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WORK TITLE: How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen
WORK NOTES: with Julie King
PSEUDONYM(S):
BIRTHDATE:
WEBSITE: http://howtotalksolittlekidswilllisten.com/
CITY: Hudson Valley
STATE: NY
COUNTRY:
NATIONALITY:
Daughter of parenting writer Adele Faber. * http://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/Joanna-Faber/556011892 * http://www.fabermazlish.com/about_us.php * http://howtotalksolittlekidswilllisten.com/about-joannna-julie/ * http://www.newsday.com/lifestyle/family/joanna-faber-pens-new-how-to-talk-so-little-kids-will-listen-book-1.12971881
RESEARCHER NOTES:
PERSONAL
Born c. 1961; daughter of Adele Faber; married; children: three.
EDUCATION:M.A.; City College of New York, postgraduate study.
ADDRESS
CAREER
Writer and teacher.
WRITINGS
SIDELIGHTS
Joanna Faber is the daughter of parenting expert Adele Faber; her mother is the coauthor of the bestselling 1980 parenting guide How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Faber followed in her mother’s footsteps to write How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 in 2017. The book was written with her childhood friend, Julie King. Faber’s and King’s guide focuses on tackling specific behavior issues with practical approaches, and the authors offer several tools and techniques for raising happy and healthy children. Given that most behavioral issues stem from emotional reactions, the authors provide parents with the tools they need to raise emotionally healthy children. From there, the book provides specific approaches to specific issues, including tantrums, sibling rivalry, picky eating, and bedtime resistance. The authors additionally address approaches to use when dealing with special needs children, including children with sensory-processing disorders and autism.
Discussing the difference between her book and her mother’s, Faber told Washington Post Online correspondent Mia Geiger: “The principles are the same, the feeling is the same. The driving force is based on finding ways to build relationships that respect the needs of the adults and the needs of the child. It’s different in that we took those tools and put them into chapters by common challenges. If you have struggles at bedtime, you can go right to the bedtime chapter. And we added a chapter on kids with special needs.” Faber went on to note that while the book’s advice does take practice, “once you start doing stuff like this you find you’re enjoying life a little more and your kids are feeling more cooperative. You’re getting through the day with fewer battles and more fun and more good feelings. What looks like more work at first will turn out to make your life easier.”
Critiques of How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen were largely positive. A Kirkus Reviews contributor declared that “any new parent, teacher, or day-care operator will benefit from reading this helpful book.” The contributor also found that the book offers “accessible, highly effective methods for raising well-behaved children.” Echoing this sentiment in Publishers Weekly, a reviewer stated that the book’s “examples and suggestions . . . are relatable and authentic.” The reviewer also felt that “the authors’ creative ideas will help parents feel they are not alone.” Nanette Donohue, writing in Booklist, was also impressed, remarking: “Parents looking for peace, harmony, and cooperation will find a wealth of options in this guide.”
BIOCRIT
PERIODICALS
Booklist, January 1, 2017, Nanette Donohue, review of How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7.
Kirkus Reviews, November 15, 2016, review of How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen.
Publishers Weekly, November 7, 2016, review of How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen.
ONLINE
Newsday Online, http://www.newsday.com/ (January 26, 2017), Beth Whitehouse, review of How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen.
Washington Post Online, https://www.washingtonpost.com/ (February 15, 2017), Mia Geiger, author interview.*
Joanna Faber grew up in the Long Island home/laboratory of internationally acclaimed, best-selling author and parent educator Adele Faber. She completed a Master’s degree in Special Education and post graduate work in teaching math and science at the City College of New York. She taught bilingual students in West Harlem for ten years and contributed heavily to her mother’s award-winning book, How to Talk So Kids Can Learn, with her front line experience in the classroom.
She recently wrote a new afterword for the thirtieth anniversary edition of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. She lectures on communication skills around the country and conducts workshops based on her mother’s work and her own experiences as a parent and educator. Joanna lives in the Hudson Valley region of New York, with her husband, three sons, dogs, cats, and an assortment of chickens.
Joanna Faber grew up in the Long Island home/laboratory of internationally acclaimed, best-selling author and parent educator Adele Faber. She completed a Master’s degree in Special Education and post graduate work in teaching math and science at the City College of New York. She taught bilingual students in West Harlem for ten years and contributed heavily to her mother’s award-winning book, How to Talk So Kids Can Learn, with her front line experience in the classroom.
