – but then there’s a lot of discussion about where to put it (‘not near the printer please! It took Dad three hours to install and it still won’t scan’).
So you end up holding the scaldingly hot cup between your thighs as Mum plays clips of Susan Boyle on YouTube and says, ‘I cry every time. Every time.’
On this particular morning, there was no tea or Susan Boyle business. Mum opened a dating website.
‘Darling,’ she said, ‘there’s no pressure. We’re just having a look.’
We?
‘It’s try before you buy.’
Buy?
‘I’m OK actually,’ I mumbled. ‘I’m not ready to meet The Actual One. I’m seeing an Australian.’
‘Are you?’ She looked at me. ‘Where is he? There hasn’t been an Australian in Matlock since 1997.’
‘I’m not ready for a boyfriend, Mum. I only just split up with Sam.’
‘Five months ago,’ she interrupted.
Was it really that long?
‘And don’t think I haven’t noticed that this is your first visit since then and you spend your whole time looking at your phone and sighing.’
Mum started to click on profiles, ignoring my feeble protests.
Despite myself, I began to enjoy looking through them. It soon became clear that she thought I should be with a lawyer, GP or judge and I thought I should be with a potter, performer or spy. Mum got a pencil and paper and started to make a short list.
There were a few we agreed on and she noted down their usernames.
After about 20 minutes, as we both got particularly excited over a bloke who could ski backwards, she made her proposal.
She would pay the fee for me to join and I would go on just one date with a man from the site if I hadn’t found a boyfriend ‘by natural means’ within a month.
‘No way, I don’t want a boyfriend.’
‘OK then,’ she sighed patiently, as if talking to a five-year-old. ‘Let’s have a cup of tea and we can set up your profile, but we won’t use it.’
'There’s no greater indictment to action than your mother writing to men she’s hand-picked from the internet, pretending to be you,' said Isy
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'There’s no greater indictment to action than your mother writing to men she’s hand-picked from the internet, pretending to be you,' said Isy
I sipped at my tea as Mum triple-clicked the Microsoft Word icon. We decided on a photo – which took ages because she wanted a combination of ‘wholesome, bright, but not domineering’ – and, after laboriously pasting it into the document, started on the painstaking job of writing about me. She insisted on typing.
Then she started on my tagline: ‘fun-loving, sassy and curvy’ she gleefully typed out. No, no, a hundred times no.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I’d do a better job on my own. It’s so hard to write a description when you’re trying to sell yourself romantically to the right person.
That evening, over spaghetti bolognese, Mum bombarded me with information about men’s profiles at every opportunity. I feigned nonchalance while secretly putting them into mental would/wouldn’t piles.
After she’d gone to bed, I sneaked into the Computer Room and rewrote my profile. The next morning she started on at me again.
She was so excited it was as if she was looking for a potential boyfriend. As I emerged from the shower, she grabbed my arm, dragging me towards The Computer.
‘I’ve found a brown-haired boy who doesn’t like cycling either,’ she gasped. ‘He likes acid jazz though – is that OK?’
I sat down, drying my hair. She jubilantly gestured towards a photo of a serious-looking guy in glasses. His mouth was wet and turned down at the corners and he was really skinny; one of those types who can slip in and out of a room without anyone noticing.
‘I’ve drafted a message to him in Word.’
‘Go on then,’ I smiled. ‘Show me.’
She’d written: ‘Hi! My name is Isobel, but everyone calls me Isy! When I was little, I spelled it Issy, but now I spell it Isy. I live in London. Do you? What a busy place! I like your photo although you look a bit tired! Was it at the end of a long day of lectures? I notice you’re a lecturer. Well done! Bye, love Isy/Issy/Isobel/call me what you like!’
I looked at her eager little face.
‘I tell you what. Delete this message, but since this whole thing is obviously so important to you, why don’t we do the deal?
'You can register me on the site but that’s it. If we reach the end of one month and I haven’t found a boyfriend, you can message all the men you want and I’ll go on a date with whichever one you choose. Even if they’re on a bike.’
Her eyes lit up like in cartoons when an animal sees food.
‘Good, because I registered you last night.’ I scrambled to The Computer. ‘With your rewritten profile,’ she added, her eyes twinkling. ‘I’m not as stupid as I look.’
As I left for London, I thought about what a massive favour she’d done. I needed no greater kick up the backside than my mother potentially picking a boyfriend for me.
I would win, but in the meantime she would welcome the project of short-listing potential partners from the site.
‘I hope you don’t mind,’ Mum’s gleeful voice tinkled on the answerphone.
