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• Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity HarperOne (San Francisco, CA), 2021
• Boys Will Be Human: A Get-Real Gut-Check Guide to Becoming the Strongest, Kindest, Bravest Person You Can Be Harper (New York, NY), 2022

1. Boys will be human : a get-real gut-check guide to becoming the strongest, kindest, bravest person you can be LCCN 2022021833 Type of material Book Personal name Baldoni, Justin, 1984- author. Main title Boys will be human : a get-real gut-check guide to becoming the strongest, kindest, bravest person you can be / Justin Baldoni. Edition First edition. Published/Produced New York : Harper, a imprint of HarperCollins Publishers, [2022] Projected pub date 2210 Description pages cm ISBN 9780063067189 (hardcover) Item not available at the Library. Why not? 2. Man enough : undefining my masculinity LCCN 2020052733 Type of material Book Personal name Baldoni, Justin, 1984- author. Main title Man enough : undefining my masculinity / Justin Baldoni. Edition First edition. Published/Produced San Francisco : HarperOne, 2021. Projected pub date 2104 Description 1 online resource ISBN 9780063055612 (ebook) (hardcover) (trade paperback)

• Wikipedia -

  Justin Baldoni
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  Justin Baldoni
  Justin Baldoni at 2015 PaleyFest.jpg
  Baldoni at the 2015 PaleyFest presentation for Jane the Virgin
  Born January 24, 1984 (age 38)
  Los Angeles, California, U.S.
  Alma mater California State University, Long Beach
  Occupation
  Actordirectorproducerauthor
  Years active 2004–present
  Spouse Emily Fuxler ​(m. 2013)​
  Children 2
  Justin Louis Baldoni (born January 24, 1984) is an American actor and filmmaker. He is best known for portraying Rafael Solano on The CW satirical romantic dramedy Jane the Virgin (2014–2019) as well as directing the films Five Feet Apart (2019) and Clouds (2020).

  Contents
  1 Early life
  2 Career
  3 Wayfarer Studios
  4 Personal life
  5 Filmography
  5.1 Film
  5.2 Television
  6 References
  7 External links
  Early life
  Baldoni was born in Los Angeles, California, and was raised in Medford, Oregon, the son of Sharon and Sam Baldoni.[1] His mother is from a Jewish family and his father is of Italian ancestry. His paternal grandfather is Louis Baldoni, an Indiana senator and Italian immigrant.[2] Baldoni's parents joined the Baháʼí Faith, which Baldoni practices devoutly.[3][4] Baldoni played soccer and ran track in high school, and was a radio disc jockey at a local top-40 radio station. While moving into a new apartment building, Baldoni met a manager who advised him to pursue a career in acting.[5] He attended college on a partial athletic scholarship, but later dropped out. [6]

  Justin Baldoni giving a speech in 2017
  Career
  In 2008, Baldoni wrote, produced, and directed his first music video that was selected and won him his first "Audience Choice Award" at Dawn Breakers International Film Festival.[7]

  Justin Baldoni at the 2017 SAMHSA award ceremony
  In 2012, Baldoni created a digital documentary series, My Last Days, a show about living – as told by the dying. The show eventually became one of the most-watched documentary series' streamed online. The second season of My Last Days aired on CW and third season was released in the winter of 2018. On the heels of that success Baldoni founded Wayfarer Entertainment, a digital media studio focused on disruptive inspiration.[8] In December 2018, Baldoni spoke at the annual End Well Symposium about why he believes that thinking about our death can help us live better.[9]

  From 2014 to 2019, Baldoni played Rafael Solano in the CW show Jane the Virgin. In May 2016 he launched a time-lapse video app for pregnant women and new mums called Belly Bump.[10]

  In July 2017, Variety announced that Baldoni was developing a male talk show through his media company Wayfarer Entertainment. The show, entitled Man Enough, is described as a disruptive panel series that explores what it means to be a man today.[11] In an interview, Baldoni described the reason he created the show. "Man Enough really came about because I wanted to take a dive into what it really means to be a man, and this question of 'do we have it right?'"[12] The show includes prominent men like Matt McGorry and Javier Muñoz.[13] In August 2017, TED announced Baldoni would be a speaker at the annual TEDWomen Conference.[14]

  Baldoni directed and produced CBS Films' Five Feet Apart, starring Cole Sprouse and Haley Lu Richardson, and based on an original script by Mikki Daughtry and Tobias Iaconis. The film was released on March 15, 2019, and chronicles the lives of two teenagers living with cystic fibrosis.[15]

  He directed and produced Clouds, a film depicting the life of musician Zach Sobiech with Warner Bros. On May 14, 2020, it was announced Disney+ had acquired distribution rights to the film from Warner Bros., in light of the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on the film industry. It was released on October 16, 2020.[16] He is also scheduled to direct and produce It Ends with Us, based on the novel of the same name by Colleen Hoover.[17]

  In 2021, Baldoni released a book under the same premise as his previous talk show and TED Talk titled Man Enough: Undefining my Masculinity.[18] He began a podcast series under the same name with co-hosts Liz Plank and Jamey Heath. A children's version of the book Boys Will be Human was released in October 2022.[19]

  Wayfarer Studios
  Baldoni founded a production company with Ahmed Musiol called Wayfarer Studios that produces television, films, and digital content. In 2019, Wayfarer sold majority stake setting up the $25M content fund.[20][21] The philanthropic branch of the company, called the Wayfarer Foundation, benefits homeless residents of Los Angeles. They host an annual Skid Row Carnival of Love, which provides resources for employment, education, non-emergency medical care, food, clothing, hygiene, and other festivities such as face-painting, live concerts, and children's activities, serving over 4,000 homeless guests each year.[22]

  Personal life
  After over a year of dating, Baldoni married Swedish actress Emily Baldoni (née Fuxler) in July 2013 in Corona, California.[23] They have a daughter, Maiya, who was born in June 2015[24] and a son named Maxwell, who was born in October 2017.[25]

  Filmography
  Film
  Year Title Role Notes
  2005 Yesterday's Dream Pat
  2005 The Helix...Loaded Jason
  2008 The House Bunny Waiter
  2009 After Dusk They Come Peter Video
  2009 Alpha Males Experiment Gavin
  2010 Unrequited Todd Brown
  2011 Royal Reunion Nicky Short film
  2011 Intervention: Cinderella Aladdin Short film
  2011 Minkow[26] Young Barry Minkow Released in 2018 as Con Man
  2012 Undercover Bridesmaid Jake TV movie
  2013 Isolated Ambassador for Peace
  2013 Not Today Eli Hill
  2013 The Proposal Justin Short film
  2014 A Fine Step Marzo Bolivar
  2019 Five Feet Apart Director and producer
  2020 Clouds Director and producer
  Television
  Year Title Role Notes
  2004 The Young and the Restless Ben 3 episodes
  2004 Wedding Daze Guillermo Valerio TV film
  2005 JAG Azzam Episode: "Bridging the Gulf"
  2005 Spring Break Shark Attack J.T. TV film
  2005 Charmed Salko Episode: "Something Wicca This Way Goes"
  2005–2006 Everwood Reid Bardem Recurring role
  2007 CSI: Miami Damon Argento Episode: "Cyber-Lebrity"
  2008 The Suite Life of Zack & Cody Diego Episode: "Foiled Again"
  2009 Heroes Alex Woolsey Episodes: "Building 26" and "Exposed"
  2010 The Bold and the Beautiful Graham Darros Recurring role
  2010 CSI: NY Heath Kirkfield Episode: "Out of the Sky"
  2011–2012 Single Ladies Derek Recurring role
  2012 Blackout Josh Martin TV miniseries
  2012 Shadow of Fear Bobby TV film
  2012 Undercover Bridesmaid Jake TV film
  2013 Happy Endings Marcus Episode: "Fowl Play/Date"
  2014–2019 Jane the Virgin Rafael Solano Main role
  2017 Madam Secretary Kevin Park Episodes: "The Beautiful Game" and "Labor of Love"

