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WORK TITLE: EVER SINCE
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WEBSITE: https://www.alenabruzas.com
CITY: Lincoln
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COUNTRY: United States
NATIONALITY: American
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Kirkus Reviews Apr. 1, 2023, review of Bruzas, Alena: EVER SINCE. p. NA.
Booklist vol. 119 no. 18 May 15, 2023, Scanlon, Donna. , “Ever Since.”. p. 46.
School Library Journal vol. 69 no. 6 June, 2023. Buchanan, Rebekah J. , “BRUZAS, Alena. Ever Since.”. p. 86.
Alena Bruzas in Conversation with Robin Alvarez
May 23, 2023 by Amanda MacGregor Leave a Comment
When Oceans Rise by Robin Alvarez is about abuse. Robin addresses what she calls the “mental warfare” of gaslighting. Robin and I recently discovered we’re book twins; not only are our books debuting on May 23, they also have similar themes. Ever Since is about childhood sexual abuse and how that trauma continues to affect the life of my main character, Virginia.
Both books deal with losing your voice because of shame. Robin and I talked over these themes. Note: answers have been edited for length and clarity.
Alena: I thought your trigger warning was done really well. In it you say: “If you are not ready for this journey, I understand. However, if you are ready, just know that while this will be difficult, Malaya will come out on the other side, just as her name suggests: free.”
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As I’ve been reading reviews of Ever Since, I’ve realized that despite the trigger warnings, maybe some readers weren’t prepared for the content. Can you talk a little bit about the way you came up with this warning, which is very sensitive, and even gives permission to potential readers to skip it if they don’t feel ready?
Robin: This book took me a long time because I was not in a good place to write it a decade ago. It would not have had the nuance or sensitivity that it did, because I victim-blamed myself. When I wrote that trigger warning it was with the awareness that not everyone would be in the same place as me. Look how long it took me. I tried to come at it from that place.
A reader asked me if I was going to put trigger warnings on my website. There was a big discussion on BookTok about feeling blindsided, even with trigger warnings. So I wrote very specific warnings, even where language might be considered abusive and why. I wanted people to know that even things like; “I’m the only one that loves you,” is abusive. People should want you to have a whole support network.
I knew that there would be people who just couldn’t read the story, and I had to be okay with that.
A: I was struck by how compassionate and caring of your reader your trigger warnings are. I think we both wrote our stories to help people who had experienced abuse, so to see that a few readers who felt triggered by Ever Since was really sad.
R: I feel like that speaks to how we’re not all going to have the same experience even when we have the same kind of abuse.
A: Early on in Oceans there is a particular monster called an Aswang which Malaya feels is stalking her. The intensity of her fear grows with the level of abuse she’s dealing with. She says: “When they are loudest, TIK TIK, that means they are farthest away. You still have time to run, and you want to race toward the guttural roar. It forces you to fight your every instinct. It’s the almost undetectable tik tik. tik tik. tik tik. that should scare you because the creature is right over your shoulder, and all is lost.”
I wondered if this is a metaphor for gaslighting, as in going against what you feel compelled (by the gaslighting) to do, keeps you safe. What was your inspiration for writing it this way?
R: I did write the Aswang as this metaphorical monster before the monsters really take shape. It becomes a very literal monster to show that even when you escape abuse, it still has real life ramifications; there were still things that she had to address in her real life to heal.
When we first see it, it’s representative of Malaya blaming herself. She thinks that that one wrong choice has infected her life with darkness, but this darkness came from a source, her abuser. And so that gaslighting is the fallout and the monster represents that. When you’re being gaslight, you stop trusting yourself. It becomes very hard to know how to navigate your own life. So here was this monster that I wanted to show the mental and then the physical warfare.
A: Malaya feels powerless in the beginning, trapped in a relationship with Ian. There’s a moment when Malaya says to herself “I fucked up my life before, but now I’m fucking with everyone else’s.” Which seems to imply that by escaping her abuse she was hurting the people she loved, which I think is a major fear that women have when they leave abusive partners; fear of disappointing people, not living up to expectations, disrupting the status-quo, or even the fear of hurting the partner they’re trying to leave.