Julie and Joanna have known each other since they were six months and ten months old, respectively.
She recently wrote a new afterword for the thirtieth anniversary edition of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. She lectures on communication skills around the country and conducts workshops based on her mother’s work and her own experiences as a parent and educator. Joanna lives in the Hudson Valley region of New York, with her husband, three sons, dogs, cats, and an assortment of chickens.
Joanna Faber pens new 'How to Talk So Little Kids Will LIsten' book
Updated January 26, 2017 2:29 PM
By Beth Whitehouse beth.whitehouse@newsday.com
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Joanna Faber and Julie King, who met growing
Joanna Faber and Julie King, who met growing up in Roslyn Heights, have written "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life With Children Ages 2-7." Photo Credit: Joanna Faber and Julie King
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Joanna Faber and childhood friend Julie King were “guinea pigs” for Faber’s mother’s parenting techniques when they were growing up in Roslyn Heights — Adele Faber is the co-author of the iconic parenting book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk,” which has sold more than 3 million copies in 30 countries since its initial publication in 1980.
Now Joanna Faber and King have penned their own parenting book with new stories and strategies expanding on Adele Faber’s methods and applying them specifically to younger children, called “How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life With Children Ages 2-7” (Scribner, $26).
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“I grew up in a family where, if we had a conflict, instead of punishment, our parents listened to our feelings and they expressed their feelings and we worked at solutions to the problems,” says Joanna Faber, now 56 and with three adult children of her own. “I grew up soaked in that kind of language, which is why I thought having children would be a snap.” She laughs. “But it wasn’t. It was so hard.
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“There’s nothing like the relentlessness of dealing with young children 24 hours a day. I can’t say, ‘Oh, I’m so good at this, this is so easy,’ but what I can say is, ‘I used these skills every day, all the time, and they help me get through the day.’ ”
CHAPTERS BY CHALLENGES
Faber’s and King’s mothers met when the girls were in strollers in the 1960s, and the two moms became fast friends. They would try out Faber’s developing theories on their kids. “She and I were the guinea pigs for this approach in our early lives,” Julie King, also 56, says of herself and Joanna. The younger Faber and King also became friends and stayed friends throughout the decades. The two have been carrying on Adele Faber’s work through workshops and more in the Hudson Valley area of New York (Faber) and San Francisco (King), where they each now live. The elder Faber, now 89 and still living in Roslyn Heights, wrote the introduction to the new book, published this month; she says she’s “ecstatic” and “deeply satisfied” that her daughter is continuing her work.
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The younger Faber and King say they noticed that most people who take their workshops are people with young schoolchildren and toddlers. So they decided to focus a volume on those challenges, such as getting out in the morning, hitting or grocery shopping.
They’ve also included a chapter to address children who are “wired differently” — they have sensory processing issues or are on the autism spectrum. One of King’s children has Asperger syndrome.
“We arranged the book by common challenges,” Faber says. “You can go right to what beleaguers you at that moment and just grab a treasure trove of stories. You don’t have to read it in order.”
WHAT TO SAY?
Parents often grasp the principle of empathy that dominates the women’s work. But they want to know how to apply those theories in the trenches or in the midst of a struggle, Faber and King say. “But what would you actually say?” King says they ask.
@Newsday
Here are three examples of the kind of advice in Faber and King’s new book, addressing the struggle of getting dressed in the morning:
“Kids wriggle, kids kick,” Faber says. “One time my little 2 ½- year-old was sitting in a chair ... he was wriggling so much he hit his head on a chair and had to go to the emergency room to get stitches.” How could she have handled it better? “The No. 1 go-to method for little kids is to be playful,” Faber says. “If you make an inanimate object talk, you’re golden.” She suggests, for instance, taking a shoe and acting like a ventriloquist. “Say, ‘I feel so empty. Why won’t somebody stick a foot in me?’ ” The child will likely laugh and join in the game.
“Battling to get a coat on? What a miserable way to start the day,” Faber says, for both parent and child. Instead, put the child in charge, she says. Buy a big working thermometer, and tape little pictures of each type of garment — coat, sweatshirt, gloves, etc. — next to the appropriate temperature range. Then ask the child each morning: “Can you go look at the thermometer and tell us what we have to wear this morning?”
“It completely flips the dynamic,” Faber says.
Consider letting the child pick his clothes at night for the next day — and let him sleep in them. When he gets up, he’s ready to go.