• Geena Davis Institute website - https://seejane.org/bio/justin-baldoni/

  Justin Baldoni

  INSTITUTE SPEAKER / PANELIST

  Actor, Director, Producer, Entrepreneur, and Changemaker

  Justin Baldoni is an actor, director, producer, entrepreneur, and changemaker whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media and entertainment. He is the creator and director CW’s My Last Days, an uplifting documentary series about life as told by courageous people living with a terminal illness and, through his company Wayfarer Entertainment, the creator of Man Enough the dinner conversation series which dives into traditional masculinity. Baldoni made his feature film directorial debut with Five Feet Apart (March 2019, CBS Films and Lionsgate) which went on to become CBS Films’ third highest grossing film of all time grossing over $91 million worldwide. Following the success of Five Feet Apart and furthering his goal to create premium purpose-driven projects with global commercial appeal, Baldoni recently secured a $25 million development and production fund to produce content for his newly established Wayfarer Studios. In addition to Clouds (Disney+), Baldoni is set to direct Hold Back the Stars for Lionsgate. Justin also served as founder and chairman of The Wayfarer Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to transforming the way communities see and respond to the needs of people experiencing homelessness.

• Success - https://www.success.com/a-qa-with-justin-baldoni/

  A Q&A With Justin Baldoni: Constantly on the Lookout for Inspiration
  By SUCCESS StaffApril 4, 20200

  Who?
  Justin Baldoni, actor, director, producer and entrepreneur

  Where?
  Los Angeles

  What?
  Best known for his role as Rafael Solano on The CW’s Jane the Virgin, Justin Baldoni is much more than an actor, having created Clio award-winning documentary series My Last Days and directed the feature film Five Feet Apart.

  And his meaningful work isn’t limited to show business. As an entrepreneur, Baldoni co-founded Wayfarer Entertainment—a social impact media production company focused on creating content that highlights inspiration, unity and the power of human connection.

  In addition to developing projects from ideation through release, Baldoni created the dinner conversation series Man Enough, which explores traditional masculinity while focusing on topics like body image, relationships and fatherhood. Himself a husband and father in addition to his diverse career, Baldoni has spoken about his own journey with masculinity in a viral TED Talk.

  When I’m not working, I de-stress by…
  Being with people I love—connecting with my wife, playing with my kids, finding time to see my guys. Also, working out and finding some way to sweat and move my body is really therapeutic for me.
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  When I need inspiration, I…
  Look for it everywhere. I believe inspiration comes through us. We don’t create it, we just create the space for it to come. I try to quiet the outside world—and the inside world in my head—and really get into my heart. I pray and ask to be a “hollow reed” that’s open to inspiration, because I truly believe that it’s everywhere. We, as humans, just forget to notice it. We forget to look.

  I always smile when I…
  Come home at night and hear my kids scream, “Daddy!!!!”

  The book I most recommend to people is…
  Bahá’u’lláh’s Teachings on Spiritual Reality.

  I work to improve myself by…
  Listening! Listening to my wife, my friends, my co-workers and employees, my children—being open to their insight and expertise. Not taking feedback personally and listening to the point where I actually hear and am willing to make a change. And also listening to my own thoughts, and being aware of their patterns and how those thoughts then translate to my actions.

  To avoid distractions, I…
  Put down my phone. (I am terrible at this, but I’m getting better.)

  My goal in life is…
  To be of service. To try to quiet my ego and give away more than I could ever acquire. To love.

  I define success as…
  Connection—how connected I am to my wife and kids, my family, my community and the world; and service—how much have I served others? I think of success spiritually—not materially. If it all went away, could I still be happy? That only comes from being content and happy with what I have now, not with what I want to one day have.

  My personal “aha” moment came when I…
  Realized that one day, hopefully when I’m old and gray, I will no longer be here physically. That my time, and all of our time, is finite, and one day my life will become a distant memory to those I loved and who loved me. My actions today will become my children’s memories tomorrow, and I want those memories to be filled with love.

• Up Worthy - https://www.upworthy.com/justin-baldoni-man-enough

  Justin Baldoni opens up about body dysmorphia and his struggles to be 'man enough'
  Annie Reneau04.30.21
  Justin Baldoni opens up about body dysmorphia and his struggles to be 'man enough'
  Justin Baldoni/Instagram
  Actor and filmmaker Justin Baldoni is a heartthrob, in pretty much every sense of the word. Best known for his role of the handsome and sensitive Rafael Solano on the TV series Jane the Virgin, Baldoni has spent a good portion of his acting career playing the role of a guy who makes women swoon when he takes off his shirt. In real life, he's known for being a deep and thoughtful man—who is also handsome, and yes, looks good with his shirt off—making him seem like the quintessential man-who-has-it-all.

  That's why Baldoni's struggles with his own body might come as a surprise to many people.

  Baldoni opens up about his body image issues in his new book, "Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity." In fact, he shares that he's spent much of his life suffering from body dysmorphia—a psychological disorder in which people have a distorted perception of a part of their body, where they see something different in the mirror than what other people see.

  For Baldoni, it started when he was young and being teased by guys for being too skinny. While he'd always been an athlete, he started hitting the weight room in high school—hard. "I became obsessed with gaining muscle," he wrote. Though he ended up gaining 25 pounds of muscle, it wasn't enough.

  "It was never enough," he wrote. "When I looked in the mirror, I didn't see what everyone else saw. I didn't see a teenager who was so jacked that he was accused of being on steroids. I didn't see the six-pack. When I looked in the mirror, I still saw the skinny kid whose abs weren't visible enough, whose shoulders didn't fill out his shirts enough, who should probably try harder and put in more hours to gain more muscle. Wake up earlier. Push harder. Be better. It's never enough and never will be."

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  Now he's 37, and though he thought he'd moved past those insecurities, he admits found himself anxious on the set of Jane the Virgin whenever he was going to be shirtless in a scene. He was grateful to be working and making money as an actor, but playing "the hot guy" came at a cost. He would resort to extreme dieting and exercise leading up to shirtless shoots, and he would even use props to hide parts of his body he felt self-conscious about. And getting support was tricky. Here's a guy with a physique many would pay good money to have, and he's feeling self-conscious?