‘But I’ve been logging in and messaging a few potentials. Only two days to go now! Don’t worry, I’ve been vague and said you sometimes work on an oil rig, so they won’t be hurt if you don’t end up going on a date with them.’
There’s no greater indictment to action than your mother writing to men she’s hand-picked from the internet, pretending to be you. If I didn’t find a boyfriend in the next 24 hours I was done for.
Later that night, my phone bleeped – Mum, of course.
‘What do you think? Really nice civil servant, in five bands, used to have neck tattoo but says now completely lasered off.’
He must have impressed her for her to brush that aside. Time was of the essence. Another bleep.
‘Just told me it was more on shoulder than neck anyway, and at back. It was only of Daffy Duck. Don’t know why he bothered to laser off! Does he sound OK?’
I had to make a plan...fast.
I met James at a party. He had dark eyes and dark hair and big, juicy earlobes. He liked running. He had a squashy nose that was comforting to touch and he never took his watch off, which I liked.
‘It means you’d be good to be next to in a nuclear apocalypse,’ I said at our second meeting.
‘Why? Why would you care what the time was in a nuclear apocalypse?’
‘It’s indicative of a deeper tendency to be organised. You’d probably have a compass, too.’
‘Well done for using the word indicative after three pints,’ he said.
‘Cheers,’ I said. ‘That’s indicative of your assumption that I haven’t got long words deep in my subconscious.’
Then he said, ‘touché’, and I said, ‘flambé’, and he smiled, and I smiled. And then I went to the ladies and pinched my cheeks furiously to try to make them pink and bit my lips to try to make them redder and plumper, and wished to God that I’d blow-dried my fringe instead of clipping it to one side with a little girl’s clip with a banana on it that I’d found on the ground next to the tube station.
Four months later and James and I have slipped into the steady rhythm of coupledom. His family are very welcoming and I feel as though I’d known them for ever.
I’ve met most of his friends and he mine. He’s a bit older than me and for the first time in my life I am going to dinner parties. It was an easy decision to move in with him – his housemate was moving out, so there would be a gap. Also his flat is cleaner than mine and he has a kitchen bin with a lid.
Oh, come on, give me some credit. Of course we broke up. This is how it happened. My friend Mhairi had always told me that when you are unsure of a decision you should look at a photo of yourself as a child, smiling.
Ask yourself if you want that cheeky little girl to grow up and be with the guy in question, or the job in question.
I can’t tell you how many times this simple act has helped me immediately see the light, whether I want to or not.
I dug around while James was out and found my favourite photo of me and my sister. She’s about two and I’m about six and we’re holding hands, grinning at the camera and covered from head to toe in spaghetti bolognese.
I gazed at my eyes and lopsided grin and the result was clear. If I carried on with James, I’d always be just about OK. I’d survive for a long time, coasting on innate chutzpah.
I can’t begin to try to analyse the complexities of why it wasn’t quite right, and I also think I owe it to him not to try. We were like a Rubik’s cube with one faulty panel.
We were on shaky ground, but how tempting to stay together, watching the washing machine go round, swapping the pillows to the other end of the bed, knowing what each other’s silences mean.
If we didn’t act, we’d be further entwined the more time went on. There’s a danger when you’ve got bags of optimism that it can spill over into denial in the right circumstances. Kids, marriage, buying somewhere – it had all been talked about.
Isy has now found The Actual One, whom she met through work, and is living in an actual house with him and their baby. She is incredibly grateful that she never had to go on a date set up by her mum.
This is an edited extract from The Actual One: How I Tried, and Failed, to Remain Twenty-something Forever by Isy Suttie, published by Orion, price £14.99.
To order a copy for £11.99 (a 20 per cent discount) visit you-bookshop.co.uk or call 0808 272 0808; p&p is free on orders over £12
To book tickets for The Actual Book Tour, where Isy will be performing readings and songs, go to isysuttie.com
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Bridget Christie & Isy Suttie: 'Once she shook me by the shoulders and said, 'You're not happy with this guy!''
The two comedians first met at an open-mic gig in Clapham in 2004
Nick Duerden
Sunday 27 December 2015 00:33 GMT
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The Independent Culture
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Christie, left, says of Isy: ‘I'm quite in awe of her talents, really. She's a brilliant musician, actor, stand-up’ Jean Goldsmith
Isy Suttie, 37
An actress, stand-up and musician, Suttie (right in picture) got her breakthrough role as Dobby in 'Peep Show'. She lives with her partner and their 13-month-old daughter, Beti, in south London
I first met Bridget in 2003, maybe 2004, at an open-mic gig in Clapham, above a pub, with very few people in the audience. I liked a joke she told about being on a fairground ride and thinking she saw her dad, but it wasn't her dad, it was a TV set. I told her how much I laughed at it, and we got on really well after that.