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“I feel like the whole strength of the book is all these examples,” Faber says. Parents might say, “Oh, that would work for us.”
‘How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen’: Advice from the author
By Mia Geiger February 15
Joanna Faber didn’t set out to write a sequel to the best-selling “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk,” co-written by her mother, Adele Faber, and Elaine Mazlish in 1980. In fact, she resisted it.
“Those are big shoes to fill,” said Faber, herself a parenting expert and educator who uses the “How to Talk” concepts in parenting workshops. The book, which detailed parent-child communication methods, sold more than 3 million copies.
But Faber, along with colleague Julie King, wanted to offer practical advice geared specifically toward young children. “We heard from so many people, saying, ‘I love this approach, but what do I do when my 2-year-old won’t put his shoes on?’ ” Faber said. “It’s hard to translate theory into action, especially when you’re in the midst.”
The result is their new book, “How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life With Children Ages 2-7.” We spoke with Faber about why kids tune out parents, the power of playfulness and why giving commands can backfire.
Washington Post: How is your book similar to or different from your mom’s book?
Joanna Faber: The principles are the same, the feeling is the same. The driving force is based on finding ways to build relationships that respect the needs of the adults and the needs of the child.
It’s different in that we took those tools and put them into chapters by common challenges. If you have struggles at bedtime, you can go right to the bedtime chapter. And we added a chapter on kids with special needs: Often these parents don’t see themselves represented, so we collected a whole bunch of stories of parents using these skills in a modified way based on the developmental level of their child.
WP: How can we resolve conflicts with our kids?
JF: There are ways of making kids feel cooperative. That is key. It’s always about how you feel. If you don’t feel right you are probably not going to act right. We can use problem-solving. They might have a meltdown, but you can come back and reconnect with your kid. You are teaching a way of life; when we have a conflict what do we do? When someone does something you don’t like, do you think of a way to hurt them — smack them? Or think of a way to have them suffer a little — lock them in their room with no dessert? Or do you talk to them and listen to each other and figure out how to solve the problem? That goes much deeper than getting your kid to do something at a specific time.
WP: Many times parents feel their kids just aren’t listening to them.
JF: We adults are so profoundly interested in things kids are not interested in. We’re obsessed with time — we need to get out of the house so we’re not late; little kids couldn’t care less about time. We’re obsessed with cleanliness. We want that sticky-haired, smelly kid to get in the bathtub; kids don’t care, they’ll happily have sticky hair and be smelly. We want them to pick up their toys; kids are happy to live in chaos. So it’s a real difference in needs and perceptions.
WP: What’s a quick strategy parents can use if they need kids to do something?
JF: Kids love it if an adult can be playful. One way is making an inanimate object talk. Instead of clamping down on your 3-year-old’s leg and saying ‘stop squirming’ when trying to get a shoe on, if you can animate the sock and say ‘I feel so flat and empty, won’t someone stick a nice warm foot in me?’ all of a sudden the kid is delighted to stick his foot in the sock. The mood has changed. Instead of fighting we are working together. We are doing it through play.
WP: What’s another technique parents can use?
JF: Give a choice instead of a command. Instead of ‘Hurry, we’re going to be late’ you can say ‘How do you want to get to the car? Do you want to walk forward or backward? Hop like a kangaroo or slide like on roller skates?’ Sometimes it’s being given the little choice instead of that little command that makes a kid feel cooperative.
WP: Why not just tell the child to put away their jacket or to stop whining?
JF: Imagine you come home from work and your partner says, ‘Oh, good, you’re home. Take off your coat, hang it up, sit down and eat your food. Hurry up, did you hear me, I said sit down.’ Even if the food smells great and you’re tired, there is something in you that is going to resist because nobody likes being told what to do. Kids get told what to do all day long, and they have the same resentful feelings adults get when people tell us what to do.
WP: Parents might feel too tired to go through a rigmarole.
JF: You’re working toward a greater good. It’s not as burdensome as it sounds. Once you start doing stuff like this you find you’re enjoying life a little more and your kids are feeling more cooperative. You’re getting through the day with fewer battles and more fun and more good feelings. What looks like more work at first will turn out to make your life easier.
WP: Some parents might feel like everyone else is doing a better job than they are.
JF: We’re stuck in our little nuclear families and we don’t know what kind of struggles are going on. Everyone thinks their kid is the only one who melts down over having to draw four things that start with a B. But all over town kids are crying hysterically over their kindergarten homework. In our book we try to re-create that sense of community so you can peek in on all the parents who are dealing with the same challenges in the same human, imperfect way.