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  In a confusing bit of irony, Baldoni came to realize that the roles he'd taken on had perpetuated the problem he himself was experiencing. "On the one hand, in my personal life I was beginning this journey to (hopefully) find a level of body acceptance that I had never known," he wrote, "but on the other hand, I was taking off my shirt on TV and literally creating the same images that triggered my insecurities as a boy."

  "I'm tired. I'm so damn tired of it," he added. "I'm part of the problem, and I'm also suffering, and those two things are not exclusive. So at the very least can we start talking about it?"

  I did talk to him about it this week in an interview about his book. When I asked about his body image issues, Baldoni pointed out that women deal with body image issues on a whole other level than men do, and he doesn't want him talking about his own issues to detract from that. But he also points out that the same system that creates that baggage for women also hurts men.

  "Women struggle with this on far greater levels because of, I believe, the patriarchal system we live in," he says. "And the objectification, and the way that we have propagated women's bodies as objects instead of people...women have been struggling with this for so much longer because men have reduced women to their bodies and we use bodies to sell."

  "The male body image thing is a little trickier to unpack," he says, "mostly because it doesn't have anything to do with women. It's the same system. What I've learned is that so many of the men I know who struggle with their body image don't struggle with their body image because they want to impress women. They struggle with their body image because they want to be accepted and respected by men."

  "Women are being oppressed and sexualized and objectified by men, and men are also suffering in a similar way silently, because of the exact same system," he says. "It hurts all of us."

  Having conversations about hard-to-talk-about elements of manhood is what "Man Enough" is all about. Baldoni calls the book "a love letter to men," and an invitation to explore the elements of the male experience that are often thought of as taboo or shameful or embarrassing or not "manly" enough to talk about.

  Much of the book is about Baldoni's relationships—with his body, with his parents, with his peers, with his wife and kids, with his faith, and with himself—and how the scripts of masculinity that have been passed down for generations can impact and influence those relationships. He doesn't use the term "toxic masculinity," because he feels that it's been too politicized. But he does get into the ways in which certain traditions and messages of masculinity have hurt both women and men, and how he has learned to unpack what it means to be a man in order to embrace who he is without having to prove anything about his manhood.

  Baldoni calls it a long, slow journey from his head to his heart, one in which he is learning to take off the armor, take off the mask (figuratively, not literally), and be all of the various parts of himself that are genuine without feeling like any of them diminish him as a man. Ultimately, the journey leads to knowing that he is enough, just as he is.

  "The messages of masculinity will tell me over and over again that I need to be better or different," he wrote, "that I need to conform to be worthy. They'll tell me to acquire more success, confidence, muscles, women, social status—you name it, I will always need more. But my heart? My heart will simply say, 'I am enough,' over and over again."

• Variety - https://variety.com/2020/biz/news/justin-baldoni-book-deal-man-enough-undefining-my-masculinity-1234806100/

  Oct 15, 2020 9:37am PT
  Justin Baldoni Signs Multi-Book Deal With Harper Collins (EXCLUSIVE)

  By Elizabeth Wagmeister

  Plus Icon
  Justin Baldoni book
  AP

  Director, actor and entrepreneur Justin Baldoni is adding author to his ever-growing resume.

  Baldoni is set to release his debut book, “Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity,” next spring. “Man Enough” is part of a major deal with Harper Collins, which has signed Baldoni to write three books.

  “Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity” will be released on April 27, 2021, through HarperOne — an imprint of Harper Collins Publishers.

  Baldoni will also release a picture book and a middle-grade nonfiction book in late 2021 and 2022, respectively.

  “Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity” was inspired by Baldoni’s 2017 TEDWomen Talk, titled, “Why I’m Done Trying to Be Man Enough,” which explored redefining masculinity, embracing insecurities and debunking societal norms for those who identify as male. The TEDTalk garnered more than two million views overnight, and currently has more than 56 million views on TED’s website and Facebook.

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  The book will explore Baldoni’s personal experience of “undefining” his masculinity, as he tackles difficult and uncomfortable topics, bringing readers on a journey of what it means to be a good man, and human being, in today’s world.

  “When I first began this journey of digging into my masculinity, I thought the work would be to redefine what it means to be a man. But through the process of writing this book, I realized that it’s not about redefining it, as much as it’s about undefining it,” Baldoni tells Variety.

  “I hope these words can be a source of unity that evoke empathetic and compassionate conversations around masculinity, while also inviting people to a deeper understanding of themselves and what it means to be human in the world we live in,” Baldoni continues. “From the playground to movie sets, from classrooms to board rooms, I learned what it takes to be considered man enough in our world and this book is an — at times painfully — honest look into those messages and the journey I’m on to unlearn them; the journey I’m on to not just undefine my masculinity, but to embrace my humanity.”

  At the time of the 2017 TEDTalk, Baldoni was starring on The CW’s “Jane the Virgin,” which gave him significant mainstream exposure, but his star began to rise and his social media presence boomed as he began tackling topics of masculinity, relationships, fatherhood and more.

  Baldoni then launched a digital series, also called “Man Enough,” which explored masculinity through roundtable conversations.

  Baldoni is also an up-and-coming director and producer in Hollywood, directing CBS Films’ “Five Feet Apart” and The CW’s docuseries “My Last Days.” His film “Clouds,” which he directed and produced through his company, Wayfarer Studios, debuts Friday on Disney Plus.

  “Clouds” marks the first feature film for Wayfarer Studios, which Baldoni co-founded. The independent studio specializes in purpose-driven content meant to elevate the human spirit.

  Terms of the multi-book deal were not disclosed. HarperOne vice president and editorial director Gideon Weil acquired the world rights to “Man Enough,” including audio from Johanna Castillo, a senior agent at Writers House Literary Agency. Claudia Gabel, editorial director at HarperCollins Children’s Books, acquired the same rights for the picture book and middle-grade nonfiction book.

• Healthline - https://www.healthline.com/health/interview-with-justin-baldoni#7

  Justin Baldoni Is ‘Undefining’ What It Means to Be a Man
  Justin Baldoni, author of “Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity”
  If you only knew Justin Baldoni from the hyper-masculine, often shirtless roles he’s played in movies and television, you might be surprised to learn that much of his current work is dedicated to confronting common myths about masculinity.

  In his popular TED Talk, Baldoni addresses how playing these roles, including Rafael on “Jane the Virgin,” drove him to explore his own masculinity and start a dialogue about how to be a better man and person. Since then, he’s written a book, “Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity,” and launched a similarly branded podcast to continue the conversation. In his work, Baldoni challenges men to open up about their feelings, be more vulnerable, and take an active role in their physical and mental health.

  We talked with Baldoni to learn more about his journey and discuss his upcoming partnership with Healthline, on the video series “No More Silence.” In this series, Baldoni explores how race, gender, sexuality, and more present serious challenges to men’s health, and how vulnerability is a powerful defense against these challenges.

  How did your childhood influence your views of masculinity and vulnerability?

  For me, in terms of masculinity, it was the other boys bullying and teasing me. It was my dad being an emotional, nurturing dad, but not knowing how to be a vulnerable dad. It was movies, the super muscular action stars, and the X-rated magazines that were for sale on my walk home from elementary school. It was all of those kinds of moments, and more, that formed and cemented these ideas of what it meant to be a boy and a man.