It leads me to think that, in the beginning at least, Malaya feels like she doesn’t belong in a life where she isn’t being abused.
R: The thing is about that is who creates that feeling in us? It’s not us. I think it comes from a sense of loyalty you’ve learned. But very much from an abuser stripping your power. An abuser making you feel like you’re not worth anything.
A: I did want to ask you about feeling trapped by shame. It’s hard to recognize that the shame isn’t because you did something wrong. It’s basically injected into you by your abuser, but it feels like it’s because you’re a shameful person. When I wrote Virginia, I tried to write her as feeling so destroyed by the abuse and her shame. And the hardest thing is that society blames survivors as well.
R: How do we write a victim blaming themselves but make sure that the reader knows that is a sign of abuse and not actually truth. What we have, in real life, are people going “I would never be in that situation. I would just leave.”
Why are we not focusing on the abuser? That’s what’s so hard about our books, that our main characters are internalizing so much of the blame. What we’re saying is that you can’t separate the trauma that happens from the abuser, from anything that happens in their life after the abuse. We’re not going to take that blame anymore.
A: One of the most important things about both of our books, I believe, is how our personal experiences informed our writing. I know that I couldn’t have written Ever Since if I hadn’t experienced something similar. I think I was driven to write it because of how my abuse impacted me. I wanted to not only share my story but join the conversation among survivors of abuse that had done so much good for me. (And now here we are, having this great conversation!) Do you think your experience with abuse motivated you and informed your writing? What role, if any, did your lived experiences and history with trauma and abuse play in the creation of Oceans?
R: I avoided it for so long. I was in a memoir writing class and a professor asked me to write about a time I almost died. I have almost drowned many times.
A: Wow, and then you wrote a book where water plays this major, transformative roll.
R: Water is very significant in my writing. I didn’t realize it until the professor pointed it out. I’d written about this time when I had gone surfing during a hurricane. I don’t mean literally during the hurricane but the hurricane feeds the ocean; several days before it starts the waves are very thrilling and dangerous. I had not been surfing that long. I felt like I was good at it, but not good enough to really read the waves. I ended up in a very dangerous situation.
My professor asked me why I went out there. I said I was 17, and 17-year-olds do reckless things. She said, I believe that but there’s something more here.
At the time I was very alienated from everyone. I felt like I couldn’t really talk to anybody. And it all stemmed from this abusive relationship that I was entrenched in. When I was fighting these waves and I was going under, I wondered if it would be easier to let go. Like, who would miss me? I was so shaded with this darkness. I felt like I was so damaged. There was no way I could ever come back from this darkness.
I came out of the waves knowing that I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore. But it still took me a year to leave. I was not strong enough.
A: That scene really spoke to me. I’ve felt that way many times. I think we owe you a thank you for sharing it.
R: I need to tell this story. All these people want you to just know you’re in an abusive relationship and leave. But they have stripped you of your power and made you feel like they’re the only one who will listen to you and care for you. It’s not easy.
Ever Since and When Oceans Rise are about telling stories. More importantly, they’re about the power of telling your own story, even when it’s hard, even when society pushes back. The books end with a sense of hope. Our main characters reconnect with the family and friends they alienated and find the strength to ask for help.
Meet the authors
Photo credit: Dana Damewood
Alena Bruzas grew up in Seattle, spent some time in Olympia, and somehow ended up in Lincoln, Nebraska. She writes books for teens and adults of all sorts, and hopes her writing finds the people who need it most. She also volunteers for progressive nonprofits and sometimes makes dinner for her family, when she’s not too busy worrying about commas and wandering the prairie.
https://www.instagram.com/alenabeee/
twitter.com/AlenaBruzas
Photo credit: Victor Alvarez
Robin Alvarez is a beach bum living in the desert with her husband and two kids. She has worked in news stations, made TV commercials, edited high-end wedding videos, crafted industrial animations, been a photographer, a painter, and an English teacher. After having kids, she switched to working from home by teaching Chinese students online and returned to school to get her masters in creative writing. Robin was co-editor of the literary magazine The Sage, in which her short stories have been published. She has written for The Bend Business, and she works at Sul Ross University.