WP: What advice do you have for moms who are feeling exasperated?
JF: Sometimes you have to take a timeout for yourself. Say, ‘I see you want me to look at your picture and you need this, but I can’t do that right now. I need five minutes to sit and drink my tea.’ A 2-year-old can’t understand you, but a 4-year-old who has been talking with the language of feelings can understand. You are not saying, ‘You are being bad, you are pestering me, leave me alone.’ You are saying, ‘I feel grumpy and tired and I need a little time.’
WP: What’s one more piece of advice?
JF: Be as kind and forgiving to yourself as you are to your kids and give yourself just as many chances as you give your children. Treat yourself lovingly. It will set a good example for your child to see that.
About Joanna Faber
Joanna Faber grew up in the home/laboratory of best-selling author and parent educator Adele Faber. Her father was a leading educator and director of innovative guidance programs in the New York City Public Schools. Joanna was graduated from SUNY Purchase with a degree in Language and Culture, which included a year of study in Mexico. Convinced that she could use her unique background in language and communication skills to inspire children in the classroom, she went on to earn a degree in Education from Lehman College.
She taught elementary school children in West Harlem for 10 years while completing post-graduate work in math and science at the City College of New York. During this time her bilingual, special education students published books of poetry and stories, wrote and performed plays, started a school newspaper, and won top honors in the district-wide science fair two years in a row. Joanna was selected as an outstanding teacher in her science teacher education program at City College and sent to Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh to share her expertise with other inner-city teachers in a series of workshops on middle school science. She contributed heavily to her mother’s award winning book, How To Talk So Kids Can Learn – at Home and in School, drawing upon her frontline experience in the classroom. Her most recent contribution is a new Afterword to the 30th Anniversary edition of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, entitled The Next Generation.
With her co-author, Julie King, Joanna has just completed her own book, How to Talk So LITTLE Kids Will Listen -- A Survival Guide to Life With Children Ages 2 to 7, which was published by Scribner in January 2017. She currently lectures on communication skills around the country, and conducts workshops based on her mother’s work and her own experiences as a parent and educator. These workshops have enabled many parents to have less stressful, more joyful relationships with their children.
Joanna lives in Putnam Valley, NY with her husband, three teenagers, dogs, cats and an assortment of chickens.
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7
Annabelle Mortensen
113.18 (May 15, 2017): p61.
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2017 American Library Association
http://www.ala.org/ala/aboutala/offices/publishing/booklist_publications/booklist/booklist.cfm
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7. By Joanna Faber and Julie King. Read by Michelle Pawk and others. 2017. 10hr. Simon & Schuster Audio, CD, $29.99 (9781508221920).
If we're to believe the well-worn definition of insanity as repeating the same behavior while expecting a different result, then consider most parents of young children among the mad-continually yelling, cajoling, and threatening only to find their histrionics falling on deaf ears. This book offers practical alternatives for effectively communicating with toddlers and preschoolers. Organized around common conflicts, this tool kit includes a chapter addressing strategies for children with special needs and features numerous anecdotes from parents who've put the principles into action. The audiobook helpfully provides a different narrator for each parental persona, while Pawk and January LaVoy handle the friendly voices of authors Faber and King. The multiple narrators and lively pacing give the recording an authentic, easy-to-understand flow, as cast members convey both adult and occasional child voices with verve. A downloadable PDF "reminder guide" completes this useful, sensible resource for parents, teachers, and caregivers. --Annabelle Mortensen
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Mortensen, Annabelle. "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7." Booklist, 15 May 2017, p. 61. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA496084914&it=r&asid=cfdc6fdb3e8d85639baeeadb512afbfd. Accessed 4 July 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A496084914
How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7
Nanette Donohue
113.9-10 (Jan. 1, 2017): p24.
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2017 American Library Association
http://www.ala.org/ala/aboutala/offices/publishing/booklist_publications/booklist/booklist.cfm
How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7. By Joanna Faber and Julie King. Jan. 2017. 416p. Scribner, $25(97815011316531. 649. 123.