  Was there an “aha” moment or experience that changed these views?

  It wasn’t an “aha” moment as much as it was a bunch of little moments where I was super aware of the conflict with who I was on the inside and who I was pretending to be on the outside.

  If there was a catalyst for the work I’m doing and the journey I’ve been on, it was becoming a parent and realizing that I didn’t want my children to feel the pressure I felt to conform to these preconceived ideas about gender in order to determine how they show up in the world.

  What are some of the ways you’ve challenged masculinity stereotypes through your own work in your book, podcast, and TED Talk?

  I think the message that my book, TED Talk, and our podcast challenges the most is that men shouldn’t open up and admit their struggles. That message tells us to stuff our feelings down and suffer in silence.

  I’ve learned the biggest myth of masculinity is that we have to go at it alone, and I hope that this work is helping change that myth by inviting men and assuring men that we do not have to do this thing called life alone. We can be human together. We are human beings, not human doings.

  You start almost every episode of your “Man Enough” podcast by asking guests, “When was the last time that you didn’t feel enough?” Are there any themes you’ve found in their answers?

  Oh for sure, the answer we get the most is “every single day,” which shows that this is a universal feeling, something we’ve all felt. That question is such an invitation to be honest and open about it so that we can go on this journey of enoughness together.

  What are the most common concerns your audience has shared with you when it comes to health and wellness?

  I get so many different messages that it’s hard to narrow it down. Some common concerns have been being addicted to porn, how to navigate a breakup, how to apologize, and how to repair damage that has been done unintentionally.

  Regardless of the situation, my advice is always the same — be radically honest, both with yourself and/or the person. As The Baháʼí writings say, “Truthfulness is the foundation of every human virtue.” We must start being willing to get to those deep uncomfortable hidden truths in order for us to heal.

  What men’s health issues do you plan to address in your upcoming video series with Healthline, “No More Silence”?

  With “No More Silence,” we talk about topics like preventative care, aging, body image issues, mental health issues, the importance of therapy, domestic violence, and sexual assault. These are issues that affect so many of us, and too often men don’t feel like they can talk about them, let alone seek the care they need.

  Are there any particular roles that you’ve played that caused you to question your own sense of self while comparing yourself to that part?

  A lot of the roles I’d get early on in my acting career made me aware of that inner conflict I was having with who I was and who the messages of masculinity told me to be. I talk about this in my TED Talk; how I’d get these very stereotypical manly roles, guys that oozed machismo, and there was such a disconnect because I never saw myself as that guy. Yet, that’s what Hollywood saw me as.

  That said, over the course of my life I have absolutely attempted to be that guy while trying to fit in and find my place as a man in this world. Every time I did, I was left feeling more empty than I felt before.

  What’s interesting about acting, being a character that’s not at all like you are, is that it helped me begin to get curious about the disconnect I felt within myself. The more curious I became, the more I realized I needed to heal.

  WATCH MORE: “No More Silence”

  Do you think Hollywood is doing enough to be more inclusive when it comes to representing diversity within masculinity?

  Hollywood can always be doing more to be more inclusive. That not only includes diversity as it relates to race, but also diversity of gender, disability, and masculinity. We need to continue to have representation of all human beings, showing our similarities, and celebrating the different ways we experience this journey.

  When it comes to masculinity specifically, let’s see men from all walks of life crying, willfully going to therapy, respecting women and all genders, being kind, speaking up when another man says or does something that isn’t right, showing up as present and involved fathers, doing domestic chores, and being their own full expression of who they are. It doesn’t have to be a PSA or home-school special either. Art reflects life, and there are millions and millions of men who live this way.

  Is there anything you wish you could tell your younger self about masculinity? What do you hope to teach your children about it?

  I am doing a lot of inner-child work in therapy, so I am actively going back to those different ages of myself and giving myself new messages. I’m telling that 7-year-old boy that it’s OK to feel, telling the 17-year-old that it takes strength to be vulnerable, and telling the 27-year-old that it takes courage to show up and be authentic, be human.

  That’s what I want to teach my kids, too. That they are human, that Emily and I are human, and that we get to be human together. That I am, and we are all, enough.

• Esquire -

  Justin Baldoni Is Breaking Down the Harmful Myths of Masculinity
  The actor and author discusses his new book and his journey to escape the constricting boxes of what it means to be a man.

  By Anna Grace LeePUBLISHED: APR 27, 2021

  justin
  At first glance, Justin Baldoni seems like a guy who’s got it all figured out. The actor-director is tall, handsome, and totally ripped. He’s a caring father to two beautiful children, a devoted husband to his lovely wife. Over three million people follow him on Instagram, filling his comment sections with paragraphs of praise and endless seas of heart-eyes emoji every day.

  Most people know Baldoni from his role in Jane the Virgin, the beloved satirical telenovela rom-com which ran for five seasons until its finale in 2019. Opposite Gina Rodriguez, Baldoni played the leading man—Rafael, the dreamy playboy hotelier turned adoring father and husband. In real life as on screen, Baldoni checks a lot of the traditional boxes that come to mind when you think of “the perfect man.” But look beyond those passing assumptions, and you’ll find a man on a surprising mission: to deconstruct the very pillars of masculinity and manhood that have defined his success all his life.

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  Baldoni’s new book, Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity, is out today. The book’s central thesis—that in order to be truly happy, men must redefine restrictive notions of traditional masculinity—has its roots in a TedTalk he gave in 2017. The 18-minute talk, “Why I’m done trying to be man enough,” went viral online, one clip from it garnering over 50 million views in a matter of days.

  In both the TedTalk and his book, Baldoni mines his personal experience as a man and an actor to reveal larger truths about the harmful myths of masculinity. By delving deep into his own childhood, adolescent, and young adult experiences, Baldoni takes a closely considered look at how we as a society have gotten here, and how men might engage in the process of reframing traditional notions of what it means to “be a man,” in order to be happier, and truer to themselves.

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  Baldoni spoke with Esquire about writing Man Enough, masculinity in Hollywood, how to be vulnerable with other men, and balancing fatherhood and his career.

  This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

  Esquire: Where did the journey to writing Man Enough begin for you?

  Justin Baldoni: I think the journey to writing the book began when I was born into a culture that puts men in these very constricting boxes. I remember being very young and struggling with this concept of wanting to be one of the boys, yet never feeling like I was enough. That feeling never left me.

  Millions of men have it, yet it's just never talked about. In my twenties, as I was coming into adulthood, I noticed just how inauthentic I was being in so many different situations and relationships. I was constantly testing to figure out the type of person I should be. What kind of man would garner the best response in what situation.

  So what I've been doing over the last seven years is talking about it as I'm learning. I'm not on the other side. I'm not writing this book as an expert; I'm writing this book as somebody who's on this journey learning in real time. I figured if I can write something that's healing for myself and invite men into this journey with me, then maybe it can be healing for them, and they'll see some of their story in mine.