In her free time, Robin enjoys watching K-dramas while doing face masks, singing karaoke poorly, making her kids costumes, and swimming with her family.
https://www.instagram.com/authorrobinalvarez/
twitter.com/RobinAlvarez_
https://www.tiktok.com/@robiiehood
Alena grew up in Seattle, spent some time in Olympia, and currently lives in Lincoln, Nebraska with her family.
Alena has been writing since she was a kid, and writing with the intention of being published for more than ten years. EVER SINCE is her first novel.
When she's not writing, Alena serves on the board for Ten Thousand Villages, Lincoln. She also occasionally cooks dinner, worries about commas, and wanders the prairie.
Why Alena Bruzas wrote EVER SINCE
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Ever Since by Alena Bruzas is an intense, beautiful debut about the power of finding your voice and sharing your story after trauma. Perfect for fans of Nina LaCour and Kathleen Glasgow.
Scroll down to read more about Ever Since from debut author Alena Bruzas as she shares her inspiration and thoughts on writing Virginia’s story.
CONTENT NOTE: Please be advised that Ever Since contains depictions of sexual assault, CSA, and suicidal ideation. The essay letter from Alena below discusses sexual assault and CSA.
My name is Alena Bruzas and I’m the author of Ever Since.
Ever Since is about one girl, Virginia, who learns to tell her story. Virginia has trauma. When we meet her, she’s not dealing with it well. She doesn’t acknowledge it, she doesn’t talk about it, she doesn’t tell her friends. She acts out her trauma by making bad choices, drinking too much, hooking up with boys she doesn’t like. As the story goes on Virginia alienates her friends until she feels completely alone. She realizes that what happened to her is about to happen to another young girl, and she’s the only one who can stop it. But in order to stop it she has to talk about it.
Ever Since is a story about the power of female friendship. When Virginia shares her story with her friends, it turns out they have the same story. They’ve experienced something similar. And so in sharing their stories, not only does it ease their pain, but it takes power away from their abuser.
Throughout the story Virginia finds solace in folklore, especially the story of Medea. The interesting thing about Medea is that everybody knows Medea killed her kids. But the truth is, Medea is a victim of a smear campaign. For thousands of years people have told Medea’s story in the most sensationalist way possible. They change it to make it more interesting. Before Virginia can tell her story, other people tell it first. And they tell it wrong. They judge her. They victim blame her. Throughout Ever Since I draw parallels between Medea and Virginia. In the end, Medea takes her power back, and in telling her story, so does Virginia.
I wrote Ever Since because I was abused as a child. My whole life has been impacted by my abuse. As I got older, I found solace in sharing my story. I watched as brave women like Anita Hill and Chanel Miller shared their stories and gave women all over the world this incredible gift of knowing they weren’t alone. I wanted to be part of that conversation. I wrote Ever Since for people who feel alone, for people who have these stories hidden in their past, and for girls everywhere who deserve to be heard.
Ever Since is on shelves now.
Bruzas, Alena EVER SINCE Rocky Pond Books/Penguin (Teen None) $18.99 5, 23 ISBN: 9780593616178
The summer before senior year, friendships are fractured by secrets and a revelation of sexual abuse.
Virginia has a reputation for making poor choices, including sleeping with Edison, her friend Thalia's boyfriend, behind her back. She and her close-knit group of friends are determined to spend the summer living it up, when suddenly, without explanation, her best friend, Poppy, leaves to spend the summer at her grandpa's. Virginia feels unmoored because Poppy offered her harbor from her own house, where she does not feel safe amid her neglectful parents' parties that include Him, their friend who sexually abused her when she was a child. Virginia starts spending time with Rumi, Poppy's boyfriend, with whom she develops an intense emotional connection. But when she realizes that Rumi's 11-year-old sister is being groomed by this same abuser, Virginia must find the courage to finally speak up. What follows is a harrowing journey, compounded by the fact that not everybody is receptive to her revelations. In the process of coming to terms with what happened to her, Virginia must also reckon with her revictimization and ask whether her sexual activity with Edison was consensual. Virginia, Thalia, Edison, and Poppy are cued White; ethnically ambiguous Rumi has reddish-brown skin. The supporting cast includes diversity in race, gender identity, and sexual orientation; these characters sometimes feel too perfect to be fully realized people.