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We started seeing each other regularly on the circuit, but I never felt competitive with her. To be honest, I don't think I felt confident enough in myself to be competitive with anyone; it was just nice to have a friend doing what I was doing. We were young back then, no ties, no kids, so we would have drunken nights in town and end up at Balans [a café/restaurant in Soho] at three in the morning. We can't do that now, as we both have kids. Which is a shame. Not that we have kids, but that we don't have as much time to hang out.
I wish I'd met her at school; she'd have been such a laugh, and I'm sure we'd have been inseparable. She seems to think I'd have been a bad influence on her.
One of the reasons I really love her is that she is always completely honest, and wise. If you ask her opinion, she'll give it – as long as she thinks you can take it. Not about my set, though; I'm talking about private, life stuff. I was with a guy once who was completely wrong for me, but I tried to convince myself he was right. One night, in the middle of Soho, she took me by the shoulders and physically shook me. "You are not happy with this guy, and I can see it!" she said. She was right, of course, and it finally propelled me to do something about it. That was kind of her, though she was probably just sick and tired of having to listen to me go on and on about it.
When we do meet up, we never really talk about our relationships, we just take the piss, giggle and clutch at each other. I think we're probably quite childlike, and even though she is older than me, she doesn't feel it, or look it.
Our relationship these days is mostly on the phone. Even though Beti is one now, I'm still pretty bad at leaving Crystal Palace. So we ring each other and miss each other's calls and leave messages, before we finally do get to talk. We just have to take the opportunity to meet up wherever it falls. I was invited on to a radio show at the Edinburgh Festival this year, and it was the first time I'd left the baby overnight. I went mostly because I knew Bridget was there too. So basically I went all the way to Scotland for one night, mostly to see her. But it was worth it. It's like drinking a shot when I'm with her. She's wonderful
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Bridget Christie, 44
A comedian who has won multiple awards, including the Foster's Edinburgh Comedy Award for her 2013 show 'A Bic for Her'. Christie published her first book, 'A Book for Her', this year. She lives in north London with her husband and two children
It was 2004 when I met Isy for the first time, at a gig in Clapham neither of us can remember too much about. We only got to know each other properly after that, at the next gig in, I think, Shepherd's Bush. I was always a bit of a loner on the circuit, so it was nice to meet someone I really connected with. You can have lots of mates in the comedy world, but Isy was always a proper, proper friend, and not just a comedy friend. There is a difference.
When you become friends with someone who does the same thing you do, and good things happen to them, while you are really pleased for them, a tiny part of you can be thinking: why didn't I get that part? But I've never had that with Isy, and I think it's because I genuinely love her, and feel sort of proud of her. I'm quite in awe of her talents, really. She's a brilliant musician, actor, stand-up.
Oh, but I'm worried now that I'm sounding far too soppy about her! Can I say that she's an annoying idiot as well? Our relationship is basically conducted over the phone because she stubbornly refuses to move to north London. I don't know why she insists on living south; she may as well be in Wales.
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So we talk on the phone, but she does have this habit of doing other things at the same time. I'll say to her: "I don't want you to eat while you're talking to me, because it's as if talking to me is just another activity you passively do." Or else she might go to the loo, or paint a wall. I had to ask her recently if she was trimming her hedge.
In 2007, shortly after I had my son, we were trying to write sketches together. She said she'd come round to mine, and that we could bounce ideas off one another. I told her my son would be here, but she seemed fine with that. But then after half-an-hour she said, "My God, is it always like this?" She's a mother herself now, so I hope she realises just how hard it is.
We'd love to work together again – we wrote a pilot once about the Brontës; it was brilliant, so God knows why it wasn't commissioned – but I think it would be hard to act alongside her. I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye without corpsing – she's funnier than she realises.
Because we can't even reach each other on the phone half the time, we've taken to leaving really long messages. Perhaps that's the future of all relationships: don't engage in conversation, just leave voicemails. When we do meet up, we always pick up where we left off. I saw her yesterday, the first time since August, and I was struck again by how much I enjoyed her company. She is such a tonic. She is just one of those people you always feel really happy and positive to be around.
Bridget Christie performs 'A Book for Her' at the Leicester Square Theatre, London WC2, on Saturday and 8 January. 'The Actual One', by Isy Suttie, is published by W&N on 28 January