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  ESQ: You write that one of the more harmful myths of masculinity is that you have to be the “the man who has it all together and who doesn't need anyone else." How do you learn not to enforce these myths on other men, and how to be vulnerable with other men?

  JB: It's really hard. I think that it's very uncomfortable for us men to start to reach out and ask for help or to model vulnerability, because it's been used against us. Vulnerability shouldn't have to be a strength. Vulnerability should be just something that we are born with and that we do. But because of the culture that we are being raised in and we're living in, the patriarchy and how it's been designed, vulnerability becomes a superhuman strength because we have to risk something to share something that should be second nature. And that's really fucked up.

  What is my advice, or what would I recommend men do? I would recommend that as men, we have to look at vulnerability in our interpersonal connections and relationships in the same way we look at the gym. All these things we do for our bodies—we have to be willing to do that for our hearts, our emotional wellbeing, and our mental health. The only way that we can do that is to be willing to become uncomfortable.

  If I can share this pain that I've had, that I've not been able to share with anybody, with this guy that I trust? He might then be willing to share with me. When he shares with me, I'm going to get another dopamine hit. I'm going to be like, "Oh fuck, wow." You're going to feel less alone. You're going to feel stronger. You're going to feel clearer, you're going to feel bliss.

  ESQ: In writing this book, you dug up a lot of personal and intimate memories that you hadn’t spoken about before. What was that process like?

  JB: A lot of it was unexpected. I didn't know what I was going to get into when I started writing the book. The only way it felt safe and good to write about masculinity was by using my own experiences. I would start writing and these experiences would just pour out of me on paper that I don't think I had ever fully processed.

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  It became very therapeutic for me. It can come off at times like a memoir, but it's far from a memoir. It's a personal exploration of masculinity from a straight, white, cisgendered male perspective. The only way that I could do it was by being truthful.

  There's stuff that my family, as they're reading this book now, had never known about or heard me talk about. It's very confronting and challenging. But I'm grateful and happy to be sharing it with the world because it was written for me, and now it's ready to go to other people. If it helps people examine their own experiences and stories, that's the purpose and the intention—and it will have not been in vain.

  happy endings fowl playdate after brad and penny accidentally break alexs beloved childhood memento, they try to glue it back together but they go from just being clumsy to birderers after tyler, alexs racist parrot, keels over and dies from the glue fumes can they cover up the crime before alex returns from her rom com com meanwhile, jane and dave try a little too hard to find a match for max, on happy endings, sunday, january 6 1001 1031 pm, et on the walt disney television via getty images television network photo by danny feldwalt disney television via getty images via getty images
  justin baldoni
  Justin Baldoni in Jane the Virgin.
  Danny Feld
  ESQ: In the "Big Enough” chapter, you write about trying to reconcile your personal journey of reframing masculinity with your career as an actor in Hollywood, where many of your roles were stereotypically attractive, muscular men. How did you reckon with that disconnect?

  JB: I'm still dealing with that. I'm not on the other side of it. I'm still reckoning with it. Hollywood puts you in a box when you get here, decides what you are and who you're going to be. I was put in a box of the handsome, buff guy who generally played characters that were not nice. That's how I looked. What I found interesting is that the roles I would get as an actor were very similar to the archetypes of the men that I was pretending to be in my daily life to gain acceptance.

  Then Jane the Virgin happens. Because of the way that I looked, I'm written as a certain type of person—I'm a sex symbol, objectified in this very similar way that we objectify women. It's not done in a nefarious way, it's not done in a way that I believe was intentionally harmful. It's just the culture. It's the CW. It's pandering to a certain audience. It's a telenovela. It's just the system. And I was a part of that, and that's who I was. I was kind of the sex symbol of the show. And if anything, I'm happy that it was me and that it wasn't the women. Luckily it was written by women, so the women weren't that. I was that, and that's okay.

  But what I found was that I struggled because I was perpetuating a problem that I was also suffering from. Guys who looked like I looked were the ones I was comparing myself to, that were causing me to be unhappy, creating this muscle dysmorphia. I grew up watching Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwarzenegger. That male body was the body that I wanted growing up, that I obsessed over as a young kid.

  I was perpetuating a problem that I was also suffering from.
  Men are suffering from the very system that we are creating and that we are perpetuating. As my dear friend Liz Plank says, her liberation is tied to mine. All of us need to recognize that the system is broken and all of us are suffering, even those of us with an immense amount of privilege.

  ESQ: How do you balance your career ambitions with fatherhood and create a work-life balance?

  I fail all the time. The journey I'm on today, right now, is to not beat myself up for how much I'm failing. One of the pieces of business advice that was given to me by a mentor is: “You can do it all, just not all at once.” I think that also relates to fatherhood, and to parenthood in general. There's no one way to do it. I don't believe there's such a thing as a work-life balance. I think that that's up to the individual.

  Have I spent time with my kids this week? Yesterday, did I spend time with my son? I had a ton of meetings yesterday. Maybe I can spend fifteen minutes this morning and make sure he knows I'm here and I'm present with him, and I love him. Maybe I can go on a walk with him. Maybe my daughter got more time than my son did yesterday, oh crap. Let me figure out how to give him a little bit more time today, while not making her feel bad. Every day, it's a check-in.

  You can have a goal. We should be setting goals and intentions for work and parenthood, but we also have to be okay with those things changing every day. We have to be willing to love ourselves through these failings, and then just try harder the next day.

  ESQ: Is there anything readers should know going into the book?

  What I want to say to any man who's reading this is that this book is an invitation. It's not a condemnation. It's not an attack on men. Because I love being a man. I believe there's amazing aspects to being a man.

  I think, as men, we have to look at our lives and ourselves and things that lead to our discontentment and unhappiness, or that cause pain in the lives of the people we love, and be willing to take feedback, adjust, and listen.

  I wrote this book because I didn't have that in my life, I didn't have somebody that could model that for me. So this is truly an invitation from my story hopefully into yours, to know that who you are, as you are, is enough.

• Forbes - https://www.forbes.com/sites/marianneschnall/2022/01/12/interview-with-justin-baldoni-undefining-what-it-means-to-be-man-enough-and-enacting-social-change-through-media/?sh=5fc95bca5094

  Interview With Justin Baldoni: Undefining What It Means To Be ‘Man Enough’ And Enacting Social Change Through Media
  Marianne SchnallContributor
  I work to amplify women’s voices, leadership and action
  Follow
  Jan 12, 2022,01:06pm EST
  Justin Baldoni
  Justin BaldoniMAN ENOUGH PODCAST
  The last time I interviewed actor, director and changemaker Justin Baldoni was in 2017, right before he delivered his now viral TEDTalk “Why I’m Done Trying to Be Man Enough,” which has been viewed over 8 million times. Since then, his exploration into what it means to be a man today, which began for him as a personal inquiry, has evolved into the Man Enough Movement, founded on the belief that by “undefining traditional roles and traits of masculinity, men will be able to realize their potential as humans and their capacity for connection.” He has written a book, Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity, and co-hosts the popular Man Enough podcast, along with author and journalist Liz Plank and award-winning music producer Jamey Heath. The video podcast features thoughtful, candid conversations with a wide array of celebrities and thought leaders talking about relationships, body image, success, parenthood, mental health and more, investigating “how traditional structures and attitudes toward masculinity oppress and negatively affect men, women and humanity as a whole.”