Lyrical prose combines with a searing indictment of how society treats young women. (content note, author's note, resources) (Fiction. 14-18)
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2023 Kirkus Media LLC
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"Bruzas, Alena: EVER SINCE." Kirkus Reviews, 1 Apr. 2023, p. NA. Gale General OneFile, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A743460598/ITOF?u=schlager&sid=bookmark-ITOF&xid=53ce05cb. Accessed 3 Nov. 2023.
Ever Since. By Alena Bruzas, May 2023.272p. Penguin/Rocky Pond, $18.99 (9780593616178). Gr. 9-12.
Bruzas' debut novel is at once gritty and tender, exploring boundaries, friendship, and self-esteem. Virginia tells herself fairy tales and myths in search of a happy ending, a path her life lacks. She thinks of herself as "That Kind of Girl," the one who experiments with drugs, alcohol, and sex at an early age. Now, at 17, this includes hooking up with the boyfriend of a close friend, something that does nothing for her self worth. Her four best friends love and support her, but none of them knows her secret: Virginia has been sexually abused by a friend of her parents since she was one year old. When her friend Poppy leaves abruptly for the summer, Virginia starts to hang out with Poppy's boyfriend, Rumi, but their connection is emotional, not sexual, something Virginia appreciates. But then she realizes that her abuser is grooming Rumi's 11-year-old sister, and when she plucks up her courage to warn him, Rumi rejects her. Heartbroken, Virginia gets support and help from her friend Ro and Ro's parents. Virginia is a warm, sympathetic character who believes that she is responsible for her abuse until she recognizes that her behaviors stem from it and from lack of guidance from her self-absorbed parents. Bruzas handles the complex plot deftly, and the crowning achievement is when the story Virginia tells herself is her own.--Donna Scanlon
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2023 American Library Association
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Scanlon, Donna. "Ever Since." Booklist, vol. 119, no. 18, 15 May 2023, p. 46. Gale General OneFile, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A751443187/ITOF?u=schlager&sid=bookmark-ITOF&xid=352ce8bf. Accessed 3 Nov. 2023.
BRUZAS, Alena. Ever Since. 288p. Penguin/ Rocky Pond. May 2023. Tr $18.99. ISBN 9780593616178.
Gr 10 Up--Seventeen-year-old Virginia doesn't feel safe in her home. Her parents are always fighting, and she lives in fear that He may be there, so she stays away as much as possible. She knows she doesn't always make the best choices, spending her time partying, drinking, and having risky sex. She just needs a close group of friends. But when her closest friend, Poppy, suddenly moves away without warning, Virginia starts spending more time with Poppy's boyfriend, Rumi, and starts to fall for him. She becomes close to Rumi's younger sister, Lyra, and soon realizes that Lyra is being groomed for abuse by the same person who once abused her. Virginia has spent so much time hiding her secret from everyone, but she does not want Lyra to become His next victim. Virginia needs to decide what to do and who to trust to not only save Lyra but to save herself. The content may trigger some readers, but realistically presents the aftermath of childhood sexual assault and a community serial abuser. VERDICT A powerful story of childhood trauma and what it means to confront sexual assault, Bruzas's debut novel addresses the complexities of survival and the importance of a strong circle of support.--Rebekah J. Buchanan
Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2023 A wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.
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Buchanan, Rebekah J. "BRUZAS, Alena. Ever Since." School Library Journal, vol. 69, no. 6, June 2023, p. 86. Gale General OneFile, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A751405801/ITOF?u=schlager&sid=bookmark-ITOF&xid=34b7f113. Accessed 3 Nov. 2023.