Parenting young children can be challenging--the urge to treat them like miniature adults is appealing, but it's difficult (if not impossible) to reason with them. Enter experienced parent educators Faber and King, who share tips and stories for coping with sticky little-kid-related problems. The first section provides an overview of their techniques, beginning with tools for handling emotions, which are often the root cause of frustration for young children. The second part provides real-life examples of the tools applied to common problems, including tattling, picky eating, tantrums, and sibling rivalry. The authors provide simple scripts that can be easily adapted, and each chapter ends with a bullet-point overview of the tools for quick reference. Examples and stories from parents of non-neurotypical children are included throughout, and the chapter "Children Who Are Differently Wired" provides some basic suggestions for parenting children with autism and sensory-processing disorders. The authors' techniques may take some practice, especially for frustrated and frazzled parents, but parents looking for peace, harmony, and cooperation will find a wealth of options in this guide.--Nanette Donohue
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
Donohue, Nanette. "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7." Booklist, 1 Jan. 2017, p. 24. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA479077897&it=r&asid=440c8f274b54c1dae2beca381659a49a. Accessed 4 July 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A479077897
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2 to 7
263.45 (Nov. 7, 2016): p57.
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2016 PWxyz, LLC
http://www.publishersweekly.com/
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2 to 7
Joanna Faber and Julie King. Scribner, $25 (288p) ISBN 978-1-501-13165-3
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
Anyone who has ever tried to entice a young child to take a nap or eat a healthy dinner knows that meeting willful behavior with a firm, yet nurturing approach requires patience, understanding, and flexibility. This new guidebook by lifelong friends Faber (coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk) and King, a parent educator and consultant, will help parents navigate this sometimes bumpy road. The examples and suggestions they provide are relatable and authentic, the direct result of their own experiences along with feedback from other parents. The first section discusses basic tools to help parents cope "when a youngster goes haywire," exploring topics such as "engaging cooperation" and "avoiding combat," with each chapter featuring a brief recap at the end. Part two shows "the tools in action," highlighting the issues Faber and King view as most challenging and how the tools can be used to deal with them. The authors' creative ideas will help parents feel they are not alone in dealing with little runaways, arguments over tooth brushing, tattling, and numerous other child-rearing dilemmas. As Faber notes, "Sometimes simple survival is a good goal." Agent: Robert Markel, Markel Enterprises. (Jan.)
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2 to 7." Publishers Weekly, 7 Nov. 2016, p. 57. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA469757546&it=r&asid=6b971c7d33dcd40c89ca3ac000802a6b. Accessed 4 July 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A469757546
Faber, Joanna: HOW TO TALK SO LITTLE KIDS WILL LISTEN
(Nov. 15, 2016):
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2016 Kirkus Media LLC
http://www.kirkusreviews.com/
Faber, Joanna HOW TO TALK SO LITTLE KIDS WILL LISTEN Scribner (Adult Nonfiction) $25.00 1, 10 ISBN: 978-1-5011-3165-3
Advice for parents on handling toddlers to pre-tweens.Faber--the daughter of Adele Faber, the author of the bestselling How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (1980)--and her good friend King combine their years of experience as mothers with new research on child-rearing to offer a useful guide for parents and other adults regarding the 2-to-7 age group. With a format similar to the original book, the authors begin with the basics: acknowledging a child's feelings through words, writing, and artwork; using play, offering choices, and patience, among other methods, to enlist cooperation; instilling discipline and resolving conflicts without the use of threats, character attacks, or physical punishment. In the second section, the authors move on to specific issues: eating and food battles, brushing teeth, shopping with young children, name-calling, hitting and other physically aggressive behavior, getting children to sleep, navigating anger, interacting with pets, how to handle lying, and a host of other common and difficult scenarios adults face on a daily basis. Faber and King not only offer their own lives as examples; they also include numerous scenarios from other parents who have used the tactics presented in the authors' group workshops. For those in need of a quick rehash of each chapter, short cartoons summarize each section. Although the information is mostly common-sense, the logical presentation enables readers to quickly understand why one method works and another method doesn't, making it easy for the adult to incorporate subtle changes into his/her behavior, which in turn creates profound differences in the child. Any new parent, teacher, or day care operator will benefit from reading this helpful book. Adele Faber provides the foreword. Accessible, highly effective methods for raising well-behaved children.
Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition)
"Faber, Joanna: HOW TO TALK SO LITTLE KIDS WILL LISTEN." Kirkus Reviews, 15 Nov. 2016. General OneFile, go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=ITOF&sw=w&u=schlager&v=2.1&id=GALE%7CA469865794&it=r&asid=a7925a924ad12ea148cef48af54ffb67. Accessed 4 July 2017.
Gale Document Number: GALE|A469865794