  A former actor who starred in the hit show Jane the Virgin and saw untapped potential in the power of media, Baldoni turned to filmmaking and cofounded Wayfarer Studios aimed at “upending the traditional Hollywood studio model by putting equity and social justice at the forefront.” They achieve this not only by developing projects that can “serve as true agents for social change” but also by “hiring executives, creators and filmmakers who reflect the diverse world we live in—more women and people of color than is typical at most Hollywood companies—and establishing a creator-friendly environment where writers and directors share in the success of the studio.” Baldoni recently directed Clouds, the company’s first feature film, available on Disney+. As he told me, he hopes to “create content that challenges the status quo, asks us to think a little bit differently and forces us to go in and reexamine some areas in our own lives.”

  I recently had the opportunity to speak with Baldoni about his journey of challenging traditional masculinity, the overall impacts it has on our society, his mission to enact social change through his media projects, the most important message he wants to instill in his children and more. Here are some highlights from our interview.

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  Marianne Schnall: You wrote this incredible book, Man Enough, and you now have this amazing podcast where you're exploring these themes even further. Why has challenging traditional masculinity become your main focus, and what are you most hoping to achieve?

  Justin Baldoni: Truthfully, it feels like a responsibility, like an obligation–something that, because I am aware of it, I can no longer just continue living with blinders on. I feel an obligation to my children, to my wife, to my friends, to my parents. I'm somebody who always wants to work on myself. I don't believe in complacency. And so much of this work is healing for me also, so it's an obligation to myself. For me, this is a radical act of self-love. Using whatever little platform I have to talk about these issues forces me to learn in real time, forces me to go deeper, forces me to not allow the bar to be so low that I can just crawl over it and get a pat on the back.

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  It's also for all of the women in my life who continue to tell me unbelievable stories that you just can't imagine [still exist today]. It's my wonderful assistant who is so tired of needing to put me on the phone to be taken seriously by other men. It's my inability to connect with other men in my kids’ school because they're shut down and they don't know how to communicate. It's all of these types of things. And it's for our future. Crazy enough, it's for climate change. It's for peace. I believe all of this work connects to a more loving, peaceful, kind future. And my little tiny piece of it is hopefully one of the billions of bricks that will go into building this bridge to the next generation.

  Schnall: What are the overall impacts of men having to repress their emotions and not be able to be their full selves?

  Baldoni: Just turn on the news. Look at what's happening around the world. Look at politics, climate change, sexual assault and rape cases, suicides, crime–it intersects with all of it. I don't think you could separate the conversation of masculinity in men with all of the current events happening around the world that make us feel so hopeless at times.

  Schnall: How is all of this linked to what we traditionally call “women’s issues”–for example, how violence against women is connected to how we socialize men or how the challenges women face in the workplace are connected to how our society doesn’t encourage men to be caretakers, or makes it “unmanly” to take on household responsibilities or stigmatizes men for taking family leave?

  Baldoni: That's a huge one right now: family leave and men. In the Scandinavian countries, they have incredible family leave programs that are very equal–you have men and women who get a chance to take a tremendous amount of family leave when they have a newborn, but what they found is, even in those countries, the men won't take it. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law live in Sweden. They just welcomed this beautiful little baby girl, and it was so sweet. And I’ve got to be honest, I was so damn jealous that he got a chance to stay at home for months with her, and they did it together. Research shows that if both parents take the time off at the same time, it's better for the child, so what they're doing is investing in the future of their country by allowing parents to take time off to connect with their newborn and hopefully create a more empathetic, compassionate, kind, smart child that will eventually lead their country.

  But what they found was that the men were not taking the time off because of the way it would look, because even in those progressive countries, men still battle with the patriarchy, they still battle with this dominant pyramid-scheme culture that says, “If you're not showing up for work, you're a slacker and someone else is better suited for that job.” So there was this underlying, subconscious, unwritten rule that if you were a new father and you took time off, or at least the full time off, then you are not seen as a great employee. So what they had to do was institute this idea of “take it or leave it,” where they're just going to take it away–like you get this once and then it's gone, and it's gone forever. Then they noticed that men started taking it more. So they had to use reverse psychology just to battle these ingrained ideas of masculinity and what it means to be a good employee versus a good father and husband just to get men to take this time off. When I see that, and then I see how far we are behind–and of course we're making some progress, thank God–it's just like, oh my goodness, we have such a long way to go.

  Schnall: How has your journey and all that you've learned in your work affected how you raise both your son and your daughter?

  Baldoni: From the very beginning, I've been teaching my kids that the strongest muscle in their body is their heart. And I am doing that for a reason, specifically for my boy, because the world is going to tell him to grow up and have a strong body, and they're going to forget the heart. And for most of us men, we've lost that connection at a very young age and severed the connection between ourselves and our hearts.

  Trying to teach my boy that the heart is the strongest muscle has been a journey. And I know that no matter what I do, the world is going to put my daughter in a box and my son in a box. They’re going to tell my daughter that she has to be polite and behaved and sweet and not take up too much space and not use a loud voice and be gentle and nurturing and all of the various things. And they're going to tell my son the opposite: that boys will be boys, that being rowdy is okay, that you should take physical risks, that you should take up space, that you can be loud and crack jokes–they're going to teach him that that's acceptable behavior. So in some ways, what my wife and I are doing is reversing that and building a foundation on the opposing idea. So reinforcing in my daughter that it's okay for her to take up space and be loud and have an opinion and be athletic and take physical risks and all of these various things. And with my son, really reinforcing in him the idea that being a boy is about being kind and that being sensitive and sweet is beautiful. That crying and showing his feelings and emotions is the most manly boy thing that he could do. And how do I do that? I have to model that; Daddy does that. It's being nurturing. It's being compassionate and empathetic.

  The more I can build that strong foundation, I believe the stronger the tree will be, and the more flexible it will be. Like a palm tree in a hurricane, he'll be able to bend and go with the socialization that's coming his way without losing his sense of self. Will it work? I have no idea, because those hurricane gale-force winds of socialization are very strong and they might uproot it, but as long as he is in my home, I can model what that healthy masculinity looks like. That's what we're doing right now, and that's what I would encourage anybody who's open to this idea to think about: make sure that we are reinforcing the opposing ideas of the narrative of what socialization will teach our children about gender and roles.

  Schnall: As the cofounder of Wayfarer Studios, which develops projects that create social change, how do you see the role of media and its ability to shift consciousness?

  Baldoni: I think media is directly intertwined with all of it. It's a part of capitalism. It's in many ways a Trojan horse–we have to be in it, show that we can be successful doing it, and do it in a way that disrupts the system and helps us all wake up. How do we go against the grain and do things differently in an industry that rewards a certain type of behavior and doing things a certain way? How do we create content that challenges the status quo, that asks us to think a little bit differently, that forces us to go in and reexamine some areas in our own lives that are uncomfortable, that gives people a microphone that maybe they haven't had the chance to hold in a while? That's what we're trying to do.

  We just finished four films–two of them documentaries, two of them feature-length films. Two of them are on social and racial justice issues, and one of them is a teen comedy about female empowerment and body positivity from an incredible female first-time writer/director. It’s just really exciting to see what's possible. We're talking about changing culture and having this conversation around masculinity. That's our goal; it's a really exciting goal, and I'm just grateful that I get the chance in this lifetime to even pursue it.

  For more information, visit Man Enough and Wayfarer Studios.

  This interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.

  Follow me on Twitter. Check out my website.

Baldoni, Justin BOYS WILL BE HUMAN Harper/HarperCollins (Children's None) $14.99 10, 4 ISBN: 978-0-06-306718-9

What does it mean to be a man?

In actor and filmmaker Baldoni's energetic introduction, he positions himself as a flawed but funny and earnest student of the nature of masculinity. He has written an adult nonfiction title about it, Man Enough (2021), and hosts The Man Enough Podcast. The eight chapters include quotes, relevant research, personal anecdotes, and advice--all presented in an accessible, conversational tone. Each chapter ends with a breakdown of key points that can guide further action. Occasional text boxes labeled "Gut Check" offer prompts that can lead to greater self-knowledge. The opening chapter, "Boys Will Be Brave," ties bravery to the concept of doing what's right, uncouples it from a pervasive ideal of brash masculinity, and traces one's sense of justice and bravery to family dynamics and upbringing. Being brave isn't easy; readers are encouraged to be true to themselves and ask for help when they need it. "Boys Will Be Bigger" tackles body image and its pitfalls; Baldoni assures readers that there is no such thing as the perfect male body and that we are not defined by our bodies. Puberty is different for everyone and can be complicated. "Boys Will Be Knights" focuses a realistic lens on love and romance. The book thoughtfully explores consent, sexual assault, homophobia, race and White privilege, and other themes that are inextricably entwined with notions of masculinity.

Helpful advice and humorous myth-busting; will draw readers in and encourage reflection. (sources, further reading) (Nonfiction. 11-16)

Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2022 Kirkus Media LLC
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"Baldoni, Justin: BOYS WILL BE HUMAN." Kirkus Reviews, 15 Aug. 2022, p. NA. Gale General OneFile, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A713722625/ITOF?u=schlager&sid=bookmark-ITOF&xid=cb000b26. Accessed 13 Dec. 2022.

"Baldoni, Justin: BOYS WILL BE HUMAN." Kirkus Reviews, 15 Aug. 2022, p. NA. Gale General OneFile, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A713722625/ITOF?u=schlager&sid=bookmark-ITOF&xid=cb000b26. Accessed 13 Dec. 2022.

• School Library Journal
  https://www.slj.com/review/boys-will-be-human-a-get-real-gut-check-guide-to-becoming-the-strongest-kindest-bravest-person-you-can-be
  Word count: 277

  Boys Will Be Human: A Get-Real Gut-Check Guide to Becoming the Strongest, Kindest, Bravest Person You Can Be
  by Justin Baldoni
  HarperCollins. Oct. 2022. 304p. Tr $14.99. ISBN 9780063067189.
  COPY ISBN
  Gr 5 Up–Baldoni, well-followed actor, social media figure, and man-club buster, has adjusted his straight talk about redefining masculinity to boyhood level. For the most part, it works. This book tackles emotional, social, physical, and psychological aspects of how boys can approach growing into men. He wants to eliminate the “boys will be boys” excuse of bad behavior. Baldoni begins by discussing what it means to belong to the stereotypical “boys’ club”—doing things because of peer pressure and fear of rejection. This can mean how to think about and treat girls, being a fake person because of outside expectations, becoming sexually active prematurely, and other issues. He wants his readers to think about why this peer pressure exists and who actually makes the rules of this “boys’ club.” By asking questions, he encourages boys to stop, think, and feel about how they may be reacting to peer pressures. Baldoni is incredibly honest, telling several intimate personal stories about how he reacted to certain events as a boy and teenager. He is up front about being a heterosexual, cisgender man strongly influenced by his Baha’i faith. However, he is not condescending or dismissive of other viewpoints or experiences; he just cannot write from what he does not know.
  VERDICT The book is a worthy addition to help boys become beautiful humans. The main detractor is the book’s length; at 300+ pages, it seems overly long.
  Reviewed by Lisa Crandall , Aug 01, 2022

• Health Line
  https://www.healthline.com/health/man-enough-why-masculinity-is-a-risk-to-everyones-health
  Word count: 2060

  'Man Enough': Why Masculinity Is a Risk to Everyone's Health
  Donald Collins, on Justin Baldoni’s Man Enough: Undefining my Masculinity
  We include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission Here’s our process.

  How we vet brands and products

  November is Men’s Health Awareness Month. This national observance focuses on unique health challenges men face, like high rates of substance use, suicide, and premature death by preventable conditions.

  When discussing the health and well-being of men in our society, it’s necessary to investigate the role of masculinity.

  In his book “Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity,” actor Justin Baldoni talks extensively about how unhealthy expectations surrounding masculinity limit men’s willingness to take their mental and physical health seriously.

  Rather than “redefining” masculinity, which merely sets new limits and expectations, Baldoni’s approach of “undefining” creates more space for men (and everyone else) to fully be themselves.

  Healthline has partnered with Baldoni and his team to create a video series and supporting articles to address how gender, sexuality, race, and class present unique challenges to men’s health.

  We’ll break down some of the basics surrounding what masculinity is, how it harms men, and what we can do about it.

  Using my own perspective as a trans person, I’ll also explore how essential trans identities are to this conversation and offer some key, actionable takeaways from “Man Enough.”

  What do we mean by ‘masculinity’?
  When we think about masculinity, we often associate it exclusively with cisgender men.

  Discussing how men are taught to view themselves as “alphas” or weaker “betas,” Baldoni writes that idealized masculine traits include being “strong, sexy, brave, powerful, smart, successful and also good enough as a father and a husband.”

  We might also conjure images of beards, muscles, and deep voices.

  In this sense, masculinity appears to be the expression of biological maleness through men’s appearance, behavior, and traits.

  But, Baldoni questions, who decides what makes a man “enough” of those things? Who said only men could have those traits, or that qualities like compassion and sensitivity aren’t “manly”?

  As sociologist Raewyn Connell writes, “Gender is a social practice that constantly refers to bodies and what bodies do, it is not social practice reduced to the body.”

  So, while masculinity refers to or evokes stereotypical male bodies, it isn’t entirely dependent on biology to function. Masculinity goes beyond men. Cis women, trans, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming people can, and do, have masculinities, too!

  Yet so often, the expectations of traditional, dominant (or “hegemonic”) masculinity requires we see masculinity as only belonging to men.

  And men are expected to use this masculinity to dominate others through sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and other forms of oppression.

  How does masculinity hurt men?
  Scholar and activist bell hooks writes, “The crisis facing men is not the crisis of masculinity, it is the crisis of patriarchal masculinity.”

  Patriarchal masculinity creates gender inequality by teaching men that their power and worth lies in exerting control over cis women, trans people, and others. To maintain this system, men also must constantly police each other’s bodies and emotions, fearing that if they appear weak or feminine, they will lose their standing as “real men.”

  It’s not hard to imagine how this becomes a losing game for everyone. Here are just a couple of the ways men are hurting specifically:

  Men are more likelyTrusted Source to misuse drugs than women are.
  Approximately 68,000 men dieTrusted Source from alcohol-related causes annually, compared with 27,000 women.
  Men die by suicide over 3.6 times as often as women do. White men account for over 69 percent of all suicide deaths.
  Per 2015 statisticsTrusted Source, both 1 in 3 women and 1 in 3 men have experienced “contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner” at some point in their life.
  Men’s life expectancy is 4 percent lower than women due to not engaging in preventive healthcare, according to a World Health Organization report.
  These statistics disprove the “invincibility” myth that men are stronger and more resilient than other genders, that they can handle things on their own.

  Men’s mental and physical health challenges are very real and must be taken seriously.

  The conversation about masculinity needs everyone, especially cis women and trans folks
  Many transgender people know what it’s like to experience the world in more than one gender role over the course of their lifetimes.

  Many of us have also had outsiders react with judgment or violence to our gender expression, revealing broader social practices about how binary gender categories are constructed and maintained.

  As J. Jack Halberstam writes, for a long time female (and trans) masculinities have been viewed as the “rejected scraps” of dominant masculinity to confirm the latter’s supremacy as the “real thing.”

  But what if men can’t understand their masculinity using their own bodies and experiences alone?

  Over literal centuries, cis women, trans, and gender nonconforming people have amassed a huge archive of knowledge, experiences, and ideas about gender, specifically masculinity.

  Yet, most cis men have been unwilling or unable to fully engage with this ongoing project, despite many invitations to do so.

  For those interested in accepting an invitation to the table, perhaps from Baldoni, please know that you are more than welcome, and always have been!

  But recognize and respect those who were sitting down first — and listen.

  U.S. trans statistics
  Per a 2021 Gallup Poll, 5.6 percent of U.S. adults are LGBT.
  A little over 11 percent of that group is transgender.
  UCLA’s Williams Institute estimated in 2016 that 1.4 million U.S. adults are transgender.
  In the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey, 32 percent of respondents identified with the gender identity term “trans woman”; 31 percent identified with “trans man”; 31 percent identified with “nonbinary”; and 29 percent identified with “genderqueer,” among many others (choices could overlap).
  5 key takeaways about masculinity from ‘Man Enough’
  Baldoni covers a lot of ground in his book, exploring how sexuality, white privilege, education, career, marriage, and more have shaped his masculinity in both the past and present.

  Here are takeaways that are central to undefining masculinity, and how we can use them to move the societal conversation forward.

  Gender acceptance from others often comes at the price of conformity
  “I discovered that what I had mistaken for a desire to be man enough was actually a fundamental need to belong.” (page 322)

  While conformity and assimilation often mean safety, they don’t necessarily mean genuine acceptance or belonging. In fact, it’s often the opposite.

  In “Man Enough,” Baldoni explains how he changed his skinny high school physique to a buff one to avoid being called weak by other boys. But then they just bullied him for being too muscular!

  Patriarchal masculinity rules by fear, demanding men and boys meet its exact requirements or face shame and ostracization. As long as we participate in that process — by changing ourselves or trying to change others to belong — we’ll never escape the miserable cycle.

  No one has the right to decide if anyone else’s gender identity or expression is “enough.”

  The gender binary hurts all of us, even if that harm looks different
  “The victims of masculinity, when it becomes unhealthy, as it has for so many of us men, are not just our friends, wives, girlfriends, and partners, but also ourselves.” (page 4)

  In a required-listening episode of the “Man Enough” podcast, poet and activist Alok Vaid-Menon breaks down how this idea of “us” and “them” in the struggle for gender equity and inclusion is false.

  “The reason you don’t fight for me is because you’re not fighting for yourself fully,” they said.

  Because the same controlling and violent forces of patriarchal masculinity and the gender binary hurting cis women and nonbinary, gender nonconforming, and trans people are also hurting cis men.

  “I don’t think the majority of people are ready to heal,” Alok explained, “and that’s why they repress us as trans and gender variant people, because they’ve done this violence to themselves first.”

  We’re all still learning
  “I’ve learned that I cannot be my best self by myself. Experiences are meant to be shared. Knowledge is meant to be passed down and around. And growth and pain are meant to become lessons to be taught to others so that pain can be avoided and collective growth can be achieved.” (page 98)

  The willingness to reflect on yourself, to learn, to extend compassion — these are the things that allow us to have productive conversations and move forward, regardless of the subject.

  During the journey to undefine masculinity, we’re all going to make a lot of mistakes. We need to recognize when we’re wrong and apologize. But we need to keep showing up.

  Staying silent makes things worse
  “If there’s something I am experiencing shame around in my life, I practice diving straight into it, no matter how scary it is. If shame thrives in silence and isolation, then the opposite must be true: shame dies in speaking up and in community.” (page 39)

  Baldoni stresses that men can only truly empower themselves to undefine their masculinity once they are willing to accept vulnerability and reach out to others.

  Bravery in patriarchal masculinity is often associated with physical strength or violence. But when you’ve been taught to dismiss your own emotions and traumas your entire life, finally expressing yourself requires far greater courage.

  Be an upstander
  “Just because I do not understand someone’s experience does not mean I cannot honor them. As I get the meaningful work of honoring myself, my own humanity, I am also responsible to do the meaningful work to honor others in their full humanity.” (page 174)

  Being an upstander means refusing to remain silent or passive when faced with harmful and problematic behavior. It means honoring and sticking up for others’ humanity whenever possible.

  For example, if a co-worker tells a sexist joke, upstanding could be as simple as a look of disgust, or replying, “That’s really offensive, cut it out.” Maybe you take that person aside later or send them a private text explaining why such jokes aren’t OK.

  Upstanding signals not only to the intended recipient that you do not endorse their behavior, it also sends a message of solidarity to those around you.

  Where do we go from here?
  Explaining his motivation for writing “Man Enough,” Baldoni says, “I am sharing my story in hopes that it invites you into yours. I am asking questions of myself in hopes that together the collective ‘we’ can ask those same questions.”

  Masculinity isn’t inherently bad, nor does it just belong to men. But far too often, masculinity goes wrong, becomes unhealthy, and causes avoidable harms.

  Baldoni intentionally refers to his book as “invitational,” not “motivational.”

  We need to see masculinity and manhood not just as a personal journey for ourselves, but one which involves everyone. And that doesn’t mean our individual voices or experiences become less valuable.

  It means that, no matter what we’re feeling, we’re not alone.

  As Thomas Page McBee, author and ardent interrogator of masculinity, writes: “To build equitable relationships and societies, to create a world free of unwanted violence, to tackle the masculinity crisis — we must first acknowledge how we each are failing, right now, to see the full spectrum of humanity in ourselves and in others.”

  Last medically reviewed on October 25, 2021

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